


Faith

by Twinkeeper



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: But not really at all, F/M, Gen, M/M, Maquis-Starfleet tension, Marriage Out of Necessity, Mpreg, Some of the characters you know are OOC, Unrequited Love, Voyager is stranded in a planet, elements of non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-12
Updated: 2014-09-12
Packaged: 2018-02-17 01:46:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 37
Words: 82,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2292368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twinkeeper/pseuds/Twinkeeper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Voyager is stranded in a friendly planet full of horny people. Then for some unknown reason, Chakotay is embroiled in a shady sexual drama he honestly hadn't seen coming.  In the meantime, the playboy of the ship has come to some life-changing epiphany and left him confused with his own decisions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A gazillion years ago, there was a show of Star Trek ship called Voyager. This show had characters less memorable than the rest of Star Trek universe (who can forget Picard!), and pairing/ships less popular as well. It is rather strange why I fixated with this one, but hey, this is one of my C/P fics left in someone's archive. Soo, yes, enjoy.

Almost nobody around when Chakotay finally stepped outside the ballroom. It was such a contrast. The ballroom was full of lights, music, people, while the corridor outside was dark and barren. It gave him an eerie feeling. The fact that these corridors were located at the back of the Ardinian palace so that it was logically to be deserted and unused did not conceal its unnatural atmosphere.

Several strolling people, guards and probably some other palace staff, had walked past him. The darkness had prevented them from seeing Chakotay clearly. However, the First Officer was pretty sure that whatever gazes had been given to him were mostly disinterested. 

A group of men walked toward him and stopped to chat. After a moment of introduction, the Ardinians left him alone. Obviously, they were some of the native guests of honor, and since the first hour of the gala had been used by the Ardinian Chancellor to introduce the crew of Voyager, they had finally lost their excitement in greeting some visitors from another quadrant.

All, except one.

One pair of eyes had lingered, and stayed. The darkness enhanced the gleaming reflection of interest and curiosity. Chakotay moved slowly, trying to break from the group, and strolled along the corridor, all the time aware that the men had resume their walking, and one had stayed. 

He glanced back, and the dim light of the Ardinian moon reflected on a pair of beautiful violet eyes, framed with a pair of thick brows, a straight nose, and smooth, gleaming white skin under a beautiful tress of long, honey gold hair.

The glance had been a cue for the Ardinian. He walked hesitatingly, approaching Chakotay.

"What are you doing?"

It was direct. Chakotay almost smiled with approval with the perfect smoothness of English language spoken from the alien. A nice try, considering most of the Ardinians preferred to speak the universal language codes to them.

"Taking a break. The view is better here."

The man stopped at a pace distant from him, and finally Chakotay saw him clearly. He was surprisingly young. Maybe around mid-twenties in human age. Surprisingly attractive too, despite the youthfulness. Maybe it was because he had spoken English perfectly, which had shown his intelligence and the society class he had come from.

"You are bored."

The direct and deadpanned tone equalled Seven of Nine's. Chakotay could not help feeling amused despite his growing annoyance for being intruded upon. He had left the ballroom for a little privacy, and it seemed the Ardinian had crushed that opportunity.

"Well, the party is obviously exhausting."

"There is nothing to see here. It is also not a brilliant idea for you to be strolling alone. You can get lost."

Chakotay raised his eyebrow with amusement, "What makes you think I will be lost?"

The Ardinian crooked his head and come up with a faint smile.

"Do you want some company?"

That question surprised Chakotay. He stared at the man and found a distinct fascination and eagerness inside those beautiful eyes. He was very reluctant to be accompanied by this man, but he suddenly found himself a bit too cautious to say no. Neelix and Tuvok had warned him that Ardinians tended to be pushy and demanding. Such characteristics made them quite dangerous in Chakotay's mind. In his history of knowing people in general, it was pretty common that demanding people were rather hard in taking 'no' as an answer.

"I am only planning to stroll for a few moments before getting back to the ballroom."

The glint in the Ardinian's eyes had shown something else. Something like -- wistfulness.

"I want to accompany you, even for a few moments."

Chakotay breathed and decided that he must cut his lonely wandering short.

"Very well. No harm done."

He resumed his walk and found the young man beside him, looking eager and even more -- wistful.

"You are their First Officer."

"Hmmmm..." Chakotay did not bother answering, feeling rather mellow when the soft, cool breeze blew.

"I am Dorin. First attache of the Prime Councillor."

"Aren't attaches supposed to stick to their superiors all the time?"

"I've been relieved."

"So I've seen."

They turned, and Dorin realized that Chakotay had moved back toward the ballroom.

"Can I sleep with you, Sir?"

It surprised the hell of Chakotay, even though somehow he knew that the interest from the young Ardinian might be sexually based. He looked at the young man curiously, realizing two things at the same time; the Ardinian was either dumb or simply too brave, and Chakotay was not feeling apprehensive at all. Amused seemed more like it.

"I am not sure it would be a good idea, Dorin."

"Why not?"

"I am not interested, I'm afraid."

The disappointment and dejection etched in his face suddenly shamed Chakotay. He had thought that the offer had been casual. More like, either you get it quick or not at all. But the frown told more than just disappointment. It was a mix of embarrassment bordering on humiliation, and, Bless the Spirit, heartbreak. For a moment he felt sorry for answering without proper diplomacy. There were many things that could be said for letting someone down easily.

"I am sorry."

"Do you like sleeping with men?"

"Mmmm... n-no."

"Never?"

Chakotay almost laughed, "Never."

"Then I guess I can accept your apology." The realization had produced some kind of relief in the young man's face, even though the disappointment was still there.

"Are you mated?"

Chakotay sighed. He really wanted to be left alone, but it seemed this young man had chosen to ignore it.

His instinct screamed 'Leave me alone!', but he knew that he would never win in a match with puppy dog's eyes.

"No."

"I notice that many of your crewmates also are not mated yet."

"hmm.."

"Is it common for mature humans to live unmated?"

Chakotay really wondered why he was so patient with the young man.

"People expect humans to mate for life. But they respect those who decide not to."

"Why do you decide not to mate yet?"

"We are soldiers at war. There are no decent times for us to start a family. Especially now."

A hand brushed lightly, and Chakotay was suprised to find his wrist clutched softly by Dorin. The gesture was nice, though a bit too intimate for his liking, but there were no hints of sexual innuendos. Just being polite to someone close. Dorin took him to a long sitting bench not far from where they had stood and gestured to Chakotay to take a seat.

"I am not mated yet."

Chakotay smiled, "Is it common for Ardinians your age to be single?"

The young, attractive face turned into a slight frown. 

"No. Most people of my age already mated two or three suns before. My family did not like it."

"Why aren't you mated yet?"

"I haven't found someone I can bond with yet."

Chakotay silently filed that into his memory. "What bond?"

"The bond that ties one mate to another. It is sort of like a feeling that is shared between the mates, so that neither of the pair will feel disatisfaction with the relationship."

Apparently, the 'bond' was more like 'love' in Earth terms.

"You can't be too choosy to find one, you know. Try to build one, not expect it to just drop in your lap, Son."

The face turned amused, and then the aura of wistfulness came back with a vengeance.

"I am not really that choosy. In fact, I was wondering if I can build a bond with you."

"Me?" Chakotay squeaked. "Dorin, I am more appropriate to be your father than your lifemate."

He frowned and shook his head violently, "No you are not. The moment I saw you, I was willing to try. We seem compatible."

Chakotay sighed but smiled ruefully. This might not be a first time in letting down some advances from much younger men, or women, but turning down an alien whose race was very famous for stubborness was something he should have learned earlier.

"Dorin. Don't get too excited. I am from a people on a journey. The distance from here to my homeplace is probably beyond your imagination. I am way too old, and as I have told you before, I do not particularly have any desire to sleep, or even mate with another man."

The young man nodded, "Yes. I know that, but a boy has to try, right?"

Chakotay laughed. Despite the annoyance, Dorin had somehow provided him something that entertained him. The exhaustion and boredom he experienced before was lifted.

"Let's go inside, Dorin. I have to go back before my friends came looking for me."

The young man nodded again. When Chakotay reached the ballroom opening corridor and glanced back, Dorin sat still, staring at the moon.

Hours later, the young man finally stood. The sounds of music and laughters had died, and if it was even possible, the corridors had turned darker and more isolated.

Dorin clenched and unclenched both of his fists.

The innocent gleaming of his eyes suddenly turned hard. And harder. And colder.

"Let's just see, Commander Chakotay. No one. No one has ever rejected me, before. Not even you."

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

It was a good thing that the Ardinian turned out to be trustworthy. Captain Janeway had risked her crews' life when she decided to dock Voyager on the ground. Not that she had any other choice. Voyager needed to ground for heavy repair or ended up drifting apart while the ship rotted and fell one piece after another in just a short time.

The Ardinian spaceship facility was incredible, even though still a bit behind Starfleet technologies. It was no wonder that they insisted on technology transfer as payment for the hospitality they provided. The everyday living for the whole Starfleet crews were now evolving around repair works, entertaining curious visitors, and heavy tutoring hours for top rated Ardinians' engineers. 

Their thirst of knowledge were a dream comes true for true teachers. However, the Voyager's senior officers could not help feeling anxious in seeing their eagerness and incredible capability to dissect, absorb, or even imitate almost every aspect of Voyager technology that even not all Starfleet people were eligible to know. 

Janeway was pretty sure, that by the time they left Ardinia, the natives might be able to catch up in just a year or two. A potential threat for a lonely, vulnerable spaceship, long way from home.

The positive part in this deal was the fact that the crews were joyful in enjoying their vacation in a nice, real land. The Ardinian were fairly good looking, human-like species that provided enough fun distraction, as well as opportunities to socialize, after years of claustrophobic atmosphere. 

Several crews had dated the natives, even though strict rules and cautions for intimate relationship were implied on both sides. They might be in a good term, but trust was not given one hundred percent.

It turned out that the popular ones on Voyager also gained almost similar popularity in the Ardinian as well. The Delaney sisters had been constantly courted by different young men everyday, while Tom Paris had earned the reputation of the most sought after bachelor. 

The less popular ones did not fail to gain admirers as well. After all, it seemed that the Ardinian had regarded them all as exotic, attractive creatures.

It was during the next moon cycle that the Voyager crews realized the mating nature of the Ardinian.

"They are looking for mates. The concept of quick releases was not exactly familiar. That is why the competition look so fierce." One of the Councilor that served as their liaisons, Duvaar, explained. 

"They gamble everything to win someone they wanted to mate. Though light, unserious courtship and romance was understandable and accepted."

"So, what things we should pay attention, too?" Tom Paris, the ever playboy, asked with a wide grin.

"No sex." Duvaar chuckled when he saw crumpled, disappointment faces. "Unless you have clearly mentioned that you are not willing to mate for life. The possibility that they accept that is quite high, though I am not suggesting you to try it casually."

"Great. No wonder they all look horny all the time," Tom muttered.

"You should be careful, Mr. Paris. The women tend to be very fertile, and once you have sex, there is a seventy percent chance she will get pregnant."

"How 'bout some male-male sex?" Tom asked with cheekiness despite the raising eyebrows from his crewmates.

"That should be conducted carefully too. Some male here can have babies too."

That knowledge had turned every Voyager's male crew's stomach cold and the notion of entertaining themselves with indulging, carefree sex was gone completely.

The Voyager crews' reluctance to mate was brought up in one gala party, a month later. All the crews were invited by the Prime Councilor. A repeat gesture over their first arrival. 

The Voyager's Senior Officers shared one particular round table with all the seven Councilors of Ardinian.

"Are children regarded as burdens to your people?" The Prime Councilor suddenly asked.

"No," Janeway carefully stared at him. "They are very precious that we tend to be very careful to conceive and raise them."

He nodded, looking satisfied. 

"Then your tendencies to live single are-- what we called-- forced?"

The Captain swallowed. Two months in Ardinia had showed her how important marriage-- mated, and family were to the natives. Almost no mature Ardinians live single, except widows and widowers. She also noticed how high the flirtatious tendencies among the younger generation were, a sign of how important to seek a mate in ones life. It had occurred to her that they had been scrutinizing the crews' lifestyle closely, and being 'mateless' was the subject they brought up most.

"Yes, Prime Councilor. Our circumstances had prevented us to have families 'normally'. Most of us are friends and colleagues that have no desire to be with each other more than we have, and also because many of us had left our mates back home."

"Ah," the Prime Councilor smiled. He watched the Captain closely and his smile widened. "You have one back home, aren't you, Captain?"

"Yes." Janeway returned the smile. A pang of sadness emerged, and probably had been caught by the Councilor, since he quickly patted her hand with father-like gesture.

"Be patient. Being true to ones' chosen life-mate might require sacrifice, but they always bring rewards and retribution in the end."

Retribution? Funny thing to express love. Janeway nodded.

"And you, young lady? How about you?" The Prime Councilor turned to B'Elanna, whose back stiffened with the question. 

It was obvious that she had considered the question as rude, but the way he asked felt more like being blessed by a father than being interrogated that left her unable to answer for a while. 

Without thinking she glanced quickly toward Tom who sat besides her, and blushed when the Prime Councilor chuckled. For an old man, the man was incredibly sharp and sensitive. He seemed able to read body languages quickly.

"Seemed that you've been courted, eh? Learn from our youngsters here, a lady must quickly claim her man before somebody take him away."

B'Elanna blushed even more. Tom, knowing exactly what the Prime Councilor meant, fidgeted nervously, suddenly feeling uncomfortable for reasons he did not understand. He dismissed that as a delight surprise for seeing B'Elanna blushed.

Here goes, he thought when the Prime Councilor zeroed in on him.

"Young man. You must behave carefully. Choose your mate wisely, and take one who will accompany you through happiness and sorrow. I do realize that there are many who are willing to make you a decent Ardinian for good here, but I can see that you need to be among the stars, so you must pay more attention to your young lady friend here before you lose her."

Tom nodded so solemnly that forced the rest of the Voyager's senior officers hid and suppressed their smiles.

The Prime Councilor uncannily provided some sympathy gestures toward Tuvok, whom he regarded as 'forced-widower' like Captain Janeway. He spoke with understanding sadness when Neelix explained about Kes, then he looked at Chakotay.

His stare was suddenly turned strange.

"What about you, Sir? I saw pain and hurt all over your aura."

Chakotay smiled politely, "My life hasn't been kind to me, Sir."

"You've been haunted by the one you most loved, am I right?"

The table had turned quiet, and the rest of the occupants had been unawarely waited for Chakotay's answer. After all, the Commander had been regarded as mysterious. The notion that he had a romantic sentimentality was just too interesting.

Chakotay stared back with understanding comprehension on his face, "You read people's mind, Prime Councilor."

"Not in the same way like some of you, here." The Prime Councilor nodded to Tuvok who had raised one of his eyebrow. "We are more alike, Commander."

"What do you mean, Prime Councilor?" Janeway carefully asked.

"Dreams. We speak and communicate with dreams." The Prime Councilor refused to look away from Chakotay's gaze. "Am I right, Commander?"

Chakotay smiled, "We are more alike, then, Sir."

The smile was returned, then turned into a serious frown. "You cannot let go of him, can you?"

The stares he received from his crewmates were full of shock and surprise. Chakotay knew better for not lying to the old, wise Ardinian in front of him.

"Yes."

The old man's eyes had even turned sadder. "Then your heart is completely close right now?"

Chakotay gritted his teeth, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable and acutely embarrassed. B'Elanna, Tom, and Neelix's stares were drilling holes to his face. He did not dare to see the Captain's reaction.

"I --I suppose so."

A loud sigh. "Commander, you will never be happy if you cling to the past."

Chakotay gave him a tight smile. "I suppose so, Prime Councillor."

A long, uncomfortable silence was stretched painfully and ended when B'Elanna, Tom, Captain Janeway, and Duvaar spoke at the same time. All gesturing and asking a plate of some dishes left. They all laughed nervously, but then the uncomfortable mood was broken. The chats were returned to normal.

Except Chakotay, who suddenly lost his appetite and preferred to toy with the rest of his food instead of joining the casual conversation. And the Prime Councilor who answered questions and greetings without the cheerfulness he had shown earlier.

Just before midnight, the Prime Councilor announced the end of the gala dinner, and guests arised, bowed and started to leave.

"It was a pleasant evening, Prime Councilor," Janeway shook his hand on behalf of the rest of Voyager's crews.

"Take care, Captain Janeway, and take care for your crews too. Bless them all."

She was genuinely touched and offered her hand to lift the old Ardinian from his chair. Once he stood, people suddenly realized how fragile the Prime Councillor were. He no longer could stand without being assisted and his stance was unstable.

A pair of strong hands took over, and Janeway found herself gazed to a pair of beautiful violet eyes.

"Thank you, Dorin." The Prime Councilor patted the young man. "Now, Captain, I believe we should retire, shall we?"

The senior officers bowed at him and clasped his hands warmly one by one, until Chakotay. The Prime Councilor held him long and he leaned closely to Chakotay's ear.

"You have lost the son you never have, Commander. It is only right if you have another one to heal."

Chakotay smiled ruefully with sadness and gratefulness toward the Prime Councillor. "If only it is possible, Sir."

"Don't worry," the Prime Councilor whispered with glint in his eyes. "Dorin can bear children, and he is willing to adapt to your lifestyle in case you want to take him to your home. Isn't that right, Dorin?"

Chakotay could not believe how red an embarrassed Ardinian's face were. It suddenly reminded him of ripe tomatos, and he could not help to smile toward Dorin, despite his instinct to just ignore it. The young attache returned his smile brightly, as if the sun suddenly burst into the sky.

The Prime Councilor did not let go of Chakotay and whispered again, "And you, Commander, are special too, do you know that?"

"Special what, Prime Councillor?"

"You, Commander..", he jabbed his finger to Chakotay's chest gently. "....can bear children too."

 

 

Chakotay had been inspecting the downloading of the helm data archive when Tom whirled and planted his feet besides him.

"You've been daydreaming, Commander."

He smiled. "Thanks to you, I woke up now."

The blond man returned his smile warmly, and suddenly Chakotay saw a faint of blush grew at the tip of the pilot's ears.

"Have you done some B'Elanna's courting, young man?" He teased.

Tom's eyes widened with confusion and a moment later he chuckled, "Jeez Commander, not you too!"

"Why? Everybody's been teasing you?"

"Eeeeverybody, except B'Elanna of course. She had been giving me a cold shoulder all day long."

"Embarrassment is an unconscious form of acceptance."

"Bummer. Your philosophy suck, Commander." Tom laughed. Then he turned seriously.

"You think the Prime Councilor really knows the real thing, Chakotay?"

"I seriously think you and B'Elanna compatible, Tom. The aura is there."

He laughed and shook his head hard, "No..no.. It's not about me and B'Elanna, Commander. It's about his insights to all of us. You think he's been making them up? Tuvok must have been really annoyed that someone had topped his ability to read minds."

Chakotay smiled quietly. He suddenly remembered his daily nightmares vividly. Of Seska's sneers and screams. I've got your son, Chakotay. Of Seska's dead mask. Of crying babies. And his despair every time he meditated and visited his spirit guide's plain. He always met that little boy again and again. Father. The boy always called with such longing. And he watched year after year how the boy grew up among the spirits.

"---commander?"

He blinked and watched Tom's concern face.

"I am sorry, Tom, I got distracted."

"Yeah. Daydreaming." The pilot tried to laughed, but his voice were tight and his eyes was serious. "Are you alright, Commander?"

"Must be exhausted. Do you want to take over?"

"Sure thing." Tom looked like wanted to say something but he thought the better of it. "This is even more interesting than calming a horde of horny women."

Chakotay barked with laughter. "Hedonist. Could not believe that you actually say such a thing. Are the advances still as depressing as before?"

"Even more. Now the men had started to do that."

"Thanks to your casual mention of male-male sex to Duvaar. These people gossip, Tom. They must have thought that you are eligible for the guys too, now."

Tom suddenly punched several buttons furiously. 

"I notice that you have a persistent one too." His voice was surprisingly quiet.

Chakotay sighed, remembering Dorin's constant appearance in the Voyager's complex despite his rather busy schedule to be the Prime Councilor's attache.

"He's kinda pretty," he chuckled.

A soft snort was given as a reply.

Chakotay watched the pilot reading all the data, and ignoring him. He thought that he'd better left him alone.

"See you, Tom."

Tom raised his head and turned to Chakotay. Giving him his usual brilliant smile.

"See you, Chakotay."

On to part 3


	3. Chapter 3

In two weeks, the basic overhaul of Voyager's systems was complete. B'Elanna reported that she was sure heavy repairs were no longer needed.

"We should be able to finish with the necessary checks in about a week at most, which means we should be able to resume our journey soon," B'Elanna informed the Captain.

"I will notify the Prime Councilor then. Is it possible to wrap up all these 'teaching' activities soon, Neelix? I'm not sure if some of our pupils will be pleased that we are leaving so soon."

"I agree, Captain, there will definitely be some very disappointed students. We can accelerate the program, but the Ardinians are still insisting on having a thorough tour of Voyager. We haven't granted their request yet because of the extensive repairs that were underway."

"Does anyone have any objections to a tour of the ship? Chakotay? Tuvok?"

"Limited participants, limited access to top security chambers, Captain," Chakotay said, Tuvok nodded in agreement.

"Very well. Neelix, choose some of the training participants for the tour. I'll notify the Prime Councilor both of the tour and of our impending departure."

********************

In only one day, news of Voyager's coming departure spread all over Ardinia. It surprisingly caused fantic action; from desperate moves to get as much technical information from the ship as possible, to invitations for last minute attempts to mate.

Captain Janeway was not pleased when she realized that almost all of her crew were booked at various outings and parties. From her experience, desperation brought about dangerous consequences. Especially when conducted by a demanding people like the Ardinians. It was rather difficult to avoid, though, since the crew were expectedly flattered and excited with such entertaining possibilities, and she couldn't blame them. She also knew that there was also a sense of lingering sadness at leaving a place they had started to feel familiar with

Such were her thoughts as she came upon Chakotay chatting with Tom Paris. Both wore nice clothes, so she knew they were planning on going out later. She had stopped, realizing that they were in a deep and serious conversation. Then she noticed Chakotay's scowl and Tom's heated speech. She did not like this one bit. 

She cleared her throat. Both men started and quickly stared at her. Interestingly, Tom's face coloured, while Chakotay's turned pale.

"Gentlemen, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. I only wanted to ask you what your plans were for tonight."

Chakotay bit his lip, a sign of nervousness. "I was invited by the Prime Councilor, Captain."

"Kathryn, please, Chakotay," she smiled, then frowned. "The Prime Councilor? Is it official business?"

"It's not official, Kathryn," Chakotay watched her face carefully. "There is no intention to by pass you or anything. He just wants me to help him with his chess lessons."

"Chess?"

"Yes." For a moment, a wave of embarrassment and wariness crossed the stoic face and Kathryn felt an unfamiliar feeling of uneasiness. "I've been teaching the Prime Councilor to play chess regularly."

"Ah. And you've been doing this for--?"

"Maybe a month." A month and she had had no idea.

She raised her eyebrows. "Is he a good player?"

Chakotay smiled, producing his killer dimples. "For an old alien, he keeps the matches interesting."

"And you both spar by inspiration through dreams, Chakotay?"

The smile turned to a chuckle. Janeway stared at her friend. The uneasiness lingered. She did not like finding out that Chakotay had been slipping away to mingle with the Ardinians --particularly the Prime Councilor-- without her knowledge. She did not want to analyze why she felt hurt by this omission.

She turned to stare at Tom, who had been watching his commanding officers silently and speculatively. "What about you, Tom? Another heart to break?"

Tom's face was surprisingly solemn and serious. "I am planning on joining the Commander, Captain."

She stared back at Chakotay.

"No, he isn't," Chakotay's face was equally serious.

"The Prime Councilor invited me too." Tom stared hard at Chakotay.

"You invited yourself, Tom. He simply can't refuse you."

"Gentlemen?" the Captain's stern voice interrupted. While they both apologized, the anger remained visible in their eyes.

"You can't abandon B'Elanna again, Tom. You promised her." Chakotay sighed.

Tom was quiet. Janeway watched him with growing interest. He was tense. *Very* tense. And nervous. She knew that he wished she would just leave.

"I know that B'Elanna is expecting to go out with you, Tom," she said in a surprisingly apologetic tone. She suddenly felt the desperation and helplessness in Tom, but she also knew that whatever turn of events were taking place were unknown to B'Elanna. She stared curiously at the pilot who nodded at her comment without expression.

"Tom," Chakotay patted his shoulder warmly. "I'm sorry. I would love to have you come along, but you need to be with B'Elanna."

"But--"

"This is an order. I can make it one, can't I, Kathryn?"

She grinned.

Tom sighed. "Very well, Chakotay. Have fun, then. Excuse me, Captain."

Janeway noticed the heaviness of his retreating steps and how he lingered for a moment at the corner. His restlessness seemed to echo throughout the corridor. She watched Chakotay's expression and knew that he also felt Tom's nervousness. She was sure that, if she had not come, Chakotay would never have been able to stop Tom from accompanying him.

"Is there something I should know about, Chakotay?" Again, a frown and a look of wariness that passed quickly. He watched Janeway carefully, feeling a sudden expansion of gulf between them, which was unconsciously reflected by her question.

"I don't understand why Tom kept insisting on accompanying me, Kathryn."

"Is he like that about every Ardinian you visit?"

Again, uncomfortable silence. Chakotay took a deep breath before answering, "No, only when he knew that I'd be going to see the Prime Councilor."

"Do you think he has a reason to act like that, Chakotay?" She was trying hard not to sound intimidating and accusing. She saw a flash of anger cross Chakotay's face, but it was gone in an instant.

"Do you think the Prime Councilor's invitations to me hide some motive, Kathryn?" Obviously, his respect for her had won over his irritation at her fleet ing suspicions.

"For a man in his position, he should notify me, or at least invite me." She frowned at him.

Chakotay nodded, knowing that her response was an attempt to close the distance between them. "You're annoyed that I didn't inform you about his invitation."

"Yes."

"I am sorry. But honestly, it didn't cross my mind. I guess I didn't take it seriously."

"You should, Chakotay. We've never known their real intentions. Tell me, you've always been good at sensing what is really going on. Don't you ever feel that there is a hidden agenda in the Prime Councilor's invitations?"

Chakotay sighed, but his gaze was warm and friendly. "Honestly, Kathryn, I *know* his hidden agenda."

"Which is?"

"Dorin. He's been proposing Dorin to me."

"Yet, knowing this, you keep on visiting his place."

"I have a personal reason."

"Would it be all right for you to share it with me?"

"Honestly, I am not sure. But I can tell you, it's about his *knowing* about my past."

Kathryn stared at him, sorrow filling her heart. "Would it be alright to share this with me?" 

"Thank you. Maybe sometime, but not yet."

"I don't like the idea of you sharing so much of yourself with someone you hardly know. You should be talking to someone you trust."

They were silent. Chakotay seemed to find his feet interesting. "I don't know why I did this, Kathryn. All I know is I need this."

She swallowed heavily, "I understand, Chakotay, and I'm sorry I interfered in a personal matter. It's just that--"

"I know. Look. I'll do my best to be really careful in this, OK? And if it makes you feel better, Tom has been accompanying me to almost all of my meetings with the Prime Councilor and Dorin."

//*Tom*// Suddenly, Janeway realized that there was an aspect to this story that she would need to dwell on later.

"I have to go, Kathryn. I'd like to ask you to come along, but--" Chakotay stopped and looked at her, an apology written all over his face.

"Go, Chakotay, and be careful."

He suddenly took her hand and patted it lovingly. "I didn't take you along before, because of the *nature* of my personal problem." He winked.

The flirtatious innuendo caught her. Janeway felt her cheeks grow warm.

"Go, Chakotay." She tried to laugh but was surprised to hear a girly giggle instead. Chakotay grinned broadly and saluted her before he left.

A moment later, Janeway came across a scowling B'Elanna and Tom in the complex's half full, gigantic mess hall. They both greeted her distractedly. She moved to one corner and watched the couple carefully.

They were not fighting, but it was clear that B'Elanna was pissed. Fatigue was etched on her face, and there were dark circles around her eyes. She had been working hard to rehabilitate Voyager, but Janeway knew her fatigue also came from a personal source. Janeway secretly sympathized with B'Elanna.

Dating,--*loving*-- Tom was clearly not easy, and obviously exhausting. She knew how skittish Tom was on commitment, and that his anxiety often showed up as childish behavior, thus irritating a *tired* and impatient B'Elanna even more. Somehow, their relationship was not bringing out the best in either one of them. And it wasn't that they weren't in love with each other, Tom loved her. The fact was that this love suddenly produced some other kinds of * sacrifice* that suprised the hell out of him.

She swore she could almost see the painful atmosphere growing between them. B'Elanna spoke softly, a look of sadness in her eyes, and a moment later she stood and left Tom. Leaving him staring at her back with an equal look of sadness.

Kathryn took that as cue to come and sit beside him, despite the surprise and a flint of annoyance that appeared in Tom's eyes. "I have to apologize for my intrusion, Tom, but I think you can guess what I want to discuss with you."

"By all means, Captain," he said looking very subdued.

"Are you all right?"

Tom snorted, "Do I look all right?" Then he smiled apologetically. "I'm a jerk, aren't I, Captain?"

"You just need to try harder, Tom."

"She's complicated."

"So are you."

"Yeah. Not very compatible, are we?"

"My suggestion is that you go crawling back to her, Tom. *After* we talk."

He chuckled, "OK, Captain. Are you curious about what Chakotay and I have been doing?"

"I want to know why you insist on coming with him." //And why you are willing to hurt B'Elanna for this//.

Tom bit his lip, studying his fingers intently. His voice was quiet. "It's about that young man, Dorin."

"What about him?"

"His intentions toward the Commander concern me."

"You don't think Chakotay is mature enough to take care of himself?"

He barked a perfect 'ha' of laughter. "Not in the flirting department." He unconsciously leered at the Captain. "Waaay out of practice."

"Chakotay is *flirting* with Dorin? I thought he ignored him."

The amusement in Tom's face disappeared. "I thought so too."

"But--"

"But."

They both stared at each other uneasily.

"He didn't overdo it, though. In fact, he seemed quite *sophisticated*," Tom tried to smile. "But I don't think Chakotay understands the depth of Dorin's obsession."

"How strong is it?"

A curious blush grew at the base of Tom's neck and at the tip of his ears. "Quite strong. If you know what I mean."

"Seska strong, B'Elanna strong, or your strong?"

The blush suddenly turned full blown. //Interesting//.

"B'Elanna's fancy of Chakotay was a mere crush," Tom said defensively.

//So, Seska strong or *your*--//

"Seska strong, then?" Janeway widened her eyes. She suddenly realized the subliminal message in Tom's statement and it unsettled her.

The blush did not diminish. "Yeah. *That* kind of obsession."

""Was it working, your accompanying him?"

"Chakotay was grateful *I* was around," an unfamiliar tone from Tom disarmed Janeway even more. "I certainly pissed Dorin off."

"What have you two been doing in the Prime Councilor's place?"

Tom watched her warily. "Captain. We were playing *chess*."

Feeling embarrassed, Janeway smiled, "I am not being suspicious, Tom."

"You shouldn't. Chakotay and I would never--"

"Tom! Now who's the one being suspicious?"

"I apologize," he said but didn't sound like he meant it. "I really wish I was with Chakotay now, Captain."

"Are you sure Chakotay is flirting with Dorin?"

The narrowing of Tom's eyes almost made her want to withdraw her question, but she had to be sure of--

"I'm sure based on what I've seen. But then again, Chakotay wasn't obvious about flirting. I don't think most people would even notice what he was doing, maybe not even Dorin."

//What exactly are you saying, Tom Paris?//

"I am surprised that you can recognize the depth of Dorin's obsession. Most of us thought that it was an innocent crush."

"Yeah? Well."

She watched Tom's defensive pose, and his sudden refusal to stare back at her. She also saw the faint shadow of a blush remaining on his face. She knew now that the tenseness and nervousness she felt coming from him were directed toward Chakotay. She suddenly realized something important, and for some curious reason, she didn't want to know more.

On to part 4


	4. Chapter 4

The Prime Councilor greeted him enthusiastically.  
"Where is young Mr. Paris, Commander?" 

"He wasn't able to come due to another engagement." 

"Ah yes." The old man's smile was wide and knowing.  
"He should take his duty to his intended seriously,  
don't you think?" 

"I agree," Chakotay said and chuckled. His humor faded  
when he noticed Dorin's presence. "It's not too late  
for Mr. Paris to make up his mind, right?" 

The Prime Councilor looked at him seriously, "He'd  
better choose the safest journey for his fate. His  
past life was too hard, and I don't think he is ready  
to face another hard journey in his future." 

Chakotay was silent. "You think so?" 

The Prime Councilor sighed, "No, I don't *think* so. I  
*hope* so." 

"You really want him to be with B'Elanna Torres, Prime  
Councilor? I am surprised you have taken what happens  
in our lives so seriously." 

"Yes. I've taken you all seriously, Commander. And  
yes, I really hope that he chooses B'Elanna Torres. I  
have my own reasons." 

Chakotay stared at him curiously, but decided to let  
the remark pass. "I guess I'd better let him know  
about this, sir. The man may need a *push*." 

"Yes, he may." The Prime Councilor turned toward  
Dorin, who was lingering indecisively outside of the  
range of conversation. He gave his attache a  
reassuring smile, before turning back to Chakotay. 

"Have you given any thought to what I asked you,  
Commander?" 

Chakotay took a deep breath, "Sir--" 

"Never mind. Let's have dinner first, shall we?" 

"And chess?" 

"We'll see, Commander." 

Chakotay was uneasy as he dined with the Prime  
Councilor. While Dorin did not join them, his presence  
unnerved Chakotay. He realized just how much he wished  
Tom was present at the moment. He had breathed a sigh  
of relief when the Prime Councilor had requested that  
Dorin stay away from the dining room. 

Throughout dinner, the conversation covered a variety  
of topics, including space technology, history, basic  
philosophy, and personal matters. Toward the end, the  
Prime Councilor decided that it would be best to skip  
their chess lessons that night. 

"We Ardinians do not have much time left to spend with  
your crew, Commander. You'll be leaving in a few days,  
so I really need your answer to my proposal." 

"Sir, with all respect, I cannot accept it. I am  
honored to be chosen as Dorin's mate, but honestly, I  
don't think it would be good for either of us. I don't  
love Dorin, and I doubt the Captain would be willing  
to have Dorin join us on our journey back home. I  
don't see this situation as fair to Dorin, either,  
Sir." 

"Commander, I was not asking you to marry him. I am  
just asking you to give him a child." 

"Why me? Why not someone from his own race? His life  
would be much less complicated." 

"He wants you." 

"*You* encourage him, Sir." 

The Prime Councilor stared at him solemnly, watching  
Chakotay with narrowed eyes. "We need your child." 

"It's not a good idea. What are you going to do with  
this child? *My* child? An experiment model?" 

"You are being too harsh, Commander." 

"I am sorry for being so rude, Sir. But your reason is  
just too--" 

"Shallow? Selfish? Inhuman?" 

"Yes." 

The Prime Councilor sighed. "Chakotay, you understand  
me better than this. We speak in the same level of  
dimension. You know deep inside your heart that this  
request has *nothing* to do with an experiment. Am I  
right?" 

Chakotay was silent. He knew. He knew *exactly* what  
the Prime Councilor meant. He saw the meaning every  
time he meditated. 

"Don't you want *him* to be happy, Commander?" 

"It was time for him to die. We can't escape fate." 

"But your *son* did not go to the other side. He was  
trapped in between." 

"Sir!" 

"I am right, Commander. You *know* that." 

"I can't accept it because I don't think you've given  
me a good reason to." 

"Your *son* needs to live." 

"It's hearsay! And in my belief, it's also a great  
sin. Refusing fate and destiny like that! I don't  
think I can carry on this conversation any longer. My  
answer is final." 

"Commander, for Dorin's sake--" 

"Please. Let me return to the base." 

The Prime Councilor reluctantly let him go. Chakotay  
walked briskly toward the base complex. He was angry,  
but also sad beyond belief. He was just leaving the  
palace complex when he heard Dorin's breathless calls.  
He was torn between stopping to talk to the man and  
ignoring him. He was too honorable to do the latter,  
though. 

He turned to see the young man running desperately  
after him. Dorin stopped a pace in front of Chakotay,  
sweating, and crying hard. They stared at each other,  
not knowing what to say. Chakotay, breathing heavily  
out of a combination of nervousness and guilt, as it  
was clear that they had started to make a scene. He  
fidgeted unconsciously, as he watched Dorin bawl with  
genuine desperation, anger, and hurt. 

"Dorin, please--" 

"NO! You don't understand!" He roared as he stood  
trembling, trying hard to still himself as his fists  
clenched and unclenched. But Chakotay did not hear the  
rage in the boy's normally deadpanned voice. Chakotay  
looked into those very, very young eyes and recognized  
a deep and wide, old sea of anguish, of heart  
wrenching desperation, that shook him to the deepest  
core of his being. 

"You arrogant *clatzhve*!! What do you want me to do?  
WHY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?" 

Heart heavy with guilt, and feeling as if the inside  
of his chest and stomach were plunging off of a deep  
cliff, Chakotay could only stare. 

Then, Dorin lunged forward. Fists flying, blows  
landing everywhere, unfocused and easily avoided. The  
blows weren't intended to hurt, but to express agony  
and anger. Humiliation. Heartbreak. 

Chakotay ducked, and then simply backed away. Before  
he could try to calm the young man, hands came from  
everywhere, propelling him backwards as they shielded  
him. He watched as people gathered around them, many  
of whom grabbed Dorin, who was fighting fiercely  
against their grasp. 

"What is going on here?" A hard face stared at  
Chakotay. His curious gaze suddenly turned into  
recognition and his voice turned harsh and cold. "What  
did *you* do to him?" 

Chakotay, watching helplessly as Dorin was being  
roughly manhandled, did not answer. His mind propelled  
him into action when a large, unknown man from the  
crowd slapped Dorin's face, so hard that the young man  
crumpled down. 

"Hey!" 

His shoulder was harshly grabbed from behind.  
"Foreigner! What did you do to the young man?" 

A web of confusion left Chakotay speechless for a  
moment. Then, "Me? What did *I* do to him? Nothing!" 

"Explain this to Security." 

"The young man attacked me." 

"For a *reason*, I am sure." 

Chakotay glanced cautiously at the angry stares coming  
from the people around him. He recognized their  
protectiveness toward one of their own. Dorin was  
young, vulnerable, and clearly hurting over him, while  
he was old enough to be his father and old enough to  
be manipulating the young man. It was also obvious  
that he was not an Ardinian native. It was very easy  
to see where the sentiment of the crowd lay right now.

 

He took a deep breath, trying hard not to vent his  
sudden anger. "Look. The young man's name is Dorin. He  
is the Prime Councilor's attache. Bring him back to  
the palace, the Prime Councilor will understand what  
has happened." 

The crowd exchanged glances full of suspicion. Then, a  
loud groan was heard. Followed by an agonizing wail.   
"Chakotay! Chakotay! Help me!" 

"Dorin!" 

Chakotay quickly side stepped around the crowd. He  
pushed through to Dorin, and without a second thought  
gathered the young man into his arms. Dorin fell into  
him, clinging helplessly as if trying to keep from  
falling into a bottomless abyss. He kissed Chakotay  
fiercely, and then collapsed, exhausted as if the act  
was more than he could handle. Chakotay, surprised and  
confused, could only lock his arms around the young  
man, while quietly asking the crowd to leave them  
alone. 

He slowly took Dorin, who was still clinging to him,  
back to the palace. They walked away from those  
curious, amused and even furious stares. 

"I love you, Chakotay. I love you." 

The sob broke Chakotay's heart. "Sssshhh.... Take it  
easy." 

A couple of palace guards rushed toward them. Then,  
when Chakotay forcefully unclenched Dorin's fingers  
from his clothes to let the guards take over, Dorin  
wailed, "Clatzhve! E medom azhad!" 

The guards gasped loudly, staring with horror at  
Chakotay. 

He was sure he did not want to understand the meaning  
of the young man's agonized scream. 

"Dorin. Please. We will talk about this later, all  
right? I promise. Let me go." 

Dorin buried his head deeply into Chakotay's chest,  
and then suddenly let him go. He stood trembling, his  
face contorted with agony and wet with tears. He tried  
to regain some of his dignity before speaking, but  
choked up. 

"You don't understand. You don't get it at all. Do  
you?" Next, whispering painfully, "See me tomorrow, or  
I will come to Voyager." 

"I will come. I promise. All right?" Chakotay did not  
know why he felt a sudden chill in his stomach. Yet,  
watching Dorin's face-- it just broke his heart. 

The young man again choked back a sob. Realizing for  
the first time that the palace guards were stealing  
glances at him, he retreated quickly and shamefully.  
"I'll see you tomorrow," he whispered again and then  
ran inside. 

************* 

Back on Voyager, Chakotay headed breathlessly toward  
his quarters. As he hurried through the corridors, he  
tried hard to remain calm, but he only managed to  
greet those he passed in a distracted manner. Finally,  
inside his quarters he initiated a level one privacy  
lock and then replicated the strongest drink he had  
ever had. He emptied the glass in one big gulp. 

Afterwards, he quickly took out his meditation bundle  
and tried hard to concentrate. He failed again and  
again. He finally went to take a shower. 

He stood in the shower for such a long time that the  
water turned ice-cold. Finally, shivering and no less  
depressed, he wrapped himself inside a large towel and  
sat in the middle of his bed. In only a second, he was  
finally able to go into a deep trance. 

The green field plain he usually visited was dark. 

Cold and dark. Chakotay heard a sob and instantly knew  
who it was. 

"Dakota?" 

The sad sob echoed in the surroundings, returning  
again from every direction. It was followed by harsh  
breathing and unclear whispers. 

"Dakota, please. Are you angry with me?" 

Chakotay could hear the pronounced sadness in the  
whisper. "Father....." 

"Should I do it, Dakota? Please, son... Should I?" 

"Father...." the whisper pleaded heartbrokenly. 

The darkness shifted, and Chakotay found himself  
blinking away tears from blurry eyes. He heard the  
series of constant beeps and knew that only Captain  
Janeway would be was persistent enough to ignore a  
level one privacy lock. He sighed and activated his  
communicator. "Yes, Captain?" 

"Are you all right, Commander?" 

"I'm fine." 

The silence stretched. 

"Let me in, Chakotay. I have some news from the Prime  
Councilor." 

Chakotay quickly cleaned his face and got dressed. He  
opened the door and met Janeway's worried stare. "What  
did the Prime Councilor say to you?" 

Janeway walked past him and seated herself on his  
couch, her face somber. Chakotay replicated a drink,  
handed it to her, and then sat heavily beside her. 

"He sent us an official apology for Dorin's attempt to  
attack you." 

Chakotay stared at his drink. "Is that all?" 

"Chakotay, what happened?" 

"I refused his request to mate Dorin with me. I guess  
the young man was in shock." 

"The whole story is what I need, Chakotay. Please. I  
know you have your own reason for not sharing your  
'personal' problems with me. But this kind of incident  
could escalate into a diplomatic problem." 

"I know." 

"Please. I'm your friend, aren't I?" 

Chakotay stared blankly at a distant spot. While his  
face was still, Janeway could still see a number of  
emotions reflected there. To her astonishment, the  
emotion that dominated his eyes was *longing*. An  
extremely sad longing that made her flinch in  
surprise. 

"It all started with Seska's death." The room's soft  
lighting was reflected in Chakotay's eyes, revealing  
tears he would not shed. "She took my son to the  
great plain with her. But while she passed through,  
*he* didn't." 

"Chakotay?" 

"He never went to the other side to join my family.  
Instead, he waited, waited in *my* plain. I don't know  
why. Maybe he wanted to wait for *me*." 

Janeway watched him with amazement. She was fascinated  
by what he was telling her, but she also was concerned  
by the dullness of his speech and how ridiculous it  
had sounded. 

"He grew up there, Kathryn, all alone. Scared and  
clinging to the half reality which was all his father  
could afford to give him. He grew up fast in there,  
too. Do you know how old he is now? Seventeen. It's  
past his time to go through the initiation ritual." 

Chakotay threw a quick glance toward Janeway, and  
smiled sadly when he saw the expected disbelief in her  
eyes. 

"Seska died only five years ago, Chakotay." 

He chuckled, "Are you expecting me to provide you with  
a rational storyline, Kathryn? Come on, lighten up. We  
are talking about my spirit plain here."

***********

On to part 5


	5. Chapter 5

"I loved him so much. I tried so hard to raise him as properly as I could, even if it meant I had to sacrifice my sleep to be present in the spirit plain. But he was so alone, and I couldn't do anything about it".

"Maybe it's because you wouldn't let him go."

Chakotay smiled and touched Janeway's arm. He whispered, "Thanks for understanding."

"What did the Prime Councilor offer you?"

"He offered to bring Dakota from the spirit plain."

"He wants to bring your son to *life*?"

"I refused him, if that's what you're worried about," Chakotay chuckled sadly, bitterly. "But the idea that Dakota could leave that loneliness was very tempting, to say the least."

"You think the Prime Councilor can do that?"

"I believe he can do it, though I'm not quite sure how. What I don't agree with is his intention."

"Which is--?"

"That life is Dakota's only choice." He sighed, "I would prefer that he join my ancestors in the spirit realm. It just seems... proper... that he go there. His fate is to follow his mother, and that is how it should be."

"How can he give Dakota life, Chakotay?"

Hesitation. "By reincarnating him as Dorin's child."

Silence.

"The Prime Councilor would manipulate his own attache, Kathryn. He knows how willing Dorin is to be my mate."

"But why..?"

"Excuse me?"

"Why would he insist on this happening?"

"I'm not sure, but I get the feeling that he has no intention on Dorin and I having only *one* child. He wants a *human* child. For what reason, again, I don't know, but I've only found this out last night."

"Scary thought."

Chakotay nodded.

"What does Dakota think about this?"

The anguish and longing came back in full force. "I don't know....," he whispered. "He wouldn't tell me what he wants."

"What do *you* think about all this?"

Her first officer laughed bitterly, "Honestly? I hope the son of a bitch is telling the *truth*! That this is not some cheap joke, or a lie he's giving me out of pity, or compassion."

*************************

Morning greeted Chakotay warily. It was obvious that news of his fate last night had already spread through the crew. He entered the base complex dining room completely aware of people's hidden scrutiny and curious glances.

He saw Janeway sitting with Tuvok, B'Elanna, and Tom. She waved him over.

The captain was unusually tense this morning, and Tuvok gave off an uncharacteristic aura of restlessness. Chakotay looked at the couple in the corner and sighed silently when he saw B'Elanna's tired face. //Not again//. He nodded to her, sending her an apologetic smile.

Tom unnerved him the most, simply because of the hard, scrutinizing glare he received from the young man.

"I heard about what happened, Commander," he spoke quietly, the accusation was there for all to see, and seemed to be paired with disappointment. For what, Chakotay did not know. Did not *want* to know.

"It was an unfortunate incident, Lieutenant."

"You should have let me come..." Tom stopped midsentence and blushed furiously, aware of B'Elanna's flinch as she sat beside him. The pain practically emanated from her eyes.

"Everything has been handled, Tom, calm down." The big man spoke harshly once he realized how devastated B'Elanna was. It was obvious that something had gone wrong while he had been at the Prime Councilor's palace.

The pilot snorted and glanced elsewhere.

"I spoke with Tuvok about last night's incident, Chakotay," Janeway looked toward him indifferently.

Chakotay stared back. Anger began to boil within him. There was no doubt in his bones that the Captain had told the Security Officer everything she knew. //You betrayed me// he thought, as he stared coldly at her. "And?"

"I am offering my services to help make your decision as easy as possible, Commander." Tuvok's gaze was surprisingly understanding. "Perhaps my working with you to find a solution will give you the peace you undoubtedly need."

"What problem would that be?" B'Elanna blurted out her question, looking to Chakotay with worry. "The *Dorin* problem?"

"Ah." Janeway nodded slowly. "*That* problem needs special handling."

"I can handle it, Captain," he gritted through clenched teeth, trying hard to keep his temper in check. "I agreed to see Dorin today." Pause. "To tie up some loose ends."

Tom shifted slightly in his seat. "You need someone to join you."

"No, Tom. I need to do this alone."

"Commander! He *attacked* you!" Tom hissed furiously.

"Why thank you, Tom. I didn't know you cared." Chakotay tried to smile, but failed when he saw the hurt in Tom's scowl. "Sorry. I didn't mean it."

"He's right, Chakotay", Janeway frowned at him. "Last night's apology, and the rumors floating around make me think that Dorin's attempt to harm you was very serious."

"You weren't there... He didn't harm me, not even a little," Chakotay said quietly. "And the circumstance didn't help in the least."

//You didn't see how hurt he was, captain.// He sighed, stating, "I hurt him badly."

"Necessarily done." Tom said again, and shut his mouth when B'Elanna glared at him.

Janeway bit her lower lip. "At least try to be safe."

****************

Chakotay spent the entire morning double checking systems in preparation to re-enter space, making sure all tests were going as planned, and keeping an eye on Neelix's progress with the list of candidates for a ship tour. After lunch, he made his way to Tuvok's quarters.

"All right, Tuvok, what's the plan?"

"Would it be possible for me to see your *son*, Commander?"

"He's scared. He's never seen anyone but me, and in this case, it would be an intrusion on my privacy."

"I can do nothing without your permission, Commander. However, your mind was being intruded by an alien. You obviously need help, since you were willing to allow the Prime Councilor access to your brain. Can you not let me help you?"

Chakotay pondered silently.

"Is it not better that I, some one you have known for a long period, help you instead of the Prime Councilor?"

"I hope this isn't your ego talking, Tuvok." The big man chuckled at the thought of the Vulcan having one at all. "You don't like him reading our minds?"

"The man has no ethics. Reading someone's mind without express permission, and using it to manipulate them shows does not win my respect."

"Many of us regard him as wise and warm."

"I regard him as impolite and smug."

"Smug!?" Chakotay laughed, before turning sober once again. "Yes, I accept your help, though it doesn't mean I like it."

"Very well."

The first thing that Tuvok felt the moment he was allowed to mindmeld into Chakotay was the cold. That, the emptiness, and the dark. He walked on, shivering slightly, only to be stopped when a chilling wind began to blow. The darkness only seemed to deepen, blinding him completely.

"Allow me to enter, Commander," he whispered. He stood there, waiting silently, knowing that Chakotay was reluctant to let him in deeper. The blinding darkness suffocating him with its sheer desolation.

Then, as abruptly as it had begun, the wind stopped. A small fraction of light appeared, its faint glow forming a sort of tunnel before him, guiding him. He moved carefully, knowing he should touch nothing, see nothing, hear nothing, besides what Chakotay chose to show him. Tuvok took a deep breath, realizing how much control his commanding officer was exerting. He had never known a mind so barren, so unrevealing, as this one.

The light seemed to be calling and beckoning to him. Without hesitation, he began to walk faster and faster, until he seemed to almost fly towards the end, which looked like it was getting brighter and brighter. A sense of urgency made him dash through the blinding brightness. He found himself in the middle of a field, one of the most beautiful he had ever seen. Its soft grass, calm blue sky, thick spread of golden sunflowers reaching beyond the valley, and friendly looking mountains in the distance left him breathless. He waited, taking in the sight before him, then he heard soft thumps. They were brisk and excited.

There, beyond the valley, Tuvok could make out the shape of a boy. He was running, his long, lithe legs pumping beautifully. The long, dark tresses flying around him almost like wings and a halo.

Chakotay's son was beautiful.

The noise halted, then he heard a tentative, "Father?"

Slowly stepping forward, Tuvok remembered Chakotay's warning that Dakota had no experience with other people except his father. He looked into the exquisite face which was full of both curiosity and fear.

"Dakota. My name is Tuvok. I am a friend of your father."

"Father?"

He tried to beckon him, straightening both his arms, showing him how friendly he was. But the boy stepped back.

"Allow me to come to you, Dakota. I wish you no harm."

He took a step forward, but stopped when the boy began to shriek. Caught by surprise, Tuvok could only blink, before the field was gone. He found himself once again caught in the dark abyss he had first encountered.

"I am sorry, Commander. May I return?"

The wind blew more harshly, and the darkness became oppressive. With a blink, the Vulcan found himself back in his own body. The man opposite him was sweating and breathing heavily.

"You would not allow me near him, Commander," he sighed.

"I am sorry. It's just--"

"That is all right. You were being protective. Perhaps it is better if you join me the next time I --*visit* your son."

Chakotay chuckled, "Yeah. Proper introduction is what we really need."

He stood up, replicated two drinks and offered his friend one.

"Your son is very beautiful," Tuvok said thoughtfully. "I must admit that I am very surprised to find him there."

Relief of a minute ago turned to incredulous. "You don't believe me?"

"I find, most often than not, that the people living in a person's mind is really just their imagination. Memories, hauntings, fleeting presences of someone who is not real, someone not *whole*."

"Dakota *is* real!"

"If he is your figment of imagination, Commander, then I must say that I am very amazed with your dreaming skills."

Chakotay sighed, then rose, taking both Tuvok's and his empty glasses to the replicator.

Tuvok watched him mixing the drink. Chakotay's back was to him, presenting the picture of a solid man -- a calm, composed, collected man. Yet, he could see the exhaustion in the tenseness of the fingers.

"How are you able to do it?" he asked.

The Commander stopped to look at his friend. "How do I do what?"

"Create such a wonderful place for him," Tuvok paused. "Constantly."

Again, Chakotay was still, and this time, Tuvok could tell he was tense just by looking at the man's broad shoulders.

"Do you not get tired?" He pressed on, trying to understand the enigma that was his commander.

A soft sigh was followd by an uncomfortable silence. Then, Chakotay turned, suddenly looking old. "I try not to feel tired."

"Is that why you need to be collected all the time?"

A soft smile. "Collected, unemotional. Yes. Pretty much that way."

Tuvok accepted his drink and silently watching his friend who took a seat in front of him. "Commander."

"Yes?"

Tuvok hesitated for a moment, then finally spoke. "You must let go, sir."

Chakotay frowned and his eyes turned narrow, "What do you mean?"

For the first time in his life, Tuvok was very reluctant to voice his opinion. The intensity in Chakotay's eyes was suddenly unnerved him.

The eyes watched him closely like a hawk, then turned blank. "You don't believe me."

"I am sorry."

"You think that he is just my imagination."

"Yes."

Chakotay exhaled loudly, "I knew you'd say that."

"Do not let the Ardinians manipulate you, Commander."

The man gave a snort, and shot him a cold glance. "No need to worry about that, Tuvok."

He rose and took both glasses to the replicator once again. He took a deep breath to calm himself. "Are you going to report this to the Captain?" he asked quietly.

"We must be sure, Commander, that you are well. You can not succumb to the fate the Ardinians seem to have planned for you. Especially if there is no reason."

"*Dakota* is my reason."

"There is no evidence--"

"Forget about the evidence, Tuvok. I never asked anyone's approval on this."

"You might harm *the crew*" 

"How? You can't possibly assume that I will accept the Prime Councilor's proposal to *marry* me to his beloved attache!"

Chakotay's face suddenly turned pale, and he breathed slowly. Sweat started to form in his forehead.

"You can not become too detached, Commander. You are human, and as such, you must let out your inner demons. You must *feel*."

Chakotay laughed bitterly, "Yeah? Well, look who's talking, Mr. Detach!"

Tuvok stared at Chakotay closely. "I seem to recall some of the Prime Councilor's statements a few months ago, at one of the banquets we attended. He said that you could not 'let go'."

Chakotay said quietly, "And you think that it is my *imagination* that I cannot let go?"

"That is correct. It has been built too strong, and will eventually exhaust you."

Chakotay slowly clenched his fist and stared at it intently, "I am not building for nothing, Tuvok."

He stared at his friend. "I want him to know peace. *I* want peace." Then he drew in his breath. "No matter *what* it takes."

 

Continued in part 6


	6. Chapter 6

"Who made it onto your list, Neelix?"

The Talaxian jumped slightly in surprise, but then grinned broadly at Janeway.

"You would never believe how high the demand is, Captain. I suggested to Commander Tuvok that we split the tour into two shifts with the morning one being reserved for our distinguished guests."

Janeway patted Neelix's shoulder. "I appreciate your enthusiasm, but try to remember the difference between a tour and a farewell party, alright? I'm afraid we have to cut down on the feasts. Oh, and let Tuvok re-screen the list, OK?"

Neelix nodded but with a slight pout. 

Janeway glanced around and asked, "Is Commander Tuvok here yet?"

"He just arrived....There he is! Oh, did you know that the Prime Councilor himself is going to be here, Captain?"

Her eyes found the Vulcan sitting in one corner of the hall. She pondered thoughtfully, then snorted. //The Prime Councilor//. "I'm not surprised."

"Should we prepare a bigger feast?"

Janeway raised her eyebrows. Neelix smiled shyly, "Umm... maybe not..."

"Hold that thought, Neelix. I think I would like to confirm a few things first with the Prime Councilor. Excuse me, then."

She bit her lip when she noticed that her Security Officer was staring seriously at his padd and walked quickly over to him. When she sat down across from him, Tuvok raised his head, and she was surprised to see his usually stoic face disturbed.

"Well?" Janeway asked looking at him seriously.

"I must inform you, Captain, that I do not like what has been revealed."

"What do you mean?"

"The Commander was... *unbalanced*."

"Elaborate."

"His imagination, memories, or whatever is currently creating the images in his mind right now, are very vivid... so real and whole. I believe you would call it beyond belief."

"What does it mean?"

Tuvok sighed and said carefully, "From what I understand, the Commander has an incredible amount of energy and will, to be able to create this 'spiritual son' of his."

"Meaning?"

"Judging from the situation, either he is an extremely strong minded person, or...," Tuvok shrugged without expression.

"Are you saying the Chakotay is focused to the point of being obsessed?"

"In a manner, yes. Captain, this situation concerns me. I seriously think that Commander Chakotay's judgment in this matter is impaired."

Suddenly, the room felt much brighter, and the air felt lighter. Slowly putting her chin on one of her arms, Janeway said quietly, "Honestly, Tuvok... Is Dakota real?"

Tuvok's dark eyes held no reasurance for her. "Captain...It is highly *improbable* that a *real* person can live in anyone's mind."

*************************

Chakotay was just coming out of the complex gate when he encountered Tom Paris. He had been walking briskly, staring down at the path in front of him when suddenly there were a pair of boots standing firmly in his way.

Chakotay sighed thinking that Tom's nosiness for the past month that they had been on the planet was both unusual and *irritating*.

"You're blocking my way." 

"Not any longer," Tom said as he sidestepped, letting Chakotay through and quietly following him.

"Where are you going?"

"Wherever you go, Commander."

"Tom--"

"You never minded my company before, Chakotay. And none of the Ardinians object to my presence...", he smirked. "Except for a *certain* young Ardinian, I believe."

"Look--". Chakotay stopped and turned his body, facing Tom squarely. "I need to clarify some personal things with Dorin, privately. Your presence won't help this time."

Tom folded his hands in front of him, his stare unwavering. "I don't understand why you insist on seeing this dangerous guy. It's beyond my comprehension or logic."

"Yeah? Well, then, don't use your logic to analyze me." Chakotay sighed. "Go away, Tom. Please. I've been rebuffing you for two nights in a row, and it's not good for my health."

"What's your reason this time?"

"Huh?"

"Last night your reason for dumping me was B'Elanna. Don't use the Dorin crap for tonight."

Chakotay's eyes narrowed. "You've been pretty harsh on me lately, Tom. What happened to your cheery personality? Life isn't treating you well, lately?"

"Your low blow won't work. Give me a good explanation on why you don't want someone you trust, a friend like me, to accompany you to meet someone who attempted to attack you."

"Dorin and I have some personal things to clarify."

"What about it? Why?"

"Well, he sort of--made some kind of a *declaration* to me last night."

"Like a *love* declaration? Please! You can't possibly believe that crap! The 'L-word' doesn't even exist on this planet."

Chakotay stared distractedly at Tom.

"Commander, you've been acting *strange*." Tom sighed loudly. His blue eyes showed genuine concern-- and not a small amount of anxiety. For some unknown reason, it made Chakotay feel *good*. But he just cocked his head to one side, staring blankly, waiting for Tom to continue.

"I mean-- you've been--," Tom swallowed. "You've been giving this kid *hope*--"

"Flirting."

Tom blushed, "Yeah. Something like that. I mean-- it's not like *you*".

"Maybe it's because I *like* this kid."

Tom stared at him speechless.

Chakotay quickly turned, trying to sort through all the emotions jumbled inside his head. Finally, he succumbed to an overwhelming desire to *avoid* Tom.

"I'll see you later, Tom. Please don't follow me."

He had walked a good ten meters, when he heard Tom call out, "I hope you know what you are doing, Commander!"

He glanced back and saw Tom staring at him, an unreadable expression on his face. He waved absently and left Tom staring there, watching. 

*************************

Dorin was waiting in the attache office of the palace. An old woman greeted Chakotay at the front door, escorting him without interest toward the main room.

The first thought to cross in Chakotay's mind when he saw the attache was how composed and collected he looked. It was as if the young man had been carefully posed. The colors of his wardrobe blended harmoniously with the room's interior, and the lights were just at the right angles. He slumped in his seat, but instead of looking like a lazy sack, he looked as graceful as a well-groomed cat.

The man was *gorgeous*.

"I love you," Dorin said with a wide smirk. Chakotay watched him warily, unsure whether it was meant to be a statement, or a sarcastic joke. Yet, behind the closed face and smug smile, Dorin's eyes were dilated and a bit unfocused. It was as if staring at him needed all his energy.

"Brave words." Chakotay nodded in greeting and sat in the chair opposite Dorin. "Why were you saying that yesterday?"

The smirk disappeared as his eyes darkened.

"I understand its meaning, Sir," Dorin said seriously. "It's exactly like what I feel for you."

"I hope you didn't get the description wrong, because *love* can be translated into *anything*."

It was amazing how a blank face could reveal so many things. Or rather how the eyes in a blank face could reveal so much. Those violet eyes reflected a thousand emotions. In a matter of seconds, he saw fear, hope, anger, and a range of lesser emotions fleet across them. 

"Sir, am I so undesirable that you have to refuse my Sovereign's proposal?"

Chakotay suddenly felt his forehead bead with sweat. It was ironic that at this moment, the thing that would cross his mind was the cold darkness of his spirit plain.

"I don't like the circumstances offered by the Prime Councilor, Dorin."

"I just want *your* child, Sir. I won't come with you in that ship."

"Why do you want *my* child, Dorin?"

"My Sovereign said that it will heal your scar."

"Forget what the Prime Councilor said. What do *you* think about it?"

The eyes turned bright, "If I cannot have you, Chakotay, at least I have a part of you with me here."

The big man leaned closer, "Dorin, don't you think that I also have a right in my child's fate?"

As Dorin watched him questioningly, it dawned on Chakotay how young the man really was.

He pursed his lips. "Hadn't you thought I would consider taking my child back home with me?"

Dorin recoiled, "No. That is not possible! You'll be gone when I carry the baby!"

"Dorin," Chakotay said softly. "I'll be leaving in three days. Even if we mated, there is still a large possibility of the conception failing, and less time to retry."

A light blush formed beautifully on Dorin's face, as his lips pouted sexily. "Even if it fails, I will treasure every moment of it. And it won't fail! My body is designed to become pregnant if the *right* man comes along." 

He swallowed quickly, trying to hide his excitement. "And you are the right man for *me*. As true as *me* being the right man for *you*."

Chakotay stared at him for a long moment. 

"You said something yesterday about my not understanding. What did you mean by that?"

"Your rejection, Sir! It's almost a *crime*!" Dorin turned pale, as the memory of irrational anger burned him. Slowly, his anger increased. "You humiliated me in front of my Sovereign! If I didn't love you, I would have killed you."

Then he flushed. "But you are here. Yesterday doesn't matter any more."

"But I don't want to mate with you, Dorin."

"Yes, you do. My Sovereign said so, and I know he is always right."

Chakotay leaned back, feeling his shoulder and neck stiffen. Cold sweat started trickling down his back.

"He read my mind, didn't he?"

The smile was blinding. "*You* know it is right. You feel it too. I am very sure of it. The calling-- the desire to be mated. Bearing a child! Don't lie to me, Sir."

"I don't feel anything."

"You're lying! Of course you do. Your body is changing right now, just like mine! We can have as many babies as we want at the same time!"

Chakotay stared with horror, "Me?"

"Yes! You are a fine species! My Sovereign did not choose you for nothing. You can have fertile eggs as many as three in one birth cycle!"

Dorin was beaming, unaware of Chakotay's sudden turmoil. "Sir. Don't fight what you feel. It's futile." 

He stood and without hesitation kneeled in front of Voyager's First Officer, staring deeply into  
Chakotay's eyes. Chakotay stared into that hypnotic gaze, all the while realizing for the first time what he really felt. 

Elated.

Continued in part 7


	7. Chapter 7

"You are still here?! Sheeesssh!"

B'Elanna straightened her back and watched with a look of amusement as Megan Delaney entered. Megan was wearing something which appeared to be a combination of robe, mini skirt, and maybe fishnet stockings, all in a blazing red and yellow color.

"Where did you get that?" B'Elanna could not help laughing. "You look like Hong Kong Phoey."

"Spare me the engineering language, B'Elanna. You just don't appreciate everyone's feminine side."

She smirked and watched as Megan straightened a jungle of straps on her waist.

"That looks like it hurts," she said as she shook her head. 

Megan smiled at her. The reaction was a bit unexpected as normally neither of the Delaney sisters were on good terms with her. 

"The night is bright, B'Elanna. What are you doing in here?"

"Don't you remember that we are going to do the first ignition tomorrow? It has to go right, or we will end up staying here forever."

"Not a bad choice," Megan shrugged and started to look impatient. "Where is Joe? I'm supposed to be the *late* one. Wanna come, Be? There is a really great party at Ambassador Duvaar's place."

"I was there two days ago. Where were you then? Jeez, does the man hold parties *every* night?"

Megan stared at her. To B'Elanna's irritation, her gaze looked sympathetic. "Duvaar kept asking about you and Tom. He certainly cannot accept the idea of you working while the rest of us are having fun."

Stiffening, B'Elanna snorted, "As I said, the man has no priorities."

The bantering ceased, and an uncomfortable silence fell between the two women. Megan cautiously looked over at B'Elanna. She sensed that the Engineer's defenses were back in place.

Megan knew that she should not act on her nosiness now, but she could not conceal her curiosity and concern over Tom and B'Elanna's relationship. After all, she was one of the first people to start teasing the two about their *fate*. She had noticed, however, that *after* the Prime Councilor's public announcement that it was their fate to be together, things between B'Elanna and Tom began to deteriorate. The flirting and courting atmosphere between the two of them seemed to have just *died*.

"I've been dating Joe Carey for a month, now," she said, sitting comfortably on one of the benches near the console on which B'Elanna was working. She smiled when the expected indifferent grunt came.

"I was encouraged by the Ardinians."

A snort.

"Do you know why I will miss this place?"

"No."

"The peace."

B'Elanna stopped her work and stared at Megan incredulously. "Peace?!"

"Yes. All of those couples, families, kids."

"We have plenty of that on Earth."

"But here, there is more of a sense of ... of... *togetherness*, being *settled*, *domesticity*. Family. It seems ten thousand times bigger than on Earth. It just reminds me of something missing in Starfleet."

"Choosing to be a Starfleet officer made us miss out on a *lot* of things." B'Elanna gave her a sidelong glance. "Especially when we were thrown into another quadrant of space, far from home."

"Stating the obvious," Megan grinned and then fidgeted.

"Why me, Megan?"

"umm-- pardon me?"

"You suddenly decide to start talking about personal stuff with me. It's obvious you want to say something to me. Now, give."

Megan sighed loudly, "Why do you think I have a hidden agenda? Can't I just be talking nicely to you about *everything*? And I am waiting for Joe, if you remember."

She watched B'Elanna's shrug and bit her lip.

A few moments passed. Then, "Tom is being difficult, isn't he?"

Dead on target. B'Elanna froze, then quickly resumed moving, her every action showing that she was disturbed and annoyed.

"I'm sorry about the teasing. Can't help it, you know? The idea of *him* having a family is just too funny. But now, it's not funny anymore." She mumbled, watching B'Elanna's reaction, which was nothing. "I noticed that he is being a jerk, lately."

"None of your business, Delaney."

"He's just scared, B'Elanna. You need to be extremely patient with him."

B'Elanna turned and stared at her angrily, "Why the sudden interest in *my* well-being?"

"Well, I--". B'Elanna's eyes were *blazing* with fire. Megan shuddered. "Because I *care*."

"Care for *who*?" The sound was dripping with ice.

Swallowed hard. "You-- I mean-- yeah... *Tom*. Look, it's not what you think--." Megan blushed uncomfortably, watching as B'Elanna turned back to her console, ignoring her existence. "The guy needs to settle down. He secretly wants it. I wanted to tell you to-- to not *give* up-- I mean-- he *does* need it. Really."

B'Elanna punched her comm badge, "Torres to Carey."

Megan's eyes widened.

"Yes, B'Elanna?"

"Where the hell are you?"

Megan stared helplessly, "Now, look--"

"I'm in the--"

"Never mind. Come to the Engineering Room, right now. Someone wants to see you."

She picked up a loose screw that was near her and threw it toward the wall, hoping to vent the anger that was boiling within her. 

Megan flinched. "I am sorry, I just wanted to--"

"It's none of your business. I got your message loud and clear. Now, would you please move over?"

Megan sighed, stood and walked over to the other corner of the room. All the while, she stared thoughtfully at B'Elanna. She noticed the tired slump of the other woman's back, and for a moment, she felt bad, but then she dismissed the feeling. At least she had voiced her concern. 

"Are you sure you won't come with us, B'Elanna?" Her voice was soft and meek.

"I'm busy, and I don't wish to be disturbed. Please tell that to *everyone*."

Megan nodded heavily. She waited a few minutes and then left, realizing how unwanted she was in that chamber.

Tom came to see B'Elanna half an hour later. He sighed as he watched her busily rummaging through the mainframes.

"Megan told me that you are too busy to go anywhere."

She thought she heard a slight mocking tone in Tom's voice, and judging from how he looked, he was *ready* to go out. It suddenly irritated the hell of her. She threw him a quick glance and a shrug. 

Her gesture annoyed Tom. "Sure you don't want to come with us?" Tom said and gave her a sidelong glance.

//...come with *us*?//B'Elanna bit her lip, "Do I look like I'm faking my hectic actions at the moment?"

//...and why did you *forget* to tell me that you are planning to go out tonight?// She almost snorted. //....and why is it *us* for you always excludes *me*?//.

"It's only for a few hours."

"I'll be tired when I get back, and then nothing will work tomorrow."

Tom threw his hands in the air, "Oh, come on! Nobody else is working here! You worry too much!"

"It's because *I* am responsible, Tom."

Tom rolled his eyes and his face flushed, "Ooooo... yeeeaaah! That is why you choose to do *everything* by *yourself*, huh?"

She turned, feeling her own face grow warm. "What is that supposed to mean, Tom?"

"All I'm saying is that you should take a break, B'Elanna. We only have two more nights left on the *ground*."

"Exactly, just two nights *left* Tom. That means I only have two nights remaining to make sure the ship does not blow up once we start the engines!"

"Are you saying you don't want to come with us?"

*Us* again. B'Elanna could not believe how terribly hurt she felt at the moment. "No."

"Fine. I'll see you later, then?"

"We'll see."

Tom stared at her cold shrug. "What do you mean 'we'll see'? Are you planning on working until you can no longer stand?"

"I know my priorities."

The coldness surprised Tom. "Are you saying that I don't know my priorities?"

"Think what you like, Tom. I am not saying anything."

He looked at her closely. B'Elanna was upset, very upset. There was no denying this, but he was tired of the angry bantering and the endless attempts to try to figure out what was wrong. He never understood the anger in her that always seemed to rage just below the surface. He suspected that lately he *irritated* her for things he had done. Wrong things that he never knew because she refused to tell him. Somehow, expecting him to understand them on his own. 

"Is it okay if I go?"

"Why are you asking for permission? It's obvious that you don't need it a minute ago."

"B'Elanna, I don't understand you!"

B'Elanna exhaled loudly, "Tom, please. If you want to go, then *go*."

"I want *you* to come with me."

"And I told you, I *can't*. And you already said that you'll *go*, even if I can't."

Tom sighed, "Are you sure?"

//He gives up too soon//, B'Elanna thought with a mixture of anger and sadness. "Hmh."

"I don't like having fun knowing you are working here."

"Then don't think about it."

"Be...."

"Would you stop *annoying* me? Please, go if you really want to go. Don't mind me."

Silence. 

Suddenly feeling guilty, B'Elanna quickly bent over and buried herself in one of the mainframe consoles. She absently read the running numbers there. She realized that Tom must have frozen, she couldn't even hear his breath. 

"Fine. I'll be in my room, then."

"You can *go* to wherever you were planning to go, Tom."

"No thanks. My mood's been ruined."

B'Elanna shut her eyes, hearing Tom's heavy steps and the swishing sound as the chamber's door opened and shut. She slowly turned around, staring first at the mainframe computers and then at her surroundings. She realized for the first time how silent and empty it was.

Later on, when her work, which did not take as much time as she thought, was thoroughly completed, she nervously decided to go to Tom's room. She left the ship, walked slowly across the large lot on which the ship was parked, then across the dining hall. 

Through the window she saw Tom sitting with a cup of coffee in front of him, chatting merrily with Naomi and Samantha Wildman. She quickly hid herself. 

Peeking slowly, she decided that Tom was not as hurt as she thought before. She turned and trudged back to her room, feeling defeated and dejected.

************************

Captain Janeway sat restlessly. Mozart was playing, her drawing book was open, and yet she was nervous as hell. She still had one more hour to go before her scheduled meeting with the Prime Councilor, and she did not know how to pass the time.

She picked up a small wooden statue that was in front of her. Smiling at the memory attached it, she suddenly felt an overwhelming flood of sadness.

The statue was carved carefully. Its surface showed the peaceful surrounding of a prairie, with cows, horses, and flying eagles. //....we lived on the fertile side of Dorvan V.....//. She never doubted that it was visualizing the place its maker most loved.

The carving was started with loving memories and imagination, and finished with hope and happiness. It was a symbolic journey of experience and revelation.

As Janeway gazed at it, she realized that her heart felt hollow.

She turned to her station and slowly said, "Computer, start search mode."

"Affirmative."

"Find information on *Seska*."

***********************

Tom was just about to leave the empty dining hall when he saw Chakotay walked inside. He didn't like the cheerfulness that was emanating from his superior.

Chakotay asked for a hot Ardinian drink and quickly sat in front of him.

"How did it go?" Tom asked, wishing Chakotay wouldn't have anything to say. 

"It was fine." Pause. "*Great*."

Silence. Tom stared at the coffee in front of him, disturbed to see the twinkle in Chakotay's eyes.

"Define *great*, Commander."

Chakotay smiled as he sipped his drink slowly. His eyes wandered dreamily.

"Have you ever want something, Tom? Something *more* than anything else in the whole world?"

The pilot swallowed. He decided that the fake coffee that the Ardinian chef had tried to make was more interesting than his glowing First Officer.

"Like *what*, Commander?"

Chakotay grinned widely, exposing his full-blown dimples. Tom glanced at him and quickly moved his gaze away. He blushed.

"I thought that you were going to Duvaar's place, Tom?"

Tom stared back at his commanding officer. He noticed that Chakotay deliberately had not answered his question.

"Nah. B'Elanna was too busy to come, and I didn't feel right going without her."

Chakotay's cheeriness faded and his eyes looked suddenly understanding. "The party wasn't that great, Tom."

"You were there?"

"Yes. I accompanied Dorin for a minute, then I left."

//Dorin *again*//. "Where is *Dorin*, now?"

Chakotay stare was blank. "Somewhere, I don't know."

"Why don't you bring him here?"

The surprise Chakotay showed seemed genuine. "Why should I?"

"You know. Show him around. I'm sure the pretty boy would appreciate it, considering that you will be gone in three days," Tom quickly gulped his remaining coffee, not understanding why it hurt him to make that statement. 

Chakotay chuckled, "There is nothing that would be of interest to the 'pretty boy' here. And he isn't as pretty as *you*."

Tom choked. He burst half of his coffee out, and embarrassingly, coughed so hard that he sounded like he had swallowed an elephant.

Chakotay eyed him with amusement, and shoved him his clothing napkin that the dining hall staff had provided.

Tom's eyes watered, but between his coughs, he smiled at Chakotay. "You surprised the hell out of me... Commander.... Did you get in touch with your inner *flirting* instinct?"

Chakotay laughed, "Let's just say I am in an *incredible* mood!"

Tom narrowed his eyes, playfully, "I don't trust this mood of yours, Commander. What do you *want*?"

The First Officer turned sober, and suddenly, Tom realized that he actually looked shy.

"I'm about to do something crazy, Tom. And the thought of doing it makes me feel almost lighthearted."

Tom looked at him seriously, "Commander, why are you acting so strange?"

"Strange?" Chakotay raised his eyebrow affectionately. "It won't seem that way. Not really, once you know why."

He pursed his lips, then hesitantly leaned toward Tom. "Tom, I actually need your help."

"For what, Commander?"

"What do you think about me--*pregnant*?"

continued in part 8


	8. Chapter 8

One time, when his father was in one of his better moods, he had told Tom that one of the worst feelings was to realize that what you were living through wasn't a nightmare, but reality. It left you helpless and heartbroken to know that the terror couldn't be made to disappear just by blinking one's eyes. He felt like he might be having such a realization at the moment.

Tom felt as if his body was light. Almost as if the ground had lost its gravity, leaving him drifting helplessly, aimlessly going nowhere. Yet, in reality, he was sitting frozen in one corner of sickbay. His ears rang as if there were flying insects buzzing around them, and he thought the lights seemed ten times brighter than normal. The room was moving too. He briefly wondered why he felt so strange, and why the holodoc was hovering over someone else instead of him. Hovering over Commander Chakotay.

Commander Chakotay. First Officer of the USS Voyager. Ex-leader of the Maquis. Vicious rebel. Brave warrior. 

Top rated Starfleet officer. The most calm, collected, reliable man he had ever known. A family man. A man who said that he wanted to have a child.

By *bearing* it *himself*. 

Tom scratched his head. Maybe the fake coffee he had drank had contained some sort of alcoholic substance or maybe by accident he had eaten something he shouldn't have. It would explain why he felt like he was drunk. So drunk that he was speechless, and so out of touch that he had just followed Chakotay tamely toward the sickbay like a dog on a leash.

//Having a *baby*?// He stared at the holodoc who was moving his scanner toward Chakotay's stomach.

//Belly!!// He shut his eyes tightly when he swore he saw that belly suddenly balloon up as if ready to burst. He wiped his wet forehead and slowly opened his eyes. He sighed loudly when he saw that the Commander's stomach was as flat as it normally was. 

He watched the scanner in the doc's hand move upward. His eyes followed it and rested on the dark face which was staring intently at him. He swallowed.

"Tom, are you OK?" That mouth spoke.

"Huh?"

The full lips slowly turned into an amused grin, "Your jaw has been hanging open for the last half hour. I'm worried about the health of your gums."

//Oh.. is that why my throat feels dry?// "Uh.. yeah.. I'm fine.. I mean-- Hey! I am supposed to be the one asking you if you're OK."

Staring at Chakotay proved to be more than he could take, so he turned unfocused eyes to the serious face of the Doc. The Doctor asked Chakotay to sit up and beckoned Tom to come nearer.

"Well, Doc.. Tell me. Is it true?" Chakotay asked quietly.

"I must say that this is fascinating. There is an abnormal increase of hormones in your system. High enough that at first I was expecting that you would be developing breasts and wider hips in a month or two, Commander."

//Breasts!!// Tom wanted to scream. The Commander paled a little.

"However, I then found surprisingly that the effects of the hormones were *localized*... so it is highly probable the hormones would not affect your entire body, except your womb."

"W--w--womb?" Tom choked. Chakotay gasped, "So is it true?"

The doctor raised his eyebrows. "You've develop a small pouch inside your stomach that is curiously similar to a woman's womb, Commander. As well as a curious pathway toward your anus. And I also found that you have mature eggs inside."

Tom's jaw dropped again. He stared with horror at Chakotay. "Dear God. Tell me it is not caused by the Ardinian food...."

"Good question, Lieutenant," the Doctor nodded to him humorlessly. "I'd better check you too to see if a similar thing has happened. We need to know if I should check the entire crew."

If possible, Tom would have jumped out of the room never to return, but his feet were planted firmly to the floor, almost as if they were chained. He felt his body go cold.

"God," he whispered as if afraid to wake up the dead. "I hope not."

He watched Chakotay and felt a weird feeling when he realized the man wasn't the least bit frightened. He was as composed and collected as usual. As if he had expected the whole thing.

"How many eggs, Doc? Are they fertile?" The First Officer asked calmly.

"You have three that are currently fertile, Commander. What do you want me to do about them?"

"Chakotay!" Tom shrieked, "What the hell is going on, here?"

Both men ignored him. Chakotay looked at the doctor seriously, "Doc, I want you to help me try to fertilize those eggs."

***********

Tuvok found the Captain slumped in her office chair. It was very unusual. He saw confusion, anger, and sadness in her eyes. He had never seen her show such intense emotions before.

"You wanted to see me, Captain?"

"Yes, Commander," she sighed. "Is everything OK for tomorrow?"

"I assigned two shifts of security for the ship. I have received Lieutenant Torres' approval of the ship's condition, and I have personally checked on security screening performed by the Ardinian on the complex gate. I believe everything is secured."

"Good. Then you can accompany me to meet the Prime Councilor, Commander."

Tuvok nodded. He watched the Captain stare blankly for a minute.

"Is there something you want to tell me before we go, Captain?"

Janeway gave him a faint smile, "Yes, actually. I need your opinion on the matter of Commander Chakotay."

"I believe I have already stated mine this afternoon."

"About your saying that his mind had made the whole thing up. Yes, I am aware of that possibility. However, I just found out something disturbing from looking at Seska's autopsy report."

She beckoned him to come closer. Then she switched on the monitor on her wall.

"Did you know that Seska's baby was still alive when her autopsy were performed, Commander? This is outrageous! I can not believe we missed this!"

"We weren't the one performing the autopsy, Captain. Remember? We gave her body to the Talaxian *and* the remaining Cardassian survivors. In fact, this report was given to us *secretly* and unofficially. We shouldn't trust it." Tuvok stared at the report. "And I don't see how this information connects to the Commander's current problems."

"What if Chakotay found this out and it drove him insane? I know I would if I was in his place."

"Do you know what happen to the baby, Captain? Any report?"

"That's what really disturbs me, Commander. Nothing. There was no explanation of whether the baby was still alive or not. No mention of its whereabouts. The only thing we know is that the DNA test had confirmed that it was Chakotay's child."

"I think the child had already died, Captain."

Janeway frowned, "Are you sure?"

"What other possible explanation could there be? Seska's pregnancy was four months old when she died. I believe the statistical probability of its survival was very low. What else can we expect? The fact that there were no more reports on it confirmed my opinion."

"So it just died." Janeway furrowed her eyebrows. "This report was a first class classified file. Only*I* could access it."

"And the Commander, if he was acting as the Captain of the ship. Captain, I think the Commander has seen this information. It explains his odd behavior."

"Where is he now, Tuvok?"

 

"Outside the Complex. I must remind you Captain, he has neglected his duty to check on things you asked today."

Janeway nodded, and closed her file. "Remind me to see him later, Tuvok. Shall we go?" 

By the time she, Tuvok, Neelix, and several members of security were in the Prime Councilor palace, a large construction of gala decoration was already underway. Janeway glanced at Neelix, trying to hide her smile.

"Looks like the large feast has been taken care of, Neelix." Neelix shrugged with a little disappointment.

They were greeted warmly, as usual. The fact that Janeway had initially thought that the man was sincere and warm did not escape her. It was the whole Chakotay business that made her slightly suspicious of the old man. He took them to a small reception room.

Janeway noticed that Dorin was not present.

When everyone had been properly attended to, small meals and drinks distributed, the Prime Councilor took the Captain to a secluded nook.

"I sense your uneasiness, Captain. What is it?"

"We are leaving the day after, Sir. I believe you are just sensing my nervousness concerning our upcoming departure."

"Ah." The Prime Councilor nodded. He looked suddenly sad. "I must say that we will miss you all, Captain. Your presence on our planet has meant a lot to us."

"And I must thank you, for all of your help and hospitality. This kind of generosity is very rare, Sir. Especially between people who did not know each other before."

"Yes," the old man smiled. "It was rather interesting that we should trust each other so easily, wasn't it?"

For a moment, Janeway thought that she heard strange emphasis on the word 'trust'. She nodded carefully.

"Yes. We appreciate the trust you have shown us. It is an unbelievable honor, Sir. So it is my duty to ask you what we can do to pay you back."

The Prime Councilor slowly sat on one of the benches. He looked thoughtful.

"We don't need payment for something we willingly give for free, Captain."

"Yet, we must, Sir. This is an obligation on our part. We can choose to do something without asking you first, but we need to be sure that you will accept it. We don't want to cause any problems later on."

"Captain," he sighed. "I *know* what you actually want to speak to me about."

"You do?"

"I have just made an official apology to Commander Chakotay last night. It would surprise me if you don't bring it up in our conversation."

Janeway sat in front of him, watching the old man closely. She suddenly realized that even though the Prime Councilor's face was honest, warm and open, his eyes roamed everywhere. 

Her instincts screamed for her to beware. She always disliked someone who was not willing to meet her eyes when talking about serious matters.

"Why are you insisting that Commander Chakotay mate with Dorin? At first, I thought that it was only a light teasing to encourage the two, Sir. I was very surprised to see how the whole thing has been blown out of proportion."

The old man bowed his head. He was silent for a second, before saying quietly, "Captain, I notice that you are a very rational person." He paused for moment.

Janeway waited.

"That is why I am quite sure that some of my explanation may be hard for you to accept. But  
please.... I don't want this incident to hurt our understanding of each other. I will tell you, you may ask questions, but don't deny what you hear. Please, Captain?"

She nodded hesitatingly. Wondering what the Prime Councilor's plea actually meant.

"Dorin, is a son of a close friend of mine. His family is very well-known on our planet. They are famous for a special 'gene' that they possess. They are growing up genetically to be a first class excellent people. Almost all of them end up as doing something of importance. Scholars, soldiers, artists. That is why they breed carefully."

Janeway nodded numbly. Feeling the hair on the back of her neck slowly rise.

"We need special sperm for their eggs. Unfortunately, more and more, excellent sperm that is compatible is hard to find. Dorin is pretty desperate, and his desperation influenced me, Captain. I am trying to help him find someone compatible. And it seems that Commander Chakotay is the perfect person for him."

"You don't even now if his sperm is compatible to Dorin, Sir."

The Prime Councilor chuckled, "In the case of mating, Captain, we never use logic and technology. We use 'instinct'..."

"You mean?"

"Dorin knew by instinct that Commander Chakotay is the one. I simply agreed." He sighed loudly. "I found out that unfortunately Dorin had done some extreme things to the Commander. Even *I* disapproved of such actions. The mating instinct should not be forced."

"Then why did you keep pressing the Commander?"

"I didn't."

"By feeding him such lies like your being able to reincarnate his dead son?"

The silence stretched. The Prime Councilor stared at Janeway intently.

"Captain, I did not make it up."

"Then--", she stopped.

"I just read his dreams, Captain. It was the dead boy's own plea. I was just stating what the child wanted. Nothing more, nothing less."

***********

"We need sperm."

Tom jolted. //Did they say... *sperm*?//. 

He was sitting on the bed next to Chakotay's. Though he was immensely relieved that nothing abnormal had happened to him, he still felt he had been smacked in the head. He was silent the whole time Chakotay explained his intentions and reasons to the Doctor. He could understand the statement about having a second chance, but he could not understand why Chakotay did not just marry someone and have a child that way. 

"Okay," Chakotay said quietly. "Try mine, Doc."

The Doctor nodded "Commander, I need to remind you that I will be conducting this *experiment* outside of your body, and I will not do anything further unless the Captain gives me her formal permission."

The First Officer frowned. "My permission is not enough?"

"I am not suggesting that. It's just first, you are not neutral in this matter. The emotions behind your reasoning force me to doubt your judgment. Second, while this abnormal situation might not be harmful to you now, I can't guarantee that will be the case in the future. Who knows what might happen once you conceive successfully ... or if you do *not*. I also need to make sure that *this* won't affect the entire crew negatively."

Chakotay was silent. His face suddenly reflecting the internal battle he was facing. The emotional honesty apparent on Chakotay's face shocked Tom. He did not understand why he felt a sudden tightness in his chest at seeing the Commander so open like this.

"That's acceptable," Chakotay said heavily. "I will discuss this with the Captain, Doc. But is it  
possible to conduct the experiment and keep the result safe for at least a few days until we can reach a decision?"

"As long as it's not harmful to anyone, Commander."

The next hour was a blur to Tom. The Doctor had sealed the doors to sickbay so that no one could enter without permission. That left the three of them alone during the *insemination*. 

For the whole time, the pilot just sat there, unmoving, watching in a daze. Mercifully, Chakotay did not ask him to leave, although he acted like Tom was not even there.

It was when he saw the Commander's face crumpled anxiously as he was waiting for the results that Tom could take it no longer. He suddenly found himself moving toward Chakotay's bed, watching as the First Officer started when his eyes found his. 

"Chakotay, are you sure about all this?" He asked quietly.

The brown eyes revealed so much. Pain. Hope. Heartbreak.

"More than anything, Tom. More than *anything*," he whispered. "You have no idea."

Tom slowly sat beside him. So close that their bodies were touching. "Why?"

Chakotay smiled dreamily, "I owe my son a chance to live." Then he turned and looked at the Doctor and those *dreadful* vials. "And I am so *tired*. I just want to rest."

Tom stared at him. He didn't even try to understand Chakotay's answer, because it was just too *unreal* and confusing. So, he just nodded. The desperation was a good enough answer for him. 

"You could just get married, Chakotay." He watched the face beside him. Saw how the tattoo framed the prominent forehead beautifully. Saw too the straight nose, the strong jaw and the tense lines around the corner of his eyes, and his mouth. He could see the helplessness in those dark, peaceful eyes ...and also so much love.

This vulnerability in Chakotay made him seem somehow sweet and beautiful. It made him so *human*. So real. So grounded. So *touchable*. 

Tom felt something unfamiliar blooming in his heart.

The face softened, and at that moment, Tom realized that he would do *anything* to protect this man.

"I don't think it will serve my need, Tom."

Tom nodded again. Even though he felt more confused than before. But what Chakotay said seemed enough for him. If the First Officer thought that it wouldn't work, then it wouldn't.

Then, the Doctor exclaimed, "I have the result."

Both men jolted from the bed, and Tom thought that he would never forget the look of hope in Chakotay's face.

"Doc?" Chakotay's voice was broken.

The Doctor turned toward him, and Tom recognized the graveness in the holographic eyes.

"I am sorry, Commander, it did not work. Your sperm killed the egg."

It was too much for Tom.

He closed his eyes tightly upon seeing a curiously familiar expression explode across the Commander's face. 

He knew what it was.

The Commander was on the brink of tears.

And he could not handle it.

He opened his eyes, and stared at the Doctor, full of determination, "Then try it with *mine*, Doc."

Continued in part 9


	9. Chapter 9

It took a really long time for Tom to get his penis up. The fact that he was trembling like crazy and that his conscience was screaming, "You're crazy," the whole time did nothing to help him. In a funny way, he now knew how it felt to be 'impotent'. It was something he never thought he would experience.

//I am donating Chakotay my *sperm*//, he thought dazed. //I am going to be *his* child's *father*//.

"How is it going, Lieutenant?" The Doctor's voice made him jump.

"Ummm," he mumbled. A moment of panic struck him as he feared one of the two men would suddenly push aside the temporary curtains that were creating the small cubicle in which he stood.

He swore he heard whispering, and then Chakotay called softly to him, "Tom? Are you all right?"

There was something in his tone. 

"I'm fine," he *wished* loudly. Yet, his penis shrunk like a limp noodle.

Soft steps. Then Chakotay's voice sounding nearer, "It's OK, you know. You don't have to do it."

//I *don't* have to do it//. A brief image of him carrying a small, smelly, roaring baby that was puking all over his chest fleeted in front of his eyes. He took a deep breath before saying, "Give me a minute."

Tom sighed. This wasn't going to work. At the moment, he was honestly doubting his sanity for agreeing to even try. He gave up and pulled up the zipper on his uniform. 

He stepped out of the cubicle, blushing furiously. "I don't know what's wrong," he sighed loudly. 

The Doctor raised his eyebrows, while Chakotay chuckled softly. He patted the space beside him on the biobed, indicating for Tom to come sit next to him.

"I can help you with a drug," the Doctor told him in a matter of fact manner. That statement caused Tom to blush even more.

Chakotay's eyes were very gentle, "Hold that thought, Doc. Let me talk to him first."

Loud thumps. Huge drums. Earthquakes.

That was what Tom felt inside his chest the moment Chakotay's gaze found him.

Funny. He had never felt this way about his First Officer before. //A father to *his* child//.

"This is a hard thing to do, Tom. You should think about it carefully. I don't want to pressure you into anything."

Yet, he knew how much Chakotay wanted this child. There had been a palpable relief in Chakotay's eyes when he had volunteered. He hadn't forgotten that look for a minute. 

"This is what you wanted to ask me before, Commander. Isn't it? You want my *help* in this, right?"

Chakotay was silent. 

"You wanted *me* to help conceive your child." Tom said with awe. 

A warm feeling started at the tip of his toes, flowing softly over his body. It felt good. It felt like a beautiful spring after a long winter. Like a morning sun bursting into the sky after a long, cold darkness.

"Why?" he whispered.

Chakotay smiled. A smile so sweet and rare that he knew he had never seen such a wonderful expression in his life. It was a smile that could melt the ice.

"I want my son to be *beautiful*."

//He said I'm *beautiful*//. 

"And brave," the sweet smile widened. "And funny.... loyal... smart...."

//He said *I* am beautiful//.

Suddenly, he saw himself carrying a sweet looking baby. A baby who was smiling with twinkling eyes and whose goo goo-ing reminded him just how beautiful life could be.

"I was surprised that you volunteered before I even had the chance to ask."

"Me too," Tom laughed, staring shyly at Chakotay. //His eyes are so *warm*//.

"Thank you." Chakotay blushed.

"For what? I haven't done anything yet." Oh, he had never felt as wonderful as this. Chakotay had *blushed*--at him. 

"For the thought, *Lieutenant*." And his laugh was perfect. 

Then Chakotay stopped talking, staring at him seriously, with those soft eyes. His voice full of gratefulness, he asked, "So, do you still want to go through with it?"

Tom was mesmerized by those eyes. He knew that he was crazy. Hell, everybody knew that. So what?

"Of course."

"No strings attached." Chakotay's eyes had widened at Tom's quick response. He was surprised that making such a *difficult* decision did not seem to faze the young pilot. "...in case you were wondering about your responsibility in all this."

"No strings attached. No problem." He shrugged, knowing that right now he couldn't even think about losing this wonderful feeling.

//Fathering *Chakotay's* child//. It was so-- //sexy//.

Anxiety suddenly shone in Chakotay's eyes. "Thank you, Tom. Are you sure?"

"We'll deal with this later, Commander. I--", Tom grinned shyly. He pointed to his tented crotch. "I--I think that I am *motivated* now."

Both men blushed furiously.

"Oh, " Chakotay was speechless. "I'm glad."

Tom nodded, equally speechless.

"Here," the Doctor said moving into their space and giving Tom another clean vial. The hologram sure did know how to kill a mood. "Put your sperm inside, and please do it quickly, Lieutenant."

Tom stared at the Doctor annoyed before turning his gaze back to Chakotay. 

His First Officer's stare was-was--.

He felt like he had the hardest hard-on that he had ever experienced. He ran toward the cubicle in the back. "Aye, aye, Doc."

*************

It took only a moment before the results were ready. To Tom it felt like he had never waited longer for anything. He was sitting by Chakotay's side, feeling dread. They were down to only two--two eggs remained.

He prayed that he wouldn't have to see that disappointment on Chakotay's face *again*.

"Would you gentlemen come here, please?" The Doctor beckoned showing no expression.

Both men jumped and half ran toward him, their hearts thumping loudly.

"Here, this is better." The Doctor transferred the microscopic image to a monitor near them. "What do you think, Commander?"

There it was.

The first thing that came to Tom's mind at the moment was *kiwi* fruit. Then a sense of grossness came. //It looks like a living *virus*//.

"It didn't die." Chakotay smiled widely. The egg was intact, and as Tom watched *his* little sperm were dancing all over it.

"Good boys," Tom laughed. "Those are little brave warrior kiddies I got, Chakotay."

"Gentle kiddies," Chakotay said gazing softly at his pilot, then slowly he placed a gentle peck on Tom's cheek. "How soon will fertilization take place, Doc?"

The Doctor sighed, ignoring the Commander's twinkling eyes and the half fainting pilot, who thought he was flying to the seventh heaven. "Give them some time, Commander. It won't just happen instantly, you know."

"How long?"

"I'll inform you hourly. In the meantime, I will put them in this chamber and we will deal with it once we get permission from the Captain."

The Captain. Chakotay slowly lost his smile. Ah. He had things to straighten out with his best friend.

"Then I think it would be best for me to go see her." He glanced toward Tom, who was staring at the screen dreamily. He felt his mouth twitch into a wide grin.

"I'd better go back to my room first, Tom. I need to prepare for everything."

Tom turned to him in concern. "Yes, Chakotay. Will you be OK?"

He nodded, letting his happiness show. "Thank you, Tom."

Tom answered, smiling with equal happiness, "You're welcome. Mind if I wait to see how it comes out? *I* will inform you when it happens, Chakotay."

"Of course."

Then, he stepped forward, took Tom's hand and squeezed it affectionately. Tom smiled and slowly leaned foward him leaving a small kiss on Chakotay's cheek. "Take care."

Chakotay left, feeling that his steps were suddenly lighter.

****************

The first thing that he encountered after entering the deep trance was the cold, barren field. He stood on the edge, feeling uneasiness. Wondering what mistakes he had made.

"Dakota?"

Whispers. Faint whispers.

Then, a sudden brightness zapped him, taking him back to the green field. It was still beautiful. The wind was calm and cool. The sky was blue.

And there was laughter in the far horizon.

"Dakota?" He called breathlessly. Happiness blooming in his chest.

Laughter. 

It was a sound his spirit plain had been devoid of for so long.

He walked quickly, feeling his heart bursting into the sky when a sudden path appeared in front of him. It was a path made from stones, fenced on both sides with beautiful flowers. Red, yellow, pink, purple, green.

And butterflies. Butterflies everywhere.

He heard the laughter again. He ran.

"Dakota!"

A small slope. He found himself standing at the highest tip of the field, and the sight took his  
breath away.

There, below the rise, lay a flat pasture, rich with flowers, then beyond it, a grassy meadow, trees, and a pond. A clear, blue, pond. He thought he heard angels singing for the vast beautifulness in front of his eyes.

He ran.

//There! The laughter! There! There!//

And he halted. 

He stared at the most beautiful baby he had ever seen. Rolling and laughing at the side of the pond. Alone.

"Dakota?" He walked slowly, carefully, fearing that the baby would disappeared.

The baby turned to him, shrieking, "Da-da!"

His heart stopped. //*This* is not Dakota!//

He stared dazzled at the blond curls, the blue eyes, the dark skin. Realizing that the creature in front of him was the most *perfect* blend of pale Arian and Native American beauty.

"Da-da!" The boy shrieked with joy. Beckoning him, asking him to come. He stepped forward, kneeled in front of the child, and took him into his arms.

"You are not Dakota," he sighed. Tears appeared in his eyes, and when he leaned back, watching the baby, he saw his sadness reflected in the young eyes.

"What is it?" he whispered softly. "What do you want to say?"

The blue eyes grew wet, and fat, round tears fell beautifully. The baby sighed, "Da-da." He put his head onto Chakotay's shoulder, and then his tiny finger pointed.

Blinded with tears, of joy and disappointment, Chakotay slowly stood, turning toward the direction the baby had shown and realizing for the first time that beyond the blue sky, beyond the green grassy meadows, lie a dark place. A place not as clear for it was under a dark cloud so thick that no sunlight could penetrate.

He stared at it for a long time before whispering again to his baby, "Is that where your brother is, dear? Do you want to show me where he is?"

"Da-da," he said softly and exhaustedly, as if his joy had completely vanished.

Together, father and son, walked cautiously toward the dark plain.

Then, a shout, an agonizing shout from beyond the plain. "FATHER!"

Chakotay woke to find sweat pouring down his naked body. He collapsed onto his bed.

Then he cried.

****************** 

He was grateful that he had quickly regained his composure. He needed to do this fast. He didn't have much time left.

He dressed, asking the computer for the time and the Captain's whereabouts, but then he decided that he had to leave as soon as possible.

He sneaked out. All the time feeling his heart pounding, hoping that no one had seen him.

He stopped for a moment when he had almost reached Sickbay, wondering why he felt like his heart had shattered into pieces. He remembered the happiness he had felt inside, and he wasn't sure he wanted to remember that experience right now. 

Not after knowing that his previous efforts had been fruitless. 

//Only one more egg *left*//.

He almost ran outside. Before reaching the Ardinian security guard at the gate, he slowed down trying to get his breathing back to normal. He nodded and greeted the guard casually, then once he was out the man's sight he dashed toward the palace. 

He had no time to lose.

The palace was abnormally quiet. He knew that most of the staff had been gathering at the other side of the palace where they were building and preparing the largest gala the Ardinians had ever thrown. But he knew that the man he was going to see was waiting for him.

He passed the guard, who knew him as a regular guest now, easily.

Then, he found himself outside of the door.

*The* door.

A door to the place where his last hope resided.

He squinted, suddenly feeling a stab in his chest, knowing how close he was to falling apart right now. But he knew he had to do it, and he had no time left.

No more procrastinating.

He rang, indicating his presence and the door was opened.

Dorin, smiling beautifully and seductively, stood in front of him.

"I knew you would come, Chakotay. What is it that you want to tell me?"

Chakotay took a deep breath, feeling faint. "I came to tell you that I accept your offer."

Then he shut his eyes, not wanting to see Dorin's wide, satisfied grin.

Continued in part 10


	10. Chapter 10

When he was barely out of adolescence, Dorin almost died. He remembered his best friend's face, a moonlight brightened sky, the coolness of the marble floor, and the first attempt of sex. There had been a sweet taste of kisses, painful penetrations, and then--. 

At the moment it had happened, he could not understand why he was seeing his own body. His eyes seeing his own. Watching himself.

He realized though that he found the silence comforting.

He liked it. Loved it. He did not feel the pain any longer. Nothing.

Then his father appeared, wrenching him from his painless drifting. Grounding him from flying. Freezing the comfortable coolness. Torching the soft warmth.

"Come back!" His father had yelled. "No one will ever hurt you again!"

He returned from the drifting to find himself in hell. He was lying spread-eagled atop of his canopied bed. His body was on fire. Multitudes of people were hovering over him--- sobbing and sniffing people.

Then, locked doors, scurrying servants and frightened guests, surrounded him.

He remembered that he had screamed seemingly forever. It had felt like glass had shattered all over him and that his throat was bursting into flames.

"Let me go!" he had cried, but nobody listened.

"It's for your own good!" His father had said back.

Slowly, before his eyes the beautiful boys disappeared. Beautiful girls. Manly men. Endowed women. All turned into hollow ghosts. Every time he looked at them, they turned into pale masks with empty eye sockets. Sagging flesh, starting to rot.

All except his mother. His beautiful, golden mother who was crying and hugging him, murmuring the same thing over and over again, "One day, *he* will come, Dorin. The one for you."

He hated them--the rotting faces. They crazily adored him and that made him sick. He hurt them, every one of them, but it did not ease the hatefulness he felt.

He pretended that he wanted to use them, and they thought they he had the greatest blessing in all of Ardinia. He discarded them, and they were proud that they were his *scums*.

And he hated so much because-- because he could no longer mate with anybody.

And then, *He* came along.

He came from the sky. An angel given by the greatest maker of the universe. An angel disguised as an ordinary man. A man that wanted to be treated as a man--*not* as an angel. 

He was dark, yet full of light. He made the monsters disappear. He made his heart sing, his loins long, and his head burst. 

He knew that he must have him.

His savior. The *one* for him. Chosen by fate.

But the angel denied his gift. He was blinded. Deafened. It made him angry and crazy with lust.

He had prayed every night, wishing for the angel to recognize his faith.

He had done everything. *Everything*. All to ensure that he had not crossed fate. To make sure the doom that was looming would not happen.

He would even have struck a pact with the dark side if he thought it was possible. Borrowed his angel just one time, and then returned him to the sky. Anything, just to free his soul, satisfy his long, suffering thirst, and to exorcise the hollow masks always in front of him.

He knew that he would have him. It was his fate. And now was the time.

But he could not understand why those beautiful eyes held ghosts now. So much like the ones he had seen before. As if in those lovely eyes, *he* was now the one turning into a hollow mask.

"You want me," he breathed. The angel had come. 

"Only this time," the beautiful specter had said.

"It's all right," Dorin said. "One blessing is enough, my angel." 

And he had told him the truth. One blessing was enough. One blessing to give him the joyful gift. The gift of watching *life* as it continued on. Turning his blood into new flesh. A new soul. A soul that would carry his name and his memory of the angel.

"We will do it my way," the angel had said. "*My* way. *My* rules."

"Yes!" he exclaimed with joy.

"Then I will come tomorrow night," Chakotay said. "Do not tell *anyone* about this."

For the remainder of the night, Dorin's body trembled with anticipation. He wished time would disappear in the blink of an eye.

**************

It was a hectic day.

Captain Janeway was nervous, but also as excited as a five-year old child. She had asked every one of her crew to be ready since dawn. No one had objected. In fact, an hour before dawn almost all crew had been standing at their posts. Their uniforms clean and crisp and their faces eager and energetic.

She checked every corner of the ship. Greeting everyone and making sure that no one was leaving anything behind. *Anything*.

Finally, she found herself standing on the bridge.

"On screen, Harry." She smiled widely and punched her badge, "B'Elanna?"

"Ready as you are, Captain."

Janeway held her breath. A faint buzz. And then, the dull grayness in front of her zapped into brightness.

There was a moment of hushed silence.

Millions of colors burst in to view. Followed by faces. Buildings. Colorful trees. Thousands of people, roaming and attending gatherings. All waiting anxiously.

The bridge broke into cheers. 

"How's the screen, Captain?" B'Elanna's voice crackled over the comm. Janeway laughed joyfully, "It works just *perfect*, B'Elanna! Just perfect!"

She turned to her side, watching her First Officer smile enigmatically.

"Do you want to do the honor of reinitializing the engines, Commander?"

Her friend showed her his beautiful dimples. "It's all yours, Captain. Please, you do it."

Briefly she remembered that there was something that she needed to say to Chakotay, but her joy overtook the memory. She nodded.

"Here we go," she mumbled.

"Attention! All crew prepare to engage. Make sure all safeties are secured." She breathed. "Ladies and gentlemen, here we go. B'Elanna?"

B'Elanna's voice crackled with excitement over the communication channel, "Counting down... Ten... nine... eight... seven..."

Tom glanced back, smiling happily toward the man who sat beside the Captain. The smile was returned.

"... six... five... four... three... two... one... go."

It was like the big bang. 

First, the explosion-like sound. Then, the bluish glow of energy exhaustion surrounding Voyager. The sight left all the spectators gasping as they held their breaths.

A ghost-like energy flowed throughout the ship, as if the ship itself had become excited, shouting its joy to the entire crew. It roared all engines to life, and powered all lights.

Then the whole universe seemed to be bursting with loud cheers and applause. 

On the forward view screen, they could clearly see the Ardinian spectators outside jumping with joy. Some of them could only stare in awe. Many whistled cheerfully and threw colorful pieces of clothes, similar to confetti and mini flags back on Earth. 

"Reinitialization complete, Captain." Even Seven of Nine's voice suddenly sounded higher.

"Congratulations, crew. We are ready to fly again." Janeway said smoothly. Then she joined in on the laughter and applause with all bridge crew.

Later, huddled in the corridor outside of the mess hall, watching Neelix and Tuvok organizing the first ship tour, Janeway requested Chakotay to come to her ready room.

When he arrived, she looked at him suddenly feeling conflicted emotions. "The Doctor has asked to confer with me regarding a matter concerning you, Chakotay. He also specifically requested that you be present. Are you ill?" 

She felt a chill in her bones. Her and Tuvok's previous assumption that Chakotay -- had gone *mad* --loomed before her.

"No," Chakotay lost his smile. 

"I don't want to keep anything from you, Chakotay. That is why I need to know if what the Doc wants to tell me is already known by you."

"I can guess, Captain," the First Officer was tense and defensive now. 

Janeway sighed, "Kathryn, please, Chakotay. Please regard this as an informal question. I am *still* your friend, aren't I?"

Chakotay's brows met, "Kathryn! How could I possibly not consider you my friend?"

They stared at one another. Then Chakotay flushed looking away.

"Tell me, Chakotay. Or, do you want me to confer with the Doc *without* your presence?"

Chakotay shook his head, "No, I would very much prefer to tell you myself." Then he fidgeted. "Kathryn...Something is happening with my body."

She felt as if her world was spinning wildly. //No! Not something *terrible*! Please!// "What happened?"

Chakotay opened his mouth and then closed it tightly, before he slowly and softly mumbled, "I am going to have a baby, Kathryn."

The silence was deafening.

"Baby?" Kathryn whispered. Dreading what she had heard.

"Yes." He paused. "I am pregnant."

Chakotay watched his Captain anxiously.

Color drained from Janeway's face, and her eyes--she had stared at him as if-- as if the world had gone *mad*.

"Suddenly I developed a womb. I had eggs too. And this morning I--," Chakotay stopped, feeling faint as he saw that Janeway's face was ashen. "I decided to carry the fertilized egg."

"Chakotay..." Janeway's voice held unspoken terror. "What have you *done*?"

Again, the silence was deafening. More devastating than the loud noises outside.

"It would be better to request the Doctor's presence, Kathryn. Will you?" Chakotay bit his lip, suddenly feeling like he wanted to throw up.

She only nodded, and when she informed the Doctor through her comm badge, her voice was shaking.

The Doctor's emotionless presence eased the tension. Somehow, his impersonal comments and his amusing matter-of-fact manners restored Janeway's balance. It was as if the Doc had taken an unknown terror and showed that it was simply the normal bizarreness one found in an unconventional life. 

"I have decided that no harm can come of this so called *male* pregnancy, Captain. The Commander is aware of all the consequences, his health is excellent, and I have documented all possible procedures if this condition turned harmful to *anyone*."

The Doctor nodded to Chakotay, "The conception was a success, and the Commander insisted on implanting the one-day old fetus into his womb this morning, otherwise it would have died."

Janeway stared at Chakotay with a disturbed expression, "You must realize that this kind of life altering decision should not have been kept to yourself, Chakotay. I am *very* disappointed."

Chakotay nodded, staring at his feet. "I know. Even the Doctor and -- and-- the sperm *donor* had reminded me about that. I take full responsibility."

"Responsibility be damned!" Janeway suddenly shouted. Then, realizing how startled her First Officer was, she closed her eyes. 

"It won't harm anybody, Kathryn." Chakotay said soothingly. Fully realizing the effect of his  
decision on his Captain. Fully expecting this.

"It's not about---," Kathryn stared sadly toward the wall. "It's-- Dear God. It's about *you*!"

"Me?"

"Yes! What if you--," Janeway stopped. Her eyes widened. She could not believe that she actually almost said *that*. "What if---"

"The probability of Commander Chakotay's survival is eighty percent, Captain," The Doctor said tonelessly.

"I don't care about probability, Doctor!"

"I suggest you calm down, Captain. Your heart rate is much too fast, and your blood pressure is getting out of control."

Janeway glared at the Doctor, murderous venom in her eyes. Yet, she tried hard to breath normally, then finally sighed. 

"Oh Chakotay...," she tried to laugh. "You certainly put me onto an emotional roller coaster. First, those weird dreams you had.... Then the problem with Dorin... Now, *this*."

She leaned toward him, "I have to be honest with you, Chakotay... For a while I thought that you had gone--"

"Crazy?"

"Yes." 

"Do you still think so?"

"Absolutely." They stared at one another, then laughed simultaneously.

Janeway turned sober, "Who is the sperm donor, Chakotay?"

Chakotay quickly averted his eyes.

"Doc?"

"It is Commander Chakotay's personal wish to keep this a secret," the Doctor said. "And I had assured him that all files regarding this man's identity would remain classified and that anyone attempting to disclose it must request the Commander and the donor's permissions."

"I will tell you someday, Kathryn. When the time is right," Chakotay gazed softly at her.

Janeway was silent. She suddenly looked exhausted and very sad. "I thought that I am your friend, Chakotay."

Surprised, Chakotay stepped forward and took her hand, "You are, Kathryn."

But both of them knew that there was a dividing wall they had built. The wall of trust and truth. 

Nothing would be the same anymore.

And now Kathryn realized that her First Officer would *finally* belong to someone. Someone that had *fathered* his child.

**************

Tom's smile faltered when he realized B'Elanna was standing behind him. 

He stared at her sad eyes, and suddenly, the heavenly feeling he had been experiencing all morning came crashing down.

This was *reality*.

"Hi....," he tried hard to smile. 

Sharp pang. His heart gave a very hurtful, *sharp* pang.

He could not believe that it was *guilt* that he felt at the moment.

"Are you still angry with me?" B'Elanna's voice was soft and sad. "I am sorry."

Tom stared at her. Dazed. A curious feeling of detachment suddenly enveloped him. As if there were *two* of him. One had been flying over the cloud. Watching. Waiting. The other-- well, the other *Tom* presently took B'Elanna into his arms.

"I'm sorry, too..." He whispered into her hair. Feeling his eyes blur with tears. //Pain.  
Painpainpain.// 

A reflection of light caught the glass in front of him, and he found that he was staring at himself. A pale, withdrawn, unhappy Tom Paris--inside B'Elanna's hold.

B'Elanna's hold.

The place where he should *be*.

Tom realized now that it was not the guilt that hurt the most.

It was *disappointment*.

 

Continued in part 11


	11. Chapter 11

The gala was unbelieveable. Loud, bright, flooded with food, drinks, and colorful guests. The palace was overwhelmingly *chaotic*.

However, the room where Chakotay and Dorin sat face to face was quiet and dark. 

It was a forgotten room in a forgotten tower. A bit dusty and unkempt, but nice and warm all the same.

Though Dorin was ecstatic, he was truly nervous which made Chakotay feel guilty. That man was so young. Despite his obvious spoiled and devious attitude, he was just a boy. The older man could not help but feel that he was corrupting him.

After all, he knew that it was *he* who would be doing the using tonight.

He had brought along a genuine, though replicated, vodka. Dorin sipped it slowly while sitting on the bed.

"This drink makes me feel funny."

"Its purpose is to make you feel funny...drunk." Chakotay poured a generous amount into Dorin's cup, knowing that the man was on the brink of deadly intoxication.

"Why do you need to be--*drunk*?"

Chakotay did not answer. Instead he took a quick gulp, realizing he was losing his nerve.

Then, Dorin started to giggle. He stood wavering and ripped his clothes. "My Angel," he breathed huskily. "I want you... Now."

His skin was incredibly smooth. It looked like porcelain, shiny and perfectly reflecting the light.

It hurt too much to see. Chakotay glanced elsewhere.

The boy stripped to his skin, then wobbled his way toward Chakotay who had also begun to strip. "Come on," he giggled again, then collapsed against the First Officer's chest.

//Warm//.

The softness and warmth in his arms sent a painful jolt through Chakotay's body. He almost threw the man away from him, afraid of the feeling at his fingertips.

Electricity.

It burned him. Made his loins grow alive and his skin tingle.

Made him want to cry.

The staggered to the bed, collapsing on it together so that Dorin was on top of him. The boy leaned in to capture Chakotay's mouth in his, but the darker man turned his head away.

"No kiss," he breathed hoarsely. 

Dorin was too drunk and too excited to reply. He found Chakotay's jaw and placed his mouth there. Then, his body followed. Skin glued to skin.

"Oh!" Dorin exclaimed with pain. 

Yes, it was pain. The way their skin brushed against skin. The pleasure was so good, so intense, there was no other word to call it but 'painful'.

And Chakotay was scared.

He now knew the true meaning of feeling *unclean*.

*******

Their bodies gyrated with frightful intensity. Both felt as if they were ready to explode.

At one point, Dorin sat up. The veins in his forehead and neck stuck out as he gasped for life. And his eyes-- Chakotay knew what a man on the brink of insanity looked like.

It was amazing, how they stared at one another while their worlds came to a halt. Their bodies were separated, one buried into the mattress, the other sitting up and kissing the cool air.

Yet, their loins were glued as one. Moving slowly, turning, thrusting, dancing... They were separated only slightly before crashing into one another. And it felt like an explosion, as devastating as the forming of a supernova.

The sound of their breaths, shrieks, and moans were no longer human. These sounds were calls to the dead, sounds that could wake the spirits.

Dorins nails ripped into Chakotay's shoulders. His eyes bulged out, making the tiny veins prominent, and flooded with tears.

His hardness dueled with Chakotay's and, when 'supernova' could no longer describe the climbing intensity he was experiencing, the youth straigthened his back. He raised his arms out to his sides, threw his head back to stare blankly at the ceiling, and opened his mouth in a soundless cry.

It looked as if he was being crucified.

And Chakotay took this moment to raise his body, using his strength and speed, and flip them over.

Then Dorin found himself supplicating to his god on that very bed. He gasped as if his soul was leaving his body.

Chakotay sat up, and then--

He sat on Dorin's cock. 

Burying it and swallowing it swiftly, so thoroughly, without hesitation.

"CHAKOTAY!" the young man bellowed.

He exploded. 

Deep *inside* Voyager's First Officer.

And his world went black.

*************

Chakotay dressed without a sound. Then he checked on the unconscious young attache before carefully injecting him with the previously prepared syringe.

He felt the wetness in his buttocks and inserted a super thin polycloth between his naked bottom and his uniform, making sure that nothing would spill out. Then, making sure he was tidy and composed, he left the room.

*************

He found the Captain and Tuvok in a serious conversation with the Prime Minister and Duvaar.

They grew quiet when he joined them, looking both curious and uneasy. Chakotay took a look at Tuvok and, judging from his pose, the First Officer had a distinct feeling that the Vulcan knew about his *condition*.

He stole a glance at Janeway, feeling foolishly hurt all the while. He grudgingly admitted that in some sense, the Captain and the Security Officer were ganging up on him.

"Are you alright, Commander?" Janeway asked hesitatingly. He nodded, trying not to see the Prime Councilor's scrutinizing stare.

He averted his gaze to take in his surroundings and met Tom's at the far corner. Huddled with B'Elanna, Harry, and some others, it seemed that the pilot had been secretly watching him.

For a moment Chakotay thought that Tom's arm on B'Elanna's waist had stiffened. 

He threw a small smile in Paris' direction. Knowing that the handsome blond had carefully returned his gesture, he turned back to the people around him, and pretended to be interested in their conversation.

"I see that your dream was fulfilled, Commander." The Prime Councilor's sudden attention surprised the hell of him.

The darker man was speechless for a long moment, aware of the silence that had reasserted itself.

"Yes," he tried to ease the tension. "You can say that, Sir."

The Prime Councilor nodded gravely, "Do what you must, Commander. But the road you have chosen will be a difficult and dangerous one."

Chakotay swallowed, feeling emotionally *naked*. "As long as it doesn't endanger anyone else," he said. It was a vow to himself and to his audience.

The old man sighed. "Then all I can say is good luck. I am sorry if your time here was not satisfactory. And I would also like to apologize for my-- insistence-- and its effect on you."

This time Chakotay's smile was ironic. "Not to worry, sir. Your *insistence* was very enlightening."

The Prime Councilor looked at him closely with narrowed eyes. "Yes, Commander, I am sure it was."

Then he clasped Chakotay's hand. "I realize that you have done what you think is right, though I do not approve. *He* has an unbalanced genetic trait, Commander. Your decision prevents any further difficulties, though it will produce a gap in the breeding line of some very great minds."

They stared at one another, truly understanding what was in the other's mind at that moment.

Chakotay did not doubt that the Prime Councilor had been referring his *speech* to the young man who would sleep like a corpse for the next ten hours in a secluded tower.

The man that wanted *him* to breed a child.

But instead, his gift was taken and he was left with *nothing*.

Chakotay nodded, guiltily projecting that he was now as meaningless as a thief.

The Prime Councilor squeezed his hand carefully. "As I said, Commander, I do understand. But please remember that I do not approve."

Janeway cut in quickly, "Sir, is there something about our presence here that you found unsatisfactory?"

With sad eyes, the Prime Councilor shook his head. "No, Captain, not at all. You and your crew will go in peace and with the knowledge that our brief encounter will remain the highest miracle known to the people of Ardinia."

Then he stole a meaningful glance at Chakotay.

//Except me// Chakotay gave a mental sigh //Because I have hurt someone here deeply//

*****************

They walked in silence. Janeway was in front, deep in thought, and accompanied by her Vulcan friend.

Chakotay was behind them, preferring to be alone.

A slightly noisy group of the young Lieutenants and Ensigns followed.

Soft, quick steps were heard, and Chakotay found himself looking into a strinkingly blue pair of eyes. For a moment he felt his heart stop.

"Are you alright?" Tom asked softly.

"Yeah," the First Officer swallowed. He suddenly felt very guilty.

"You should be careful." Tom bit his lip. "You *know*--- Watch yourself."

Chakotay smiled, "Yes, I know. Thanks."

Janeway turned in their direction.

They froze.

Her gaze narrowed, suddenly held curiousity and suspicion.

Tom turned and walked back to his group.

****************

 

It looked as if all the citizens of Ardinia had gathered around the complex. Everyone waited  
impatiently for Voyager to finally lift off and fly back among the stars.

Janeway sat in her usual place on the bridge. The screen showed the interior of the formal podium at the Ardinian palace and every crew member was waiting anxiously.

Moments passed before the Prime Councilor's appearance came in view. His face conveyed that he was unquestionably disturbed.

Chakotay felt his heart pounding loudly.

"Are we clear on everything, Sir?" Janeway asked.

"Yes." The old man nodded gravely. "I must say that we are so sorry that you have to leave so soon, Captain."

 

The Captain laughed with relief. For a moment she had thought the Ardinians had changed their minds and wanted to prevent their leaving.

"Good luck, ma'am, and that goes for the entire crew. And as for you, Commander Chakotay--," he paused. "Dorin sends you his apologies and deepest sorrow for everything he has *done* to you."

Chakotay nodded, feeling his throat clench tightly.

And watched as a pair of shoulders at the helm stiffened visibly.

************

They flew slowly up into the sky. Overwhelmingly liberating. They watched the bright sky slowly turn dark.

Blue and white turned to black, sprinkled with stars. The green and brown surface slowly diminished and finally disappeared.

Funny that they had never before thought how similar Ardinia was to Earth. The sudden realization gave them a painful feeling of recognition.

Hours later, far, far away from the planet, flying toward the edge of the solar system, Janeway turned in her seat.

"Time to fuse. Tom, warp nine."

"Aye, aye, Ma'am."

The ship jumped forward, disappearing in the blink of an eye.

Then suddenly, the ship jolted.

"What happened?" Janeway jumped from her chair.

The klaxons blared frighteningly.

"The fuse failed, Captain," Harry said frantically. "The warp core has been rejected!"

"B'Elanna!" she shouted as she tapped her comm badge. "What's happened? What's our speed, Tom?"

"Warp eight. Warp seven. Warp six...."

"Damn!" Janeway suddenly hissed, then grabbed a console when Tom maneuvered the ship to control its sudden decrease in speed.

Chakotay was at Harry's station in a second. "Release the burner slowly. Let's see where we end up."

"Warp four...," Harry brushed his wet forehead. "Warp three.... It slowed down, Commander... two point nine... two point seven .........."

"I sealed the leak," B'Elanna's voice crackled onto the bridge.

Janeway turned toward Harry and Chakotay, "Keep the latest speed stable, gentlemen."

"Complete the release, Harry. Good." Chakotay patted the young ensign.

"What's our current speed?" Janeway stared blankly at the screen.

"Warp two point five. And it's stable."

"At this pace....we'll leave Ardinian space in *two* years!"

A collective breath of disbelief was heard.

Then B'Elanna's voice crackled on the comm line, "Captain... I think you should see the Warp Engine."

"B'Elanna?"

"*Someone* isn't happy that we're leaving."

Continued in part 12


	12. Chapter 12

The damage to the ship left Voyager’s officers stunned. Someone had sabotaged the warp drive. If that weren’t enough, to Captain Janeway’s dismay, their store of dilithium had been completely depleted and their current crystal was damaged. Despite the extensive rehabilitation the ship had recently gone through, they found themselves without warp capability. The fastest they could go at the moment was full impulse.

It took the crew a week to restore the drive, and another week for security to conclude its investigation of the sabotage. The final conclusion was that one of the Ardinians on the ship tour had some how managed to cause the damage. B’Elanna and Tuvok found themselves facing three days confined to their quarters for security negligence. After, the repairs, investigations and reprimands, it still took another week to locate a planet that actually contained dilithium. And it needed a couple months to go there.

So, Voyager sat once again affecting repairs and having not gotten very far from Ardinia.

During that long month, Chakotay had taken on extra Security and Engineering duties. Extremely busy and focused on his work, he paid little attention to the crew or even himself.

It was at the beginning of the second month that he woke up to find his anus bleeding.

In sickbay, the holodoc was unusually quiet as he performed a thorough examination of Chakotay.

"Commander," he finally said. "Do you realize that your womb now contains *two* fetuses?"

Chakotay nodded, thinking about how ever since he had left Ardinia his sleep had been dreamless. He wasn’t sure if his undisturbed rest was a good thing. He hadn’t had a dreamless night since Seska’s death. His hectic schedule had prevented him from meditating and checking on himself. Yet, somehow even without meditation, he knew and had expected that both of his remaining eggs had been successfully fertilized. 

"They’re the same age." The Doctor said again. "I remembered perfectly implanting only one egg. The one fertilized by Lieutenant Paris."

"The other one managed to get fertilized after the implant process," Chakotay said in a low voice. "How are they, Doc?"

"The fetuses are fine. However, your *new* anal pathway is curiously... *mutated*. It has diminished rapidly toward normal, and this small amount of bleeding was a side effect of that. I haven’t figured out what has caused this sudden biological mutation, but I believe this change means your new anatomy has concluded its purpose."

"I can accept that explanation, Doc. So, does this mean the only way for me to give birth is for you to cut me open?"

"I see no other alternative. I would consider it a relief. I don’t think you would want to imagine a baby coming out of your trash chute." 

The Doctor patted Chakotay's flat stomach. "Pregnancy means you should be gaining weight, not losing it. I’m going to recommend a lighter duty schedule.”

Chakotay pursed his lips. "Maybe I can arrange that, now that Commander Tuvok and Lieutenant Torres are back on duty. And Doc--?" He paused. Watching the Doctor's face seriously. "Mum's the word, OK?"

"I do not publicize my patients' records."

"No, it's not that. I just --"

"As I said, Commander, I won't disclose any personal information on any of my patients, including you, unless it is endangering a life. However, I respect the fetus' other father's right to information. You and Lieutenant Paris made that agreement when we performed the insemination."

Chakotay paled considerably. "Doc... I don't think I want Tom to know about this new finding."

"About your *mutating*? Or about the sudden appearance of another fetus?"

Chakotay was speechless for a long time. Then he sighed heavily, "Please Doc. This is *very* personal. If these new findings need to be made known to Lieutenant Paris, it should be *me* who discloses them."

The Doctor nodded and said, "Very well. In that case I will put a new encryption code on your health record. But I must warn you, Commander... my action will make him suspicious." 

Chakotay stared at him.

"What do you mean, Doc? Has Tom been checking up on my personal medical record? I thought you wouldn't reveal a patient's record to anybody."

"He's officially my senior assistant, and should I be considered inactive, he would assume the position of my replacement. Of course he needs to have access to the medical records. And he has been checking up on you constantly, Commander."

"Really? Since when?"

"Since you joined Voyager. I must admit that I found his actions rather curious. The only other crewmembers he has been regularly checking up on, besides you, was Lieutenant Torres and Ensign Kim. But that only happened for a while. And the frequency of the checks on their records was not as high nor as regular as on yours."

Chakotay was now truly speechless. He did not know how to describe his feelings at the moment. Surprised. Curious. Flattered. An unknown warm and fuzzy feeling rested in his chest and stomach.

The fact that Tom-- //*Tom Paris*!//-- had been checking up on him threw him off kilter. //Since I *joined* Voyager?// But he had never been in the Tom Paris league. Harry was his best friend. B'Elanna was his girlfriend. The Captain was someone he respected. Maybe the flirtatious girls he had dated might have been seen as important too. But *him*? He honestly could not see the connection. 

And even though he had been pretty close with Tom during the whole three months they were grounded on Ardinia, the fact that the pilot had been paying attention to him since he *joined* Voyager --//and that happened *years* ago//-- refused to click in his brain.

He smiled. The only thing he honestly recognized right now was that he was very, very flattered.

Tom Paris was an attractive guy. *Very* attractive. So attractive that the first person who came to mind as a man to father his child was the blond, smug, funny, talented, and *gorgeous* pilot.

Then he sighed, //too bad he's a man//. The memories of him sitting on Dorin's cock made his stomach turn.

"May I ask you a personal question, Commander?" The Doctor jarred him from his reverie.

"Yes?" Chakotay still felt a fraction of his smile lingering. //I feel so *good*//.

"Who's the other sperm donor? Anyone on Voyager?"

Chakotay lost his smile completely. "I prefer not to talk about it."

"Very well. Who performed the insemination, then, Commander?"

If it was possible, an egg could have been boiled instantly on his face. Chakotay was sure that his face was as red as a fresh lobster.

"It was done-- naturally, Doc."

"I see. Consensual?"

"Yes."

"You must realize that if this new fetus is part alien, we must conduct some DNA checking. I need to be sure its presence won't cause you harm."

"As long as you keep the record classified," Chakotay sighed loudly. "Please."

The Doctor only nodded noncommittally, then Chakotay quickly went back to his room. He tried to meditate but failed. He checked the time, checked on the Captain’s whereabouts, and decided to go join the fun.

*************************

He found the Captain lounging in the corner of Sandrine. Tuvok was there with her but seemed to be about to leave. 

A pang of bitter feeling hit him. 

He had always been very close to the Captain. They were true confidants. They knew everything about each other, turned to each other in times of trouble, and shared their joys.

Yet, he had not shared with her anything about his present situation. He shouldn’t be surprised that Tuvok had suddenly replaced him.

Still. He hated it.

He signaled to Janeway, indicating that he meant to join her soon, and he stopped Tuvok as he was on his way out of Sandrine’s.

"Commander Tuvok, can you spare some time for me tomorrow? Outside of our duty rooster."

The Vulcan nodded, "What can I do to help you, Commander?"

"A personal counseling session. I need your help-- involving a *mindmeld*."

Tuvok raised his eyebrows. For a moment Chakotay thought that he saw curiosity sparkling in those indifferent dark eyes.

"I will see you at seven tomorrow, Commander. I would like to have dinner together beforehand."

This time, it was Chakotay who raised his eyebrows. He suddenly wanted to laugh. //Why do I get the impression that this sounded like a *come on*?//. Tuvok. Dinner. It was just too bizarre. So he nodded with a wide smile. "It's a date, then." Tuvok left with a curious sound that almost sounded like a--*snort*. 

Chakotay turned toward the bar and found Tom and the rest of his troupe lingering there.

He stole a glance at him, feeling the fuzzy feeling coming back with a vengeance, and sighed when he realized that the pilot was in top form. Flirting with girls. He looked around. No B'Elanna. //Figures//.

He ordered a drink, and when he looked up, Harry's eyes caught his. 

"Commander," the young ensign called breathlessly. "I am glad you could join us."

Chakotay *now* was curious. He eyed Harry, who was as frisky as a puppy, leave Tom and his fan club to join him. He saw Tom stiffen as he turned around and saw him.

It could be just be his feeling, but he thought the pilot's smile had faltered and that he looked rather-- distracted.

He stared at Harry again, and realized that the young man was *relieved*. He bet the young man had turned annoyed when the attention of the women present were fixed only on Tom, and Chakotay's sudden appearance had given him an excuse to leave his friend. 

Harry looked at Chakotay's juice.

"It’s odd to see you drinking that stuff lately, Commander." Harry laughed. "It’s raised some eyebrows, you know. Your ex Maquis mates thought that something must have snapped in you because you were their main 'Ishdaq' man. Can't drink anything beside that poison."

Chakotay slowly burrowed his eyebrows. Had he been changing his habits too drastic lately? But then he shrugged. Sooner or later they would eventually all know what had happened.

"It's good for the baby." He chuckled. Harry laughed politely. The look on his face was something on the lines of 'it-should-be-funny-so-I-should-laugh’.

Chakotay then realized that Tom, looking serious, was walking toward him.

"I see that you finally have found some time to join the living world, Commander."

Chakotay thought that Tom's voice sounded like he was chiding him.

"I haven’t had much time lately. Too many things to do."

"You are right," Tom said. His tone slightly sharper than his normal banter. "I suggested to the Captain that she should reduce your load some.” He added nonchalantly, “You’re getting thin, Sir.”

//This guy is my baby's father//.

Harry was watching them with speculative eyes.

"I was actually on my way to request a bit more time to rest, gentlemen." Chakotay smiled softly and pointed his head in Janeway's direction.

Suddenly, Tom's eyes turned wary, "Why? Are you feeling---" He quickly swallowed. "--unwell?"

"Just tired," Chakotay's heart turned a back flip. Why-- he did not know. "Gentlemen, will you excuse me?"

Janeway had been staring at him continuously. He was sure she had been watching everything because when he sat in front of her, she had a curious teasing twinkle in her eyes.

"What?" Chakotay chuckled.

"Just speculating." Janeway glanced toward Harry and Tom, who had reluctantly gone back to their *girls*. "Wondering which one of them is the--*donor*."

"Kathryn!" Chakotay blushed furiously. "So, who are your considering contenders?"

"Well, Tuvok just commed me to reschedule our meeting tomorrow night. He said that he has a dinner arrangement with you." Janeway laughed when Chakotay groaned. "Then Harry turned very friendly to you, and Tom got very protective. There's the first three."

Chakotay only smiled and stared at his glass of juice.

"Pregnancy suits you, Chakotay. It makes you eat and drink healthier. I believe you came by to request a new duty arrangement? I already changed it for you."

"How--?"

"Some of the three contenders showed their concerns in their own ways. I’m concerned too. You are getting too thin." 

Janeway leaned forward and caught Chakotay's hand. "Are you OK?"

"Kathryn... I am fine."

Then, a sudden uneasy silence fell between them.

"Are you ready to tell me everything, Chakotay?" Janeway said softly. There was something in her eyes that made Chakotay's throat clench tightly. He realized how much he had missed her.. and badly needed her confidence.

"I’m not sure. But I really want to," he said in an equally soft voice, but with a touch of misery.

"Are you scared?"

"Being pregnant and a single parent? Trust me, Kathryn, I prefer to face a large, mean Cardassian at the moment."

Again, the silence was deafening. Chakotay watched Janeway's face curiously, seeing the mixed emotions lurking there. 

Looking as if she had resolved something in her mind, she turned and said, "I've been thinking long and hard, Chakotay. What if you don't have to raise your child alone..."

Chakotay blinked, "Meaning?". He found himself amazed by the sudden burst of color that climbed onto the Captain's face.

"Get your child another guardian. I assumed that the position is still open since you refused to tell me who the donor was."

"Kathryn!" Chakotay choked. "Are you proposing--to me?"

 

Continued in part 13


	13. Chapter 13

Stunned silence.

Then they both slightly colored and laughed nervously.

"Chakotay...."

"Kathryn....."

Janeway laughed again, sounding a bit more relaxed but still embarrassed, "Dear me. Chakotay, did you actually think that I was asking you to marry me?"

Chuckling, Chakotay shook his head, "Actually, that's not what I had in mind... I was a bit surprised to hear myself blurt that out."

"Oh," Janeway said still quite red. "Well... anyway. That's my offer. What do you think about it?"

Chakotay pursed his lips, and then said thoughtfully. "You could be my child's godmother."

Janeway's eyes narrowed a bit. "I'm kind of thinking about co-parenting." She laughed again. "It does sound like a marriage proposal, doesn't it?"

Chakotay stared carefully at his fingers, which were spread out on the table. After a moment, he caught Kathryn's eyes. The Captain held her breath when she saw a disturbed expression in her First Officer's gaze.

"Co-parenting...," Chakotay said softly. "Why?"

"It's been a while since we've had a baby on the ship," Janeway said, suddenly feeling nervous. She could not believe that she wasn't able to come up with a proper answer to that question at the moment.

"So, since Naomi's growing up and my child is going to be the only toddler on board, he should be Ship's property?"

Again, stunned silence. 

Janeway stared at Chakotay in disbelief. "My friend, that's a little harsh."

"I can't help thinking that you have already judged me unfit to be a parent."

"Chakotay," Janeway said as a bubbling anger rose in her chest. "It was just a suggestion, not an order. It is merely my own opinion that the baby might be better off having a pair of parents, or at least two guardians." 

"I'm sorry," Chakotay said softly. "I am really grateful for your concern. It just caught me by  
surprise, that's all."

"Struck a nerve, I see." Janeway tried to smile, but it didn't feel right. 

"It's not like every single parent gets a proposition to share parenting with a friend."

"We live dangerously. And a ship is not exactly a great environment for a child to grow up in. Your job demands a lot of time and energy, and I'm just providing you with an option to lighten your burden."

They sat silently. Both feeling slightly guilty.

"I am sorry, Kathryn." Chakotay sighed. "And thank you for the thought."

"Am I still your friend, Chakotay?" Janeway locked her eyes sadly with his. 

"Yes." Chakotay said warily. "And you have every right to ask that question, but--"

"But?"

"I would prefer you to *support* everything I do rather than just *telling* me what's best for me," Chakotay looked at her thoughtfully. //Are you really being a *true friend* in this matter, Kathryn?//

"Fair enough, Chakotay. I'm sorry if I've been impolite." Janeway slowly sipped at her drink.

"What do you think about all of this, Kathryn?"

Janeway stopped drinking and watched her friend.

Chakotay's face was closed. It was eerie to see him so unreadable, yet she could feel something strong just behind the surface, waiting to burst out.

"Chakotay," she said slowly. "Up until now, none of us could explain what was happening to you. We tried coming up with explanations, but everything we came up with was unsatisfactory. Furthermore, things kept happening that threw all of our theories off kilter."

"You thought I was crazy, but then you saw for yourself that my body really had changed."

"Yes. It was bizarre and it scared me."

"Do you trust me to be a good parent, Kathryn? Do you trust the child I carry will be harmless to anyone in this ship?"

"Chakotay, what kind of a question is that?" There was a palpable pain in that voice.

Chakotay stared at her sadly, "Logical questions from where I stand."

Janeway's face paled.

He took Kathryn's hand and closed his eyes quickly when he felt her flinch. "I think I *know* why you offered to co-parent this child. There is a little part of your heart that thinks of us  
as....*monsters*."

"Chakotay!" Janeway stood suddenly. Then she felt a moment of hushed silence around her.

Chakotay stared at her sadly. He saw the brightening eyes of his Captain, eyes that concealed unshed tears.

"You just broke my heart, Chakotay," she smiled painfully. "I think we should leave this matter alone."

"Kathryn, I'm sorry---"

"Damn right you are sorry," she suddenly hissed softly, trying hard to make sure that no one would hear.

Then she nodded calmly and turned away. "We'll see tomorrow, shall we?"

"Don't be angry."

She stopped, knowing that anger was not exactly what she was feeling right now. She took a step closer, leaned toward Chakotay, and squeezed her friend's hand.

"I'm not mad at you."

"You must be disappointed in me."

"I can't believe you actually said that."

"Tell me, Kathryn. Why do you want to be my child's guardian? Tell me *honestly*."

Janeway stared at Chakotay as if seeing him for the first time. She slowly sank back into her chair, "I thought that we were friends."

"I know you, Captain Kathryn Janeway. In this matter, I am a member of your *crew*. I know that everything you have done is based on the reasoning that *you* are the Captain of this ship first. Not because I am your friend. You are scared that me and my baby can bring harm to everyone, and you need a special right to *arrange* our future."

Janeway's face was unreadable. She watched Chakotay fidget nervously, while staring at her closely with admirable stubbornness.

"How dare you judge me like that, Chakotay?" Her voice was very, very calm.

"I don't. I just know you better." Chakotay sighed softly. "And if I were you, I would be doing *exactly* the same thing."

And she knew that he was right.

She nodded, feeling the sudden overwhelmingly sadness and disappointment in her chest and left.

A moment later, bowing his head and refusing to see anyone's scrutinizing stare, Chakotay followed.

***************

"Trouble in paradise?" Harry raised his eyebrows.

"It's going to be *hell* on the bridge tomorrow," Jenny Delaney chuckled.

"I wonder what was going on between those two. I swore that for a moment the Captain was going to slap the Commander right in front of everybody."

Harry took that moment to glance at Tom, but froze when he saw that the pilot was watching the door blankly with pain in his eyes.

"God, I would kill to hear their conversa--"

"Tom?" Harry's concerned voice stopped Jenny Delaney from talking further. She turned to look at Tom and gasped when she saw that her friend's face had take on a death-like pallor.

"Excuse me, folks," Tom mumbled.

They stared openmouthed as Tom go up quickly and left, half running. 

****************

Distraught. 

That was what Chakotay felt at the moment. 

He breathed deeply, trying hard to regain his sense of balance and peace, but he failed.

In despair, he clutched his medicine bundle tightly to his chest, squeezing his eyes shut painfully. Trying hard to enter his spirit plain.

"Please. Oh Spirit. Please."

He was scared. He knew that if he could not find peace immediately, his spirit plain would be disturbed.

"For Dakota's sake. Please, Spirit. Let me have *peace*."

Exerting all of his will, he found himself back in his spirit plain.

Dark. 

Hollow. 

Then a stream of light followed. 

Chakotay gasped loudly when he found himself standing on an empty plain. 

Empty. Dark. Nothing. 

He glanced around at his surrounding. 

Nothing. 

His eyes could not reach the end of any horizon. Wherever he turned, he could only see a pure and vast sea of nothingness.

Frantic and filled with terror, he screamed, "No! Dakota!"

He zapped back to find himself starting to rip his medicine bundle. Trembling badly, he stared at it.

He realized for the first time that his spirit plain was now truly...*empty*.

"Dakota?" He whispered and slowly rubbed his stomach.

Then he slowly smiled.

A moment later, he heard his door's beep. 

"Who is it?" he asked. Dreading another confrontation with Captain Janeway.

"It's-- it's Tom, Chakotay. Can I come in?"

//Tom//. 

His first thought was that he needed to get up, clean himself, and *groom* properly. He laughed softly, "Wait a second, will you?"

He quickly wiped away the sweat that was trickling from his forehead, and caught himself staring into the bathroom mirror for a moment. All the while thinking why he felt compelled to do such an action.

He opened his door and found himself breathless.

Tom was standing nervously. His face was pale, and his eyes were wide and dark. Very, very dark. His hands were shaking slightly.

"Are you all right?" The pilot burst into the room. "I saw you leaving rather abruptly... Is  
everything.... Everything fine, Chakotay?"

Chakotay, feeling a strange warmth in his heart, only smiled, "Do I look like I am *not* all right to you? Please sit down, Tom. Let me get you something to drink."

Tom blushed, yet his eyes still held a significant amount of anxiety and worry. "What happened between you and the Captain? Did she.....," Tom stopped. Suddenly feeling embarrassed when he realized that he had almost said *'hurt you'*. His face grew redder.

"I-- I mean....," he stammered.

"I'm fine," Chakotay sighed. The despair came back. "We were just... having an argument."

"Is it about the ship? The amount of your work load?"

"No," Chakotay said and handed Tom his drink. "It's personal."

Silence. "Oh," Tom said.

Together, they went back to the living area, and sat side by side on the long sofa--both silent for a while.

"Thank you for your concern, Tom." Chakotay finally said softly. "I mean it."

Tom gulped his drink nervously. He could not believe how awkward he had felt right now. 

"Want to play something?" he asked shyly. "Cards? Pool? Or... or something else?"

Chakotay looked at him closely. Tom caught his eyes and felt his heart thundering like crazy.

"I think I'm tired, Tom," Chakotay smiled. "But I really love to have your company here."

//And doing *what*?// Tom smiled back, all the while remembering the easy camaraderie they had shared while on Ardinia, and then wondering why he no longer felt that way.

"I love to be here," Tom said without thinking and then gasped with horror. Yet, he saw that the First Officer's face brightened.

"Then be here as often as you like."

They stared at each other, suddenly full of emotion, thousands of thoughts flying simultaneously through their minds.

//He's looked after me since I *joined* Voyager//, Chakotay thought. 

//I *always* want him to be safe and happy for reasons I never understand//, Tom thought.

Memories of them, together waiting in sickbay. Watching the little sperm dance in life. Watching how the sperm and egg had finally *mated*.

//.....he is my baby's father....//

//.....I have my kid in his--*body*......//

Tom. Golden. Bright. Cheerful. Laughing. 

//....he is the most beautiful man I have ever....//

Chakotay. Dark. Elegant. Calm. Peaceful. Wise.

//.....he is the most magnificent person I have ever....//

Visions of a green spirit plain, filed with sunflowers and colorful butterflies.

//......if only things were more normal, he should be my.....//

Children's laughter.

//*Husband*//

"Torres to Paris."

They both jolted, eyes widening. Realizing for the first time how close their faces were at the moment.

They jumped almost simultaneously, creating a huge distance between them.

Tom swallowed. "Yes, B'Elanna?" His voice was harsh, thinking how he wished that --- that---

"I'm on my way to Sandrine's. I'll see you there, OK?"

He felt pain and anger, and unbelievably embarrassed.

Tom slumped, refusing to look at Chakotay, not wanting him to see the disappointment that he knew was reflected in his eyes.

A moment later, he felt the sofa dip. Without looking, Tom knew that Chakotay was now standing. *Far* away from him.

"I think you should go, Tom." He heard Chakotay chuckle, slightly tense. "Don't keep the lady waiting too long."

He nodded and slowly rose. Refusing to look at his Commander's eyes.

They moved toward the door in silence.

Then, finally, Tom turned and stared at Chakotay. He felt his heart stop and something exploded inside him.

//He is as *disappointed* as I am//.

"I'll be back in a bit," Tom suddenly blurted, watching the beautiful eyes in front of him widen with surprise. "I'll make an excuse to B'Elanna."

"Tom," Chakotay said breathlessly. "You don't have to."

"Yes I do." Tom smiled, and then suddenly turned shy. "You want me here, don't you?"

"Yes, but--"

"I'll come back."

"No." Chakotay shook his head. Suddenly feeling anxious. "Tomorrow. All right?"

He clutched at Tom's hand. "After-- after I see Tuvok. There is something that I must tell you."

 

Continued in part 14


	14. Chapter 14

Having spent almost fifteen hours sleeping, it was not surprising that Chakotay woke hungry to the bone. Although starving, he felt exhilarated. 

He finally felt *free*. Free from his nightmare. Free from guilt.

He smiled.

When he met Tuvok, he could not help feeling pleased to see that the Security Officer had prepared an elaborate dinner.

"I must be honest with you, Tuvok. I feel like I'm being courted," Chakotay smiled, and laughed when he saw Tuvok raise both eyebrows.

"I have noticed that you almost never eat and that you are losing weight too fast, Commander. My intentions toward you are purely friendly."

"I never doubted it," Chakotay assured his colleague. He grinned, all the while thinking of the new advantages of being pregnant.

They sat and ate pleasantly. Chakotay was surprised at how delicious the dinner was. He had to ask Tuvok about it.

"I used my family's recipe. It's nutritious. Good for pregnant ..... people."

"Whatever...," Chakotay laughed loudly. "Thank you for the thought, though."

Tuvok eyed him carefully, "You seem to be in a very good mood, Commander."

"Should I not be?" Chakotay stared back curiously. While watching Tuvok gaze at him without expression, he remembered his previous argument with Janeway. His good mood dampened.

"I suppose the Captain said something to you." He felt bitterness and the almost forgotten feeling of being betrayed return; two of his closest colleagues were ganging up on him.

"No." Tuvok shook his head solemnly. "I can guess, though. The Captain was deep in thought today. Knowing that the last person she was having a semi-public argument was you, I can draw the conclusion on who and what occupied her mind."

"Who and what," Chakotay nodded. He gulped his drink and then stared at Tuvok warily. "Are you having the same problem accepting that I am having a baby?"

"Who isn't, Commander? Despite that we ourselves have the technology to make such a thing possible, in your case there are *abnormal* and *unexplained* circumstances which have taken place. It's unnerved all of us," the Vulcan said, leaning forward.

"I don't think I want to relive last night's discussion, if you don't mind." Chakotay flinched. "I  
didn't come here to be lectured."

"I understand that you want me to help you by performing a mindmeld."

Chakotay nodded.

"Is it about your spiritual son?"

The First Officer cocked his head to one side. "Despite all of your opinions in this matter, I need your help as a friend, Tuvok."

"I will do that as a friend. However, Commander, I insist you at least listen to my logical reasoning on your situation. It does not hurt to do so. We need to have a constant and open communication at all times."

Flashes of Janeway's hurt eyes.

"I agree. Too many lives are at stake. We can't afford to have the Senior Officers being suspicious of one another--"

"Or hiding something vital from one another."

"Not if it is something personal," Chakotay clenched his teeth. He sighed, "Tuvok, trust me. You and the Captain's recent treatment of me is not fair."

"Meaning?"

"You don't treat me like a person. You've been extra careful with me, as if I have already turned into something else. What is it? What's on your mind, besides the *unnerving* biological changes that have happened to me?"

Tuvok stared at him silently for a moment. "Commander. In this matter, I won't pretend to know everything going on inside the Captain's mind. That is why, after the mindmeld session is over, I request that you discuss several sensitive matters regarding yourself and *my* own perceptions open-mindedly with me. Is that acceptable to you?"

Chakotay sighed and nodded. //What other choice do I have?//

When the mindmeld began, Chakotay strangely realized that what he expected from the session differed greatly from reality.

He was aware the whole time, detached, and in tune with his surrounding. In fact, he was surprised that he was not *transported* to an unconscious state or even a spiritual plain.

He watched Tuvok concentrating, furrowing his dark brows. He saw that his forehead was sweating lightly. Chakotay felt almost like a patient watching his doctor prod his body. In fact, after a while, he started to feel bored. He tried hard to concentrate. Trying to help through meditating to enter a trance, but failed.

Finally, he heard Tuvok sigh and relax. His eyes opened, flashing disturbance for a second.

"You failed, didn't you?" Chakotay asked.

His friend reached for his drink, drank it slowly, and then placed the cup back down as he carefully wiped away the sweat trickling down from his forehead.

"No, I didn't. I went inside." Tuvok shook his head slowly.

Chakotay stared speechless for a moment, "But....". He stopped, watching as Tuvok replicated another drink. He realized that the Vulcan was looking abnormally *exhausted*.

"You went *inside*?"

"Inside your mind. Yes."

"What did you find there?" Chakotay fidgeted. He wasn't sure that Tuvok had really gone into his mind and that combined with the disturbing feeling of someone trespassing his privacy and the nagging suspicion that his friend might have *lied* made him nervous.

"I found everyone and everything." Tuvok looked calmly. "Like a mind should be."

"Excuse me?"

"I went inside your mind for the first time, Commander."

"Inside my mind for the first time?"

"Yes, what I discovered just now made me realize that our previous mindmeld was *not* actually a mindmeld. I did not go into your mind the last time we did this."

Chakotay understood. He smiled. "You no longer find my spirit plain."

Tuvok stared at him. Chakotay curiously felt that the Security Officer was actually... in *awe*.

"I didn't realize that was what it was, Commander. Last time's experience was something I had never encountered before. That is why I can not differ that with my previous mindmeld experience. Now, my opinion regarding you changes."

"So, you can not find Dakota there any longer?"

The Security Officer watched him with a slight curiosity, "Your spiritual son? Yes. Not only could I not find your son, I could not find his place either."

Chakotay nodded, feeling satisfied that his suspicion was confirmed. He had gotten the confirmation he needed from the mindmeld.

"You seemed very pleased, Commander."

"I have my reasons."

"Care to enlighten me?"

Chakotay watched him with surprise, but then he smiled slowly. "Maybe, but not now. This session is over, Tuvok. Now, would you please tell me whatever is disturbing you?"

"I wish to ask you how you control your mind and how come I found another unconscious dimension to your mindpower, Commander."

Chakotay chuckled. "Wrong time to ask. Later. Now, another topic, please."

Tuvok sat solemnly. He folded his hands and leaned forward.

"Commander, we found out some disturbing things about Seska's death."

Chakotay stiffened. "Any other interesting topics?"

"The other topic is regarding our last day in Ardinia. The day when the sabotage most likely took place."

"I don't like any of your topics, but I prefer the one you just said."

"You don't want to talk about Seska, first? Very well. Now, how do you think someone managed to remove the dilithium and cause damage to the warp core?"

"Have you checked on the security system?"

"Curiously, it was malfunctioning that day."

"I remember. Both you and B'Elanna were reprimanded for not being able to explain the cause of the malfunction. But that's not what I am asking. Did you and B'Elanna find out *exactly* what aspect of the security system was malfunctioning?"

"All the sensors were not working." Tuvok stared at the floor. "Oddly, nothing was wrong with the power. It was as if something snapped in between. Forming a shield which prevented the energy from powering the system. It was unbelievably curious."

"Highly impossible in other circumstances."

"It's like this Commander. The electricity to light your lamp is there and working. Your lamp's light bulb is working. The connection is there and on. Nothing is wrong with the power cable, and the lamp. In a logical situation, this lamp should work, right? Yet, it doesn't. For a while, such a thing was actually happening with our security system, but at that time *only*."

"What is the most possible answer regarding this, Tuvok?"

"Probability is the highest that the problem lies in the power system. There was something, strong and clever enough, that altered the power."

"How did they do that?"

Tuvok gave him a shrug. "In our database, controlling energy flow is not always through mechanical or conventional electrical systems. Other methods can be used, though not common."

"Such as?"

"I read a history case about the USS Explorer, Commander. They were attacked by aliens which used their minds to control energy and power."

Silence.

"I see," Chakotay bit his lip, feeling wary and uneasy. //What the hell is Tuvok trying to say?//

"You're suggesting that the sabotage was conducted by a --*psychic*, or something like that."

"The Prime Councilor claimed that he had some mental ability."

"He read minds, Tuvok. That's different than having the ability to move things without lifting a finger."

"Such mindpower can be trained or exercised."

"Through *what*? Tuvok, don't talk nonsense."

"Through fierce concentration. It's amazing what someone with potential and the ability to truly concentrate can do."

Chakotay's eyes narrowed, "I don't think I like the tone I'm hearing in that statement, Tuvok. What's your conclusion?"

"Commander, how were you able to *create* such a powerful spiritual dimension?"

Chakotay's jaw hung open. "Tuvok. Are you actually asking me, accusing me, or simply changing the topic?"

"I have unpleasant suspicions, Commander. I must admit," Tuvok said calmly.

Chakotay stared for a long time, then laughed. Bitterly. Yet, he nodded understandingly.

"I appreciate your willingness to discuss this delicate matter with one of your *suspects*, Tuvok. At least I know that you are not secretly suspecting me while pretending to be a *friend*." Chakotay spat out the last word.

"I prefer to lay all the cards on the table, Commander. I do not claim that I am right in this  
matter."

"But you believe this theory."

"No. But so far, it's the most plausible explanation to present itself."

Chakotay grimaced. "I never thought I would see the day where you would think that ship's security had been breached by some sort of mambo-jumbo."

"When I am the one that took the blame, I start to consider everything."

"Including me, as a possible suspect."

"So far I only have a nagging suspicion about your mindpower capability. I could not find any motive."

Chakotay sighed loudly, "I don't know if I should be flattered or insulted. Why are you even considering that I could be somehow involved?"

"A lot of strange things have been happening to you, Commander. It's also very disturbing to find out that we were not aware of many things about your past. It disturbed us a great deal to discover that we did not know you as well as we thought."

"I am insulted, now." Chakotay laughed bitterly again. "You make it sound like I'm an ex-serial killer. And regardless of my past and how I am doing now, you seem already feel disappointed with me too."

"Did you know about Seska's pregnancy?"

Chakotay looked exhausted. "Of course."

"She died pregnant, Commander."

"Well of course. She died and so did the baby. You already know that! It's not exactly a secret. Dakota was the baby's spirit." Unaware, Chakotay started burying his fingers on his hair as he felt his head start to throb unpleasantly. 

Tuvok stared. His dark eyes seemed to penetrate the First Officer's skull. Full of calculation.

"Are you angry that I am being hard on you, Commander?"

Chakotay took that as a cue to leave. He stood up, feeling distraught, yet not surprised. "No. I sort of-- *expected* that. I respect your frankness and I appreciate your care in considering *every* possible explanation for this unfortunate situation. But please, don't overdo it, OK?"

Tuvok did not answer.

//Well, *two* down, one to go//.

He walked quickly back to his quarters. All the time wondering with some detachment why his eyes suddenly burned and blurred with fogginess.

His only coherent thought was that he no longer wished to see Tom.

 

Continued in part 15


	15. Chapter 15

On the bridge, the Captain was emanating bad vibes and that combined with his confused feelings over the incredible sex he had last night with B'Elanna was bringing Tom close to losing it.

He stumbled into sickbay right after his shift, thinking that he could not afford to feel unwell when he went to see Chakotay.

But he couldn’t help it. His head throbbed like crazy. And he was very-- confused.

Excitement. Guilt. Helplessness. He should not feel like this. Yet he did. Since this morning. Since last night.

//Chakotay//. He squeezed his eyes closed tightly. //Don't go there, Tom//. Then he opened his eyes slowly and looked at the bluish marks on his wrists.

//B'Elanna//.

Memories of the night before loomed in the back of his mind.

When he had entered Sandrine's, he had seen B'Elanna standing right in the middle of *his* gang. He remembered that he had stood unmoving in the doorway. Speechless.

B'Elanna. Sitting side by side with -- of all people-- the Delaney sisters. Looking all too relaxed.

It was unbelievably surreal.

His face must have clearly reflected his amazement, because by the time he had reached B'Elanna's side, Megan had burst out laughing.

The conversation was unexpectedly pleasant. The Delaney sisters, Sue, and the rest of the guys were *very* comfortable around B'Elanna, and B'Elanna was in top form. Tom had sat, dazzled. Watching B'Elanna making jokes, bantering pleasantly, and laughing wholeheartedly with *his* friends and ex *girlfriends*. He could not help feeling that she had turned into someone else.

It *frightened* him.

Despite knowing that it was unusual for him to not be the center of attention around his friends, Tom spent the whole night watching, listening, and being--a good *audience*. He alternated between laughing at the pleasant jokes and thinking deeply.

He did not know if he should feel grateful that for once B'Elanna seemed to be trying to fit into his circle, or simply suspicious.

Later, after a few more drinks, and as one by one everyone left, he finally admitted to himself that the mixed, curious feeling that he had been feeling all night long came prominently down to being one thing.

Uncomfortable.

He secretly stared at B'Elanna's glowing face, as she openly teased and smiled warmly at him the whole time. Looking closely, he found the small tense lines around her eyes. Lines that he had rarely seen before.

It dawned on him why he felt so uncomfortable with her behavior. She was *faking* everything.

They had stumbled into her quarters, way too drunk. All he had felt was exhaustion, but B'Elanna had other things in mind.

She kissed him. Swallowed his mouth, his tongue, his whole being with such a fervent ardor that it left his knees weak and stirred his tired groin to life.

She was attacking him. Everywhere. Murmuring his name over and over.

They had made love desperately all night long, and he swore their passionate cries could have shattered every glass in the room.

And he had climaxed like never before. Exploded. Ripping through his body, leaving him in pieces.

It was a supernova. A whole she-bang orgasm.

Later he realized it all was because between drunken bouts and hazy passionate images he was picturing someone else.

//Chakotay//.

That night, he had made love to Chakotay's lips. Chakotay's skin. Chakotay's brown eyes.

He had thrust into Chakotay. He had come inside Chakotay.

He and Chakotay had made a child *together*.

And in the morning, his drunken illusion faded to reality and came to a frightening conclusion.

B'Elanna said that she loved him.

"Don't leave me, Tom...," she whispered. Her head was on his chest. He could feel it on his raw skin. It was seeping into his body, chilling his bones. The texture of her ridged forehead. The soft, beautiful shape of her lips, moving sensually over his nipple.

Murmuring-- "... don't *ever* leave me..."

And he felt like he was the biggest jerk in the whole universe.

Now, he stood, confused, as the only person he saw upon entering sickbay was a young ensign named May Danova.

She was busy checking on something, but when she turned around and saw him, her face brightened.

"Where's the Doc?" Tom asked, hoping that the ensign would not start flirting with him or asking him too many questions. It was ship knowledge that she had a huge crush on him.

"Naomi Wildman broke her leg in the playroom. She refused to go to sickbay, and her mother insisted that the Doc treat her in their quarters."

"Is she all right?"

"She was fine. Cranky though. That's why the Doc hasn't come back yet. What can I do for you Tom?"

Tom pursed his lips, unaware of its effect on the pretty ensign, as he gazed at the little vials in  
front of her.

"I need some sleeping pills," he said a bit dreamily. Gazing at the tubes had brought back memories of his putting his sperm inside one of them, and he smiled a little. 

"I'll get some." May flashed him a bright smile in return, obviously misinterpreting his reaction and moved toward the medicine replicator.

Tom sat without thinking, then his eyes caught the data running on the monitor. His breath caught.

"Someone is pregnant, here?" He tried hard to hide the tremor in his voice.

May came back with a little bottle, her bright smile not faltering a millimeter. She was trying hard to please.

"Yup. I wish I knew who, but the Doctor won't tell. He said that all I had to do is wait for a few more weeks, and I will be able to see myself. Imagine how frustrating that was, huh?"

"What are you doing with that?" Cold sweat trickled down the back of his spine. He received the little bottle numbly, feeling as if his hand was already dead.

"The Doc needed me to enter the sample data so that he could finish the DNA examination of the fetus."

"Why did he need to do a DNA examination of the fetus? Has the baby turned out.... abnormal?" He put his hands under his arms. Trying hard to stifle the shaking.

//It's not good. Something is wrong with my child//. He drew his breath slowly and deeply. //Something is wrong with-- Chakotay//.

May shrugged with a blank face, "I have no idea. My job is to enter the data, not do the analysis, Tom."

Tom swallowed. "Can I-- can I help you?"

May looked very pleased. "Oh... okay... so do you want to help me enter the data for the second fetus?"

Tom's world spun to a halt.

"What second fetus?" he thought he heard himself whisper faintly.

*****************

The constant chiming of his door was disturbing. It rang irregularly, yet consistently, almost  
desperately. Chakotay suddenly felt his whole body turn cold.

He opened his door and saw with amazement that Tom was standing there rigidly.

The pilot stepped inside and stared at him.

His eyes were hard and icy, and-- there was something frightening present there also. They seemed to look right through him.

Chakotay stepped back involuntarily. "Tom--"

"Shut up!"

His tone-- Chakotay could not believe that Tom was capable of-- of *shouting* with that tone. It was as sharp as the crack of a whip.

"So you made it." Tom's voice was cold and distant. "You lied, you manipulated me. Finally got what you wanted, huh?"

"Lieutenant--"

"Don't 'Lieutenant' me, Commander!" he spat bitterly. "So-- did you enjoy it? Huh?"

Chakotay struggled to take his breath. Thinking how to overcome the unfamiliar terror that was locking his bones.

"Pull yourself together, Lieutenant!"

Tom narrowed his eyes. Then, suddenly, he swung his hand and slapped Chakotay's cheek. The pain flared sickeningly.

"I said, don't 'Lieutenant' me," Tom's voice was low and dangerous. "Was it good, Chakotay? Huh?"

"What 'good' are you referring to in this conversation, Tom?" Chakotay hissed while brushing his burning cheek. Knowing with dread exactly what Tom was asking.

"DORIN! That's what! Did you like it, Chakotay? DID YOU LIKE IT?"

"It's not what you think--"

"The hell with what I think! WHY!?"

There was a slight hitch in his shout, but it was enough to break Chakotay's heart. He stepped  
backwards, and stifled a painful cry when he heard Tom kick something that broke with a deafening shatter.

"WHY GODDAMIT?"

Chakotay trembled. "Why?" he rephrased the question with disbelief. //Why does *why* become the most important question, Tom?//.

"WHY *HIM*?"

And there were tears in the wild eyes.

"You slept with him after we--," Tom sobbed. "Did you?!"

Chakotay fought back his nausea with desperation. "Yes."

Tom stifled his gasping breath, and turned around harshly, stopping near the wall. Chakotay watched in a daze as suddenly Tom's hand--- the hand that had caressed the helm everyday in front of him swung and crashed into the wall. A terrible crack exploded, and Chakotay ran, without thinking, toward him. Feeling his heart shattering into pieces.

"Tom, your hand...."

"DON'T TOUCH ME!"

Chakotay stopped. Watching the crooked bent of those fingers. Watching the white and bluish colors forming. Hearing the silent wails of desperation.

And he got the message loud and clear.

He whispered dejectedly, "Tom, please---"

"Why not *ME*?"

Chakotay spun around, wishing that this was not real. That it was a nightmare that he could wake up from. He clenched his eyes closed tightly.

Waiting for something to happen. Anything.

 

That question had hurt him beyond belief.

He slowly sank to his knees when he heard faint sobs, followed by frantic thuds, a swish of a door, and running footsteps, the sounds of which quickly disappeared.

 

Go to part 16


	16. Chapter 16

It was well past midnight when B'Elanna jerked awake. She quickly checked her chronometer and gasped as she realized how late it was. She ran toward her bathroom, cursing loudly. Heart pounding like crazy.

How could she have been so stupid to let herself fall asleep?

Images of last night's-- intense *revelation* about her true feeling looming in the back of her head. It blowed her devastatingly.

//He must be mad//, she chanted with unfamiliar dread. //Mad. Mad. Mad.// She took a look at herself, trying hard to stifle the desperate feeling of wanting to cry.

//I am not trying hard enough//, she closed her eyes tightly, not wanting to see the sparkles suddenly appearing in them.

//Please. Don't let him---//She sobbed. //Not after *last night*//.

She hurried through the corridors almost like a wild woman, all the while refusing to acknowledge just how frantic and scared she was.

//I love him//, she chanted mentally as if calling for an epiphany. //Don't let him go... Please.//

Somehow, she knew that if she did not try hard enough---

It took a long time for Tom to open the door, and when he finally opened it, B'Elanna burst inside, moving past him.

"I'm sorry---," she breathed quickly, trying hard to come up with a proper answer that wouldn't piss off her lover.

No answer.

B'Elanna turned with dread and froze when she saw Tom, standing so rigid and so--- expressionless.

She knew now that whatever she had done, she was not trying hard enough.

"Tom, I---"

Tom was pale. He still wore his uniform. And his eyes--

B'Elanna trembled. He looked--- //*dead*//.

"Tom? I am sorry," she swallowed her tears, then felt her heart constrict with terror.

But Tom stood there. Frozen. Blank. As if she were not there at all.

"Tom?" Her voice was low, but the silent tears underneath it rang loud and clear. She couldn’t handle herself any longer. She hated hearing the tremble in her voice. Hated knowing how *weak* she was. But he scared her. And she suddenly couldn’t stand the thought of him *not*loving her.

Not after *last night*.

Finally, the Tom that had suddenly turned into a zombie moved toward her.

His eyes--- B'Elanna stepped backwards and found herself falling onto the couch.

"B'Elanna, there is something that I need to tell you."

//NO!//

She wanted to jump. To scream. To beg Tom to stop talking.

She knew. She *knew* what that tone was. She *knew* what he was going to say.

"Whatever it is, Tom, we can work it out. I know I've been selfish lately, but I will *try*." B'Elanna was no longer able to hide her sobs. Tom was scaring her.

"No, B'Elanna."

"I know I'm being irrational. I lashed out at you too often. I never made my feelings clear. So please, Tom. Don't---don't----". Oh God, she could not believe how desperate she was.

"Just don't, Tom," she panicked.

"It's over."

It was as simply as that. But it sounded like the whole universe had exploded and turned to hell.

"I love you, Tom." B'Elanna shook her head, feeling the tears pouring out like a dam. "Last night--- Last night-- I *understand*! God, Tom! I never realized it before, but last night... WE LOVE EACH OTHER!"

And Tom still stood there. Frozen. Dead.

"WHY? What have I done? What's going on with you?" B'Elanna shouted.

She was frantically searching for something--- *anything* on the beloved face in front of her.

//Something is wrong//. She could feel a dreadful sort of terror emanating from him, and she suddenly recalled Megan Delaney's warning.

//He's scared//. She nodded, agreeing with herself.

"It's OK, Tom," she said, trying to calm herself, though to no avail. "We can take things slowly. As slow as you want... OK?"

But the beautiful head shook. Slowly. Determinedly.

Deadly.

//He's in denial. He does not think he is worthy of love. He--- screws up inside//, B'Elanna stood, taking a hold of Tom's arms, but she jerked when she felt how cold they were.

//He's destroying himself//. Disturbing memories of Tom talking without emotion about how difficult his childhood was came back to her with a vengeance.

"I can wait, Tom."

"No."

The silence was deafening.

And B'Elanna now truly knew that her world had ended.

She stood rigidly. Slowly but surely, her warrior instinct took over. //Survive//. The crushed little pieces of her heart were ripping at her insides, but yet, somehow, she knew that if she fell apart now, she would lose everything.

"Why?" she whispered.

Then, for the first time, she saw something in those blue eyes. Pain.

"It's all lies."

Big, fat tears jumped out of her eyes. "What's all lies, Tom?"

"Everything."

//Last night? What happened--- last night?//. She frantically tried to keep her mind sane. //Something happened last night...//

"We loved each other, last night, remember?"

Then, Tom finally smiled a little.

B'Elanna felt a surge of hope. //It's true. He's scared.//

But---

"No."

Oh Lord. //Is it possible to feel even more *hurt* than this?//

"We didn't love each other, Tom? Last night was all lies?" Her voice was now croaking quietly.

She stared at Tom. Stared at the monster in front of her. Continued to stare when the blonde pilot nodded.

"Yes."

"It's over?" she whispered, feeling as if her soul was leaving her body.

"It's over."

She wanted to run outside. Forget about everything.

But she was a Klingon. She was a Maquis. She was a warrior. And a warrior must know her enemy.

"Is there.... someone else?"

Yes. She knew. There was only a tiny crack of light that changed in those eyes. But it was good enough of an answer.

"How long?" she cried. "Were you toying with me.... *all this time*?"

Good. Anger was better. Anger was--- appropriate. She should be angry.

But really all she wanted to do right now was to scream and cry---and beg him to comeback.

"WHO?"

"It doesn’t matter, because it won't happen."

Good again. Tom was reacting. Tom was hurt. Tom was--- //Good Lord, I hope he is feeling ---*guilty*//.

"I'll find out." A surge of power appeared. She now knew her enemy. Her *nameless* enemy. A certain *someone else*. She would fight.

"I'll find out, and I'll swear you will pay for this, Tom Paris."

Tom only nodded.

And B'Elanna knew deep inside that all she wanted to do was to get Tom back. She would make him pay. But not too much. She just wanted to get him back.

"You heartless bastard," she hissed. Then she quickly left his quarters, fleeing from the hell that was Tom Paris.

Broken and wishing to die.

As she left, she faintly heard him mutter, "*Everything* is a lie."

************************

It was as if a bad aura had surrounded Voyager.

Nothing seemed to be working, and everyone was tense. The crew all felt the tension, even if some of them had no idea what was causing it.

For almost a week, Chakotay had trouble sleeping. He would wake in the middle of the night--panicked. Trying hard to remember if the nightmares about Dakota were coming back.

But the nightmares had taken on a new form. The dreams now haunted him night--- and *day*. Nightmares filled with so much confusion that he woke crying and wanting to die.

The nightmare that was the sound of Tom Paris' cracking hand.

The sound that reminded him the price he had to pay to give Dakota life.

The week after their confrontation, Captain Janeway had deliberately avoided discussing anything personal with him. She was very distant, polite, and cold. So he was surprised when she apologized to him.

"I've been thinking hard, and you were right, Chakotay. My offer to you was based on my concern over the uncertainty of your condition. I hope you will accept my apology for not being a friend first instead of the Captain."

The apology solved nothing as something in their friendship had broken and seemed beyond repair.

One thing for sure, Chakotay knew that her trust in him had gone down the drain. She had admitted her uneasiness, but she did nothing to ease it. To her, he was still an unknown object, something she needed to stay wary of.

And he knew that she was still waiting. Waiting for him to tell her the truth.

//And damn her//. He thought resolutely.

Tuvok, on the other hand, had become quite friendly, despite his frank suspicion over Chakotay's role in Voyager's warp accident.

Oddly, the Vulcan had regarded him with awe. It seemed that upon reflection, the Security Officer had concluded that Chakotay was a man with many layers and that his real strength was invisible. This hidden strength, combined with a male sympathy for the Commander’s fate of being *pregnant* had tickled Tuvok's curiosity. Because of this interest, he continued to pose questions to the commander, unaware that his behavior was actually causing him to treat the First Officer more *humanely* than he normally would.

But Tom---

Chakotay did not even want to go there.

Any thought or reminders of the pilot made him want to go somewhere and curl up, praying that he would lose his memory. He tried hard to forget and to keep himself from thinking about *anything* concerning Tom Paris.

His desperate attempts to forget had him doubting his sanity.

Each time Tom ignored his presence, he wanted to cry. The pilot acted as if he was not there, and Chakotay found himself wishing the same thing--that he was not there.

Because it was too much.

He was pretty sure that sooner or later, everyone would sense the tenseness between the two of them.

Yet, he could not believe how--*relieved* he was when he heard that Tom had broken up with B'Elanna.

He did not want to know or analyze when and why Tom had broken up with B'Elanna. All he was willing to admit was that there was something *else* besides himself that was making Tom miserable.

All the while, he constantly reminded himself that he was now the biggest liar on Voyager.

Even knowing the extent of his lies, day after day, he silently wished that maybe-- maybe for a little while--- Tom would notice him. Maybe today-- Tom would finally forgive him.

He couldn't make himself take the step of approaching Tom. The mere thought of going to Tom, to talk, to *apologize*, had caused him to cower in the corner of his room.

He was frightened of something he did not understand.

//I am *dirty*//.

The second week, he ran into B'Elanna in Engineering. He could see how miserable and heartbroken she was, sense the wild anger lurking inside her.

He had flown out of the area, feeling an unfamiliar sense of terror and guilt.

The only thing that kept him happy, kept him sane-- his only *solace* was now his babies.

"Just you and me, now kids. Just papa and you...", he chanted every night.

"Papa... and Dakota.... and-- and-- *Dove*. Yes. Dove. Do you like that name, Dove?"

Then he felt wetness pouring down his cheek. He rubbed them, watched them sparkle on his fingers, wondering why he felt lousy instead of being happy.

Dove.

A symbol of peace he really needed. Between him and his son's father.

********************

Three weeks later, people began to talk.

Thin, gaunt, and looking rather sickly, Chakotay could no longer conceal that something had happened to him.

And his stomach was starting to show.

Still despite everything that was going on, he had been able to analyze the new data Tuvok had given him regarding the security breach, and he had come up with the perfect solution.

"A simulation," he said to the Captain during one of the Senior Officers' meetings. Besides him and Janeway, Tuvok, Harry, B'Elanna, Neelix, and Tom were also present.

"What do you mean?" Captain Janeway narrowed her eyes.

"We have to try to reconstruct the day on which we suspect the sabotage occurred. Right now we are just guessing at things. We need to reenact exactly what happened."

"I think he’s correct, Captain," Tuvok agreed. "It will take another month to reach the planet we detected that contains dilithium. Meanwhile, the security of our ship is vulnerable. If we don’t discover how the sabotage was perpetrated, how can we be sure that it won’t happen again? The next time our supply of dilithium disappears, a supply source might not be anywhere nearby."

"And we need to regain our ability to go to warp." Chakotay said softly, suddenly feeling a sharp stab in his stomach.

The room was silent as each officer pondered their own thoughts.

"Good suggestion. " Janeway nodded. "We can---"

Chakotay shouted painfully and dropped to the floor.

Everyone jumped.

Then, there was a loud shriek. "NO! Chakotay!"

It felt like a blur. Like a dream.

Janeway watched in slow motion as Chakotay's body crumpled to the floor.

Then she saw Tom. Reacting so fast. Moving as if his life was depending on it. Aware, way before the others of what was happening. Running desperately over to the writhing First Officer.

Shrieking with agony, dread, and anguish.

It was then that she finally knew who the baby'sfather was.

***********************

To be continued in 17


	17. Chapter 17

"How are we doing?"

The Doctor looked at the First Officer closely. "The babies are fine. You aren't." He offered his aid to help Chakotay move his body up and adjusted the biobed position.

Chakotay winced slightly, feeling weak and tired, but his stomach felt-- *fine*.

"What is happening to me, Doc?"

"Depression. *Extreme* depression. You're also suffering from malnutrition. Not to mention a rather turbulent hormonal cycle."

Chakotay sighed, suddenly feeling rather-- *calm*. //Hormonal cycle?//. "I guess I've been feeling very emotional lately," he bit his lip, realizing how gloomy his life had been for the past month. He felt the sadness start to return.

"If you want to blame it all on hormones, you can do that, Commander. I trust your judgment as a First Officer to handle everything else."

Chakotay snorted softly.

"Though I can imagine your life hasn't been easy lately," the Doctor eyed him seriously. He gently poked at Chakotay's belly, then tapped it lightly. "Still, it will be more difficult later on."

//As if I don't know that.// Chakotay pursed his lips and said, "I never thought that this pregnancy would scare me to death."

"As I said, it will be more difficult later on. You may experience emotional turmoil, other kinds of depression, or any other symptoms that pregnant women are prone to have. I can imagine that you will also have to deal with the issues of gender-anxiety, low self-esteem, and self-consciousness. It is clinically documented that pregnant men are often suicidal."

"Why?" Despite himself, Chakotay felt amused.

"You've been pregnant for two months, Commander. And no one else knew about it yet. Let's wait until you are no longer able to see your toes....."

"Or my dick," he raised his eyebrows.

The Doctor ignored his interruption. ".....and the whole crew knows. Studies found in our database indicate that professional rejection of pregnant men is much higher than pregnant women. Somehow, we can accept that pregnancy does not affect a woman's professional capability but not that it doesn't a man's."

Chakotay sighed, "I wonder why?"

"Womb *and* penis envy, maybe."

Chakotay fell silent. He rubbed his belly softly. "I can't believe that I just fainted in front of everybody."

"You nearly gave Lieutenant Paris a heart attack."

"Really?"

"Yes. If I didn't know better, I would have thought that he was pregnant. His emotional state is very similar to yours."

Chakotay grinned for the first time. He felt warmth spreading throughout him. He now knew for sure that he and Tom would be all right.

There was still a long way to go before things were worked out between the two of them, but now he knew that he could-- *apologize*. //And start all over again//.

He gazed at his surroundings, dreamily, thinking of his friendship with Tom. Then, his smile faltered a little as he realized it really wasn't *that* easy.

There was the--- *issue*. //*That* issue//. He refused to think about that.

"Is he all right, Doc?"

"He's fine. I had to shoo him out of Sickbay. He was disturbing me by hovering over you too much. The Captain took him out."

The Captain. //She must be very, very curious//.

"Tuvok to the Doctor?"

"Yes, Commander Tuvok. Our patient is awake now. You can start *interrogating* him if you want." The Doctor shook his head while tapping his badge.

"I'm on my way."

Chakotay stared at the Doctor, "My fainting has become a security issue?"

"Commander, you obviously need counseling. I specifically requested that Commander Tuvok be your counselor. I am serious, Sir. Your depression is very, very severe."

"I remember," Chakotay said with a sharp stab of bitterness. His nightmares, his guilt, his illusions, his--- "I'm surprised that right now I am actually feeling--all right."

"I needed to give you a painkiller and I also gave you an anti-depressant. While it helps you to feel more collected and balanced, it does not solve your real problem."

Chakotay smiled sadly. He spent the next ten minutes listening as the Doctor ranted about handling pregnancy--- or stating some grim facts and statistics on male pregnancy. All the while thinking again how *clear* his head was at the moment.

A moment later, Tuvok came. "You seem much better, Commander."

A funny feeling of-- *affection* toward the Vulcan rushed in. Chakotay smiled, "Can't wait to get back to my quarters. What do you want to talk about, Tuvok?"

"You must know that the Captain has appointed me as your personal counselor. I hope that this is okay with you." He paused and saw Chakotay nod. "And even though this may not be the appropriate time to broach the subject, I want to let you know that I would like your help in creating the simulation you suggested."

"He needs rest, Commander," the Doctor said, frowning.

"I'm fine," Chakotay brushed the Doctor off. "The Captain is OK with this?"

"She is concerned about your health, but she also realizes that your idea is the most plausible chance we have for finding a solution. She has not been happy with my slow progress in solving this matter, therefore your assistance is desirable."

Chakotay pondered silently. Then he stared at Tuvok seriously. "You had been considering me a suspect in this sabotage, remember?"

"Not exactly. I was just stating the facts. And those same facts encourage me to ask for *your* assistance, not another's."

"I don't think the Captain trusts me."

Tuvok raised one of his eyebrows, "She was just hurt."

Chakotay stared incredulously. "Excuse me?"

"She did not mention it, but that is what I have deduced from her reactions. I did not analyze it further."

The First Officer opened his mouth, but found nothing to say. He then chuckled quietly. "Commander Tuvok. Psychology. Counselor. It suits you, Tuvok."

Tuvok stared at Chakotay seriously for a moment. "I was also assigned to counsel Lieutenant Paris."

Deafening silence.

"Why?" Chakotay said quietly. His voice was so small he almost could not hear it himself.

"Captain's order. It's proper, considering his position *and* current condition. I agree."

"You-- how many others *know*?"

"Only the Captain and myself. We respect your decision to keep the sperm donor's identity a secret. However, the rest of the Senior Officers are now aware of your pregnancy."

Chakotay chuckled, "Now I am *really* depressed."

**********************

"PREGNANT?"

"......................."

Mouths gaped widely, like fish. Then, a hushed silence. Everyone staring at the huddle where Harry, looking dazed, was sitting in the center.

"Dear God." Megan Delaney said. Her voice rang out clearly in the sudden stillness of the mess hall. "Somebody knocked the Commander up!"

************************

An hour earlier, in the Captain's ready room :

 

Captain Kathryn Janeway felt several emotions at the same time.

Jealousy. Turned on. Hurt.

She glanced at the pale, drawn face of the most attractive man on Voyager, while at the same time remembering just how beautiful Chakotay was, and something flared inside of her.

//It's not fair//.

She recognized that these two attractive men, both of whom had always stirred mixed feelings in her, had shared something very, very important.

//Blood//.

And it was so-- intimate. So romantic. So--*committed*.

She shrugged mentally. //I'm jealous. I'll be damned//. She felt herself smile. //Well, it's nice to know that you are a *human* being after all, Kathryn//.

She felt a huge sense of relief. //At least, the baby is not part of an unknown alien//.

Then she suddenly felt ashamed. //My confusion over Chakotay was only caused by..... hidden *jealousy*//. A guilty feeling came over her swiftly and it left her suddenly sad. She remembered how cold and distant she had been to Chakotay, and how *depressed* her First Officer was.

She could not believe that she had unknowingly lashed out at him because of her own confusion and mixed feelings. Lashed out at a *pregnant* man.

"So, it's you." She said with a soft, understanding voice.

//Chakotay and *Tom*. Damn. That is too--*sexy*//.

Tom snorted. "In a way."

"Are you all right with all of this?"

Silence.

Then, with amazement, Captain Janeway saw anguish slowly appear through that tired mask.

"No."

She frowned. "Tom, did Chakotay *force* you into this?"

The clouded eyes blinked, before Tom gave her a sad chuckle. "Not exactly. The decision is entirely my fault."

"I sense a 'but' here, Tom."

Tom was silent again.

"What are you going to do about this? After Chakotay gives birth?"

"I don't know."

"Did Chakotay give you some--- *arrangement* or a kind of *agreement* regarding the-- child?"

"I'm just a sperm donor, Captain."

There was a palpable bitterness in Tom's voice. Janeway stared at the pilot closely, as her doubts resurfaced.

Somehow, she had known. She had known all along that there was nothing simple between Tom and Chakotay. Especially since Ardinia.

"Do you-- do you want more?"

Tom shrugged. But his shoulders slumped dejectedly.

"I believe B'Elanna did not know anything about this, right?"

Tom shook his head. "She was just another casualty of this mess, Captain."

Janeway understood. She caught Tom's subliminal message. B'Elanna had never been a *cause* in Tom's life. She was an-- *effect*. An episode.

//Casualty//, she thought. //How proper//.

She stared at Tom closely. //What is Chakotay to you, Tom Paris?//

"Will you mind if I order you to get proper counseling, Tom?"

No reaction. Then he drawled, "I mind. But I think I need it."

Janeway smiled sympathetically, "If there is any consolation, Tuvok will be your counselor. Unless you want someone else?"

"No. He is fine."

Janeway felt her heart melt when the pilot finally gave her a genuine smile. A small smile, but it was sincere.

"I am sorry that you have to go through this."

Tom stared at his hand, then whispered softly, "My fault. I let myself be manipulated."

The Captain stilled. "Manipulated?"

Tom sighed loudly and said quietly, "The other baby belongs to Dorin."

Janeway felt her jaw drop. //*Other* baby?//

"I don't understand *why*---," Tom's voice turned into a whisper.

//DORIN?// Janeway felt dread returning. This was not that *simple*. No. Not at all.

Then she remembered the Prime Councilor's last bit of advice. //.....a difficult way you choose, Commander//. She felt faint and filled with terror. //.......they have a genetic *specialty*//.

"Tom." She said breathlessly. "Did Chakotay *ever* tell you about Dakota?"

Tom's eyes looked blank, but that expression was quickly replaced by one filled with questions and worry. For the first time he looked attentive-- out of his funk.

Then Janeway told him. Everything. All the time mentally cursing Chakotay for not explaining *anything* to Tom.

After she had finished, Tom, very pale and white-faced, stood. He looked at Janeway with an odd expression.

He looked-- *relieved*.

"Tom?" She asked anxiously.

"It doesn't hurt as badly," the pilot mumbled softly.

"Huh?"

Then Tom grinned. "Thank you, Captain."

He left her, staring with thousands of questions now churning inside her head.

Continued in part 18


	18. Chapter 18

They had been sitting in the darkness, silently, for almost ten minutes. 

Chakotay stared out the window, suddenly thinking that there were just so *many* stars out there. Each so far away from the other. And if one flew out there and got lost.....

He glanced at his side, watching as Tom Paris' foot traced the pattern of his quarter's floor. He could feel a clenching inside his chest.

Chakotay closed his eyes.

"He never let me feel alone." He said breaking the silence. He could feel Tom's eyes turning to him. "Dakota." He said, trying to explain.

"But he also never let me be in peace. He was sad and longing for me, but he was beyond my reach. And his sadness and hurt.... I *felt* every moment of it." Chakotay sighed softly. "Then, here he was giving me a chance. A chance to free ourselves."

The First Officer turned and caught Tom's unreadable gaze. "I just had to take that chance. Do you understand?"

Tom nodded.

Again, silence stretched between them.

Then, the pilot said softly, "The first time I saw you, I finally understood how a man should turn out."

Cocking his head to one side and watching Tom closely, Chakotay chuckled with disbelief, while unconsciously rubbing his belly.

"You-- you looked like a-- god." Tom smiled when he realized that Chakotay's face had turned incredulous. "Detached from everybody. Untouchable. Fighting for a cause. A real cause. You seemed as if you were just visiting this reality, not living it. It was so like-- the warriors in the fairy tales. The mythic warriors about which legends were being passed throughout generations."

The pilot bowed his head, "Just like the type of man my father wanted me to be."

They sat again in silence. 

Chakotay's heart had swollen with affection and warmth, yet he kept himself quiet.

"You fascinated me. Made me want to know everything about you. All the time." Tom's voice turned into a whisper.

He moved a little, and put his hand beside him. Spread comfortably on the sofa.

Chakotay stared at that hand. Long, slim, strong. Elegant. With an odd shapes to the nails. Attractive and interesting. //Like Tom//.

And he remembered how that hand had cracked when it hit his wall.

Slowly, his forefinger touched it.

Tracing the outer pattern. The softly protruding vines. The hard mountain of knuckles. The softness of the skin.

Tom's hand felt cold, and his finger could feel it shivering under his light touch. A streak of red appeared on the path, as if awakening to life.

His heart was suddenly full of overwhelmingly sadness.

"I am sorry," he whispered.

He left his fingers resting on the back of Tom's hand, then felt it moving, turning, as it slowly caught his own.

"His means were just a necessity," Chakotay said softly. //Dorin did not mean a *thing*//.

"Your means are out of--," he stopped. Choked back the lump that suddenly appeared in his throat. //Love?//.

"I know," Tom did not let him continue his reverie. "I understand."

"You do?"

"You chose me first," the pilot said. "That was important."

Then Tom smiled softly, "It's enough... For now." He swallowed and nodded toward Chakotay's stomach. "I just want to know how it felt like... To share---"

They both stared at their fingers. Slowly circling each other. Then--

They intertwined.

"Let me in." Tom said. 

Chakotay found himself staring at him. Watching the blueness of the forgotten sky. Finding warmth and affection there. And his heart blossomed.

//Oh Spirit, it felt--//. It felt like home.

"Please come in." He croaked as he felt his eyes burn with joy.

***********************

His first public appearance after a four-day leave was in Engineering.

He and Tom had agreed to keep Tom's identity as the baby's other father quiet. Despite Tom's indifference, Chakotay admitted that he did not feel comfortable provoking any reaction. Particularly from B'Elanna, one of his closest, oldest, and most loyal friends.

He also felt that revealing Tom's identity without also exposing Dorin's seemed more like lying than not saying anything at all.

Beside, he knew that Captain Janeway still upset with him.

Still, he was happy. He knew he had done the right thing for Dakota.

And now---

Suddenly reincarnating Dakota back to life was not as important any longer. It still meant the world to him, but there were other things in life coming to be just as important.

Having Tom come each night to help him fix supper, rub his back if he felt pain, tell light jokes, and just keep him company until he was ready to sleep was wonderful.

They both were aware that they were walking together on a path toward something.

What was waiting for them at the end of the path was not important. All they knew was that they were walking it together, slowly, and as carefully as they could.

They never analyzed it. They just simply enjoyed each other's presence. Besides, they already knew that whatever it was, they had no definition for it yet.

All they knew was that it felt good. It felt good when Chakotay offered his shoulder for Tom to rest his head on. It felt good when Tom scolded Chakotay's dying appetite and hovered like a mother hen.

It felt good to know that these feelings were something they would experience for a long time.

Because they had the bond now.

One night, Tom had asked what Chakotay was going to name his baby. He laughed when the First Officer told him.

"DOVE? You've got to be kidding!"

"Why? It's sweet..... Considering my circumstances when I think about it," Chakotay grinned. Watching Tom laughing was so-- heartwarming. And now, he did feel silly about *that* name.

"I... don't know, Chakotay. It sounds like---"

"Like what?"

"Like--- a *bird*."

Chakotay stared at him incredulously, "So, if you think that is too *birdy*, what do you suggest naming him?"

"Respect his father, will ya? It should be something monumental, something to be remembered."

"What's the most monumental thing about you that you want him to inherit?"

"How 'bout--- *Cock*?"

The time spent bantering with Tom during those days off had been relaxing--- peaceful. So, it unnerved Chakotay a little when he found more of the crew than normal present in Engineering Room.

He was aware, that part of them shown up out of curiosity.

And boy, did they not conceal it.

He nodded at Tuvok and Seven-of-Nine, and finally found B'Elanna.

She was pale. Angry, but very focused. He always liked that thing about her. She had so much power and energy, and she was always able to focus it all on something important. Like the life of the ship.

She smiled at him. Warmly, as usual.

//She wouldn't be if she knows---//

"How do we start this scenario, Tuvok?" He nodded at Tuvok, and took a side-glance around the room. As he had expected, the crew that did not need to be here was trying hard to look busy. They weren't convincing at all. He glared a little, and saw that some of them began to slowly leave them alone.

"I have come up with some possible times when we might have left Engineering unsecured. I suggest we recreate those time periods first."

Chakotay nodded, watching as B'Elanna's expression turned gloomy.

"It's not your fault," he whispered.

"I should have *lived* here twenty-four hours." B'Elanna snorted. "Can't leave for just a single minute. I did and look what happened."

Even though Captain Janeway did not place an official reprimand in the ship's log, the days when she was confined to quarters had been humiliating for B'Elanna.

"Let's see.... we'll start with the night before we brought things back on-line." Chakotay said reading the padd offered by Tuvok.

"At that time, it was *you* who should have checking up on security, Commander. But you disappeared for some unknown reason."

Meeting Dorin. Asking Tom to fertilize his egg. Yes, Chakotay remembered it clearly.

"Guilty." Chakotay said with embarrassment. "So that left only B'Elanna's clearance?"

"I double checked Lieutenant Torres' clearance. So far, nothing suspicious has shown up. But there is a couple of hours when Engineering was left guarded only by computer."

"I left it unattended." B'Elanna said. She remembered that it was the night she had had a big fight with Tom. Suddenly, an overwhelming anger toward her former lover emerged again. //Not only did he had *leave* and *lie* to me, he also indirectly caused all of this *mess*//.

"Let's check the computer readings," Chakotay nodded at Seven, who was standing silently, and--- *watching his belly*.

They spent a few minutes going over the data.

Nothing.

"I assume that you see nothing strange, Commander," Tuvok said.

Chakotay bit his lip. "It seems alright. But we should check it again."

"The next possible scenario is during the ship tour." Tuvok said.

"Let's see what the computer can tell us about the security clearance." Chakotay winced a little. He sighed mentally, realizing that he was tiring easily.

B'Elanna was beside him in an instant. "You OK?" she whispered.

Chakotay nodded. Again, the overwhelming guilt resurfaced. //I don't deserve this//.

Together they read over the data and watched the security images of people moving in and out of Engineering on that day.

Nothing.

"I don't like this." B'Elanna clenched her fists. "Nothing? Nothing at all?"

"It is highly possible that there is a malfunction in some aspect of the security system." Seven said in a matter of fact manner. Despite her blase manner, Chakotay found that she was still staring at his stomach from time to time, a bit too intently.

"If we are unable to isolate the section of the system that is accountable, we should take the whole system off-line and run a full diagnostic," Tuvok said.

"Good idea. In the meantime, we should conduct a proper investigation. It's the human version of the possibilities we need to find." Chakotay nodded. Still, he had felt--- *something*.

"No need for that." B'Elanna snorted. "We did that a month ago, and it left me and Tuvok as the prime suspects."

"I'm sorry," Chakotay said sadly. "I guess we'll have to reopen those files again."

"Should I take the system off-line and start running the diagnostic, Commander?" Seven asked.

"Yes. Make sure it won't disturb any other systems."

All of them nodded and started to work.

"We are ready, Commander." Seven said, ready to start tapping on the control panel.

"Do it."

The lights on the panels in front of her dimmed. A moment later, data began to appear on the monitor.

"Save them to a proper outside media." Chakotay said.

"Commander?" Seven turned to him.

"Download it all to an external medium. A disc. A chip. Anything. Don't just run them on the mainframe. "

"Aye, aye, Sir."

They had been waiting for half an hour when the ship suddenly shook.

"What the hell happened?" B'Elanna shouted.

"Janeway to Engineering."

Chakotay, Tuvok, and B'Elanna answered simultaneously.

"The ship's speed just decreased rapidly. What the hell are you doing down there?"

"We just took the security system off-line and ran a diagnostic, Captain," Chakotay said breathlessly. //Our speed *decreased*? How is that possible? The two systems are not connected.//

"Find out what happened! The ship almost came to a complete stop."

B'Elanna cursed loudly. She ran over to check the impulse engines while Tuvok did the same with the warp engines. 

"All readings indicate that everything is functioning normally, Captain." B'Elanna shouted.

"Well, obviously it isn't! The ship doesn't just *stop* for no reason!"

The senior officers stared at one to another.

The ship jolted suddenly, unbalancing them. 

Chakotay gasped and almost fell when he was grabbed by B'Elanna.

"Easy, my warrior," the Klingon smiled tightly. 

"We're at a complete stop," Janeway said. Clear and loud.

Then, a second later, the panel where Seven was downloading short-circuited.

******************************

In the meantime, on the bridge, Harry looked up, a horrified expression on his face.

"Captain. I've detected a wormhole not far from us."

Janeway cursed mentally.

"How far, Harry?"

"Not far enough. We're drifting toward it now."

 

Continued in part 19


	19. Chapter 19

They were all sitting in the ready room, gloomily. The ship was at a complete stop and the security system diagnostic had malfunctioned before Seven had finished downloading and recording its documentation.

Janeway's face was grim. She had been losing her temper too often, and she did not like it. //Tuvok and B'Elanna are suddenly incompetent for some reason, Tom is too occupied with his own personal confusion, and Chakotay---//.

She mentally cursed herself as she realized that she did not know what to do about Chakotay. And she had been taking her frustration out on everyone else.

//Nothing seems to be working since we left Ardinia//, she thought reluctantly, and remembered again that one of Chakotay's babies belonged to Dorin. She wanted to throw up. //Damn Dorin and that Ardinian curse//.

"How fast are we drifting toward the wormhole?" She asked with a heavy voice. //What the hell is happening with this ship?//

"Based on our current speed, we will reach the wormhole in two and a half weeks," Harry said dejectedly.

"How long are we from our immediate destination?"

"If we had maintained our previous speed, we would have needed approximately six weeks to reach that planet. Our dilithium would have lasted long enough for us to make the journey in that time period.”

Janeway pursed her lips. This was not good. They were stranded in the middle of *nowhere*.

She eyed her colleagues warily, and what she saw did not lift her spirit.

B'Elanna, pale and unreadable, sat in the far corner. No doubt she was avoiding Tom Paris as much as she could. It was also obvious that the Engineering Chief was still uncomfortable around the Captain, a residue of her disappointment with the reprimand she had received previously. 

For some illogical reason, Janeway had secretly entertained the thought that B'Elanna's slowness in fixing the engine was a form of rebellion. But she dismissed it quickly, and shamefully. Besides herself, no one loved the ship more than B'Elanna Torres.

Tuvok, despite his outer show of indifference, was looking disturbed. It was only a slight reaction, but in Vulcan it was a devastating one. He had been turning into one of her closest colleagues and she fully trusted him. But, somehow, he was just--- Tuvok. //He can never be a Chakotay//, Janeway thought sadly.

Then her eyes caught Chakotay. //I don't want to think about *him*, right now//. She bit her lips. //Dorin//. Irrational anger flickered again. Then, she wondered why she was very reluctant to hear any suggestions from him. It was not as if he had turned into a weak and incompetent officer. But still---

She eyed his stomach, and quickly turned to see Tom.

The pilot had turned subdued since---. He no longer looked depressed, like he had during the early days of his break up with B'Elanna. In fact, he had turned quite calm.

Mellow.

And she suddenly realized that he seemed even more--- //beautiful// than he usually did. //Maturity and responsibility do that to a man//.

Yet, he was passive and deep in thought. Troubled and alarmed for what was happening to the ship. And Janeway admired him for his control; he did not flinch  
or fidget despite B'Elanna's threatening aura and Chakotay's presence.

"Any suggestions?"

B'Elanna, sitting closely to Chakotay, partly because it was the farthest spot from Tom, sighed, "If we continue with the assumption that we can only move at a non-warp speed, we are not going anywhere."

"Meaning?"

"I can reconfigure the shuttles to be able to go to warp 2. It won’t take long. We have enough shuttles and we can use them to do whatever we want."

A surge of renewed energy was felt around the room.

Chakotay turned to Harry, "How long would it take for a warp-2 vehicle to reach the planet with our dilithium source?"

"Three to six days tops."

"That means it’s approximately two weeks time we would have to wait for someone to go get the dilithium and come back." Chakotay said. "Still enough time to fix the ship, go to warp, and get out of the wormhole’s gravity.”

"Under the assumption that the dilithium extraction process ran smoothly, and our warp engine was back to normal. In the case of the wormhole pull, dilithium supply was not our main problem, Commander." Janeway said with a grim face, then turned to B'Elanna.

"Are you sure we cannot fix the engines any sooner, B'Elanna?"

"Kahless may kill me, but no. I have no clue. It does seem that there is a connection between our security system and the engines, but how it developed and how they influence each other.... I have no idea."

"How do you propose to start fixing it?"

"We have to rely on what information we got from the documentation that Seven had downloaded. Let's hope that we can find the glitch there and then start reworking everything." Tuvok said. 

"It's a hope, Captain." He added with a grave tone. "I am very sorry that we have found nothing good enough to return the ship back to normal."

"Still, there's an immediate threat from the wormhole.....", Harry said in a small voice.

"The wormhole, yes. Any suggestions?"

"We should get enough data about this hole. I think we should send a probe in there to determine what should be our next movement. I don’t want to imagine our putting all this effort into avoiding it only to find out that it is our closest way to leave the Ardinian galaxy." Chakotay said again.

"Get the dilithium, launch a probe, get help to fix the engine." Janeway sighed and closed her eyes tightly. "God! Is this the end of Voyager?"

Her sudden exclaim was met with a palpable sadness.

She sighed, "I guess we have no other alternative."

Chakotay looked at her tensely. Suddenly realizing what was on her mind.

"Captain?"

She stared at him with a strange look. Almost a mixture between dread and sorry.

"Some of us have to go back to Ardinia."

All faces in front of her turned to dismay. Chakotay and Tom's faces had turned very pale.

"Why?" Harry blurted out.

"For some reason, there are answers we need about the life of this ship on that planet. We also have to think about some possibilities for getting help. Maybe having the ship dragged back there for more repairs."

"The Ardinians do not have a proper interstellar vehicles yet. You cannot possibly think that they will be sending a ship here and drag Voyager with a bunch of rope."

"They don't have a proper *warp* speed vehicle. But they do have interstellar vehicles. We can ask for an evacuation." Janeway said, nervously aware that Chakotay's face had turned even whiter. 

"We will ask their ship to move as fast as it could, and we will use the shuttles with warp speed to commute the passengers. I think there will be plenty of time to do that before we are swept away into that hole."

Again, the silence was deafening.

Janeway, feeling sad and helpless, turned to Chakotay.

"Chakotay, it will be very hard for you. What do you think about this?"

B'Elanna jolted from her deep thought and stared at her First Officer closely. And warily.

Chakotay, sweating profusely, glanced quickly toward Tom who was now as white as a corpse. 

"I honestly do not see any other choice, Captain. We should send three shuttles out at the same time. One to the M-class planet we need to extract the dilithium from, one to launch a probe and gather data from the wormhole, and one to Ardinia to get help."

"Are you OK with this? It seems that eventually we will all be going back to Ardinia." 

If it was possible, the ready room should have exploded from all the tension that was building. B'Elanna and Harry were staring, speechless, minds turning so fast that their faces reflected dread and amazement from the conclusions they were coming up with.

And Tom---

"I see no other choice, Captain," Chakotay's voice now audibly trembled. "I guess I have to be prepared for some consequences in Ardinia--"

"Chakotay, no." B'Elanna hissed with horror. Realization was etched deeply on her face. She stared at her friend's belly. "Is it---?"

"I've done something unacceptable to Dorin, yes." Chakotay said gravely, feeling Tom's painful aura emanating from his tense and mute form. //I don't want to see his face//.

"You see--, *I* am supposed to be the one giving him a child. Not the other way around--" he stopped when he heard B'Elanna and Harry gasp audibly. He continued with a soft voice. "If that is the case, nothing is going to happen to me. My deed is done. Dorin will get what he wants."

Then, he turned with sorry eyes to Janeway. "But in this situation, *I* am the one who carries *his* child. I believe he will do *anything* to claim me as his mate. For him and the Prime Councillor, getting the child is very important."

They all stared at him in horror.

"No."

Suddenly Tom's voice rang clearly across the silent room.

Chakotay turned quickly and felt his heart pounding with dread. Knowing exactly--- //No! Don't!//

"Tom?" Janeway looked at him with a mixture of amazement and worry.

"I know that the Ardinians respect marriage and life-long mates. Am I right, Chakotay?"

Chakotay nodded faintly, feeling his bones weaken with fright as he saw the determination on Tom's face.

"You shouldn't be worried. You just have to tell them that you're already mated to someone else."

"No---" Chakotay said breathlessly. "Tom, don't---"

"I'll marry you."

*********************************

It was done so quickly, but the devastation was thorough and complete.

The silence in the ready room had turned deadly.

"Oh God," B'Elanna quickly covered her face with both of her hands, while Chakotay, beside her, tried hard to stifle his trembling body.

"Tom---"

"It's not as if I have *nothing* with Chakotay. The other child is *mine*."

B'Elanna jumped from her seat and shouted, "Permission to leave the room, Captain!"

"Be---" Chakotay reached out for her.

But she had already left. Regardless of what Janeway was going to say. Leaving all of them in stunned silence.

Harry stared at his best friend as if Tom had grown another head. 

"Wow!" he said with awe. Tom turned to him and slowly grinned.

Then all eyes turned to Chakotay.

"Chakotay," Janeway bit her lip so hard she tasted blood. //They'll marry! Oh God! Why does my heart----//. "What do you think about this?"

Chakotay was speechless. He stared at Tom with an unreadable expression, then turned to Janeway. For a moment there, Janeway felt like she was looking at an older Chakotay. 

"Permission to not comment on this yet, Captain," he said almost inaudibly. Then stared at the pilot again who was now so intensely watching him.

"I can't let Dorin take you away--- *again*," Tom said with a surprisingly calm voice.

"Tom--," and the First Officer's eyes suddenly glazed over. "Please, let’s discuss the teams to man the shuttles, Captain." He said shakily as he gazed toward the forum.

Janeway nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat. "Now, how should we do this?"

Tuvok, his indifference actually helping to restore balance to everyone, said, "First of all, we must be truly sure that the shuttles are reconfigured properly. I will ask B'Elanna to make them ready in twenty-four hours."

Everyone nodded, suddenly feeling guilty about B'Elanna.

"We have four pilots in our fleet, including Commander Chakotay. We are going to dispatch three teams, and we must be aware that everyone's life depends on these pilots. No replacement is present for each pilot, therefore we must make sure that we choose these pilots wisely according to the danger and limitations we are going to encounter."

"Due to his condition, Commander Chakotay should stay on Voyager," Janeway said with a quiet voice. "What's the most dangerous flight?"

Harry said, "Sending a probe to the wormhole might not be so dangerous. After all, it's not as if the shuttle will be going inside it. The M-class planet where we are going to extract the dilithium has a difficult atmospheric terrain. It was full of disturbances, many layers of unstable gases, and was surrounded with plenty of meteorites. We are also not sure that the planet's terrain is free of danger. I didn’t have enough data to make any detections on the planet’s surface condition."

"And the flight to Ardinia is no more dangerous than the journey we already made," Janeway nodded.

"I guess we have to delegate the most dangerous mission to you, Tom," she said softly with an apologizing tone. An apology meant to both Tom *and* Chakotay. "I know that *you* are the only one that we can rely on in this situation."

"I understand, Captain," Tom nodded, and to everyone's amazement, he stood, sat in B'Elanna's vacant seat next to Chakotay, and squeezed the First Officer's hand.

Everyone was touched.

"Ayala will accompany you. He should be reliable in this kind of situation. Am I correct, Commander?"

"Send Gerron, too. He will be helpful." Chakotay said, and returned Tom's smile softly.

"Ensign Carter will pilot the shuttle to the wormhole. Harry, I’ll need you to retrieve all the necessary data from the hole. So, you will be aboard that shuttle."

Harry nodded.

"That leaves Ensign Chell to take some of us to Ardinia. Due to the matter at hand, *I* will personally go there to negotiate with the Prime Councillor. Tuvok will accompany me, since as a Security Officer he has the responsibility to conduct a proper investigation on the sabotage and come up with a proper answer."

Tuvok nodded.

Then Janeway stared at Chakotay with soft, sympathetic gaze. "I leave the command of Voyager in your hand, Chakotay. I am sorry that this circumstance had to happen."

"I am just pregnant, Captain. Not an invalid." Chakotay chuckled. "Don't worry."

"I expect you and B'Elanna to take care of the ship. It’s necessary that the two of you maintain a smooth working relationship. Otherwise, it's hazardous to the ship."

//B'Elanna//. Chakotay felt his body turn cold.

"I'll take care of it, Captain." He said sadly, and felt Tom's hand squeeze his again.

"Very well, everyone. Dismissed."

And just as everyone was about to leave, Chakotay caught the Captain's hand.

"Kathryn, can you do us a favor?"

//Us//. Janeway stared at both Tom and Chakotay, who were sitting side by side nervously.

"Yes." She swallowed. "I'll marry you both as soon as I can."

They both smiled. 

"Thank you, Captain." Chakotay nodded.

Continued in part 20


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummm... this one is rated NC-17

The ceremony was quick and discreet. 

There wasn’t much time for it to take place as everyone needed to be ready for all that was to happen within the next twenty-four hours. Besides, the possibility of abandoning Voyager, for good, was haunting them dreadfully.

Besides the marriage couple and Captain Janeway, Tuvok and Neelix were also present, serving as witnesses. 

The atmosphere was somber and businesslike. As if the event was of very little importance. However, when Captain Janeway officially entered the marriage record into the ship's log, the room suddenly turned emotional.

"I wish everyone was here," Neelix said. He could not conceal his sorrow. "This is a joyful occasion and the first marriage to happen on Voyager."

Chakotay smiled, "Usually, marriage by *accident* is not a joyful occasion, Neelix. I was pregnant first, remember? If this had happened in medieval times, we would have been scorned by our families for life."

He felt a warm glow in the pit of his stomach.

Despite everything--- he felt so *right*.

Janeway said quietly, "We will celebrate later, Neelix." Then she stared at the couple seriously. "If you both agree to make this permanent."

Chakotay swallowed and refused to look at Tom, who was standing closely beside him. "We will see what happens, Captain."

"Kathryn, please," Janeway smiled sadly. "I am sorry about everything, Chakotay."

The apology was heavy with sorrow and sadness.

And it told Chakotay everything.

He stared at Kathryn Janeway. Remembering how close he had been to her. Remembering their times together. Remembering how they used to *like* each other. 

Knowing that if the circumstances were different--- It might not be Tom who stood beside him.

He nodded, feeling a heaviness, then turned to Tom, whose face was solemn and seemed far away.

"I’m sorry, Tom." He whispered. "Sorry about B'Elanna, too."

Tom just nodded. His hand slowly circled Chakotay's waist. 

"Shut up, Chakotay."

It was softly said, but so full of emotion that it made Janeway and Neelix's eyes suddenly burn.

//Love is a funny thing, isn't it?// Janeway watched the two of them with mixed feelings. //I wonder if these two realize how they look to us.//

"I assume by now that Ensign Kim has informed the whole crew," Tuvok said. His comment skillfully restored the atmosphere, making everyone feel sober. 

"I can imagine their reaction," Janeway said darkly. Then she turned toward Chakotay with a sad expression. "I’m going to make an announcement about *everything*. Including the possibility that we may have to leave Voyager for good."

Everyone swallowed.

"I’m sure that announcement won’t get a good reaction. And I am truly sorry that I won't be here to face the consequences."

Chakotay smiled reassuringly, "I know, Kathryn. And trust me, it's not like I won’t be trying *anything* to ensure the ship won't be sucked into the wormhole."

He felt Tom shudder.

"At least the engine should be back on-line and able to counter the gravity pull. It's enough to buy us some time." Janeway nodded her agreement.

****************************

They managed to slip inside Chakotay's quarters without anyone's knowledge.

When finally they stood together in the middle of the living room, reality crashed back in, leaving them speechless.

"I don't know what to say," Chakotay chuckled nervously. Tom swallowed audibly.

They turned and stared at each other. Then burst out laughing. 

"Married, huh?" Tom grinned.

"I know how impulsive you can be Lieutenant Thomas Paris, but this is just waaay surprising." Chakotay, finally relaxed, went to prepare some dinner.

"*Medieval* times, Chakotay?" Tom burst out laughing again. He felt--- *joyful*, and he swore right now he would laugh at anything, even if it wasn’t remotely funny. "I cannot picture you as some maiden wearing an apron and milking the cow. You are way too fat."

Chakotay smiled and threw him a dishrag, "That's because you knocked me up, first, you moron. Now, come here, and help me fix this."

They stood side by side. Comfortably, and companionably. One directing the whole thing, the other lending a hand. One needed to only signal and the other was already aware of what he should do. Harmoniously. As if they had done this for years, instead of only about a week ago.

Like an *old* married couple.

"You should move your stuff here, before you go." Chakotay said quietly. 

Tom nodded solemnly, "Okay."

Just like that. An offer of permanence. Accepted. Without a fuss. 

Yet, they both had walked an incredible distance. Crossed a barrier that they had thought impossible to penetrate. Bravely and honorably. Like a warrior should.

And when Tom's shoulder brushed his, Chakotay suddenly realized that those fingers cutting the small pieces of vegetables beside him belonged to a man. Those fingers would be cutting vegetables besides him every night now. Maybe forever.

A man's finger. A man's hand. 

His *husband*.

//It does not matter, now//, he thought. //It feels wonderful anyway//.

He had thought that those hands were beautiful before. Now, they were not just *pretty*, they were *precious*.

"I don't like leaving you alone, tomorrow," Tom whispered.

"Ssshhhh.... Don't think about it, now, okay? Don't think about *anything*" Chakotay smiled reassuringly. //Not about Voyager's fate. Not about B'Elanna. Not about *anybody* else//.

He turned his head and slowly touched his forehead to Tom's side. Feeling the softness of the blond hair.

Tom turned slightly toward him, letting his nose and eyelashes brush Chakotay's cheek.

They both closed their eyes.

"I think I'm falling in love with you, now," Chakotay whispered. Feeling his breath warm Tom's beautiful skin, and seeing goosebumps appear there.

"Of course," Tom smiled widely and mumbled to his husband's face. "I *saved* you, my maiden."

And it felt so wonderful. The soft brushes of lips, talking, smiling, caressing his skin. Chakotay chuckled.

"My knight in the shining armor."

They kissed.

Lips touched and pressed lightly. Just for a second. Awkward. 

But it burned. Electricity. Short-circuiting every cell in their bodies. 

Gasping, they both withdrew. Both eyes widened. Hearts pounding. Then they leaned toward each other.

And those lips met again. Again, another second. Making that soft, sensual noise of something soft and wet touching, a sound that went directly to their groins.

Met again, this time faster. Again. And again. Hungrily. Hearts hammering loudly.

Then Tom opened his lips and Chakotay pushed his tongue inside. Finding teeth, meeting his other part, ready to swallow. Hands locked behind his head. And they both lavished each other. Stroking each length. Savoring every taste of it. Dueling as if worried to be apart. 

And Tom's fists clenched at Chakotay's back. Pulling the clothes there, ready to rip it apart, pushing himself until they were glued to each other. Hanging on for dear life. 

Surrender.

A sheer force helped Chakotay to draw back. Gasping, breathing hard as if the air had thinned and they were going to die.

Watching Tom's darkened eyes, his bruised and swollen lips. Wet. Ripe. Ready.

And the pilot moved his hips. Gluing his erection to its twin. Circling. 

Dancing to the ancient rhythm.

Then, no longer awkward, but burning with need, they tore off each other's clothes. Stumbling toward the living room.

Naked.

Tom slid his body, his white, smooth body, slick with light sweat, against Chakotay's. Entangling their legs, hands, and he cried out with surprise and delight when his naked groin finally kissed the erection Chakotay sported. Opening his mouth, exhaling a desperate breath, he rubbed against it, and felt himself writhing, following Chakotay's loud moan.

Then, within moments, the two beautiful creatures held each other tightly, rubbing each millimeter of their bodies together in a frenzy. Dancing sensually. Desperate. Boiling, climbing rapidly and ready to burst into fire.

"Aaaah.... Chakotay! Chakotay! Stop! No... Aaah...!" Tom shouted wildly. Feeling that this was too fast. Too intense. Too---

Yet, through the fog of insanity, Chakotay had heard. He took a deep breath, willing himself to stop, and before hearing any unaware protests from Tom, he jerked and pulled his husband harshly toward the bed.

Before long, Tom found himself on the bed spread on his back. Eyes wild and dilated. Sweating profusely.

His mouth rounded and he exhaled a loud "OH!" when Chakotay, dark and beautiful, spat and hurriedly wet his towering erection. Then, the blond pilot yelled loudly when his husband gently, and slowly sat atop him. He felt the madness of hot tightness, clasping him close, the inside contours kissing each millimeter of his, and all he could think was that this was insanity.

Maddening *heaven*.

And his body trembled when he heard Chakotay cry out in pleasure. Igniting something inside him that he never knew existed. Waking up a beast. Burning their joined bodies. Joined for eternity. 

Chakotay was not gentle. He moved crazily. Fast. Hard. As if a demon had possessed him. Ignoring the loud wails of agonizing pleasure that Tom released. Rocking the bed like a typhoon, slamming the wall with a brute force.

They couldn't maintain it for long. The ecstasy was too much. Too intense, and they both howled so hard that their throats burned, when they exploded together in climax. 

Chakotay threw his head back, exposing his naked torso and beautiful throat. Vines protruding on his body. Tom arched his body so high and wildly, that he found himself clinging tightly to the beautiful body on him.

Yet, they kept on moving, frenzied. Feeling as if the release was only buying some time. The fire was not even flickering a little. Tom was now jerking roughly, feeling his seed spurt to each move, yet his hips continued to dance. Moving in and out, igniting his whole soul. Then, with amazement, he felt himself harden again.

"Chakotay! Chakotay! I can't stand this! *Can't* stand......"

And Chakotay yelled incoherently, feeling himself burning with renewed need. He threw himself to the mattress, pulling Tom with him, until they laid sprawled on the other side of the bed. Tom on the top, Chakotay's legs clenched tightly around his waist. Locking him like a steel band. 

They could not stop.

It was too much. Too intense.

Then, Tom growled. Kissing Chakotay's lips hungrily. Thrusting hard inside. Pounding. Hard, fast, long pounding. 

//Not enough//. Could not stop.

Pounding. Pounding. 

Hammering.

Circling. Screwing.

Possessed.

Chakotay had never felt so good. He was flying. Reaching the highest sky he never thought possible. Feeling his body floating. His soul leaving.

"Tom! Tom! Tom!" He yelled, chanting it like an epiphany. Harmonious to the rhythm of Tom's mad pounding.

"Too much.... too much.... Can't stand....," Tom buried his face to Chakotay's neck, sobbing with desperation.

"Please.... please..... Come.... Come....," Chakotay arched his body highly. Buried his head inside the pillow, pushing with all his might for his cock to pound on Tom's stomach. 

They found they still climbed higher. 

Higher.

It was not possible.

But they still climbed.

"OH GOD! GOD! CHAKOTAY! I can't..... I CAN'T STOP!"

Higher and higher.

Hammering. Hammering. In. Out. In. Out. Faster. Shaking.

The bed was now creaking with loud protests. The wall was bruising with the hard slamming.

The air was now hot and thick. 

Sweat poured like flood. Creating a thick fog of humid air around them.

And they howled again when they came explosively. 

Tom shooting so hard inside Chakotay, the big man thought that it would bore a hole all the way to the top of his head.

But.....

Tom kept moving.

"I can't get enough....," he sobbed with desperation.

He could not stop. He felt himself hardening again.

"I want you... I want you..... I can't get.....ENOUGH!"

They kissed frantically. Then they resumed their movement again. Gentler, yet just as passionately.

Until the wee hours of the morning, they kept on making love. 

Frenzy, desperate, hard. Then gently, slowly, sensually. Followed by another turbulence of mad passion, needy, burning with wild fire.

Until they both were empty. Dry. 

Still, they kissed each other hungrily. As if they were compensating for their bodies’ limitations.

Later, *hours* later, when the typhoon had finally passed, and they circled each other tightly, Chakotay laughed. 

"Now I know how true that reputation was," he mumbled. Closing his eyes with satisfaction and still feeling the leftover high of satiation. 

He felt Tom's fingers softly rubbing on the small mountain of his belly.

"Am I hurting you?" Tom buried his lips on Chakotay's ear.

Chakotay shook his head, turning it to meet Tom's kiss. He smiled, "I’m glad I married you, Lieutenant."

Then his smile faltered. 

Tom's face was sad.

"Tom?"

The pilot squeezed him, burying himself in Chakotay's body, hiding his sorrow filled eyes from Chakotay's view.

"I don't want to leave you," he whispered. "I don't want to leave you alone, tomorrow."

A soft sigh. "I don't want to *ever* leave you, Chakotay."

They slept with lingering sadness. Not knowing if this beautiful joining would ever happen again.

 

Continued in part 21


	21. Chapter 21

When he woke up, Tom found himself alone in the bed. He stretched, peered at the chronometer on the side table, and then slowly raised himself.

The room was still dark.

"Chakotay?" he yawned. 

He heard the sounds of water running in the shower and plopped himself back between the pillows. He closed his eyes, cherishing the lingering sleepiness, and  
grinned foolishly.

A moment later, he heard Chakotay pad out from the bathroom. He opened his eyes and felt his heart skip a bit. 

Chakotay was wearing only his boxers. A large towel was draped around his neck, hiding his chest and belly. His hair was wet and haphazard, and some water was trickling down his face. He saw Tom staring and smiled widely, producing his killer dimples in full scale.

//Damn//, Tom thought. All the blood in his head suddenly rushed downward, and in just a moment his crotch was as hard as a steel bar.

"We're due for a briefing in one hour." Chakotay leaned over and gave him a small kiss. He noticed the tell-tale bulge under the sheet and smirked smugly. His smile widened when he turned toward the kitchen and heard his husband groan.

A moment later, he felt a naked body draped on his back, kisses rained down on his hair, and he immediately turned sober.

"Tom."

"Mmmm?" Arms tightened around his waist. 

"Tom, there's something that I must do."

Tom's body stiffened. 

Chakotay turned, watching as his husband stared at him warily, his cheerfulness gone, and he felt awful for causing it. He took his towel and affectionately wrapped it around Tom's waist. Then, he pulled Tom to sit. Close to him.

"Here," he whispered, taking a small pouch laying on the table nearby. "It's very important for me to give you this."

Tom silently opened it and stared at the small necklace with a ring as a medallion for a long moment.

It was a wedding ring.

His eyes glistened.

Chakotay swallowed, "I will wear one like that too."

He bit his lip when Tom was still staring at it as if  
he had not heard him. 

Slowly, Chakotay turned, wanting to show his own necklace. 

Tom caught his hand.

Chakotay was suddenly trapped by those blue eyes, mesmerized when a single tear jumped out from beneath one eyelid. Even more, when that beloved face drew nearer to him and a single, long, heartfelt kiss was given.

"Chakotay," Tom whispered. //I love you.//

"I know." Chakotay understood. //I love you too//. 

"Thank you for everything, Tom." //This is too small compared to what you have sacrificed for me//.

They had breakfast in a solemn mood, knowing with heavy hearts that a harsh reality was waiting outside their room. They exchanged small talk; the security  
codes for each other’s quarters, arrangements to be made to move Tom's belongings to the First Officer's quarters, the hormone therapy for Chakotay, and the debate over what uniform they needed to wear today.

However, just before they were ready to go outside, Tom rubbed on Chakotay's belly, and said with a painful note, almost ready to cry. "I don't want to leave you, Chakotay."

Knowing that his husband was on the brink of breaking down at any moment, Chakotay grasped his hands tightly.

"Keep it strong, Thomas Paris." He said with a low voice. He felt a hitch in Tom's breath, and released his grasp.

"Attention, Lieutenant," Chakotay said, a bit shakily, and felt his heart drop all the way down. "Stay focused, and do not *worry* about anything. Do your duty, *right*."

Tom took a very deep breath, calmed himself, and stood straighter. He stared at Chakotay lovingly, yet he said, "Aye, aye, Commander."

When they walked outside, Chakotay glanced at the pilot whose head was down, and his heart cried with sorrow. It was not great to start pulling a rank right now, but maybe it was the best thing to do.

"Stop checking out my ass, Tom," he whispered and smiled widely when Tom's head came up with a start. He felt satisfied when the grin that Tom gave him was genuine.

For the rest of the journey, the newlyweds walked straight and proud.

**************************

Captain Janeway had ordered all crew to report for a stand up in the shuttle launch pad. Because such an official gathering was conducted only on very rare occasions, such as a formal burial, and because everyone realized the difficult nature of the situation they were facing, the whole crew showed up in their formal uniforms.

It made Janeway want to cry.

Even though everyone was solemn and thoughtful, the air crackled with energy when Tom and Chakotay appeared.

Janeway watched them walk proudly and handsomely, taking their place among the crew. Chakotay took his place beside her, and suddenly she felt an overwhelming awe.

She glanced at Chakotay, and a sharp pang of regret emerged again.

He looked--- //incredible//. A true soldier. Face emotionless. Calm, focused eyes. Body tense and rigid, just like a noble warrior.

He was--- *glowing*.

She swallowed.

 

She never saw him like this. Except--- //when he was still a Maquis//.

She suddenly realized that she had forgotten this man. The *real* Chakotay. He was not the emotional, pregnant Chakotay. He was not the calm, peaceful Chakotay. Nor was he the subdued, mysterious, mystical, and misunderstood Chakotay. And he certainly was not the old Chakotay who longed to have a son like a frog wishing for the moon.

//Who are you, Chakotay?// She wondered if marriage suddenly stripped him bare into something else. //As if he has accomplished something very important and decides to leave the shell//.

And she remembered how she had fallen for *this* Chakotay years ago. She suddenly felt better knowing that *this* man would be the one that took over command while she was gone.

Still, again she felt the jealousy that she had thought was buried properly. //Tom's *husband*//. She glanced at Tom and was struck by the adoration he directed at Chakotay.

The majority of the crew seemed to find Chakotay's obvious change in persona unnerving. Janeway realized that the gossip spreading about her First Officer's pregnancy with Dorin and sudden marriage to Tom was not favorable. She had felt a wary and unpleasant air when he had come in, yet, now, she saw grudging admiration flickering in everyone's eyes. As if there was an invisible aura forcing them to recognize the true strength and succumb to it.

//Whatever it is, good move, Chakotay//, Janeway felt a sense of satisfaction. She glanced at B'Elanna Torres, mind obviously far away at the moment, and sighed. //Well, maybe not enough, though//.

B'Elanna was surrounded by a number of the female crew. It was clear whose side the women on the ship had taken, and Janeway wondered how Chakotay could manage to win them over.

She could not have a divided crew in a situation like this.

The atmosphere was depressing as she explained to everyone the situation. And the mood got even more dismal, mixing with bristling anger and wariness, when Janeway announced that Chakotay would be assuming command while she was gone.

She got the feeling that the crew felt that everyone leaving the ship was as good as dead. Believing that was the case, they took it hard that their fate was now in Chakotay’s hands.

She could not believe how unpopular Chakotay was now. It seemed as if his reputation over the past few years as a good officer had disappeared in an instant. It  
made her angry.

//One mistake and they won't forgive//, she thought, suddenly shivering as she realized that such a possibility could happen to her too. //Whatever happened to the big *family* of Voyager? Aren't we close enough to understand each other?//. Apparently, in a ship, understanding and knowledge of each other was not enough to maintain the structure and hierarchy of command.

The aura of despondency still lingered when everyone was dismissed and the launching crew ready to depart.

Tom felt the unwelcome air and it made him more reluctant to leave Chakotay. An overwhelming feeling of protectiveness toward his husband and the already palpable longing in his chest made him procrastinate as long as possible. At least until Harry, ready to leave, caught him.

"It's his fight, Tom," he said.

Tom stopped and stared at his friend. The sadness in his eyes was so heartbreaking that Harry had to take him aside.

They stood, looking awkwardly at each other. //My playboy friend marrying a *man*//, Harry thought with a sudden amusement. But he crushed it when he saw Tom fidget and swallow heavily.

"You really are in love with him, aren't you?"

Tom snorted. "As if you don't know."

Of course Harry knew. It was so obvious from the start, even when Tom himself did not recognize it.

"Took you by surprise, eh?" Harry grinned.

Tom smiled grudgingly. "I cannot believe it myself. We were just friends, and suddenly--- WHAM---". He shook his head. "He’s carrying my kid," he whispered with amazement.

"B'Elanna was nothing compared to him, huh?"

Tom glanced at him quickly, and the anger was emanating from him, "You too, Harry? Don't judge, okay?"

"Since when I am a judgmental person?" Harry asked, and smirked when he caught Tom's side-glance. "Look. I am clear headed in this, okay? Ever since you and B'Elanna started getting serious, I just knew it wouldn't work. Actually, *everyone* knew it would not work."

Tom sighed, exasperated.

"The problem is, everyone also knew that B'Elanna really loved you, Tom," Harry said softly. "Hell, Megan and Jenny really loved you. Sue, too. Makes me wonder what kind of love spell you are using." He chuckled.

"Those girls reflected each other. They understood because they had felt it too. And guess what makes them still stay friends to each other," Harry asked.

Tom asked quietly, "What?"

"A good sport."

"Huh?"

"Clean, honest, honorable competition. And knowing that it's a losing game."

"Harry, am I such a jerk?"

"You are," Harry shook his head. "You are the biggest jerk on this ship and I wonder what did those women see in you."

"Hey---"

"Anyway, look at their point of view regarding Chakotay. He is a *man*, not in their league. He is a commanding officer, not in their league. He is *perfect* in your eyes, not in their league. He is pregnant with *your* child, *exceptionally* not in their league. And you proposed to him first, not the other way around. How would you feel if you were B'Elanna?"

"I am a jerk," Tom mumbled but he looked slightly amused.

"He spoiled a great sport. And he *won*." Harry nodded. "It is easier to accept that he won by cheating, you know."

"What are you saying, Harry?"

"Let him show that he does not cheat. It's his fight. You have to trust his capability to win it. After all.... he is *Chakotay* for God's sake."

Tom closed his eyes tightly. "God, Harry..... I cannot describe how I feel about him."

"I can imagine," Harry patted his friend. "I admire you so much, Tom."

"For what?" Tom opened his eyes and stared incredulously.

"For being you. For following your heart in this matter. Surely you opened both eyes when you agreed to give him a child, didn't you?" Harry shook his head again with awe. "For God's sake, Tom.... *Chakotay*! WOW!"

Tom grinned, "Great catch, eh?"

"Damn right!"

"He is absolutely amazing in bed too."

Harry winced, "I'm not sure I want to hear this. Don't push your luck, OK?"

Tom laughed, light appearing in his eyes. He slowly rubbed his chest, feeling the ring medallion around his neck underneath his uniform.

"You are a great friend, Harry. Thank you very much."

Harry pulled his friend into a quick, warm hug, and said with sorrow in his eyes, "Just be careful, will you?"

Tom nodded, solemn. "I will, for Heaven's sake. Now I have a good reason to come home." He grasped Harry's hands tightly. "You too, Harry. Please. Be safe."

For some unknown reason, Chakotay personally gave Harry a warm good luck wish before his shuttle departed. It made him think that somehow the First Officer knew telepathically about his support of Tom's decision in marrying him.

He was genuinely awed by Tom's final decision in choosing his soul-mate. //*Chakotay*, of all people. Who would've thought?//. And he felt that no one was  
better for Tom than this man. 

However, he left with a heavy heart, knowing that he did not tell Tom everything. He hadn’t told him that most of the crew now felt that the First Officer had somehow caused Voyager’s bad luck. 

***************************

Chakotay had planned to say goodbye properly to Tom's flying crew but changed his mind when Ayala and Gerron visibly avoided him. 

He sighed and mentally wished Tom luck to overcome whatever hostility he would face from the other officers during the journey.

"Don't worry about anything, OK?" Tom smiled, knowing what was in his husband's mind at the moment. "Just do our duty right, Commander."

"Don't repeat *me*, Lieutenant." Chakotay returned the smile. Then he stared at him with solemn eyes. "Good luck, Tom."

Tom nodded.

"Come back to me."

The pilot choked on the sudden lump in his throat and quickly saluted. "Aye, aye, Commander."

"Smart ass."

"Chakotay." //I love you//.

"I know, Tom. Me too."

And when the shuttle's berth was closed, Chakotay slowly put his hand against the cold steel. //Come back to me//.

He felt warmth under his fingers, knowing that on the other side, Tom was also touching that spot.

***************************

Chakotay found Kathryn Janeway staring at the shuttle with blank eyes. As he watched her watching Tuvok supervise the launch preparations, he felt a sudden  
pang of loneliness.

//Tom's gone. Tuvok's gone. And soon, *she* will be gone.//

"What do you want me to say to Dorin, Chakotay?" She suddenly said with humor in her tone.

Chakotay smiled, "Whatever you want to say, Kathryn."

"Trust me that I won't go berserk."

"You should try the hormone therapy the Doc gave me. Really helpful to keep you cool." He laughed lightly.

She turned. Chakotay caught his breath when he saw the vulnerability in those eyes. 

It was at that moment he realized that the only person that Janeway trusted enough to reveal her true fear and helplessness to was him. //I never lost her//, he thought with sadness. //It was *me* that she lost//. He suddenly felt ashamed for being envious of Tuvok.

He hugged her to him, and felt the small body melt.

"Leave Voyager to me, Kathryn," he whispered. "I won't lose her."

"Promise me, Chakotay." She mumbled like a child, wanting reassurance from her father.

"I promise I'll do my best." And he kissed her lips softly.

When she left, the resolution was now firm in Chakotay's chest. 

//It's all or nothing, now//.

He rubbed on his belly, feeling relieved for the first time.

He had what he wanted. 

Now was the time to pay the price.

************************

Continued in part 22


	22. Chapter 22

//Well, here I am//, Chakotay thought with irony. //Stuck on a dead ship with only two Lieutenants left and a crew that refuses to look me in the eye//.

With no chief pilot, no tactical officer, no operations officer, the First Officer ordered three-person watch shifts on the bridge. Looking at the sour and unfriendly faces sharing the shift with him, he suddenly wished that he could turn back time. 

//Last time I did this//, Chakotay thought //...I was stuck with only a pilot whom I married later on//. He sighed and fingered the medallion, all the while wondering where Tom was now and how he was handling Ayala and Gerron.

"Chakotay to Torres," he punched his badge, suddenly feeling his heart beat much faster.

B’Elanna’s response was short, brittle like ice on acid and Chakotay had to wince. He caught curious stares from the two Ensigns working on the bridge.

"Please come to the ready room. Have Seven join us and bring the diagnostic results with you.

Dead silence. No sounds of agreement.

Chakotay sighed. Yet, despite everything, he knew B'Elanna was a good officer. She might be unfriendly, but she would cooperate. After all, everyone's life was at stake.

When they were finally sitting in the ready room, the atmosphere was incredibly chilly. B'Elanna sat as far from him as possible, her eyes cold and blank. Her attitude combined with Seven’s, whose indifference was as intact as ever, could freeze the room in an instant.

"What happened with the security system, Seven?"

"The diagnostic we downloaded was only twenty percent complete. We need to rerun this."

"How long should it take?"

"Three hours. If everything works."

Chakotay pondered, glancing at B'Elanna who was now pretending that no one else was present, and he suddenly felt tired and irritable. 

"Would you do me a favor, Seven?"

"Yes, Commander?"

"Forget about the security system. Try downloading the main computer system."

That, somehow, produced some response from B'Elanna.

"That will take at least a day to download. Not to mention two thousands pages of programming text to analyze," Seven said.

Chakotay looked at B'Elanna, "We'll make do. Be, can you put most of the systems on manual?"

"For what?"

Chakotay flinched as he heard that lazy, cynical tone.

"Based on the assumption that the problem lies with the main computer core. Let’s try everything without it."

"Who says it's the main computer system that is screwing up?"

"Where else should we start? The engines and the ship's security system should not be depending on each other, yet they are. The only explanation for this is something to do with their routing through the main computer core, right? Let's start with this."

B'Elanna shrugged.

Chakotay sighed, "Seven, please start on that now. You’re dismissed. No, Be, please stay."

"It's Lieutenant Torres."

Silence. Chakotay waited until the door was closed and only the two of them were left inside.

"Pardon me?"

"Lieutenant Torres, *Commander*."

"Be---"

B'Elanna gritted her teeth and a wave of hot anger suddenly swept the room.

"Start calling me Lieutenant Torres, *Commander*. You have no right to pretend like you are my friend, now." Her voice was deadly quiet.

Chakotay stared at her, then, finally gave up, "Fine."

B'Elanna's contemptuous smile was so sharp it made his heart bleed.

"What do you want me to do, Sir?"

"Can I explain about *everything*?"

The smile seemed frozen on her face, and Chakotay hated that.

"The ship is in danger, *Commander*. There is no time for the recreation of telling fairy tales to each other. Otherwise we should deem you unfit for duty."

"Please."

She rose from her seat. "Switching the engines onto manual operation. Acknowledged. Permission to leave."

Chakotay sighed. //I suspect it won't be easy anyway//. "You may go, Lieutenant."

When lunchtime came around, he debated whether he should have it in the safety of his office, but he realized the importance of his appearing in public. The ship was in danger, and everyone was undoubtedly in fear. Starting to isolate himself would not  
accomplish anything.

There was a palpable silence when he entered the mess hall, but quickly the buzzing noises came back. He swept the room with his eyes and found the inhabitants refusing to meet his gaze at all costs.

He took his meal, wondering where Neelix was at the moment, and found himself walking toward the only empty seat in the hall. It was surrounded by three other crewmembers.

When he nodded his greeting at the other occupants and put his tray on the table, they curiously finished their meals and politely left him alone.

Feeling a sharp pang of sadness, Chakotay ate. Lonely, in the middle of a busy room.

Later on, he walked slowly around the ship. Noticing the empty, deserted corridor.

B'Elanna had turned off the computer system; therefore, everything needed to be done manually. He felt the stillness of the ship. No familiar throb of the engines. He realized how helpless he was now.

He avoided the turbolift, knowing that it most likely was not functioning at its full speed. Also the thought of possibly being stuck in the lift nauseated him.

He climbed down the emergency ladder, soundlessly. Then suddenly he found himself on the crew compartment level.

Again, the corridor was deserted. And dark. It made him shiver.

".....should we do?"

Chakotay stopped.

A voice from the other side of the corner.

"The Captain is getting us out. We’ll be rescued by the Ardinians."

"It’s going to be at least half a month before anyone from Ardinia reaches us. We'll be stuck with Commander Freak for at least that long."

Chakotay felt his heart pounding and his head throbbing. Unaware, he sucked in his breath and exhaled as softly as he could. Not willing to produce any noise. He slowly peeked around the corner.

"I can't believe he is turning into a-- a-- *woman*." The voice was full of mocking disbelief. "What will he become next?"

A pause, then another voice. "I heard that it was not a result of a genetically aided alteration."

"He just *changed*! My God! Can't you imagine how *scary* that must be?"

"You think it's a genetical inheritance?"

"Never mind if it's a genetical inheritance.... What if it's *catching*?"

Gasps.

Chakotay now felt his whole body turn cold, and suddenly, he was very afraid that at any moment someone would discover him spying on his own crew.

"He should not be left wandering around the ship."

"The Doc said it wasn’t *contagious*."

"I can't believe we are stuck with him! We should not trust *anything* he says in this kind of condition!"

"But the Captain trusted him."

"The man is *pregnant*! Even a pregnant woman makes emotional decisions. What happens when it’s is a man? Something against nature should not be trusted."

"But male pregnancy is pretty common."

"Not on a Starfleet ship, not a Commanding Officer, and certainly not by some hocus pocus condition!"

"I prefer Lieutenant Torres as a CO right now."

"Lieutenant Klingon? That's crap! The girl is suffering chronic heartbreak! Just wait a little, though. If the Commander does something very stupid, we can all make a collective attempt to deem him unfit for duty."

Gasp of horror. "Are you suggesting *mutiny*?"

"Of course not! As I said, we'll see first! I'm not too keen on having Lieutenant Klingon as a Captain either, and so far the Commander seems OK!"

It was enough for Chakotay. He backed away and silently climbed back up the ladder. Heart pounding, palms sweating.

He finally found solace in the confines of his office. Surrounded by familiar things, he finally let go of himself and brooded. He thought about either trying to write a journal entry or contacting Tom, but he did neither. He gave up and found himself sitting quietly on the bridge. Ignoring the other crewmembers who were equally ignoring him.

Then, hours later, when his shift was over, he found himself walking to Engineering.

To his surprise, Megan Delaney was there with B'Elanna. 

//Since when has she become B'Elanna's confidante?//, Chakotay wondered. Yet, he realized that lately this Delaney girl had been following B'Elanna more instead  
of her sister. He had heard that Megan dated Joe Carey, and that probably was her reason for being present in Engineering. But Carey was nowhere in sight.

Megan was looking at him like---

Chakotay shuddered and felt irritated.

"How is it going, B'Elanna?"

No answer. 

This silent rebuke and Chakotay’s visible uneasiness seemed to satisfy Megan to some extent.

"Can I have a report on the diagnostic?"

B'Elanna did not bother to turn around from her console, "Wrong address. Try Seven-of-Nine."

Megan smirked.

//That's enough//. Chakotay gritted his teeth and glared at Megan Delaney, "Excuse us for a moment, Ensign Delaney."

Megan widened her eyes and stared at B'Elanna's back. When there was no reaction, she shrugged, "Don't mind me. I'm invisible."

Chakotay inhaled sharply, "Ensign, leave the room. That's an order."

Megan clucked and slowly moved, "Aye, aye, Sir."

She turned and Chakotay heard her grumble. He stopped her, "What were you saying, Ensign?"

Megan turned to mock him, but suddenly froze. Whatever emotion was on Chakotay's face at the moment, it made her change her mind.

Suddenly she realized that she was talking to an ex-Maquis rebel leader.

"Nothing."

She turned again and walked faster. But she faltered a step and giggled softly when she heard B'Elanna snort.

"Stop bullying *weak* people, Chakotay. It's not going to work."

Chakotay glared at the closing door, and turned toward B'Elanna. The Klingon was ignoring him, and he refused to admit defeat. He stared intently at his friend--- maybe *former* friend, willing her to react or--- *something*.

After a while in the silent contest of wills, B'Elanna sighed. It clearly annoyed her that her characteristic impatience proved that she was out of her league in such a contest.

"What do you want?"

Chakotay had to hide his smile. "Let's talk."

B'Elanna laughed bitterly, "If you want to crawl, just do it."

"Why should I need to crawl?"

That was good enough. B'Elanna froze, and slowly turned toward Chakotay. Her eyes were intent and full of repressed anger. She looked ready to explode.

"State what you want, *Commander*."

"I told you, to talk."

"Talk about *what*?"

"About you and me. Your anger toward me. We need to resolve this."

"Why do you need to resolve this? We don't need it. I'm functioning wonderfully without resolving anything with *you*."

"Oh, I suppose so. Not when the ship's life is at stake and your balking at everything I say, never obeying a direct order without taunting me first. Yep. We are functioning wonderfully without resolving anything."

B'Elanna's eyes narrowed, "Is that you, Chakotay?"

The question stopped him. "What?"

"Are you Chakotay or some son of a bitch who thinks that he is a saint and has a right to provide some low blow of insubordination to cover his own guilt?"

Chakotay sighed. "B'Elanna, I am sorry."

"Sorry my ass! Get out, Chakotay."

"Don't make me pull a rank here, B'Elanna! Stop that and talk with me!"

B'Elanna snorted and smirked. "Aye, aye, *Commander*"

//Spirit!// It irritated the hell out of Chakotay. He inhaled again, sharply, and tried hard to regain his balance.

"B'Elanna, I mean it. I am sorry. I am so sorry about what has happened."

"Define what was happening, Commander." Her voice was so cold and devoid of emotion.

Chakotay swallowed. "Having Tom's child."

Silence.

"That's it?" B'Elanna asked, voice even more deadly.

"That's the most important summary of everything. Yes."

Bitter laugh.

"Then I obviously do not recognize you any longer, Chakotay. I doubt that I even know you after all this time."

Chakotay sighed, "B'Elanna, I am sorry---"

"Do you honestly think I am that *shallow*?"

That stopped him. He stared at her guiltily, "No."

"Of course not," B'Elanna chuckled with venom. "I’m sulking because Tom is cheating on me. Of course not."

"He's not cheating on you."

"And I don't care!!"

B'Elanna picked up her corkscrew and threw it at the wall. The loud noise made Chakotay flinch with painful surprise. She gasped, then, hot, angry tears suddenly  
burst out from her. It froze the First Officer.

"You--- You *caused* all of this! And look what happened! The Captain thinks that this is *my* fault! She reprimanded *me* not you! Reprimanded me for neglecting the duty that was *your* responsibility while you were out there having fun with some Ardinian *slut*!"

B'Elanna was now shaking. 

"And *you* have the guts to get *pregnant* as if it was the most normal thing to do! As if that is not enough, that--- that *monster* in your stomach is also *Tom's*! And all your *husband* had to do was pretend that it's *my* fault that he knocked you up."

Chakotay wavered when he felt a wave of anguish suddenly appeared in his stomach.

"You think that Tom's everything, Chakotay? Try to be *me* and tell me if I deserve humiliation like this!"

B'Elanna sobbed loudly. "Kahless, help me... but please get out, Chakotay! Leave me alone!"

Oh the pain was unbearable. Chakotay squeezed the sharp, stabbing pain in his chest, and he wondered why he could survive the unbearable heartache he was  
feeling.

"B'Elanna, I am so sorry. So sorry about everything. I wish I could make it up to you," Chakotay whispered. "I--- I have reasons, Be. Please. Let me explain it  
to you."

"It does not matter," she said softly. The crying fit left her calmer. "Whatever the reasons are, the damage is done. It does not matter."

"It's---"

"You have personal reasons for putting that decision over the life of the ship. Over the value of our friendship. Over everything that you always fought for--honesty, integrity, honor. Whatever those reasons were, Chakotay, I don't want to hear it."

Chakotay was silent. Knowing that she was right. She did not have to hear it nor excuse it.

He had chosen *that* decision over the life of the ship. It was true. He had been willing to pay the price when he chose it.

"I guess you are right," he whispered. "What can I do to mend the damage?"

B'Elanna snorted. "Don't be naive. It won't mend. There is nothing worthwhile that you can do. Let it be, Chakotay. You just pay the consequences."

Chakotay nodded. 

"Let me have my dignity. I promise you full cooperation and no smart-ass attitude for the sake of this ship. But don't try to make me your friend again."

//I suppose that is fair//. Chakotay bit his lower lip when he felt the burning tears in the back of his eyes emerge again.

"I am sorry, B'Elanna. I am *very* sorry."

"You do what you have to do, Chakotay. Pay the consequences. That's what I am asking. And don't bother me."

"Can we be friends again?"

B'Elanna laughed sadly. "Don't dream."

Chakotay nodded and turned around. There was nothing more that he could do.

"No promises."

He stopped. He glanced back to B'Elanna and stared questioningly.

"No promises," he repeated after B'Elanna, a flicker of happiness blooming in his chest. //No promises to be friends, but also no promises to stay apart//. "I'll swear, I'll try anything to make it up."

B'Elanna's eyes suddenly flashed something unfamiliar. She looked at him quietly for a long moment, trapping him in his spot.

The intensity disappeared when she finally closed her eyes, letting another tear fall, and shook her head. 

"Go away."

"I'll see you and Seven in a few hours to discuss the diagnostic results."

B'Elanna nodded and quickly went back to her console.

\--------------------------

Continued in part 23


	23. Chapter 23

He snapped back into reality when a familiar metallic voice sounded distinctively.

"You have a private call waiting for you."

Chakotay blinked. He squinted his eyes in the darkness and realized that he was falling asleep in his office.

"Computer, lights up, forty percent."

The room immediately brightened, and suddenly Chakotay realized something very important.

"Computer, when were you reactivated?"

"At seven hundred hours by the Chief of Engineering."

//And she did not even bother to ask for my permission//, Chakotay sighed. He reminded himself to have another talk with her. This time, it would be strictly business. He felt again the familiar throb of the engine pulse and realized that switching the computer back on was not the only thing that B'Elanna had done.

"Who's online?"

"Lieutenant Paris."

He felt himself smiling. "Patch it through to my desk, please."

"Affirmative".

Tom's face was frowning the moment his image appeared on the desk monitor.

"You’re tired and you are not in bed," the pilot chided.

//Married for a day and he starts acting like a grandmother//, Chakotay thought with amusement. 

"How are you, Tom?" He watched that beloved face carefully.

"Bored."

Chakotay chuckled, then turned serious. A dark and blurry image of a shuttle interior loomed in the back of Tom. He wondered where the other two occupants  
were at the moment.

"Is everything all right, there?"

Tom smiled, "Nothing exciting happening. Ayala and Gerron have been a pair of perfect passengers, silent and no fussing. This part of the journey is very smooth. I switched to automatic pilot some hours ago." He frowned again. "And I have had a really hard time contacting Voyager. What's going on down there?"

"We took the main computer system off-line for a while. I thought it was necessary to run a full diagnostic. Try using an audio communication if this happens again."

Tom widened his eyes and whistled, "Nobody’s done a thorough diagnostic for ages. Are you sure it is necessary? It will piss everybody off, you know. Captain Janeway hasn’t done that once during the years."

Chakotay nodded and mentally concluded that part of his decision was based on his confusion about what to do next. //Kathryn never did this//, he nodded again. //It's because she always knows what's important and what's not//.

"Chakotay," the voice from the monitor turned soft and soothing.

Chakotay turned his stare back to his husband and got caught by a pair of very concerned blue eyes. His heart thumped faster.

"Yes?" He realized that his voice had turned purring.

"Are you all right?"

Chakotay smiled, but he did not conceal his sadness. "I’m fine, Tom. But things are pretty difficult at the moment."

Tom's face was now equally sad. "I know, Chakotay. I can imagine." He shut his eyes briefly, and then stared back with some calmness. "How's B'Elanna?"

"We reached some agreement. It was properly handled."

"She's a good girl. Despite everything, I know that you can rely on her."

Chakotay’s thoughts flew back to the unauthorized decision to reactivate the main computer system. "I know, Tom. As I told you, we'll manage."

"My other passengers here are also giving me the cold treatment. Don't worry about it."

"What's your verdict?"

"Guilty of general pissiness and sentimental irritation."

Chakotay laughed, "They always thought that you were a smart ass, a smug and cheap playboy, and all around pain."

Tom rounded his mouth in mock surprise, "Commander! I didn’t know you cared!"

They laughed heartily. Then Tom looked at him playfully, "So--- what's your verdict?"

That dampened the mood immediately. Chakotay sucked in his breath and guiltily realized that he had lost his smile. It must be visible through the vid.

"Chakotay? I'm sorry....", Tom looked suddenly stricken. He’d caught that.

"Hey---"

"I miss you."

//Spirit, Tom... I wish that you were here//. "Me too."

Those blue eyes curiously glinted. "I love you. I've been thinking about it, and I realized that I’ve *always* been in love with you. All this time, Chakotay."

Chakotay swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. He couldn’t find any words.

"I can't believe I married you," Tom's voice turned into a shaky whisper, and something overwhelmingly warm spread joyfully inside Chakotay's chest. "I must  
have been *really* good to finally have you."

"Tom---."

"Let me finish my schmoop, hubby," Tom chuckled with a face that held something akin to wonder. "I don't care if the world were to end now. It's--- it's---," he swallowed. "This is so *wonderful*. Do you know what I mean?"

Oh, he knew. Chakotay knew. It was wonderful. Beyond imagination. 

"Rest adequately, Chakotay," Tom said seriously. "Dakota and Eagle certainly need it." Then he broke into a wide smile.

//Eagle?// Chakotay winced with sudden amusement. //And he said that he did not want his son to have a *birdy* name//.

They exchanged light banters after that. Smiling, laughing, with Tom giggling all the time. Then, realizing that they had talked too long, they parted after arranging to make similar contact the next day.

Chakotay checked his chronometer. It was nine. He decided to pay a visit to Engineering.

Engineering was surprisingly crowded. Not only were almost all of the Engineering crew present, but several crewmembers from other departments were there too.

They all looked--- *satisfied*.

"B'Elanna? What is going on?" Chakotay asked, announcing his arrival and receiving cold, assessing stares from everyone.

"We found the glitch and managed to bring the impulse engines back online." Chakotay noticed that she was beaming. He suddenly realized that B'Elanna's true  
love was indeed--- her *engines*.

//So?// "We still aren’t able to move."

Irritated, B'Elanna opened her mouth, ready to snap, but stopped when she remembered her earlier promise.

"At least we’ve idled. And we have decreased the rate at which we are drifting toward that hole.”

"How significantly?"

The irritation was undoubtedly shared now. The surrounding crew looked at him as if he was an ungrateful person.

//She did not ask my permission//, Chakotay chanted to himself mentally. //She deserves to be dressed down//. However, he was not so sure about that either.

"A ten percent decrease, *Commander*."

That smart-ass attitude was back. Chakotay stared at her closely.

"Have you completed a thorough diagnostic?"

"It’s not necessary, Commander." It was Joe Carey who spoke this time, talking as if he were explaining things to a child. "We found several glitches, and we've been working on fixing them. If you are patient, the warp core should be ready soon, and we can bring the *Captain* back to the ship in no time."

When Carey said, “bring the Captain back,” he noticed the smirks appearing on the faces surrounding him. He now truly knew that no one on this ship was willing to  
let him hold the command.

He felt a simmering anger.

He stared at B'Elanna, who looked solemn and quiet. "Did you bring the main computer system and the engines back on-line?"

"I did, Sir," Carey said.

"I'm not talking to you, Lieutenant." Chakotay said quietly. "Did you give him the authorization, B'Elanna?"

B'Elanna stared at him intently. There was something there. Something that made Chakotay refused to look elsewhere. 

He knew if he backed down or even blinked during this moment, he would lose.

"Not exactly," B'Elanna said equally quiet. "Joe showed me the glitches, and I thought I would give him a chance."

Joe Carey blinked.

Chakotay slowly turned to him, "Did you have time to ask for authorization, Lieutenant Carey?"

The room had now turned very quiet. Everybody was waiting tensely.

"Lieutenant Torres said that it was fine to try---"

"Lieutenant Torres should ask my permission first." Chakotay gave a cold glance to B'Elanna and stared back at the now flushing Joe Carey. "She *knew* she was wrong. Yet, she did not give you any authorization. Am I correct?"

"I--- Yes."

"Did you realize that I had ordered the computer system to be shut down until further notice?"

"Yes."

"It's 'Yes, Sir', Lieutenant."

"Yes, Sir,” Joe said in a mocking tone.

"Did you realize that Lieutenant Torres had not asked my permission to do this?"

"Yes, Sir." The tone turned subdued.

"Then you *knew* better that this is a matter of insubordination. Am I correct?"

Quiet. "Yes, Sir."

"Good. Take the engines and main computer off-line and start running that diagnostic as ordered."

Everyone gasped.

"Sir---," Joe was now flushing furiously.

"Do as I say, Lieutenant."

"With all due respect, *Commander*, that is the most unproductive thing to do."

"That is an order!"

"I filed my protest!"

This time B'Elanna put a hand on her partner, "Joe....."

"I will deal with you later, B'Elanna," Chakotay said in a low voice. His anger was now bubbling like molten lava. "Now, do as I say, Mr. Carey."

Joe Carey's stare was now positively throwing daggers. He was quiet for a long moment, feeling the supportive stares from his shipmates. He bravely nodded and said, "Aye, aye, Commander. But I still want to file my protest to the Ship's Log. Officially recorded."

B'Elanna was flushing with anger, "Do as he says, Joe! Goddamnit, stop being a *mule*."

Her burst of anger surprised Carey, "But---"

"Go! Do it!"

His face turned pale, then he quickly turned toward the console and started shutting down the engines. 

The crew stood still around them. Not knowing what to do, yet clearly showing *who* they were supporting.

"Just a minute." Chakotay, feeling venomous, would not let this kind of thing go over easily. He was an ex Maquis, for Spirit's sake. This kind of silent mutiny did not deserve forgiveness.

Joe Carey stopped.

"Enter your protest into the log. Now. Let me see it and I will approve it."

The room was now frozen with terror. It seemed like everyone had stopped breathing and that the only thing pulsing was the engine.

"Fine," Joe Carey typed furiously on the console. He finished quickly and let Chakotay read and approve the protest. Chakotay then entered in his official  
authorization to let Joe Carey handle the entire diagnostic with orders to report to him immediately any findings. After all, this guy was the one who noticed the glitches.

"Done," Joe said coldly. "I hope you know what you are doing, Commander."

Chakotay let the younger man bask in the silent admiration of his colleagues, while he turned to B'Elanna, who had been watching the whole thing quietly and speculatively.

"Come with me, Lieutenant." Chakotay said. "We need to clear this once and for all."

***************************

Continued in part 24


	24. Chapter 24

"I suppose that satisfied your bullying streak," B'Elanna said quietly in the safety of the First Officer's office.

Chakotay snorted, "Isn't that what's supposed to be?"

B'Elanna's eyes narrowed. "Chakotay. This is not the Maquis."

"So people should be allowed to be insubordinate?"

B'Elanna was silent. Then she spoke quietly, "You're digging your own grave."

Chakotay inhaled deeply. "Should I be worried more about this than the fact that you're deliberately breaking your promise?"

"What promise?"

Chakotay gaped. //She truly regards her peace offering as *nothing*?// He could not conceal his stunned expression. "B'Elanna?"

They stared at each other for a long moment. When B'Elanna finally avoided his eyes and a hint of--- *guilt* appeared on her face, Chakotay shut his eyes.

He suddenly felt thankful.

It was just a hint.

Guilt.

A hint.

//She's there. She is still *there*//.

"Help me, B'Elanna," Chakotay said, no longer able to suppress his distress. All he needed now was one ally.

The most needed ally. His *best* friend.

"You can be mad at me. Shun me from your life forever. Condemn me to hell. Lick your wounds. But this ship needs you and I working *together*. Now."

"I don't see why it's necessary to bring the engines off-line. You're doing a very stupid thing." B'Elanna said stubbornly.

Chakotay squeezed B'Elanna's shoulder. Hard. She flinched, but she did not pull away.

"Are you with me, B'Elanna?"

"Stop dreaming," B'Elanna snorted. "What happens if I'm not?"

Chakotay sighed. "I have to confine you to quarters or maybe have you court-martialed."

B'Elanna gave him a side-glance, then reluctantly smiled. "Kahless, Chakotay. You are such a bastard."

Chakotay smiled back with relief. However, B'Elanna said quietly, "What you did out there wasn't smart, Chakotay."

"Define not *smart*."

"Dressing down Joe in front of everybody for doing something that might not be wrong."

Chakotay felt the irritation come back. "And you don't know if it's right to postpone the diagnostic process either. Damn it, B'Elanna. This is the *last* time I'll use a double standard to let you off the hook."

B'Elanna slowly bowed her head and stared at her feet.

She said quietly, "Some of the crew wanted me to take over command, you know."

//I already figured that out//. "I am not surprised," Chakotay said softly. "What do you think about that?"

B'Elanna clucked, "It makes me sad."

The answer surprised Chakotay. "Why?"

"Voyager has never been in a mutinous situation before. Not even when we were still broken into factions of Starfleet and Maquis. This is saddening."

Chakotay nodded. "Then we're together in this, B'Elanna?"

B'Elanna smiled with a ghost of smugness. "We'll see. Prove to me that you're doing fine first, then we'll see."

Chakotay smiled grudgingly, "Fair enough." Then he looked at his friend with gratefulness. "Thank you, B'Elanna."

//Thank you for listening to me//.

"For what?"

//Thank you for being the *real* you//.

"For siding with me in Engineering just now."

She snorted.

***************************

However, his shaky alliance with B'Elanna only provided temporary comfort.

Just before lunch, several ensigns suddenly demanded to see him.

*Demanded*.

//Just like laborers on strike//. Chakotay thought. He watched them enter the ready room, each of them tense and grim.

"What seems to be the trouble?" Chakotay folded his hands in front of his chest.

One of them, whom he recognized as Danar from Provision and Maintenance, refused to sit, instead preferring to stand near the First Officer. Trying to use his height to unnerve the ex-Maquis.

"We demand that the computer system be brought back online."

Chakotay stared at him. Funny, but at that moment, a wave of peaceful feeling coming from nowhere descended upon him. Unconsciously, he rubbed at his belly.

"No."

Danar flinched involuntarily. Apparently, his menacing stature had actually taken a real effort to affect and the fact that it did nothing to unnerve the First Officer became a boomerang to him.

"We know that you prevented Lieutenants Torres and Carey from doing their jobs. We protest that action, and see no reason for not bringing the computer back online."

"All our activities are stopped," another of the ensigns said breathlessly. "You've done nothing but make all of us scared and restless. There is a chance for us to get away from that--- that *hole* and you disrupt it."

The other crew murmured their agreement. 

"Do any of you know why I ordered Lieutenant Carey to shut down the main computer?" Chakotay asked in a low voice.

Silence. 

Chakotay stared intently at each crewmember. Slowly, thoroughly. He knew that this would unnerve them more.

Yet, the silence hinted stubbornness.

"I suppose you would know if you checked on what Lieutenant Carey was doing right now."

Danar inhaled quickly. "We know. That's why we came to you. We think that your decision in this is a blunder."

"Why a blunder?"

"We see no reason to redo everything when it is obvious that Lieutenants Carey and Torres have located the sources of our problems."

"We are not redoing anything. We are completing the whole process."

"We are wasting our time, Commander."

"What time are we wasting? Why are you in such a hurry?"

"The hole---"

"If nothing happens, it will take approximately two weeks for us to be sucked into the hole. The engine and the computer shut downs only apply for two days. It will not change anything much. Your protest is denied."

They all seemed frozen to their spots. Chakotay saw that some of them had started sweating.

"God, I hope that you are right, Commander," Danar suddenly hissed with whatever energy he had left in him. "We have filed our complaint to the Log. It's enough evidence for the Captain if your decision is truly a mistake."

"If I've blundered, the Captain will not be able to see your protest." Chakotay said coldly, yet his heart plunged to hear what he actually said. Especially, when he saw how pale some of the faces in front of him turned.

"Are you finished, gentlemen?"

Some nodding and some incoherent mumbles.

"Round up all the crew as quickly as possible and have them go to the mess hall. I'm going to have a general briefing there."

They nodded and left. Trudging out with their heads hanging, like defeated gladiators waiting for the lions to eat them.

Later, Chakotay met Neelix outside the mess hall. 

The Talaxian chef looked upset and anxious. There was no doubt in Chakotay's mind that he had deliberately intercepted him before he could enter the hall.

"Commander, I am very worried about what's happening inside."

"What is happening inside, Neelix?"

"It's started again," Neelix said in an oddly apologetic tone. "The division between the Maquis and Starfleet. Some of them are demanding that you step down from command, some of them aren't."

"Sounds like a mutiny," Chakotay said quietly. "We'll see about that then, Neelix."

Neelix quickly caught his hand, preventing him from taking another step.

"Commander---"

Chakotay watched his friend fidget. He could see the fear and sadness in those eyes.

"I am sorry that this is happening to you, Sir."

Chakotay swallowed and patted his friend's hand. "Maybe, in some way, I deserve this, Neelix."

"I am very fond of you, Commander. I think I know you quite well. Whatever has happened to you, whatever you've done, I know that you have a very good reason  
for it."

Somehow, Chakotay realized that now he doubted whether his reason was *that* good.

"I hurt a lot of people, Neelix."

"Maybe," Neelix said. "But you make Lieutenant Paris very happy."

Chakotay swallowed. "I don't think that will even things out."

Neelix smiled, "Oh yes you do, Sir. Making someone who has never known real happiness before very, very happy is something worth the world. And I am very sure  
that you're not going to make any of our lives suffer."

//I wish I was that certain//, Chakotay thought. He nodded solemnly at Neelix, a silent thank you, and walked toward the mess hall.

Again, the room turned silent when he entered. It was becoming a habit, and it amused him.

The room was packed, with everyone sitting and standing around uncomfortably.

One thing that made Chakotay grateful was that these people were trained soldiers. They might be mutinous and rebellious at the moment. But for the most part,  
they were civilized, polite, and respected the system.

The kind of people that could communicate.

Chakotay slowly stood on one chair. A wave of curious peacefulness came back to him again. He had never been as completely at ease and full of confidence as  
he was right now.

//Power and command do that to you//, he thought. //It is dangerously *addicting*//.

Then, the curious peaceful feeling changed into something.

He felt--- *powerful*.

His head was light, his stance was straight, and his inside felt *great*.

He did not realize that at the moment he was mesmerizing.

The *glow* was back.

That warrior aura once again surrounded him. 

Calm. Full of power. 

*Eternal*.

The impact of that look took the crew by surprise.

Half of the crew was suddenly gasping with awe, while the others was staring--- *really* staring for the first time.

"I heard that you've been restless." Chakotay said with a surprisingly clear voice. "Several people have come to see me about my decision to take the main computer system and engines off-line again, and because of that I need you all to be here and  
straighten things out with me. Directly."

Uneasy silence. 

He inhaled.

"First of all, I need to clarify again that I am in *command* of this ship right now. Captain Kathryn Janeway made the official authorization and recorded it in the Ship's Log."

Pause.

"Second, I need to clarify again that we are now in the first stage of an emergency situation."

That produced some collective gasps and mumbles.

"That means I am going to use standard wartime disciplinary measures from now on. I expect complete obedience of commands and respect of authorities."

Chakotay slowly stared at some of them one by one. He was satisfied when most of them avoided his eyes.

"No questioning of orders will be allowed. All acts of insubordination will be subject to punishment, ranging from light reprimands to a full court martial. Mutiny will receive capital punishment."

This time, intelligible sounds of protests were heard. But they died again in just a few seconds.

"Curfew will be applied if necessary. Shifts rotate every eight hours and each shift change should be recorded directly to the Log. No need to fill in reports that I have no time to process."

Chakotay caught B'Elanna within his range of vision and saw his friend hide her smile. It reassured him for some reason.

"You may protest my orders through the Log. This situation will remain in affect for two weeks or until Captain Janeway lifts it, therefore you need not worry that your protests will remain unnoticed. However, during this period, I expect your full cooperation. Otherwise, you will pay the consequences."

Then, he slowly looked at the faces below again, which had stilled as if turning into statues.

"I hope you understand that I will do my best to overcome this desperate situation, and believe me, we need to all remain clear headed and work together. We can't do that if you don't cooperate. Such actions will endanger all of us." 

He paused.

"I know that I've become some sort of *freak* to you, but believe me, you need to put that aside for a while, and then do what is most important. Survive."

His last word was spoken with such a solemn and powerful tone that the faces surrounding him curiously looked as if they were---- *melting*.

"All I am asking of you is your complete trust for two weeks. I swear to the Spirit that I won't let Voyager be doomed. Please. Remember that."

He finished his speech and dismissed everyone. 

They left without a fuss. But the air had changed. The atmosphere suddenly felt--- *subdued*. Completely different from the aura of fear and restlessness that  
had pervaded before.

It was so different. It felt as if a rainstorm had wiped out a hundred-year drought.

B'Elanna slowly walked over to him, and when she finally stood in front of Chakotay, her reluctant smile was genuinely warm.

"Welcome back, Maquis."

It meant everything to Chakotay.

*************************

A day and a half later, Chakotay could sense a feeling of anxiety as he entered Engineering.

Joe Carey, looking strangely quiet and subdued, went to see Chakotay as soon as the First Officer entered the room.

Chakotay eyed the other faces in the room, noticing how they avoided his gaze.

He frowned. //This is not good//.

He was aware that since his speech, the crew had turned distant. No rumors or insubordinate attitudes were found, and the crew was completely obeying anything he said, but it did nothing to reassure the First Officer.

He hated to admit that he was now feeling very, very lonely.

He realized now how empty Captain Janeway's life was.

"What is it, Lieutenant Carey? Have you come up with some answers?"

"Yes, Sir." Carey fidgeted nervously. "I found the major glitch in the system."

"What is it?"

"Someone changed the *basic* parameters. Some form of a hacker. It changed the constant value, like the metric measurement of the ship, or the base mass. Because of that change, many of the ship actions are being regarded as errors."

Chakotay looked at him without hiding his terror. "That's awful!!"

"Yes, Sir," Carey looked ashamed. "If you had not ordered a complete diagnostic, we would not have found this."

Chakotay ignored the apology. "How could this go wrong? How could someone do this?"

B'Elanna said softly, "It might happen sometime during our overhaul. We were in Ardinia for months, and our system at some points was actually pretty open to any  
engineers, including Ardinian engineers. The sabotage might have happened during that time."

"And we would never have noticed it because we trust our system," Carey nodded. "The error started in security, then the engines, then--- other systems were  
affected. Like a chain reaction. All of which happened without our knowing."

"So the failure of the engine was an accumulative situation."

"Yes," B'Elanna nodded. "It's a result of something that had been happening a lot longer than we thought. Maybe our disappearance of dilithium was in fact a miscalculation too."

"And if we don't know that......."

"Who knows what could have happened," Carey shuddered. "The ship could have exploded because of some miscalculation in creating a warp field, or we could have ended up in the wrong part of space because our navigation systems were not functioning properly....."

Chakotay smiled at B'Elanna, "Now you and Tuvok's names are clear!"

B'Elanna looked at him seriously. "Maybe, but I don't think that's exactly true. I still feel responsible for this."

"Don't be too hard on yourself, Be," Chakotay patted his friend and was surprised to hear a soft 'thank you'. He pretended not to hear it for good reasons and turned to the sheepish Joe Carey, "Good work, Mr. Carey."

Joe was blushing furiously, "I---"

"Start reprogramming the system and then bring everything back on-line. I can't wait to replicate some real food."

Joe swallowed, "Aye, aye, Commander."

When Chakotay was about to leave, Joe Carey approached him again.

"Yes?"

"I am sorry, Sir," Joe said with a tone that wavered, as if he was close to tears. "I am so sorry that I ever doubted you. I wish I could take back my protest."

Chakotay knew that at that moment he wished that Joe could take it back too. It would be hard on the young engineer knowing that he was on record in questioning  
an order that turned out to be saving everyone's life in the ship's Log.

He felt sorry for him and made a mental note to appraise the young man in the Ship's Log for finding the glitches.

"Not to worry, Ensign. It's just luck, I guess." He quietly shuddered. //Almost.... I almost *blew* it//.

That was what Chakotay really thought. *It was just good luck*. 

Yet, it indeed felt like a sweet victory.

***************************************

Continued in part 25


	25. Chapter 25

By the fifth day, Chakotay had reached his limit.

He was woken up, rather harshly, by none other than B'Elanna Torres.

He opened his eyes with difficulty, wishing that his head would stop pounding, and found his friend's face looming before him.

The only thing that came across his mind at the moment was intense relief. B'Elanna waking him up was a good sign. 

It was a beginning.

He needed the intimacy of a close friendship that he had thought he had lost forever.

But then, he saw the Doctor beside her.

"Commander? Do you hear me?" His voice sounded..... *metallic*. And distant. It *echoed*, as if his room had suddenly turned bare.

He tried to nod, but was surprised when he could not move his head. The pounding became heavier and harsher, making him just want to close his eyes and go back to sleep.

A hot ache bit at his cheek, and he reluctantly focused his eyes, only to realize with curiosity that the Doc was slapping him.

//Am I going crazy or what?//

"W...wha...?" But his throat felt dry and painful.

"Hang on, Chakotay." He recognized the distant voice. It was B'Elanna's. "We're going to beam you to Sickbay, now. You got that?"

//Why? Was somebody sick?//

There was something. Something urgent. He could feel the desperation there, but he wondered what.

A moment later, he felt the soothing darkness come back.

************************

An hour earlier:

 

B'Elanna was almost dead on her feet. 

Finding the source of the problem turned out to be the easiest part of the whole process. There were a thousand parameters to be recalculated and re-entered into the main system. And that was just to fix the main computer system. She also needed to fix the hardware--engines, electronic wiring--everything. 

To get things done as fast as possible, Chakotay had ordered five-person shifts working around the clock. Things went pretty smoothly, considering that the order was given at a time when the threat of insubordination and treachery was very high. 

B’Elanna grudgingly accepted that somehow Chakotay had tamed Voyager and its inhabitants.

//For the time being//.

Then, her communicator beeped.

"There's a private line waiting for you."

B'Elanna gritted her teeth impatiently. 

Private line! As if whoever this was did not realize the importance of working out the problem instead of talking nonsense.

//And who the hell would want to have a private conversation with me?//

"Who's on the line?"

"Lieutenant Tom Paris."

//Who else?// she thought bitterly. The only person that was allowed to have a private communication line to her was Tom. 

The knowledge hurt beyond belief.

"Tell him I'm busy."

"Affirmative."

Five minutes later, her comm badge beeped again.

"A private line for Lieutenant Torres."

"Who the hell is it?"

"Lieutenant Tom Paris."

She threw down the pad she had been reviewing. //What does he want?//. She suddenly had the overwhelming urge to burst out crying, vaguely remembering the time when private comm with Tom did not require computer's assistance to get permission.

"Can you take a message?" //I don't want to talk to him. Hell, I can't stand to *hear* his voice//.

"He said this is an emergency."

"Can't you direct this to Commander Chakotay?" //As it is supposed to be?//

The pain suddenly became unbearable.

"Negative. Lieutenant Paris has contacted Commander Chakotay for almost one hour with no response."

B'Elanna frowned.

Her pain forgotten, she commed the First Officer. No answer.

"Will you accept Lieutenant Paris' call?"

"Yes."

"B'Elanna?"

//Oh, Kahless//. A wave of pain and longing struck her. She bit her lip and felt blood. //Give me strength//.

"Yes, Tom?"

A moment of silence. Then, "Can I--- Can I--- ask for your help?"

His voice was soft. Quiet. 

Shy.

Afraid.

She grabbed the console near her, suddenly feeling her knees weaken.

"What can I do for you?" Her voice was surprisingly calm.

"P--please check on Chakotay, will you?"

//Chakotay//. As if she had been hit with a bucket of cold water, B'Elanna suddenly felt sober. //He did *not* return my comm//.

"He's probably resting, Tom. We've been pretty busy lately."

"Yeah... I heard." //Oh Lord, why does he have to sound so---//. "But I am so *afraid*... He never--- never leaves my call unanswered, you know?"

Something inside her instantly agreed. Chakotay definitely never turned down calls. Especially from someone important, like---

//His *husband*//.

"Let me comm him."

"Don't-- don't just comm him, Be," Tom stammered. "Please. Can you check things out?"

She never heard Tom talk like that. And the pain inside her chest began to hurt even more.

"I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you." Obvious relief. 

B'Elanna shut out the thoughts that were passing through her mind at the moment. "You're welcome."

"Be?"

It was too much for her.

"Don't."

"B--"

"If you want to apologize or try to have a conversation with me right now, forget it.  
Understand?"

Silence.

"I understand."

She broke the communication and ran to the First Officer's quarters.

***********************

The sound of constant beeping woke Ayala up.

He squinted his eyes, noticing Gerron fast asleep in the other bunk, and quickly went to the cockpit.

He stopped when he realized that Tom Paris was sitting still in his chair.

Ignoring the beeping.

"What the hell? *Lieutenant* Paris, what are you doing?"

He strolled quickly to the console and peeked at the monitor.

The beeping was an alarm for---.

He froze. "What--?"

A surge of anger running through him, he turned quickly.

"You’ve turned around!"

Then he saw the phaser. Pointing at him.

"Paris---"

"Shut up, Ayala. Now, sit over there carefully and quietly."

There was something very fierce in those blue eyes. //And something--- *scary* too//.

Ayala sat down slowly in the co-pilot's seat. His eyes alternating carefully between the gun and the pilot who held it.

"Have you gone crazy?" He said quietly. "Where are we going?"

There was something. 

Something very *wrong*.

"Back to Voyager."

//He *has* turned crazy//.

"Paris, we're almost *there*! You can't turn back now. The ship needs the dilithium."

"Shut up or I'll tie you up."

"What's wrong with Voyager?"

"I said SHUT UP!"

Ayala stared in shock at the sudden eruption of tears pouring out from those eyes.

"Paris? Is Voyager---?"

"No," Tom now bawled like a baby. "It's--- ."

There was a flash in the corner of Ayala's eyes. 

Very quick.

He could not stop it.

The world suddenly spun to a halt, and he saw in slow motion Tom, eyes turned backward, crumple to the floor, dropping the phaser by his feet as he lost consciousness.

Ayala stared at the grinning face of Gerron.

"Got the bastard, huh?"

***************************

"You can't will their return by staring, Harry." Carter smiled amused. 

Harry sighed loudly. "There's only one probe that has successfully returned. We need the other two! I can't just use a single data source here. The result may  
not be conclusive."

"We’ve been waiting too long. The probes might not come back."

"If that was the case, then how come the first one returned?"

"Are you basically saying that you want to wait here longer?"

"I need to make sure, Carter."

"The ship needs us."

"Just for a while."

Carter shrugged. 

Then, the communication line beeped. Carter turned on the communicator monitor. Seeing a tired B'Elanna Torres was definitely surprising.

"Carter, Harry, how's the probe data collection going?"

//B'Elanna?//

Something was wrong. Harry knew it by instinct.

"What’s happened, B'Elanna?"

"Do you have enough data about the hole?"

Harry frowned darkly, "B'Elanna? Is something wrong with the ship?"

"If it is possible---," she paused, taking a deep breath. "If you have enough data, would you both come back as soon as possible?" //Please// Harry finished her sentence mentally. He realized that B'Elanna was asking something very, very important.

"Of course. But we still need another day to make sure the two missing probes come back."

"Harry, Chakotay is in a *coma*. We have no pilot."

****************************

Naomi Wildman stared curiously as the Doctor and B'Elanna huddled in one corner of the sickbay.

There was someone in the biobed, but she could not see who that was. Besides, her itch was more important.

"Hey!" the little girl shouted with irritation. Usually, the Doc would greet her right away when she announced her presence.

B'Elanna and the Doctor quickly turned around, and before she realized what was happening, the Lieutenant jumped and then took her by hand to another corner of  
Sickbay. Far from where they stood.

"Ow! Don't pull me that hard!" She protested and scowled at B'Elanna who was already scowling at her.

"Can you stay here for a while, Naomi? The Doctor will look at you soon. Don't move okay?"

She nodded, "I have a nasty itch. Don't take too long. And who's sick over there?"

B'Elanna glanced nervously toward the Doctor who was very intent and focused on whatever he was doing right now.

"Just stay, Naomi. You got that?" B'Elanna's eyes were hard, and even though she could have ignored that request by simply crying or bullying her in a childish manner, Naomi sensed desperate plea in that request. She nodded, and secretly tried to take a peek at the person sleeping in the biobed in front of the Doctor.

B'Elanna quickly walk backed to where she had been standing originally. She glanced back at Naomi and carefully arranged her body to conceal the patient from the little girl's eyes.

"What's going on, Doc?" She whispered.

The holodoc shook his head, "Stress maybe, but his vitals are showing something strange."

B'Elanna clenched her fingers, "How strange?"

The Doctor curiously sighed. "He's....... *sleeping*."

B'Elanna stared mutely.

"Sleeping?" When she finally found her voice, her tone was incredulous.

"A very deep sleep. Normal readings and all. Our problem is how to wake him up."

"Sleeping?"

"It could be poisoning, though scans did not pick up any recognizable sleep-inducing chemicals. I’ve tried everything I can think of, but his body just simply---*refuses* to wake up."

They stared at the person in the bed for a long time, not realizing that Naomi had finally lost her patience. Curiosity won over, and she slowly stepped near them.

Wondering who was---

She froze.

B'Elanna turned around quickly when she heard the gasp.

"Naomi---"

"He is *glowing*!" She screamed.

Itch forgotten, she stood rooted to the ground. Hands came from nowhere, dragging her away from where she stood. 

She just stared. Stared at the still body of Commander Chakotay.

*Glowing* like a neon light.

******************************

A day earlier:

 

For some unknown reason, their return to Ardinia did not seem to surprise anyone. Once she notified the Ardinian space base of their arrival, Captain Janeway got the authorization to land the shuttle directly inside the palace compound.

They were greeted by Duvaar, who was looking disturbed but pleased enough to see them again.

"I don't want to guess on anything, Captain Janeway, but I have a distinct feeling that your return has something to do with some unfortunate situation concerning Voyager."

Janeway looked at him hard. "Did the Prime Councilor have a hunch?"

Duvaar stopped.

Janeway quickly smiled shamefully. "I am so sorry, Duvaar. A long journey and our desperation have left me unable to think clearly. Please forgive my rudeness."

Tuvok, seeing something else, intervened, "Is something terrible happening here, Ambassador Duvaar?"

All of them stood, staring warily at each other. Each noticing the almost visible uneasiness lingering around them.

Janeway saw the anxiety and tiredness in Duvaar's face, and carefully asked, "Is the Prime Councilor all right?"

Duvaar let out a loud sigh. "Captain Janeway, I cannot tell you how *glad* we are to finally have you back."

Janeway and Tuvok exchanged glances.

As if a dam had finally burst, Duvaar fidgeted and talked without any more restrictions, "I hope Commander Chakotay is here... I mean if he is here---"

"Why does Commander Chakotay need to be here?" Janeway asked in a sharp tone.

Duvaar exhaled shakily, "Something--- something unpleasant happened to the Prime Councilor.... and---and it's because---"

He paused indefinitely. Looking tired and helpless. 

Janeway had never seen him like this before. "Because?"

"Dorin," the Ambassador whispered. Then, he quickly regained his stance. "Please come in. We need to talk inside."

****************************

Continued in part 26


	26. Chapter 26

When consciousness returned to him, the first thing he felt was despair. Bleak, black despair that sucked at his hope, drowning him in a deep abyss.

Unlike waking from a dream, where the remembrance of haunting images, leave one’s thoughts vague, hovering on the brink of awareness, Tom remembered exactly what had happened before the blackness had arrived.

Despair.

"....crazy."

He tilted his head, unconsciously turning so that he was in a better position to hear more.

"Let me see 'em."

Then, thumping footsteps drew nearer. A gush of warm breath fell over him, followed by a series of light taps on his cheek.

"Paris? I know you're awake. Come on. I can tell the difference between someone really unconscious and someone just pretending."

Tom exhaled softly and slowly opened his eyes. He stared at the dark pools of Ayala's eyes, as the man leaned back as if surprised.

"I'm awake, dammit...," Tom croaked. He quickly closed his eyes again when a wave of anguish returned.

//No hope// he refused to think more.

"Paris?" Ayala's voice suddenly turned gentle. Tom opened his eyes and realized that his two colleagues were standing above him in a friendly stance.

"Hey. Chakotay is not exactly in as bad shape as you thought before. We've just communicated with Voyager."

//Chakotay//. Tom's face suddenly crumpled again. //My *husband*//.

"He'll be fine," Ayala said quickly, realizing that watching the smug pilot so helpless was *very* disturbing. For some unknown reason, he wished that he had not seen this side of the young 'aristocrat'.

"How do you know?" Tom whispered, feeling the coldness of the shuttle's interior behind him. He squinted and found himself sitting on the ground with his back leaning against one corner of the wall.

"The Doc is taking care of him," Ayala said in a reassuring voice. "Go ahead, check it for yourself. Then turn this thing around, will you?"

Tom slowly peeked toward the cockpit's console. Gerron was watching him warily.

He sighed, feeling the despair come back with vengeance, along with the first hint of sanity.

"Who conked me? Gerron? Bastard. That hurt." He slowly stood up and glared at Gerron.

The young Bajoran watched him closely, and then said in a surprisingly gentle voice, "I managed to decrease the shuttle's speed, but I didn’t dare to try anything more. We need to turn around, Paris."

Tom blinked, and suddenly realized that his face was still wet. He wiped it quickly, but was surprised to find his eyes were still blurring. It was as if some automatic pilot in him had refused to stop shedding tears.

He swallowed and slowly went to the pilot's chair. He sat for a long moment, staring at the helm's console.

"Please."

He turned his head and found Ayala and Gerron looking at him, their faces unreadable masks.

"Put us back on the course we’re supposed to be on, Paris." Ayala said. "We're almost there, and everyone is waiting for us."

"I’m sorry about the Commander," Gerron said in a quiet voice that held a hint of sadness. 

//Sorry?// Tom's shoulders stiffened.

"But there is nothing that we can do, right now. Just trust the Doctor to take care of him, all right? You can comm him every minute. As long as you pilot us there," Gerron continued.

//But I feel like dying//. Tom stared blankly at the dark space in front of him, and finally punched some buttons to change course so that the shuttle was again heading toward its original destination.

//B'Elanna said....."---he's in a *coma*.."//. He remembered the terror, the sudden urge to throw up, kill somebody, or just blow the shuttle away when *that* word reached his ear.

//----*coma*//. He remembered black. And red. And sharp needles stabbing at his insides.

He sighed and let out a soft sob. //*Nothing* was going right//.

As if his body was detached from his soul, he watched himself piloting the shuttle. Remembering how he had gone berserk moments ago, he slowly stared at his hands. //He *loves* my hands//.

He saw the red and bluish planet in front of him, covered by yellow streaks of gasses, and a huge ball of asteroids.

//"---do your duty right, Lieutenant"//.

"I don't like how that looks," Gerron said hiding his anxiety. "We’ll have to penetrate those flying rocks."

"The gasses will cause heavy turbulence and extreme friction for the shuttle," Ayala said. They both exchanged glances and stared at Tom, who sat quietly, as if in a daze.

"Paris?" Gerron said, now no longer able to conceal his worry. "Dammit, don't freak out on us here. You have to get us through that safely."

Tom only grunted.

"No reckless attitude."

//....*coma*//.

"Dammit, don't *think* about *him* now. You hear me?"

//My *husband*//.

"Run the course smoothly, or---"

//Despair//. "Or what?"

Silence.

Tom shut his eyes tightly for a second. //I can't believe that I *really* love him//. Then, he snorted. "No worries. We'll be ready in one hour. I’ll let you know when to buckle up."

Then, softly, Ayala offered, "Do you want to contact Voyager, now?"

He quickly stared somewhere else when the blue eyes that used to be so annoyingly smug turned to him in despair.

"I guess I have to rely on your information, right?"

"If you trust me enough, yes. I think they’re working on him now."

"And we can't disturb them, right?" Tom's voice was so soft that Ayala knew he was talking to himself.

"Can't have you distracted and going hysterical." He agreed, feeling a wave of gentleness toward the pilot. A sudden urge made him pat Tom lightly, and Ayala  
glared at Gerron’s curious expression.

Forty minutes later, the shuttle entered the outer layer of the flying rocks. 

"Buckle up," Tom said with a hollow voice. //It doesn't matter. If he *dies*---//. He maneuvered around one small asteroid. //I have nothing to lose//.

"Hey! Will you slow down?" Gerron hissed. The shuttle started to jolt, and the Bajoran watched the rocks moved by them. 

"Can't. Otherwise we’ll lose navigation. We'll be entering turbulence as well in a minute."

Gerron watched Ayala clench his teeth and start to flinch when the shuttle zigzagged between rocks that became denser and denser.

"Computer, increase assistance level." Tom said.

"Affirmative."

"Maintain relative speed."

Gerron gasped when one asteroid hurled in front of them, and the shuttle swiftly went down and around it in a sharp decline.

"Are you crazy? This is way too fast. You can't maintain this speed at this level, it's---" He ducked involuntarily when a moving rock flashed in the corner of his eyes and with embarrassment caught Tom's smirk. "---dangerous."

"Gerron, shut up."

The Bajoran stared at the hurling rocks in amazement, and within ten minutes he was sweating profusely.

The shuttle rocked and jolted violently, but still, Tom did not slow it down. They moved zigzagging; declining and inclining with such sharpness that Gerron felt he would be throwing up after this was over.

//God, have mercy//, he thought, then yelled when the shuttle bumped the side of one rock.

"Be careful!" This time it was Ayala who shouted.

"I won't slow down!" Tom shouted back, sweat starting to form on his forehead.

A huge jolt suddenly threw the shuttle upward, and Gerron yelled again when the shuttle's roof hit something hard with a loud bang.

//We ask thy mercy....//

"Sorry!"

"What the hell is that?"

"Turbulence! The gasses are pretty thick and condensed. They’re producing significant pressures!"

Ayala hissed, "Stop talking, Paris, and concentrate!"

Tom chuckled. Then, he frowned. "Computer. Calculate the increase rate of friction heat."

"Outer temperature has increased by fifteen degrees."

"Will you slow down, Paris? You’re going too fast." Ayala scowled. He had been silent when Gerron was whining. But this was clearly too fast.

They jolted again, and now, the shuttle was vibrating.

"Outer temperature has increased by thirty degrees."

"SHIT! This is too fast!" He might not be able to pilot a ship, but Ayala knew about navigation and the basic physics of friction and movement.

Tom did not even hear him.

"Paris! Slow down!" Ayala shouted, and stared worriedly at the pale face of Gerron, who was locked to his chair, as if hanging on for dear life.

A jolt, and then the shuttle shifted upward as a curtain of thick yellow mist struck them. Just as they held their breath, a large, dark surface of something solid suddenly appeared behind it.

Directly in front of them.

//We're gonna crash!//

Gerron shrieked in terror.

Suddenly, the world tilted, and they were pushed forward violently. If their safety belts had not been secured, they surely would have gone flying.

//----MERCY IN THIS FINAL HOUR!!//

Ayala shut his eyes.

Then---

Nothing happened.

Another jolt that caused his heart to skip a bit. //NOT OVER YET!//

A chuckle.

Ayala opened his eyes and stared at the sudden clearness of their view. He turned toward Tom Paris and watched his face with horror.

Tom's face was --- stiff. Emotionless.

His eyes were staring at nothing.

But he laughed. 

*Laughed* in such an eerie, weird tone.

"You did that on purpose!" Gerron yelled with anger.

Ayala watched the slim figure in front of him with amazement. //Hysterical? *Suicidal*?//. And that figure was so intent on what he was doing, as if the other two crewmembers did not exist. As if *nothing* existed.

"Outer temperature has increased by one hundred degrees."

"Decrease speed by seventy percent." Tom's voice sounded so--- *distant*.

"Prepare for decompression."

Another hard jolt, and suddenly, their bodies were surging upward in response to the change in the cabin pressure, yet the vibration stopped immediately. 

Before they realized it, the shuttle had turned calm. As if nothing was happening. 

"Outer temperature has decreased by forty degrees. Cabin pressure is stable."

Ayala stared at the monitor, showing how they had passed the worst, feeling both intense relief and anger.

"You were going too fast, Paris. You endangered the shuttle."

Tom ignored him.

Ayala released his safety lock and he felt Gerron doing the same thing. Both moved swiftly toward the pilot.

"Don't play with us, Paris," Gerron hissed near the pilot's face.

"*I’m* the pilot. Not you," Tom said coldly. He stared hard at Gerron, whose fists were clenched tightly, willing himself to stay calm. Ayala came between them. He glared dangerously at the pilot.

"Even though you are the pilot, you have no right to perform your duty without care and to endanger your passengers. Dammit! You can be sure I’m going to file a report on this."

Tom stared at him calmly. "How do you know I was doing my duty without care and that my actions were endangering this shuttle?"

Of course he did not know. Ayala was silent. They stared at one another for a long moment.

"Don't play games, Paris," Ayala said in a low voice.

"I don't play games," Tom said in an equally low voice. "Take a look at this navigational record and analyze it carefully. Once you do, you will know I *saved* your life."

The two men grudgingly went back to their seats, still feeling uneasiness and distrust.

"We can't fail this mission," Ayala said quietly.

"I have no intention of failing them at all."

Ayala nodded. He needed the truce right now. 

His and Voyager's life depended on this man.

Flying in a calm atmosphere, they sat silently and stared as the deserts below them slowly came into focus.

"I love Chakotay," Tom suddenly said. "And I'm going to have him for the rest of my life."

Ayala exchanged glances with Gerron.

Tom turned his head toward them, and said in a solemn voice, "I have no intention of getting killed or injured here."

//Fair enough.//

"The Commander had a difficult life before," Gerron suddenly said in an equally solemn voice. 

Ayala’s eyes widened in surprise. He watched as the young Bajoran stared at Tom with narrowed eyes. He lifted his eyebrow. "Gerron?"

But Gerron acted as if he was not there; his attention solely on Tom Paris.

"Don't *hurt* him."

Tom stared back quietly. He nodded. "I won't."

"Keep him safe, because we’re no longer able to do that."

Tom's eyes were full of question. "Why?"

Gerron suddenly stared elsewhere and said in shameful tone, "He scares us."

Silence.

Gerron broke it by speaking to the back of Paris' head, asking the important question that had been haunting Ayala's sleep lately. "What is happening to  
him, Paris?"

"I don't know." His despair was back. It rang audibly in that soft, quivering voice.

"I love him too, you know," Gerron whispered.

Gasping as the air around him suddenly disappeared, Ayala cowered in his seat. Trying hard to be invisible. 

Tom Paris gave the young Bajoran a sad stare, and a ghost of smile slowly appeared on his face. "Who doesn't? Half of the Maquis loved him."

Gerron suddenly found his feet interesting. "I wanted to strangle Seska."

Tom snickered, "Yeah. Bitch."

"The bitch wanted *you*."

"No surprise there. She's was just a slut."

"I wish he hadn’t chosen you."

Tom was silent. He stared at the beautiful view of the planet below them.

"You always get the pretty ones. I can tolerate that, you know." Gerron suddenly chuckled. "But when he married you, I just---"

Tom smiled widely, "I know the feeling." Then he grinned. "I won."

Gerron slowly grinned back.

"Get us back safely, Paris. I owe him my apology."

"You've done nothing wrong."

"Can I kiss him, then?"

"HEY!" Tom glared mockingly. "Don't push it, pal!"

The rest of the journey was calm, the nervousness and tenseness had lifted.

Seeing the seriousness and calmness on Tom’s face, relieved Ayala and he inhaled deeply. He turned toward Gerron, whose eyes seemed far away.

The young Bajoran caught his eyes and smiled sadly.

Ayala mouthed silently, "Thank you."

Later on, they remembered that this was the longest conversation the three men had had since they boarded this shuttle.

***********************************

Continued in part 27


	27. Chapter 27

While not as rough going as their initial penetration of the planet’s outer atmosphere, the descent to the surface was still difficult as the climate proved very unstable. Heavy storms were occurring in several places, and thick clouds seem to cover most of the sky. Tom landed the shuttle roughly.

"This place is not exactly human-friendly," Gerron said as he stared at the outer air analysis. "We’re going to need the environmental suits."

"It will be hard to move." Ayala nodded. He stared at the greenish mist on the surface and the dark clouds above. The land was all sand and rocks with shallow indents appearing in many places. "Which one is the mine?"

"The largest crater with that smoke coming out of it," Gerron said, pointing out a spot that looked to be rather far away.

"The cargo-motor can carry the three of us if it's empty, but with all of those dilithium drums, we’ll have to take turns bringing the goods back to the shuttle."

"I'll stay here," Tom said in his patented lazy drawl.

Ayala and Gerron stared at each other with unreadable masks.

"No, you won’t," Ayala said with a hint of wariness. "We want to make it quick, right? And it's not like there's anyone around here to steal the shuttle."

//They don't trust me for being alone//. Somehow, it amused Tom for unknown reason. //Do I look like a suicidal type?//

Tom shrugged without protest, and in just a half hour, he found himself huddled inside the rather small cargo-motor, leaving the shuttle.

Nothing much happened during their first day on the surface, and Tom was convinced that his other mates purpose to bring him out of the shuttle was strictly for supervision. 

The next day, though, they woke up to find themselves trapped in the biggest storm they had ever seen.

Ayala cursed when the shuttle rocked violently. "Is that the wind?"

"You wouldn't believe the speed of those gusts," Tom said, gritting his teeth. "We need to move."

"Are you crazy?" Ayala glared at him. "How will this small shuttle stand up against these vicious winds? I'm not into a bumpy ride again, Paris. We have the dilithium now. We cannot afford any crashes or spills."

"If we don't do it, we'll be toasted."

"What do you---"

BANG!

Both Ayala and Gerron jumped from their seats. 

"What the hell---"

In front of them, the view had turned very dark. Sand was flying wildly about, and rocks quickly joined it. The large ones banged on the shuttle making loud noises.

"Stand back, and use your safety locks. I'm getting us out of here, now. Otherwise, we'll be buried inside these sands for good." Tom quickly turned the shuttle on. "Here comes the bumpy ride."

It took almost a half hour to get the ship into the air. Not only was a third of the shuttle buried in the sand, but the harsh gusts and wind-tossed rocks also made moving up very difficult. Even once they had finally taken off, the ship rattled and shook like crazy. It jolted up and down, fighting the wind.

"Damn!" Gerron cursed. His face had gone pale. "What is it with you, Paris? Disaster strikes you all the time."

"I’m the only one clear-headed in a situation like this, Gerron. Disasters are my expertise. I'm looking for them, not the other way around."

Both Ayala and Gerron could not help smiling upon hearing that the smug tone was back. Somehow, it made them feel calmer.

Leaving their life in the hands of Tom Paris in this kind of situation turned out to be relieving. No one was better at this than Paris. Everyone knew that.

Hell, everyone seemed to forget that too.

"Where should we go?" Ayala said as he looked at the monitor console. "We’ve only got sixty percent of the dilithium."

"If we stay at this level, the shuttle might sustain damage. I'll fly it up until we’re at a calmer altitude. Then, we’ll wait there. Check out some other possible mining spots besides this one. In case it is impossible to stay here."

They rattled and jolted violently, while slowly but surely, the shuttle moved upward. True enough, the shaking started to calm down a little once they were higher. And a few moments later, they were flying above most of the dark clouds.

"Good job!" Ayala said with intense relief.

"We're not exactly finished," Tom said in a low voice.

His tone made both his passengers lose their smiles. "What happens next?"

Bright lights suddenly struck simultaneously.

"Mercy! It's lightning and thunder!" Gerron gasped. "It's--- it's moving toward us!"

"Enter the coordinates of the other mining spots right away, Ayala!" Tom shouted, staring seriously at the thunderclouds that seemed to be moving toward them at light speed.

The shuttle moved forward carefully. Tom took some cues from the crackling electricity in an attempt to avoid the spots more prone to lightning strikes.

The incoming bolts were incredibly powerful with the resulting thunder sounding as if several giants were overrunning the sky. Blaze by blaze. Explosive sounds. Suddenly, it felt like the world was coming to an end.

They quickly realized that lightning was not as easy to predict or avoid as rocks.

All it needed was one surprise move. 

Tom had been avoiding one particularly large strike, when the sudden change in pressure jolted the shuttle a little bit too far to one side.

He knew.

Just flashing in a split second at the corner of his eyes, he knew it was coming.

The moment the bright impact hit them, Tom's last memory was seeing Chakotay for the first time in his life inside a seedy bar somewhere on Dorvan V.

He thought that the apparition was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

*****************************

"Kahless! He's awake!"

The eyes. 

The eyelids suddenly opened and froze as if some automatic muscle jammed and refused to work. And those dark eyes--- stared blankly toward the ceiling.

"His heart is beating too fast." The Doctor ran his tricorder across the glowing body. "I don’t know what’s happening."

Then, Chakotay’s body started to shake.

"Whatever it is... It’s not good," B'Elanna said frantically. Suddenly, all anger disappeared completely. All she felt was utter despair. //Not you too.... Don't leave.... Not *you* too//.

Chakotay gasped loudly, then he stilled.

"He stops breathing." The Doctor quickly put his tricorder away and ran toward the nearest console, retrieving a hypospray.

"Damn, Chakotay!" B'Elanna bit her lips, feeling as if the walls were coming down on her, leaving her suffocating.

"Don't--- don't go!" She yelled, tears prickling down her cheeks. The Doctor handed her the hypospray, "I need you to press *this* here while I initiate an electrical shock."

Shaking hard, feeling as if her soul had already left and was floating in the room, B'Elanna pressed the hypospray against the spot the Doctor had indicated and unloaded its contents. She watched as the Doctor put some dreadful devices over Chakotay's heart, watching as he prepared to jolt the First Officer back to life.

One jolt.

And that glowing body surged upward very high, while at the same time a rush of heat and power burst out from him almost as if a volcano had erupted.

The blast was so powerful that it broke everything--- glasses, vials. It toppled the moving carts, and shook the biobeds lose from their locks, sending them sliding all across the floor, along with B’Elanna and the Doctor.

Then, Chakotay shrieked and his body jolted into a sitting position.

"Kahless!" B'Elanna gazed in horror at the glowing body. Bruises and cuts forgotten, she jumped toward her friend, and took his arms, pinning them down on the biobed. A moment later, the Doctor rescued her.

"What's going on, Doc?" B'Elanna asked desperately, all the while staring with amazement as that glow suddenly dimmed.

"What---"

"The amount of active ions in his body is decreasing." The Doctor said. "There seems to be a decline in the active energy field level in his body too."

The glow--- it *moved*.

The head dimmed, then the neck, then the chest. While at the same time, it moved from the toes, then ankles, then thighs.

And it stopped at the stomach.

B'Elanna stared at the glowing belly. She whispered, "Tell me that I am not witnessing the arrival of a prophet."

********************************

It was a green plain. Beautiful. Colorful.

He stared in a daze at his surroundings.

//Am I dead and gone to heaven?//

He took a step. Feeling the plush grass tickling his foot, he realized that his feet were bare.

"Hello?" he said carefully. //Why is this place so--- *empty*?//

He stepped again, all the time wondering, while at the same time, being convinced that this was truly heaven.

//No angel, nobody?//

Then, a sound of laughter. 

He turned abruptly, and the vision he saw left him unbalanced.

There, in front of him stood a pair of naked little boys grinning at him.

"Who are you?"

One of them was so fair he seemed to glow like a golden statue. The other one-- the other one was dark and beautiful, such a contrast, but somehow his beauty was enhanced all the more by standing next to the glowing boy.

The fair boy took his friend's hand and took a step forward. "Daddy!"

Tom opened his eyes with a gasp. 

"Paris! We're going down! Do something! Don't faint again! Jesus, he's bleeding!" 

Ayala. 

//Daddy?//

He squinted his eyes and watched Ayala's face crumple with fear and terror.

"You're awake! Damn! Come on! Do something! We're going down!"

//Down?//

Tom’s mind slipped into automatic pilot and he found himself punching the auto assistance.

"Computer, raise assistance level."

"Affirmative. Warning. Altitude is decreasing rapidly."

Someone had propelled his body upward--Ayala. "Are you okay, Paris?"

"Y-- yeah." //Altitude decreasing//.

He saw the lighter shade in the dark surrounding and guided the shuttle there on instinct.

"Warning. Engine one is off-line."

"Are we going to crash?" Gerron's voice held terror.

"Don't worry," Tom said, squinting his eyes when the pounding in his head became unbearable. //*Daddy*? Is he--?//. "We still have two more engines left."

Visions of the beautiful golden and the dark boys loomed before his eyes.

In just a few moments, the rattle started to stop and his instincts proved correct-- the hole in the cloud led them to a clear area.

"Altitude decrease stable." The computer's indifferent voice was followed by loud sigh from Gerron.

"I wonder why they chose me to accompany you on this mission, Tom," Gerron said, unable to conceal his relief when the shuttle moved smoothly. "I don't think I’m much use in this particular situation."

Tom chuckled, feeling a drip of blood flowing from his forehead toward his cheek, all the while relishing the fact that Gerron had called him on a first name basis.

"We still need to repair the engine if we want to fly back to Voyager as fast as we can."

"Oh yeah," Gerron said gloomily. Yet, he could not conceal his awe to the blond pilot.

Then the shuttle descended smoothly.

*****************************

"B'Elanna?"

Never before had B'Elanna felt relief like this. "You're awake! Damn. You really know how to give us a fright, don't you?"

"How long was I---"

"Unconscious? Two days." The Doctor answered as he ran his tricorder carefully over the Commander. The glow had diminished, but the belly was still---

"Two days that felt like a thousand years," B'Elanna snorted. Then she said softly to the First Officer, "Don't get too shock or excited, Chakotay, but look carefully at your stomach."

Chakotay took just one look and closed his eyes.

"I assume you don't know anything about this, do you?" The Doctor watched him intently.

Chakotay shook his head and slowly opened his eyes. "I can guess, though."

"What can you guess?" B’Elanna asked.

The First Officer sighed, "I think---" He paused, then stared at B'Elanna with sorry and agony. "Something might have happened to their fathers."

//Fathers?//

"Have you had any contact from Tom?" Chakotay asked softly with worry in his eyes.

B'Elanna flinched involuntarily, but she quickly regained her composure. //Contact from Tom? Not in the last twenty-four hours//. She shook her head. "Want me to see if he's all right?"

"Please." Chakotay gave her a soft smile. Then he said seriously, "Please check on the Captain too."

B'Elanna nodded, "You want to know if anything’s happened to Dorin?"

The blush in Chakotay's face was not exactly embarrassment. It was guilt and uneasiness. He quickly nodded. "How's the ship's repair going?"

"It'll come around, Chakotay. Don't think too much, OK? We need you." B’Elanna and the Commander exchanged warm smiles, which faded when the Doctor started speaking softly.

"Since the crisis was over, it was time for me to conduct a proper investigation into the cause of Commander Chakotay's sudden illness."

Both B'Elanna and Chakotay frowned. 

"What do you mean, Doc?" Chakotay asked.

The Doctor said carefully, "I am seventy percent convinced that the fetuses inside your body are endangering your health. You must remember our initial agreement, Commander, that we would have to stop this *experiment* if it became too dangerous."

****************************

Continued in part 28


	28. Chapter 28

The second mine's climate wasn’t as unstable as the first, but the minute they stepped outside and were surrounded by a super dense mist, they knew there were problems.

Ayala signaled for them to head back, and quickly, the three of them returned to huddle inside the confines of the shuttle.

"Our communicators aren’t working outside. Do you think it's because of this mist, or is our communication system just simply *down*?" Ayala asked.

Tom shook his head slowly. "Would you be alarmed if I told you that the shuttle's communication system is also dead?"

They stared at one another.

"God! Look at how dense the mist is! We can’t see more than several meters ahead." Ayala sighed loudly.

"What should we do?" Gerron looked at Tom, a gesture that was not missed by the blond pilot. Somehow, right now there was a silent understanding among them that *Tom* was the approved de facto leader, despite the fact that his rank should have entitled him to that right before.

"We only have eight days left. Considering that we might need a week to get back to Voyager, we have to split the duties. You and Ayala must extract the remaining dilithium as fast as you can, while I'll do my best to repair the shuttle."

Ayala frowned, "Are you telling me that there’s a possibility the shuttle won't be fully safe for our journey back?"

Tom looked at his two colleagues who were staring at him with more than a small amount of fear.

He smiled reassuringly. "I'll do my best to make sure it’s safe."

Even he was surprised to see the trust reflected in his crewmate’s eyes. Both men nodded, as if taking his words for granted. //And maybe they are. Believing and trusting your life to someone else is easier to handle //. He smirked to himself. //It’s like shifting personal responsibilities onto someone else//.

Later on, after several hours of heavy work, he realized that the shuttle’s communication system was no longer functioning. His inability to find out what was happening with Chakotay frustrated him a great deal. So much that he simply refused to let himself think about anything else besides repairing the engine. He also felt a bit helpless, as without the communication system there was nothing he could do to enhance the capability of their comm badges.

 

//Nothing's going right for us, is it Chakotay?// He sighed softly, rubbing his wedding ring. Sometime during his most frustrating hour, he had decided to move the ring medallion from the necklace to his wedding finger. 

It soothed him.

The sudden opening of the shuttle's hatch startled him.

Gerron, his face frantic, burst inside breathlessly. "Ayala’s had an accident."

//CHRIST!// What Tom felt at the moment was pure annoyance. It was as if they were being drawn to disaster. Fate somehow preventing him from going back to fuck his pregnant husband to oblivion.

"What kind of accident?" He stood quickly and put on his environmental suit.

Gerron's face crumpled, "He fell into the pit. I think he’s broken some bones. I managed to move him inside the cargo-motor, but he's in so much pain. I can’t move him into the shuttle."

"Have you finished extracting the dilithium we need?" //Surgery. The guy probably needs surgery//.

"I think so. We only need to pick up one or two more barrel of drums."

"Leave them. I think we have enough."

They walked warily toward the cargo-motor. Inside, Ayala was spread awkwardly. Dead to the world. From the way his legs lay crooked, Tom knew right away that these were not just simple broken bones.

//He has open breaks in several places// Tom quickly ran his tricorder over him. Ayala's suit had prevented the blood from being visible, but Tom knew that the man was on the brink of acute blood loss.

Moving Ayala manually might be harmful. Tom signaled Gerron to stay while he got a transporter lock. Gerron nodded and Tom ran back toward the shuttle.

Beaming Ayala to the shuttle using the transporter might be risky at the moment, but he had no choice. Besides, the man was close enough to the shuttle that the probability of deviation was minimal.

In just a moment, both men were inside the shuttle with him.

As Tom got out of his environmental suit, he said, "Fill me in on how this had happened, Gerron."

"He slipped. The mist was so thick we couldn’t see much, even with the sight enhancer," Gerron said. "And we were kind of tired."

//I can imagine// Tom nodded with understanding.

"Kiss your cargo-motor goodbye, Gerron. We can't afford the additional weight. Make sure you don't leave anything valuable inside that vehicle before I lock the shuttle permanently."

"When should we be moving?"

"Right now would be best. But Ayala needs surgery."

Gerron looked at his unconscious friend with palpable sadness. "I can't do anything useful right now."

Tom snorted. "Getting him out of that suit is useful. I'll prepare for surgery."

"That's not what I mean," Gerron murmured while desperately trying to carefully strip Ayala. "I can't do surgery. I can't fly the shuttle. I wish you didn’t have to do everything. I can imagine how tired you must be."

"That's very sweet, Gerron," Tom smiled and then noticed how Gerron recoiled when presented with the now bare, bloody Ayala. "Now, hush, and be confident. Start preparing the shuttle for flight. You know how to do it don't you? No? Very well, you’ll do as I say while I take care of our friend here."

Tom winced when he saw the gory sight of Ayala’s thigh. The broken bone protruded through the skin with blood pooling around it.

"Punch the green button there. Make sure all locks are secured." Tom quickly put pressure on the spot where the blood was still coming out.

"Got it."

The pilot sprayed anaesthetic over the wounds. "Enter the coding for Computer Assistance. It's Paris-Alpha-Alpha-Chakotay-Beta."

He caught Gerron's weird expression and smiled cheekily.

"Paris Alpha and Chakotay is Beta?" Gerron grumbled while entering the code. "Wishful thinking, eh?"

"Hey, I'm the one who knocked him up. He's always been on the receiving end as far as I know." Tom started to open up Ayala's leg with a laser cutter.

Gerron blushed furiously, "Damn Paris. I can’t help imagining what he looks like in bed."

"Get your dirty mind off my husband! Now, did you get the computer’s approval?"

"Yes. Is he *hot*?"

"Very. Hey! I'm not talking about my sex life with you!" //The artery was not completely cut off. Thank God//. Tom carefully sealed the artery cut with the laser device. The heat effectively stopped the pouring blood flow and glued the micro gash neatly.

"Computer, complete ignition. Now, Gerron, make sure everything on the helm console has green lights."

"Got it. They said that he has a big dick. It's shameful if you don't use it."

"I told you, I'm not talking about my sex life with you. Are they all green?"

Gerron frowned, "Engine one is still red. I thought you fixed it."

"I disfunction it. We fly back in only one engine. If I don't disfunction it the isolation won't be completed and the whole system will not work properly."

Gerron flinched when he heard the soft 'crack' of Tom placing the bones back in their proper position. He felt nauseated and refused to look at Ayala's deformed body.

"How is he, Tom?" His voice was quivering so audibly that Tom turned to take a wary look at the young man.

"He's as fine as a person with a broken bone should be. How are you?"

The pilot suddenly noticed the greenish-white pallor of the young Bajoran, and knew that he was on the brink of breaking down.

"He--- he--- he just disappeared from the surface," Gerron hissed, eyes blank. "I thought, he's *dead*. I couldn’t find his *pulse* for--- for--- a long time."

"Ayala is alive and will be fine, Gerron. Make sure the engine pulse has reached an effective level and check on the warp device." //Shock. He's in shock//.

Gerron's movements were robotic and Tom knew that the man was functioning on automatic pilot. 

"I will let you kiss Chakotay if you can manage, all right?"

"Are we going to fly rough again?" There was no mistaking the terror in the young man's voice. Tom steadied himself and Ayala as he felt the first shake of a familiar movement.

He glanced quickly toward the console and saw through the view screen that the wind was blowing heavily again, causing the sand and stones to fly around. //Shit! Not again!//.

"Relax."

"I can't."

"Masturbate."

"Pardon me?" 

//Good//, Tom thought with relief. //A reaction//. "Masturbation is a good way to relieve stress. I need you clear-headed, Gerron."

"Masturbation. Right. Do you have any idea how shrunk my dick is at the moment?"

"Your asking about Chakotay's dick made mine hard."

The blush was back. "Oh, yeah. Can I?"

"Borrow *him* for your masturbation fantasy? Go ahead, as long as you return him back."

"No." Gerron suddenly moved from the console. Gulping and swallowing hard. His eyes carefully avoided the dreadful sight of Ayala’s body. "I need---I need some body contact."

Tom's stare turned incredulous. "You want to have sex with *me*? You have got to be kidding me!"

"I just need to fondle. You continue working on Ayala."

"*Fondle* what?" Tom ran the tricorder over the area again, and he frowned at the level of Ayala's bone regeneration achieved. //Too low. The bones will be very vulnerable to heavy movement//. As if answering his thought, the shuttle rattled loudly.

"Let me touch your dick."

Tom stared at Gerron with narrowed eyes. The young Bajoran was indeed very young looking. Child-looking actually. He was tired beyond belief, strung out, and needed reassurance, like a thirsty man looking for water in the middle of the desert.

"Go ahead," Tom said quickly. "Just make sure I won't lose concentration on our friend here, got it?"

The coldness of Gerron's fingers seeped into his clothes. //Jesus! It's a wonder if my dick can stay hard with him feeling so cold. Just like taking a freezing shower//.

"How's--- how's his---," Gerron stopped, starting to massage Tom's crotch and rubbed his own. 

Tom smiled, knowing exactly what was in Gerron's mind at the moment. "His channel was so tight and hot. It had this velvety feeling, as if you were drowning in cool, crisp, fresh water, yet it burned you with passion."

He watched as Gerron closed his eyes and felt himself harden. "Picture him laying spread. Bare. Flushing. Sweating. Breathing hard."

//Chakotay!// Tom gulped. He started the regenerator again, trying hard to concentrate. He could not afford to have Ayala break his bones again during the current jolting of the shuttle. Yet, the vision of his husband's face filled with ecstasy was arousing him to no end.

Gerron's hands on his crotch suddenly disappeared, and he saw that the young Bajoran was now rubbing his own dick earnestly with both hands. 

"Is he begging?" Gerron whispered.

//Not on your life//, Tom suddenly felt irritated. "Yes. He has this husky voice. Low, breathy. Gasping and chest heaving. He said----"

"*Fuck me*...*Fuck me hard*....," Gerron suddenly murmured. His eyes were closed tightly and his hand was now moving faster.

//Well, go ahead with your fantasy//, Tom tried hard not to snort and felt disturbed by the sudden flare of jealousy. He stopped watching Gerron servicing himself and making soft frantic noises and got back to Ayala.

"Chakotay.... Chakotay.....," Gerron gasped. 

Tom frowned, thinking that he might have to punch the Bajoran otherwise it would be *him* who broke Ayala's bones.

"Engine preparation done." 

The computer's metallic voice startled him from his reverie, and he checked on the regenerator sensing box. //Bone regeneration level accelerated. Good. Now for the blood part---//

"oh..oh..oh.."

//Damn! Why does he have to make such *sexy* noises?// Tom stood, quickly replicating some mineral and electrolyte liquids, and started injecting the tubes into Ayala's hands.

"mmmh... mmmh...."

Tom stared at the gushing wind, and sure enough, the outside had turned very dark. They had to move soon.

"Computer, preparation to lift off."

A sexy squeak, then heavy breathing from Gerron, followed by thunks and thuds of whatever he was doing right now, //...cleaning himself up//. Then a moment later, he appeared beside Tom with a pink but refreshed face.

"Having fun?" Tom almost could not conceal his jealousy toward the Bajoran. //He masturbated over my *husband* for Christ's sake! Right in front of me!!//

"It helps, thanks. Now, what should I do?" Gerron smiled, looking more calm and stable.

"Check on Ayala, put on his safety locks, and secure yours too. We'll be moving now."

"Oh." Gerron sighed in distaste, watching the gushing wind outside. "This is just so great."

However, it felt like anticlimactic. Even though the bad weather was actually worse than their previous encounters, reliving the same thing over and over had decreased the terror somehow. 

//I'm getting used to it//, Gerron thought. However, he knew exactly why he felt calmer. He knew that Tom would make it all right.

Finally, after several heart-stopping shakes and jolts and a few near misses with some small asteroids, they were back in calm, vacant space.

"Let's pray that we get back in time," Tom said feeling his desperation and impatience to see his husband return. //Please God. I hope he's all right//.

"Communication is still not functioning, and neither are our badges," Gerron said sadly. Tom's desperation to know how Voyager was doing had infected him too.

They flew in silence.

"I’m sorry," Gerron said softly.

"For what?"

"For treating you badly before. You were so annoying then. I wonder why you don't lessen your smug attitude."

"Starting to like me, eh?" Tom smiled, but he quickly frowned. "But I still need to punch you in the head for masturbating to thoughts of Chakotay."

Gerron blushed furiously, "I was picturing him being fucked by *you*."

Tom grinned widely, "So *I* am in the picture? GREAT!"

Gerron scowled, "Stop being so smug about it, Tom." Then he secretly smiled. //Oh yes... You're there all right.//

Gerron stole a glance at the pilot and finally succumbed to his realization that Lieutenant Thomas Paris was one hell of a sexy guy.

Tom, on the other hand, spent his reveries on the memory of his first night with Chakotay and the flashing image of the little boys who called him 'daddy' while he was unconscious.

//Are they---?//

"I must tell you that not only this voyage was heart-stopping, it's also *interesting*" Gerron whispered shyly.

***************************

Continued in part 29


	29. Chapter 29

//Those who wished and willed---//, Janeway stared with amazement at the devastating view of Ardinia City, //---get what they want---// as she stood from high atop the turret window of Ardinia Palace.

She sighed softly and turned toward Tuvok, who was sitting silently in the corner of the isolated room.

"Do you have any ideas on how we can get out of this place, Tuvok?"

The Vulcan stared back at his Captain. "Do you not think that it would be better if we were to wait and see what the Prime Councilor can come up with at the moment?"

"We're hostages, Tuvok." Janeway said in a low voice. "Despite what he's said."

No one had been prepared for the possible outcome of Dorin's illness. Duvaar and the Prime Councilor had kept the illness and any details concerning it a secret. None of that really mattered to the Captain, except that the political consequences had turned out to be deadly.

"Half of the Council members are Dorin's close relatives and will support whatever is their dynasty's decision. The incident with Commander Chakotay has forced me to start thinking about the strength of my position," the Prime Councilor had said two days ago.

Janeway remembered how shocked she had been when she had learned that the Prime Councilor had survived two coup attempts, and that despite the fact that the old man was still standing solidly in his position, the city bore the intensity of the damage that had been done. 

She knew that it was only a matter of time before the Prime Councilor was forced to stand down.

"And whatever political demands they are currently making, the real reason behind these attempts is the need to chase after Voyager," the Prime Councilor said with a hint of sadness. "You won't believe how fast they can master the new warp technology they secretly stole from you."

"Why?" Janeway asked with disbelief. "All because Dorin failed to get pregnant?"

"It was a small flicker in a pile of dried woods that were already bathed in flammable substance. All that was needed was a tiny fire to create the inferno."

Thus, the darkness of a political labyrinth in Ardinia unfolded in front of the two senior officers of Voyager.

Janeway had listened to the efficient storytelling of Duvaar as he had explained how many council members were the Prime Councilor's rivals, waiting patiently to backstab him and take over the reign. How Dorin's large family was not only prominent in Ardinia, but also very powerful. So powerful that all they needed to do was to unite with one another and they could run the country like a mafia.

"When Dorin fell ill, two-thirds of the council members were forcing us to catch up with you and drag Commander Chakotay back to finish his deed," Duvaar said sadly. "We knew better than to believe that this was the real reason. Voyager's interstellar and defense technology was simply too tempting to just let it go. What we were surprised to find out was how they had already been planning to accomplish this. They managed to install ships with warp technology, and now hearing what you've told us, we realize that they managed to slow down your ship's movement by sabotaging it."

Janeway stared warily at the silent Prime Councilor. He suddenly looked twenty years older. "I assume that your help in assisting Voyager is impossible to expect."

The Prime Councilor stole a glance at Duvaar, and then said softly, "It depends."

Janeway narrowed her eyes. "Depends on what, Prime Councilor?"

"There are plenty of fertile, isolated lands in Ardinia if your crew wanted to finally settle down in Ardinia. Secrecy would be guaranteed and you won't have any problems in assimilating with the natives," the Prime Councilor said. "We can't help you unless you are willing to help us to straighten things out."

Somehow Janeway knew that it finally came down to this-—-a bargain.

"What do you want, Prime Councilor?"

"Cure Dorin," the Prime Councilor said in a very sad tone. "The boy is like a son to me. He means everything."

"How?"

"Give me your First Officer."

"No." Janeway gritted her teeth. "It's blackmail. I won't succumb."

"I'll help you disarm their interstellar technology, or maybe steal back the chip of your ship's information and hand it over to you."

"I can't give up Chakotay."

The Prime Councilor sighed sadly. "You must or you'll be risking the life of your crew. Maybe even yours too."

"How much help can you manage to give us to sabotage their ships. If we failed, you'll be the first one to deny any knowledge."

"We can provide information. And we can shut our eyes to whatever you're doing, unless you're careless enough to start breaking the law. We're also able to help you evacuate your crew in secret. But to do that, my position has to be perfectly secured."

"And Dorin is the one you need to secure it?" the Captain asked.

The Prime Councilor nodded. "Now, Captain, please think about it. We can stop them from chasing your ship, help your crew move to Ardinia, if you want, and maybe help you get revenge on whoever sabotaged your ship. All you need to do is to return Commander Chakotay to where he belongs."

It was only later on that Janeway realized that it was one bargain she could not resist. They were kept securely as hostages. Duvaar claimed it was for their own safety. He said the Council might have heard about their return and might do something about it. The hush-hush situation was not easily kept. Yet, Janeway knew that the real reason was that they could not afford to let them go.

Still, it took two days for them to admit that there was no choice left. The Ardinian Prime Councilor had been waiting patiently.

"Tell me, Tuvok, should I accept?" Janeway whispered dejectedly. //And what would Tom's reaction be if he knew I handed his husband back to the lion's lair?//

"We have no choice, Captain." Tuvok said just as softly. Only those who knew him well would be able to see that the Vulcan was very disturbed.

"What the hell is happening to Dorin?" Janeway mumbled, knowing that the key to solving this problem was Dorin. "We need to find him."

//And just how do we do that?//

***************************

"The engines are back on-line, but many of the systems still need to be handled manually," B'Elanna said, as she gave Chakotay her padd. She was trying hard to distract the First Officer from the Doctor's disturbing statement.

Suddenly their comm badges beeped.

"Yes?" Chakotay quickly replied.

"We're receiving a distress call from Ensign Carter and Kim's shuttle."

"Where are they?"

"About thirty minutes away, and approaching quickly. Their speed is not decreasing."

They stared at one another.

"Chakotay to Kim." Nothing. Then, ".....day, mayday....."

"Harry! We hear you! What's happened?" Chakotay said firmly.

"--day....day...may... pil...own."

B'Elanna stood in shock, "Kahless--- he actually said..."

"Harry?"

"...down."

"Pilot's down!" B'Elanna jumped up. "Something happened to Carter."

"What's wrong with communications?" Chakotay said after punching his badge to contact the bridge. The answer came back clearly. "It's not on our end. The shuttle seems to have suffered heavy damage."

Chakotay gritted his teeth. "They'd better use the automatic pilot assistance."

"Negative," B'Elanna said, her face a deadly pale. "The shuttlebay is not functioning properly. The shuttle needs to be flown manually. The computer can't guide it in right now. Without a pilot guiding it into the bay, they could crash into Voyager."

Chakotay slowly stood as he said, "And the only pilot left here is me."

B'Elanna, startled, looked at her Commanding Officer helplessly. "Chakotay, you aren't well."

Chakotay smiled softly. "Do we have a choice? Give the transporter room notice that I need to be beamed to that shuttle as quickly as possible."

"No."

They froze, and turned toward the Doctor who was looking deadly serious.

"Doc?"

"Your body's ionic reaction would interfere with the transportation process. And unless you're willing to risk your babies' health, I can't guarantee that you'll be beamed up properly and safely. We don't want you missing a part of an organ when you rematerialize over there, do we?"

Chakotay was silent for a long time.

B'Elanna fidgeted in despair. "Twenty minutes left, and Harry might crash into Voyager."

"How is the shuttlebay functioning at the moment?"

"People are handling the controls manually. What idea are you getting, Chakotay?"

"Have someone beam over to the shuttle and try to slow it down. They should bring it to a complete stop, if they can. I'll be waiting outside in an EVA suit tethered to Voyager, and I'll enter the shuttle that way."

B'Elanna and the Doctor stared at him as if he turned into someone else.

"Chakotay, are you crazy?!" B'Elanna shouted. A dreadful image of Chakotay, floating alone in the vast, empty space, and getting sucked into the deep abyss of the wormhole, fleeted before her eyes.

Yet, nothing stopped the glowing First Officer. He was already on his feet, moving out of the sickbay.

"Tell Seven of Nine to prepare to beam over to the incoming shuttle." B'Elanna punched her badge with frustration.

She exchanged a look with the Doctor. "You're going to have to postpone the decision of the fate of the babies, Doc. This isn't a good time."

**************************

Finally, the door to their chamber opened. 

Both Janeway and Tuvok stood uneasily, ready to spring at anytime.

It was Duvaar.

"It took you long enough to finally come to see us. You'd better remember that the lives of Voyager's crew is in your hands now," Janeway said.

Duvaar was looking very tired and tense. "I had to wait until the right moment. Tensions have escalated, especially now that the council knows that you both  
are here."

"What does the Prime Councilor want to ask us? We cannot afford to give Chakotay up," Tuvok said in a determined tone. It relieved Janeway immensely, because now she knew that her decision in turning down the Prime Councilor agreement was being backed up.

Duvaar shook his head. "I have come to take you to see Dorin."

***************************

Harry had been nervously checking on a writhing Carter when Seven of Nine rematerialized in front of him.

"Thank God!" he said. "Just in time, though I need you to request Voyager to beam you back as what we need is a pilot."

Seven of Nine stared dispassionately at the sprawling figure of Carter. She quickly noted that his wound was no longer life threatening.

"What you need is for your communication system to function properly and for us to slow the shuttle down, so we can bring it to a stop outside of Voyager."

Harry quickly took the communication relay device from Seven, and sighed loudly when he finally felt his badge functioning properly again.

He was startled when Seven turned off the automatic pilot assistance. "Hey---"

"Torres to Kim."

Harry quickly punched his badge, relieved to finally hear a clear voice. "I read you loud and clear, B'Elanna."

"Listen carefully. Seven is going to turn your autopilot off---"

//Already done//, Harry glanced at Seven's efficient movement on the pilot console.

"---the shuttlebay is not working properly. Chakotay will be there soon to pilot the shuttle safely. He will fly up there."

"Fly up?" Harry stared at Seven of Nine with wide eyes.

"In an EVA suit. For medical reasons, the Doc won't allow him to be beamed aboard. How did the shuttle suffer such damage?" Seven spoke coolly.

"One of the probes was suddenly thrown back from the hole with such force that it hit us badly."

"Where is the probe now?"

"It's embedded in the shuttle at the moment. Seven, the man is pregnant! He can't possibly be flying here!"

"I believe that the Commander is functioning properly, as before. Pregnancy did not diminish his basic capabilities."

"This could endanger him!"

"The possibility of this shuttle not being properly piloted could endanger all of us. It could crash into the ship much like the probe did to this shuttle."

Harry watched as the transporter beam enveloped Carter and shook his head violently when Seven asked him to be beamed up also.

"I have to wait and assist the Commander. I owe it to Tom to keep him safe."

*****************************

Duvaar took Janeway, Tuvok, and Chell into the depth of the night along the long and hollow corridors of the gigantic palace.

They finally approached a hidden door, which led them to an underground basement. The place was so dusty, unkempt, and dark that they were forced to walk carefully.

Finally, they found themselves by a staircase that was narrow yet steep and which led to a solitary door.

"Is this where he is?" Janeway whispered, feeling the hair on the back of her neck rise.

"Yes." There was no mistaking the forlorn tone of Duvaar's voice. "We have to keep him here. It broke the Prime Councilor's heart, you know. Dorin has been like a son to him since both of his parents died."

The door squeaked when it opened.

The thumping sounds of Janeway's heart turned louder and faster. //Jesus... what is going on here?//

"---caused his parents' death?" She heard Tuvok ask Duvaar softly.

"Dorin *killed* them."

They stopped.

It was light. Bright light. The brightness burned their eyes causing them to water instantly.

The vision was unforgettable.

In the middle of a large bed, lay a glowing Dorin. Shrieking in a muffled, painful voice, as his mouth was gagged. His limbs were also tied so that he lay in a spread eagle form.

"Oh God, what's happening to him?" Chell said in a shaken voice.

Janeway saw the surreal agony deeply etched on that beautiful face. A face that was contorted into a monster-like grimace. She had never felt fear like this before.

"It's a genetic reaction. His body was ready to bear children, but it failed. The effect was--- *painful* to him."

Janeway swallowed, "Is it harmful to anyone else?"

"He can produce energy that will blast everything around him. Right now, we are sedating him continuously so that he won't break his bonds."

Never before had Janeway felt so sorry for this boy.

//He looks--- he looks like he's living in *hell*//.

"That's not all, Captain," Duvaar said as he slowly stroked the boy's glowing forehead. "We know that Dorin is connecting to his child in Chakotay's body. Asking him to come."

The Voyager officers stood entranced.

"Please," Duvaar said with glistening eyes when suddenly Dorin's naked body jolted into a convulsion. "Help him. Help us. You can't leave him like this forever."

As if succumbing to an invisible force, Janeway nodded heavily, "Very well."

*********************************

Continued in part 30


	30. Chapter 30

Captain Janeway ignored the scrutinizing stare Tuvok was giving her. "How do we handle this agreement, Duvaar?"

"Leave your pilot here," Duvaar nodded his head toward Chell. "It's for your own good too, Captain Janeway. Officially, you are our maximum-security prisoners, and thus the council no longer needs to be concerned about your fate. Since your shuttle is in our possession, we think it would be best if your pilot remained here also."

Janeway stared at the liaison officer for a long moment. "What should we do next, then?"

"There are several men who will accompany you both in dismantling the warships of their warp technology. The chip that contains all of Voyager's information is embedded in the Selectra, the biggest one. Because we have not had enough time to build a prototype from your data, we simply plugged the original chip in it."

"How many warships have been equipped with the warp technology?"

"Three."

Tuvok said in a quiet voice, "Do you realize what we are going to do, Ambassador? We are going to destroy a very valuable piece of knowledge for Ardinia."

Duvaar smiled sadly. "For political reasons, Commander Tuvok, this will buy some time for the Prime Councilor so that he can stay in power. Believe me, he's the best leader Ardinia has at the moment."

"There is no best leader for a nation, Ambassador. Such a saying would only come from an authoritarian ruler," Tuvok said.

Duvaar shrugged, "Maybe. But it's not like the Ardinian engineers did not learn anything while you were here. I think we should just let normal evolution take its place. If it takes five years to catch up with your technology, then let it be five years."

Janeway nodded. She turned her head when another soft writhe came out from the glowing body in the bed. She suddenly felt sorry for him.

"So this is what the Prime Councilor meant by his having a special gene. Do all of his relatives experience this?"

Duvaar shook his head. "Only those who will against their limit."

They stared silently at each other. Janeway finally said, "I expect you to explain more about your meaning in this, Duvaar. I don't like to hand over one of my best officers when I don't know the kind of harm he might be facing."

"It's too late now, Captain," Duvaar smiled sadly again. "It's now the end of the bargain."

********************************

Chell found it rather interesting that Duvaar actually left him inside the room where the glowing body of Dorin was lying. A moment later, several people, nurses and guards, entered the room to tend to the ill boy; they ignored Chell completely.

There was a rush of whispers that he did not understand, but judging from the desperate and frantic conversation, he knew that in a few moments something would happen.

He was cowering in the dark corner, trying to be invisible, when the door opened once again, revealing the Prime Councilor and Duvaar.

The old man was weeping.

Feeling abnormally clinical and detached, Chell watched how the man hunched at the foot of the bed, and softly stroke one bound leg. The sad and loving gesture moved him greatly. Chell realized that the old man's insistence about how important the young man was in his life was absolutely true.

It was love. 

He wondered how long the old man had been secretly *in* love with his own attache.

//And no wonder he wanted to have Dorin's child//. The pilot nodded his head in understanding. //A ruler without a wife, a child, ---a *family* in a place that believes everyone should have a soulmate. I should have known//.

He might have been a passive participant during the whole conversation between his commanding officers and the Ardinian ruler, but he had ears. He had a mind, and he had a heart. 

It was just a simple matter of putting two and two together.

He remembered his late father's desperation after his mother had died. Frantically trying to keep whatever memories he had left of her. 

Something to cling to. Something to believe--that once there was something wonderful that had happened in one’s life.

That's exactly what he was seeing in the Prime Councilor.

Then, the frantic movements of so many people around the bed escalated. Something was repeated urgently again and again.

The Prime Councilor shook his head harshly, and bent to kiss the toes he'd been stroking.

Chell gasped.

The old man turned his head toward him quickly, and suddenly Chell found himself trapped by the intent stare of the Ardinian ruler. Trapped. Unable to look elsewhere.

And he saw everything in those old, old eyes.

//It's just between you and me//.

Chell nodded. Not understanding one bit why he suddenly felt that what he was witnessing was something that he should keep a secret forever.

When one of the men by the bed said something loudly, the Prime Councilor turned his attention back toward Dorin. Quickly, all of the other people stepped backwards, away from the bed.

Except the Prime Councilor.

"We will and we get."

Chell jerked when he heard the Prime Councilor speak in his language. He squeezed his eyes against the brightness, and saw that the Prime Councilor was still intently watching his beloved young man. Murmuring to him as if mumbling without awareness. Yet, he understood that the old man was explaining something to him.

Duvaar touched the old man's back for a moment, but then he quickly moved away, all the while staring at Chell with a strange expression. 

He was begging him to ---*understand*.

Then, slowly as if seeping, a stray ray of light began appearing from the small holes in the wall. Very soft, very faint. Yet, Chell knew what it was.

Moonlight at its fullest.

Then---

The glowing body jerked upward high and violently. Chell felt as if his heart had stopped beating for a moment.

The young man's eyes suddenly opened.

A bloodcurdling shriek came out. So loud and full of despair that it could wake the dead.

The pilot cowered into a tight ball. //STOP! Pain! Pain!//. He pressed both of his hands over his ears. //Painpainpainpain//.

Like a siren's song that called the ships to their death. Like a mortal tasting the agony of hell for the first time.

The sound of despair. Helplessness.

A prayer for death.

He suddenly wept for things beyond his comprehension.

A hand touched him, and his glance caught the wet eyes of Duvaar.

"Let him go," Chell choked. "It's---" //--killing *him*. Killing *me*//.

"Don't listen. Concentrate on something else." The Ambassador clutched him in a steel grip.

Beside the bed, the Prime Councilor started to chant.

The blast that followed was so deafening that Chell thought the world had suddenly turned silent. The powerful heat rushed toward them, biting into the skin painfully, as if one was being turned into a body torch. He stared in amazement at the tumbling pots, chairs, and tables around the bed.

Yet, the Prime Councilor stayed solidly in his spot. Chanting like a Buddhist monk.

Chell turned toward the tight face of Duvaar. "What is happening?"

"He's calling. Every night at the same time," Duvaar said quietly. 

//Calling for what?// Somehow, the impact of the blast had cleared his head of the intoxicated sounds of the dead.

"Watch," Duvaar suddenly whispered.

Later, Chell admitted to himself that it was the most unforgettable sight he had ever seen.

It started from the leg. 

Skin quivered, dimmed, then suddenly shrunk quickly. Dried. As if a fruit had turned rotten in just a moment. A blank paper being crumpled. 

Horribly.

Chell stared in horror as he watched the youthful skin drying up into a dry prune at such speed upward, from his legs to his---

He willed himself to close his eyes. //This is too much! Too much!//

A painful shriek, and he *knew*. //Oh Lord, don't let me see his--- *face* turning into *that*//.

A soft sob, and Chell turned his head to see Duvaar sobbing in despair at his shoulder. He knew that it had happened. And he did not want to see what kind of thing Dorin had turned into.

"Ambassador?"

"He was doomed to stay young forever," Duvaar whispered. "And this is the price he must pay."

//Dorin? Old?// Still refusing to stare at Dorin's face, Chell now understood the despair of the Prime Councilor. "They're lovers?"

"When they were children. They were first loves to each other," Duvaar whispered. "But they never---". 

He swallowed, looking at Chell with grateful eyes, as if answering his questions was a needed distraction from the horrible mutation that was happening before them.

"They were not *compatible*. And every time Dorin bore children from the few people who were compatible, they always died."

"Why?"

"Dorin hated them. He willed them to die. Afraid of them growing up and becoming old. Reminding him of what he could become when---" Duvaar choked and quickly hid his face away.

The chant grew louder, and then a man stepped forward, bearing a bottle of something toward the Prime Councilor.

Chell sighed in relief when he realized that the man's position blocked him from seeing what was probably a horrendous figure on the bed.

"It's over," Duvaar whispered again. And Chell saw the bare leg had turned smooth again.

"Who does he call?" Chell asked in dread, somehow knowing *who*.

"His child." //Commander Chakotay//. "It's never like this, you know."

"What do you mean?"

"The child *refuses*. There is *something*---something in your commander that is so strong that it can refuse him."

The glow dimmed, and the body stilled. People started to move, and in just a moment everyone seemed back in business. Straightening chairs and tables, moving the thrown things back into place, rubbing a wet cloth against the sweating figure.

As if nothing had happened.

And the Prime Councilor was weeping with such a sad longing that Chell could not help but to come over to him.

"He doesn't want to let go," the Prime Councilor whispered between his sobs, knowing that Chell was nearby. "I tried. But he was too obsessive. It is beyond our joint capability, now."

//Those who want should will. Those who will may get. Those who get must pay.//.

"*I* can't let him go. I love him too much. He must bear a child, otherwise his body will turn against him."

"Can't you find someone else who is compatible?" Chell asked.

The Prime Councilor slowly stared at Chell with sad eyes. "Dorin always gets who he wants. And he wants your First Officer. There is no surrogate or replacement."

The old man then covered his face, "I just want to have *one* that survives. One *child*. That's all I want from him."

Chell stared silently at the tired face of Dorin. The glow had disappeared, and with his arms and legs unbound, he was sleeping like an angel. And he wondered if he should tell everyone that Commander Chakotay was now married to Lieutenant Tom Paris.

********************************

The five men who accompanied them were most likely some type of covert-ops team. They never questioned, but still functioned efficiently and harmoniously, as if verbal communication among them was no longer needed.

The commanding officer was Baran. The only one who was able to speak a foreign language and he wore a universal translation device. It crossed Janeway's mind that the other team members were deliberately being cut off from communication to ensure unity in action and less distraction.

"If we fail, the sovereign will deny any responsibility. You are on your own," Baran warned them. "You must tell us how to dismantle the warp core so that we can split up."

"I need to be the one in Selectra. Along with my Security Officer," Janeway said sternly. "Don't even think of splitting us up."

Baran nodded, handing her a dark suit that Janeway recognized as a camouflage. He looked at the phaser like gun in his hand, pondering.

"Give me your comm badges," he said.

"Pardon me?"

"I'll give you the guns if you give us your badges."

"Not on your life," Janeway growled. "I don't think I will need those anyway."

"You will," Baran suddenly pointed it at Janeway, causing Tuvok to move toward them in alarm.

"Don't even think about it," Baran said menacingly at Tuvok. Both officers slowly took off their comm badges. Feeling slightly mournful and--- *naked*.

"You'd better give them back when this is over," Janeway muttered. 

Baran nodded seriously. Then, they huddled around Tuvok, watching as the Vulcan explained what needed to be done.

"What we need to do is simple. Remove this chip. No one will realize that it is gone, and its absence won't harm the ship when it is being operated. The only thing that will be destroyed is the ship's capability to fuse in warp speed." Tuvok handed them a model of the chip before continuing.

"The only problem is that I am unable to figure out Ardinian’s system, therefore I cannot tell you where the chip will be located. You will have to find it for yourselves. The only thing that I can tell you is that most likely the configuration will resemble Voyager. This is a big possibility, considering that all they have done is steal technology not rebuild it."

All of them agreed to meet in three hours back at the palace compound.

Moments later, in the middle of a bright night, Janeway found herself inside a vehicle that would take them to the military base.

**************************

"Any news from Tom or the Captain?" Chakotay said as he walked slowly toward the shuttlebay.

B'Elanna shook her head. "We're on our own, Chakotay. Let's pray we can finish repairing all of our systems soon. We’ve managed to counter the pull of that hole, so we now have plenty of time to recuperate and get them."

*************************

"I thought the Commander was in a coma," Harry said in a quiet voice. He just could not imagine the Commander, ill, flying around in the vacuum space, protected only by a *suit*.

"He just awoke from it." Seven transferred the probe data to her padd.

"*Just* awoke? God! What am I going to tell Tom about this?"

************************

"Gerron, do you believe in dreams?"

"Yes."

"Can you help me interpret this dream? There are two little boys somewhere in the middle of the ---*garden of eden*, perhaps. One of them calling me 'daddy'. Now, I know that you will think that this is just wistful thinking. Maybe it is. But here's the weird part." Tom inhaled deeply.

"Suddenly the sky turned dark, and it *opened*. Like God had unzipped it, and we realized that we all lived in a *pocket*. Anyway, the ripping sky produced a shrieking voice...I still get goosebumps remembering it.... And without thinking, I jumped up and took the fair boy away."

"The fair boy, the one who called you 'daddy'?" 

"Yes." Tom's eyes grew serious. "Then, came the part where it always changes."

Gerron watched Tom warily. The pilot's description of his dream was too real for his comfort.

"What do you mean it always changes?"

"I’ve had that vision, or dream, or whatever, three times already. When I doze off, when I sleep, or when I’m just simply--- *daydreaming*. In the first one, I ran away with the fair boy without looking back, but the path I was running on suddenly disappeared. In the second one, I started to run, but the fair boy struggled away and ran back toward the other boy, leaving me empty handed. Lastly, in the third one, I took them both away, but the darkening sky and the shrieking noise followed us everywhere."

Silence.

"What do you think it means, Gerron?"

"I think you've been given choices."

"What choices?"

"I don't know. It’s up to *you* to interpret it,” Gerron said softly.

"Damn! I'm an amateur at this! I’ve never had eerie dreams like these before."

"There is clearly a message that you must understand. Too bad your husband isn't here to explain."

Tom was silent. The sadness and longing returned to those blue eyes.

"Too bad indeed," he finally said and sighed softly. "Maybe it was *him* who sent them to me." 

*****************************

Continued in part 31


	31. Chapter 31

Breaking into the military base proved to be pretty easy. The frantic preparation to get the ships ready for flight as soon as possible had left many sections unguarded--leaving plenty of opportunities for anyone to just enter the area.

Much to Janeway's surprise, they were disguised as logistic officers. 

"If they don't recognize your identification, it takes them twice as long to recheck on you. Logistic officers are not listed as soldiers. This should give you plenty of time to improvise and accomplish the task, and then get yourselves out of there," Baran said.

The gigantic base was full of people. Thousands milled around. The sight made Janeway shiver, as she realized that if they didn’t succeed, Voyager would be a sitting duck surrounded by a fleet of this size.

The ships were impressive. During their time in Ardinia, she had not been allowed to see the other military bases, thus she could only guess at the level of knowledge Ardinia possessed as far as space technology. It turned out that they were about 50 years behind in relation to Starfleet technology. Large ships, slower movement, yet just as deadly. The only thing that was hundreds of years behind was their warp technology.

//And they managed to catch up on that by stealing//.

The Selectra was built to carry five hundred passengers, eighteen armed shuttles, and possessed a holographic shield. Using the shield, the ship could disguise itself by creating any image that could be produced with a holographic device. Right now, the ship was sitting in the center of everything. 

"We will split up now," Baran whispered softly. "Tavin and Drenko here will accompany you. We'll meet in a half hour at the most."

They nodded. Baran then clasped Janeway's hand, "Remember. No contact to anyone, including myself. Thirty minutes counting in your time frame, that means two mozda in our time. Tavin will remind you when the time is up."

When they reached the middle of the bustling ground, they split up cautiously.

 

**************************

Inago had recently graduated from the Ardinia Military Academy. His stationing on the Selectra was his first *ever*. That was why unlike his other shipmates, for whom routine drill checks were as easy and as simple as breathing, Inago double-checked everything being extra careful and painstakingly meticulous. He could not afford to make any mistakes at his first posting. Unfortunately, he was not bright enough to realize that he was doing everything inefficiently.

"Ezad! You are unbelievably slow, mate!" His supervisor scolded him, when for the third time he found him still doing the same thing, and repeating the same mistake.

Inago cowered. He realized that he was doing everything too slow. But he was so nervous and eager to please.

"You'd better be checking on the logistic, and count those food bulks as slow as you want. Don't disturb our drill up here," his supervisor grumbled.

Meekly, Inago obeyed and walked to the logistic compartment.

He hated logistic duty out of military habit. There was an unwritten understanding between shipmates that logistic duty was the lowest kind of duty on a space ship, and people assigned to that place were the dumbest crew and newcomers. 

It was not a surprise that he found no soldiers in the compartment despite the fact that the place was full of people transporting food, necessities, and other equipment. Shipmates avoided this place, worried that they would be public humiliated by someone seeing them and believing that they had been assigned to duty in this room.

Feeling dejected, he flopped his body down into a monitoring station and berated himself.

"Excuse me."

He turned his head carelessly toward the source of that voice. 

A soldier’s rank was way above that of a logistic officer. There was no need to be civil and polite to these people.

The person who asked was a huge man with a face as blank as an idiot.

"Can you show us where to put this dilithium?"

"Di-- what?" Inago frowned in confusion, but quickly blushed in anger when the man chuckled.

"Don't tell me you don't know what dilithium is, Sir. Are you new here?"

That was one insult he could not bear--from a logistic officer.

"I'm not memorizing what to put where! That’s your duty! Find it yourself!" He said furiously, wondering whether this dilithium thing was something he had encountered in the academy or not.

"It's for the new warp core, Sir. The one that has just been installed. We don't know where it is so we hoped you could show us."

//What warp core?// Inago felt his fury grow. He did not know what that thing was, but may Ezad kill him first before admitting to these people that he had never heard of such a thing. //Besides, it sounds like an *important* part of the ship//.

Too bad the man saw his confusion.

"Perhaps you can ask your supervisor for its location, Sir."

Irritated beyond belief, Inago glared menacingly. "No need to ask *anyone*, logistic. I'll show you to the computer room."

The man smiled, "It’s most probably located in the Engine Room, Sir."

"You think you know better? We'll see the computer room first, *then* the Engine Room. Got that?"

The man hid his smile and nodded. Inago did not miss that gesture, and he stalked out, trying to repress his anger. He barely noticed that there were *four* people with three tanks of the dilithium following him.

Three soldiers were stationed in front of the computer room. One of them was watching Inago in distaste. His glare alone could probably kill the new recruit.

"New here?" The soldier pointed to the yellow stripe on Inago's uniform. The boy nodded.

"This is an authorized area. Do you have any authorization?"

"We need to deliver this dilithium for the new warp core, Sir," the huge logistic officer suddenly spoke. Inago gritted his teeth, wishing that he could kill the man.

The soldier ignored him completely. An expected response. Instead, he glared at Inago. "And are you stupid enough that you thought that the warp core is located *here*? Where were you coming from, newbie?"

Inago, face bright red, swallowed, "I am on my way to the Engine Room, Sir."

"Don't lie, newbie. This man here said that you are looking for the warp core, am I right?"

Inago fidgeted, and slowly nodded, all the while mentally cursing logistic officers in general.

"And you led them here," the soldier guffawed. He turned toward his amused mates. "Well, well, what should we do with this boy, mates?"

"I heard that corporal punishment is applied to newbies," one of his mates said grinned widely.

Inago was now sweating like crazy. //Corporal punishment?// Images of public whipping and caning suddenly appeared before his eyes. Such punishment had of course being banished long ago. But he was a newbie, and seniors could do *anything* to a newbie---a *dumb* newbie in particular, including issuing a banned punishment.

"Excuse me, Sir, but we need to deliver this as soon as possible," Tavin, the huge impostor logistic officer, said.

"You can wait, logistic. Let your tour guide have fun with us first. One of you stand over there to see if there is a supervisor coming, and the rest of you move back here and watch."

The three of them moved toward the scared Inago. "I am so---sorry, I---," the boy swallowed.

"Dumb and a *coward*? Ezad, boy! Don't tell me you're afraid of us! There's only ten canings! That is a little boy’s portion. Come here and show us your bum!"

Inago was now visibly trembling, yet he had no choice. The other two men were already crowding him, while the leader retrieved a cane. He finally succumbed and started to remove his pants.

In the meantime, Janeway and Tuvok slowly moved around the console of the computer room, trying hard to remain unnoticed.

"The energy relay control frame is located here, Captain," Tuvok whispered. "Maybe this is where they are storing the warp controller chip. As it controls fusion and the energy burning operating procedure, it would be logical for them to put it along with the energy relay system."

Janeway glanced at the console, carefully peeking at the authorization monitor.

"It's already open," she whispered gratefully. Tuvok slowly removed his tricorder and latched it onto one of the output jacks available. 

"How long do we need to retrieve the information?" Janeway frowned.

"Not long, I hope." Tuvok glanced at the corner where the caning had begun. Inago was apparently a spoiled boy, because he groaned loudly after only the first beating.

"Damn, boy! You're a softie! Why the hell did they put you on the Selectra? Ten canings more to toughen you up, then!"

The sound of pleading followed soon.

After ten canings, Tuvok whispered to Janeway, "Got it."

"Where is it located?"

"Panel A."

She eyed the identification number of the panel that showed on the tricorder, and slowly tried to make any sense of the panels surrounding the computer room.

"Panel A is where they control the engine frame," Tuvok whispered again.

Janeway slowly stared at the panel beside her. It appeared to be monitoring water temperature and air circulation. "This panel is for ship environmental control," she mumbled, hoping that her hunch was right.

The next panel showed blips of a communication relay. //Not that one//. Her eyes finally rested on the panel near the corner where the caning was currently taking place.

"Damn. Panel A is over *there*," she gritted her teeth. She exchanged wary glances with Tavin, and crooked her head carefully to point at the panel behind the caning scene.

The sobbing was growing louder. "The first ten are over, boy. Don't cry. We need ten more for your toughness. You should be grateful!"

Janeway stared intently at Tavin. Her eyes said 'do something'.

Then, suddenly the huge man pushed one of the dilithium tanks down. It fell with a loud noise.

The caning stopped.

"Ezad! What are you doing, logistic?" The soldier with the cane glared furiously at Tavin. He looked worried. A loud noise could attract outside attention to the computer room.

Drenko, standing in front of the door whispered in a nervous manner, "Sir, I hear people coming this way."

The soldiers cursed at the same time. The one with the cane quickly walked toward the door, while his other mates got Inago to stand up quickly and cover up.

Tuvok slowly moved toward the panel.

Tavin bent to retrieve the fallen tank, then deliberately knocked down the remaining two.

It clanged even louder.

All of them jumped. "This is ridiculous!" The man with the cane was now staring murderously toward them. If it were possible, he would kill all of them any time now. Unfortunately, making things secure was a priority now. Footsteps were already heard.

"Stand up, boy! Lik, hide this cane! You all, help him move these tanks! Quickly!"

Tuvok took that moment to move quickly toward panel A, slip his tricorder into the nearest jack and punch the 'search' button. 

One of the remaining soldiers took the cane and quickly ran to the back room, where many of the computer officers took their breaks. Another soldier helped Inago to dress up properly, all the while growling at him for sniffing and sobbing so obviously.

Janeway and Drenko jumped to help move the tank back up, trying as best as possible to make distracting movements and conceal Tuvok from the soldiers’ view.

Tuvok glanced at the tricorder. //Right button//.

The door opened, revealing an older man, of supervisor rank, who glowered at the scene before his eyes.

Tuvok punched the pointed button.

"What is going on here?"

The panel hissed softly and a low 'click' was heard.

Tavin quickly groaned loudly as he lifted the tank. It was *heavy*.

"There's some delivery mistake, Sir," the soldier who had been previously wielding the cane said.

The supervisor's gaze zeroed in on the tanks.

Tuvok pulled out the small chip tray that was plugged in.

"What are these tanks for?"

"It's dilithium for the warp core, Sir," Tavin answered quickly.

"And you delivered these here? Move them out of here right now!"

//Got it!// Tuvok took the chip and pushed the tray back into place. He pulled the tricorder free, and warily realized that there was a red light appearing on one of the monitor’s, an alarm system. He quickly ripped his suit and jammed the little piece of cloth over the red light.

Janeway secured the tanks back in place, secretly glancing at Tuvok, who nodded reassuringly.

"And what the hell has happened to cause all this commotion? Who are you?" The supervisor stared furiously at Inago.

The soldiers mumbled, "He was the one showing these logistics here, Sir."

The supervisor noted the streaking tears on the young man's face. "What did they do to you, boy?"

It seemed as if the soldiers gulped at the same time.

Tavin straighten his body up. "Permission to leave, Sir."

"Granted," the supervisor said without even glancing Tavin’s way. His attention was completely on the shaking Inago. "Now, speak, boy! What did they do to you?"

The logistic officers and the tanks moved out. 

Janeway heard the inarticulate mumbles of the soldiers before the door finally closed behind them. She chuckled softly, "Serves them right."

Tuvok whispered, "We have the chip. We can leave now."

Tavin, though not understanding one bit of their language, nodded, knowing that the mission was completed. He pointed at the tanks and toward the logistic storage where they had come from.

They walked briskly back.

****************************

They had just passed through the front gate when suddenly an alarm klaxon blared.

"Damn!" Janeway cursed. No sign of Baran and the other team. So far, only one ship was dismantled. She hated to think that there were *two* large ships still able to get to Voyager.

They walked quickly, hearing the sirens of military back up in the distance and making it just before the gates were pushed to lock.

Tavin signaled them to run to their meeting point.

Janeway breathed in relief when she saw that Baran and his team were already there. "I thought---"

"One of my team failed," Baran quickly answered gloomily. "I think they're dead already, and I am not so sure if they managed to dismantle the Sorra yet. Just consider the possibility that one starship still can manage to go to warp."

Janeway sighed. She quickly returned her and Tuvok's guns and retrieved their comm badges from Baran.

"I think it's time for us to go back up in space soon," she said, suddenly not liking it up one bit.

She realized that this was one of the times when she was absolutely sure that she had made bad decision.

**********************************

Using secret passageways, Baran took them back to the palace, and in no time they were back in the basement chamber where they had separated previously from Chell.

Duvaar met them there.

"We have to move, now. Show us the shuttle and Chell, please."

"Remember your promise, Captain."

//Dorin//. "I am not planning to return here soon, Ambassador."

"Dorin is already inside the shuttle. You must take him back with you."

//WHAT?//

Janeway opened her mouth to protest, but quickly closed it when Duvaar started to walk very briskly away from them.

"I am not sure how to handle him in his condition," she said in a low voice. She hated to break her promise, but she could not afford another risky situation now.

Duvaar ignored her, and they ran together toward a dark area where the shuttle was sitting, surrounded by soldiers.

The Prime Councilor was waiting for them, face drawn and tired.

Janeway went to him breathlessly, "We failed to dismantle one ship---"

"I know. I cannot delay your leaving any longer. Go."

She knew Dorin was inside, "Sir---"

"Keep your promise, Captain."

"I can't get him back here."

The old man closed his eyes tightly. Sadness etched deeply on that face.

"It's all right. He should be where he belongs."

She stared at the Prime Councilor, "You mean---"

"I give him up, Captain. I already offered him to Commander Chakotay with willingness. You have no obligation to return him."

"But---"

"Go. Please."

There was no time.

Janeway breathed deeply and finally clasped hands with the Prime Councilor.

"May Ezad bless you all," The old man whispered softly.

Moments later, they were back in the sky.

*************************

Continued in part 32


	32. Chapter 32

When Chakotay emerged from the turbolift, the corridor was packed with crewmembers. Soft gasps and stunned stares were directed toward him. Knowing full well that his glowing midsection was the source of those shocked faces, Chakotay glared.

"Why are you all standing around? Don't you have better things to do at your own stations?"

He caught Danar, the one who had openly challenged his command, staring at him with an unreadable expression.

//What the hell are they all here for?//

"Everyone is needed to run the manual sequences to lock and secure all the hatches. Several of the commands need to be entered simultaneously by several people. The automatic handling is still under repair," a man he recognized as O’Hara answered quickly. The crewman was in charge of the launching bay.

//And no doubt waiting for the spectacular view//, Chakotay thought grimly.

He nodded casually, and went to get his suit, passing by the waiting crew until someone intercepted him.

He stared at the earnest face of May Danova.

"Ensign?"

"Please, Commander..."

Her eyes spoke volumes of emotion. Desperation, fear, and hope. Suddenly Chakotay realized that he could see that same expression on each of the faces around him, including Danar.

"You are our only hope. *Do* something *right*."

And her saying was echoed throughout the silence of the corridor.

Chakotay stared at her solemnly, and glanced around. They were all standing there. Waiting.

He rubbed his stomach carefully.

"I had promised you all, right? I'll give my life to get everything right."

He left them and went to the suit chamber. B'Elanna was already waiting for him there, issuing instructions to several men.

"Here's the deal, Chakotay," B'Elanna said as she helped him take out a cumbersome, almost rigid, shiny suit. "In order to get a proper space for maneuvering, Harry's shuttle will be stopped at a distance that will enable us to hook you up directly to Voyager."

The Klingon showed him a long cable, bundled neatly nearby. "You'll be launched with a three-passenger capsule gig that will also serve as your suit anchor. Once you are within the shuttle, disconnect the cable."

Then B'Elanna pointed out a large device. "Be careful with this jet thruster. For emergency purposes, I requested a larger jet with propellant tanks. We expect a greater acceleration, so don't panic if you suddenly can fly like a bird out there."

Chakotay nodded. 

"Be careful," B'Elanna smiled softly.

He stepped into the suit, assisted by two other crewmembers. The jet and its obsolete tanks were considerably heavy. The weight made him worry for a moment about his babies.

Once his helmet flashed a green signal, he stepped inside the capsule gig, where two other crewmen with similar suits but without the jet and propellant tanks were already seated.

Chakotay breathed deeply when the capsule was suddenly thrown out into the open space.

"Spirits," he said in wonder.

The space beyond him was so *vast*.

Large, infinite space. So dark, yet so bright with billions of stars surrounding them. There was no horizon, and Chakotay strained his eyes trying to see an *edge*. An *ending* to this unending space.

Seated inside a small capsule gig that felt so bare and helpless, the sense of--*loneliness*, and *belittlement* was overwhelming. As if they were *swallowed* inside an abstract greatness.

Floating in the middle of *nothing*, yet also *everything*.

//The center of *life* and the *universe*//.

 

"Space," he whispered inside his helmet. "Incredible."

"Torres to Chakotay." His suit's comm crackled.

"Yes, B'Elanna, I see it." Chakotay stared at the incoming shuttle. It was moving considerably slower. Seven had managed to control it.

"It'll stop in ten seconds. You may order the capsule gig to float there slowly."

Chakotay turned toward the capsule navigator and nodded at him. "You heard her. Take us to the rendezvous point."

Seconds later, he finally saw what seemed to be the left side of the shuttle. The large probe was lodged deep inside, an indented crook at the upper left side of the shuttle. The spot where the pilot sat. They were lucky the shuttle had not bee ripped apart from such an impact, otherwise everyone might have been sucked out into the vacuum.

"Chakotay to Seven."

"Here, Commander."

"Judging from how things look from out here, I would guess that many of the helm panels are no longer functioning. Am I right?"

"Affirmative, Commander. Landing monitors and automatic assistance are damaged. The locks are also not functioning, nor are the magnetized landing gear. Only manual *feet* handlers are normal."

"How's Harry?"

"I'm fine, Commander." Harry's clear voice echoed. "Are you all right, Sir?"

Chakotay smiled, "Never better, Ensign. What the hell are you doing over there? I thought that you had already beamed back to Voyager?"

"And throw this shuttle away? No, Sir. The probe contains a lot of information. It’s the key to the answers we need. Can't have you abandoning it in the middle of nowhere."

"The landing process might be risky."

"Do you think I’m leaving you to have all the fun? I'm here, Commander. Can't let you steal the show alone."

Chakotay heard the anxiety and concern there. He knew that Harry was very worried about him, and it warmed his heart. The idea that Harry was inside the shuttle and would be accompanying him in this risky maneuver made him feel safer for some unknown reason.

//I guess I just can’t handle this alone//, he thought. Harry with his nonjudgmental manner was a very welcome companion.

"Seven to Chakotay."

"Yes?"

"The shuttle is coming to a complete stop."

Chakotay signaled his crew to float the capsule closer. 

The capsule gig floated slowly, maneuvering around the shuttle. After finding a proper position, one of the crew stood and opened the hatch above their heads. The bright stars welcomed them.

After checking on his suit and the cable lock for the last time, Chakotay demagnetized his suit’s boots, thus allowing his body to float up and out of the gig.

Then, he finally found himself in the middle of the vacuum of space.

Alone, with only a suit to protect him.

"Seven, the shuttle is not stable."

The small ship was rattling like an old car. The idea of discarding it was truly appealing, considering that it already resembled a piece of junk.

"Sir, I am unable to bring the ship to a complete stop. I have to alternate its idle stability between moving forward and back continuously."

//Great//, Chakotay thought. He pushed his jet, and jerked forward too quickly. He cursed softly and fumbled for a control, yet found himself spinning around like an acrobat.

"Commander?" His crew from the gig commed him. "Are you all right?"

//Where the hell is that *button*?// "Just trying to adjust. No worries."

"Be careful, Sir, otherwise your cable can tangle."

Chakotay found the needed button and tried to control his movement. He regained his balance in just a few seconds.

"Remind me to have a vacuum drill for all of you once we are done with this," he gritted his teeth. "We are sorely untrained."

He flew toward the shuttle carefully.

Suddenly the shuttle jerked harshly. 

"Hey!" Chakotay automatically punched his jet button to surge upward, just missing being struck by the heavy ship. 

"Sir! Are you all right?" Harry and the gig crew shouted simultaneously.

"Can you handle the shuttle? Damn! It moves too much!"

"Its stability decreased rapidly. The alternate movement is proving too hard to handle for what’s left of the engine system. Sir, the only possible option is to switch off the engine or for you to get in as quickly as possible,” Seven said.

Chakotay quickly flew backwards when the shuttle jerked in a harsher movement.

"I can't get closer. Can you just switch off the engine?"

"I am not so sure we can switch it back on once you’re in."

Chakotay gritted his teeth, "Chakotay to Torres."

"Yes, Chakotay?"

"Can you tractor the shuttle inside? We need to switch it off."

Heavy sigh, "Negative, Chakotay. That system is still impaired. We’re still just getting by."

"Harry, you need to beam back to Voyager. This is too dangerous for you." Chakotay watched as the shuttle rocked back and forth, trying hard to remain in a 'neutral' position while the only thing working was the 'forward' and 'retreat' locks.

"No Sir. You need me."

End of discussion. Chakotay stared, worrying, and suddenly he noticed that his cable had started to tangle, and the shuttle had rocked too close to the capsule.

"Capsule gig, I need to detach the cable now."

"What? Sir--"

He released the cable lock. 

"Sir!" His capsule gig crew shouted. "This is too dangerous!"

"Launch back! You are too close to the shuttle!"

"Sir! Watch out!"

Another jerk, and it was too close.

Too close.

The shuttle almost crashed into capsule gig. There was only a millimeter between the two when the gig launched quickly, maneuvering to avoid the ship.

Breathes of relief were audible over the comm links.

"Gig, move back to a safe distance. Let me fly unaided," Chakotay said. 

"Affirmative," His crew said, then, shyly, added, "Be careful, Sir."

Chakotay flew managing to get closer to the shuttle. Without the cable, his movement was much more free and easy.

And it was fun.

For a moment there, flying alone in the space, he felt---*liberated*.

He couldn’t resist doing a few acrobatics before he finally found the shuttle hatch.

"I found the hatch. Prepare the decompression chamber, will you?"

"Aye, aye, Sir," he heard Harry say with amusement. "You're having too much fun out there, aren't you?"

Chakotay chuckled, then landed rather harshly on the top of the shuttle. The ship rattled and jerked. He quickly switched on his magnetized boots, leaving him glued to the ship.

The hatch was easily opened, and in a moment, he was inside a very small decompression chamber. He removed his suit. By the time he emerged into the cockpit, the capsule gig had already returned to Voyager.

"Seven, you calculate movements and engine performance and inform me continuously. Harry, help me to navigate this thing." 

Chakotay went to the helm. He noticed the cracking wall, and whistled. "One more day stranded, and you would have been sucked out, Harry. That crack is ready to rip open anytime."

"Not very encouraging, Commander," Harry said smiling, but his face quickly turned to a frown. "Sir, what is happening to you?"

Aware of his glowing body, Chakotay waved at him carelessly. "Long story. Ignore it for now, please. I am all right, though."

 

Harry nodded, "Any news from Tom and the Captain?"

//Tom//. Chakotay shut his eyes for a moment. "No, and I don't like it."

"They'll be fine," Harry mumbled, wondering if he was saying it to reassure Chakotay or himself.

"Yes. Seven, release the 'retreat' lock. Let’s move forward slowly."

"Aye, aye, Sir."

The shuttle jerked again, and Chakotay realized that the only thing he could do to stabilize the shuttle now was to move quickly.

He eyed the entrance to Voyager's shuttle bay and winced. Realizing for the first time how *small* it was for a rattling and shaking shuttle.

"Switch pilot to manual. Damn, I feel like I’m steering the first version of a car."

"Early twentieth century?" Harry chuckled. "I know what you mean."

"Now, Harry, look carefully, and pretend that we are playing a pairing simulation. Tell me when and where to move. Got it?"

"Yes."

"Engines are heating up, Commander," Seven said.

"Hang on. I’m moving slowly."

"Temperature has raised by twenty degrees. Release the brake system, Sir," Seven said.

"Let it be, Seven. We can't move too fast. Harry?"

"We’re too much to the left. Go to the right. Yes! Now, you’re too much to the right. No, not.. Yes! That's it!"

With the shuttle shaking, rattling, and heating up, Chakotay slowly moved it toward the opening in Voyager.

"Sir! The heat is too much! It'll harm the bay!" Seven said.

"Push it down! We'll knock the roof!" Harry shouted.

Chakotay gritted his teeth, he pushed the 'down' maneuver and felt a loud clang on the top of the shuttle. 

Harry gasped.

"It only grazed it a little!" Chakotay said. Yet, he could almost feel the heat that flared up into the bay, maybe cause some of it seemed to have soaked into the shuttle.

He pushed the off button and shouted at Seven. "Seven, shut down everything, now!"

The Borg obeyed without hesitation, and suddenly, the shuttle lost all power and dropped harshly.

A fraction of a second before the shuttle's bottom crashed into the bay, Chakotay punched the manual lock, and the alloy steel 'feet' came out from the corner of the shuttle. Their magnetized paw connected smoothly with the surface, thus avoiding the burning shuttle collapsing ungraciously and burning the bay's floor.

The shuttle stopped perfectly in the middle of the bay.

"WOW!" Harry exclaimed.

When Chakotay emerged into the corridor outside of the shuttle bay, he was greeted with loud applause from almost the entire crew of Voyager.

*********************

It was strange to see how one minute everyone scolded him and was disgusted by the sight of him, and then in the next minute treated him like a God.

Chakotay felt that now, after the shuttle fiasco.

A day later, as he was walking toward the bridge, he found that everyone he met responded to him in a friendly manner. Even the Doctor, who suddenly had enough manners to not bring up the 'abortion' suggestion.

On top of everything, B'Elanna was now perfectly over her hostility toward him. He had her back. Completely.

"I heard that you are turning into a hero." Harry’s voice came from behind him.

"Yes, I find it very suspicious, you know," Chakotay chuckled softly.

"Sir. You found the real cause of the ship’s malfunctions. Even Captain Janeway wasn’t able to figure that out. You fly out there in the middle of the space in such an elegant movement, like a God, leaving most of the crew weak in the knees and weeping with envy. And then you handled a lethal shuttle in a manner that maybe only Tom Paris could. Please, Sir, you deserve to be considered a hero."

Chakotay eyed his husband's best friend. For the first time in his life, he was truly grateful that Tom had found such a great friend. He could not imagine him having other friend than this man.

"Thank you, Harry. For a moment there I thought that they regarded me as a freak, you know. With my *condition*."

Harry glanced at the glowing belly. It still disturbed him a great deal.

"To be honest. Many of the crew still feel uncomfortable with your *condition*. But somehow, instead of thinking that you have turned into a freak, most of the crew thinks that you turned into a --*demi-god*."

"*Demi-god*?"

"I’m Chinese, Sir. I can't help it."

"*Demi-god*? So you think they believe that my daredevil stunts were because I’ve turned into a demi-god?"

"You should be flattered, Sir."

Chakotay laughed. Then his face turned sad. "Harry, I still can't reach either Tom and the Captain."

Harry sighed. "Don't assume that anything bad has happened, Commander. Look, the ship repair process is going incredibly well. We are definitely safe from the hole, and ready to go to warp soon. Just wait until we finish, then we can look for them."

Chakotay nodded, "Any results from the probe?"

"I’m on my way to get the analysis now."

Chakotay sighed loudly, "I miss Tom, Harry."

Harry smiled understandingly, yet could not conceal the wonder in his eyes. "You love him."

Chakotay quickly shut his eyes, feeling the sudden lump in his throat. "Like hell."

As they entered the bridge, they found Seven of Nine rushing toward them.

"Incoming communication from Captain Janeway, Commander."

Chakotay half ran to his seat. "Audio or video?"

Seven of Nine transferred the communication, and in just a moment, the monitor was filled with the tired face of Kathryn Janeway.

"Kathryn?" //Something is not right. She looks---//

"How's Voyager, Chakotay? Is everything---"

"We’re fine. We managed to find the source of the problem, and we'll have warp power in another twenty four hours."

The relief on Janeway's face was so palpable that Chakotay felt his heart constrict.

"My mission was not so great, Chakotay.... I’ve been so worried..."

"We are fine, Kathryn. *Fine*. Don't worry." He was stunned to see that Janeway was on the brink of breaking down in front of everyone on the bridge.

She took a deep breath and regained her balance. "Good. Then I don't have to feel guilty for not being successful in finding help for Voyager."

//Something is wrong in Ardinia//. "We no longer need it. Are you OK?"

"How are Tom and Harry?"

Chakotay winced painfully, as the despair over Tom came back. "Harry is fine and still analyzing the data from the probe. We haven't heard from Tom, yet. Are you OK?"

She was still.

Then, with amazement, Chakotay watched as the Captain's face contorted into a naked anguish. "Kathryn?"

"Chakotay. I’ve brought Dorin with me."

*******************************

Continued in part 33


	33. Chapter 33

"Tom, Gregor is awake."

Tom jumped up from his seat, blinking rapidly as he realized that he must have dozed off. He stood and quickly walked toward the bunk where Ayala was resting. The man was still deathly pale, but he had let Gerron feed him almost continuously. It was a good sign that he hadn’t lost his appetite.

"Welcome back, Ayala," Tom said while he ran a tricorder over him. "Now that you are up and fully conscious, I can start a second level regeneration on some of the wounds with your full cooperation."

"How's our mission?"

"Okay. We're heading back to Voyager now."

Ayala stared at Tom. He was still feeling a bit disoriented and finding it hard to focus. Finally, it occurred to him that the shuttle was moving smoothly.

"How long have I been unconscious?"

"Two days." Gerron frowned at him. "You were dead to the world, Ayala." The Bajoran then sighed, "I was so afraid that you had *died*."

Ayala moved and groaned softly, feeling the stiffness and pain in his leg. He looked at the bandage, and then stared at Tom.

There was no doubt that the pilot had saved his life.

"Thanks," he said sincerely to Tom. He caught Gerron's smile and wondered about the sudden blush on his friend's cheeks.

"You're welcome," Tom said distractedly. He was frowning at Ayala's wound. "It needs to heal properly, Gregor. We can start another regeneration process in a few moments."

Ayala was now staring at Gerron. The Bajoran blushed even more furiously, aware of his scrutinizing stare. Ayala was now very curious. He wondered just what he had missed while he was unconsciousness. "I'd better go to the toilet first."

Tom closed his tired eyes. "By all means." He stood quickly, but swayed when a wave of dizziness came over him.

//Not again//.

"Tom?"

He felt Gerron's touch, and he blinked, trying to see past the sudden darkness fogging his eyes.

"Are you OK?"

Tom winced. "Yeah, I suppose so."

"It came back again?"

Tom sighed, "Yeah. Gerron, these constant dreams and visions are really worrying me."

Gerron bit his lip nervously. "Tom, how long till we get to Voyager?"

Tom breathed loudly. "Two more days at max. A bit slow, but that's all I can manage."

"You'll be OK, won't you?"

Tom stared at his crewmate, wondering what had made the Bajoran suddenly turn so vulnerable. He remembered Gerron's trauma over their rough flights, and realized that the man was now probably very worried about any possibilities that might endanger their trip. Including a hallucinating pilot.

"The journey is a smooth one, and I’ve switched the automatic pilot back on. Don't worry, Gerron. We'll get back safely, even if I'm not available."

Tom closed his eyes again when the dizziness returned; this time more painful then before. 

"Tom?"

"Damn it, Gerron! Hold my hands, will you?"

Dark. Pain. Blurry images. Thunder. Lightning.

//It's coming! What the hell!//

"...Tom?"

Golden vision. So bright. So blinding.

//Daddy, help *us*//.

"....Gregor, take his other hand....."

//Help....*US*//.

*********************

B'Elanna watched her friend as he sat with a blank face inside the ready room. "Chakotay? I heard what happened."

Chakotay turned toward her, and his stricken face startled B’Elanna. 

"I can't believe that *he* is coming back," Chakotay mumbled softly. "Still no news from Tom?"

B'Elanna shook her head, wondering at the anxiety she was feeling for her former lover's safety. She was secretly surprised to realize that her hurt and anger toward Tom had dimmed greatly over the past few days. She suddenly wondered whether she truly was in love with Tom.

She glanced at Chakotay and an overwhelming pang of sadness came over her.

//If I realize now the depth of my feeling toward Tom, then I guess I also realize the depth of my feeling toward Chakotay//. 

She was still very jealous over their marriage, yet she was now wondering of *whom* she really felt jealous. With a sudden clarity, she remembered how it was *Chakotay* instead of Tom that she had been truly angry at when the betrayal happened.

"How long until Captain Janeway's team will reach us?" Chakotay sighed and slowly massaged his temple.

"Three to four days."

"If everything went smoothly, Tom should have been here by now," Chakotay mumbled.

"Maybe their communication is down. Seven has been trying to detect him. Let's be patient for a while, Chakotay. I’m sure Tom is all right. The guy practically has nine lives."

Chakotay eyed B'Elanna with fondness and smiled softly at her assurance. "I suppose so."

B'Elanna quickly avoided his stare. Suddenly feeling too *naked* under that understanding and caring gaze. It made her *very* uncomfortable for reasons she did not know. She knew that Chakotay knew she had finally forgiven Tom.

"How are the repairs coming, Be?"

"Wonderfully," B'Elanna grinned, glad to change the topic. Engineering was a much more interesting discussion right now.

"All the computers are back on-line, thanks to Carey's determination. No more need for manual handling now."

"What about the warp core?"

"It's coming," B'Elanna sighed. "Taking longer than it should. Which reminds me to get my butt back there again."

Chakotay quickly raised his hand. "No, B'Elanna. You need a break. Let the others handle it. Please sit here and wait with me."

B'Elanna stared at her First Officer. She noticed the gaunt face, the glowing belly, and the hidden anxiety. He truly needed a friend.

Yet, somehow, she felt a constant pull of uneasiness that left her wanting to run out of the room. 

//It's too much. There are so many emotional strings between us, and I can't stand the closeness//.

She was confused and awkward. "What are we waiting for?"

"Harry's results from the probe, and Seven's results on Tom's shuttle."

B'Elanna nodded. She just did not know what to say at the moment. Unconsciously, she kept glancing at the door, wondering what she could say to make Chakotay let her go.

"Be, please."

//He *does* notice my uneasiness//.

"Seven to Chakotay."

Both straightened their backs. Chakotay suddenly knew what this was about--- //Tom//.

He was unaware that his hand was shaking when punched on his badge. "Yes, Seven?"

"We found Lieuteunant Paris' shuttle, Commander. It should reach Voyager in approximately two-days time. We are doing our best to enhance communication enhancer relay so that their comm badges will be functioning perfectly."

His sagging shoulders were so clear and the relief so palpable that B'Elanna could not handle it any longer. She had to go; she was truly overwhelmed by the jungle of her emotions.

"Thank you, Seven." Chakotay's voice was quivering and his eyes soften. Yet, they widened in surprise, when B'Elanna jumped up from her seat.

"Chakotay, I need to get back to Engineering right away."

"Be...?"

B'Elanna threw him a quick, wide smile. "Comm me if you get any news from Harry."

Once the door of the ready room was closed behind her, she sagged against the wall. Feeling tears threatening to spill.

//Tom is all right. Oh Kahless. He is *all right*//.

She brushed her wet eyes and walked quickly toward Engineering. Flashes of Tom's passionate blue eyes suddenly came back. She choked, and ran toward her quarters instead.

Minutes later, when she finally had calmed down from her hardest cry, B'Elanna stared at the mirror in her bathroom. She realized that this was the first time she had cried after breaking up with Tom. She finally felt relief.

//God, Tom. Now, I can really let you *go*//.

She touched the mirror and unconsciously smiled. Then she suddenly frowned. She gulped loudly and quickly washed her face.

She could not believe that she was imagining *Chakotay* touching her face.

*********************

"Captain, we might be running out of sedation drugs," Tuvok said as he eyed their storage data.

Janeway closed her eyes in worry, and then opened them to glance at the bunk where the glowing Dorin was sleeping peacefully. So far, their journey back had progressed safely, and none of her fears over Dorin’s unpredictable condition had materialized, yet.

"Duvaar said that Dorin can produce energy that might blast us out," Janeway sighed. "I don't think that is something I want to experience first hand."

Chell suddenly spoke shyly, "Excuse me, Captain?"

"Yes, Chell?"

"I-- I don't think he is going to *blast* or anything, ma'am."

Janeway frowned, realizing for the first time that her pilot might know more than she probably was aware of. "Why do you think that, Chell?"

The pilot gulped. "I think he unconsciously knows that he is going to meet the Commander."

***********************

"It's amazing, Sir.... So far, the information from the probe indicates that the hole is stable enough, and some of the coordinates we have retrieved show that it might get us much closer to the Alpha Quadrant,” Harry said excitedly. "I strongly suggest we consider traveling through the hole."

Chakotay suddenly coughed.

"Sir?"

B'Elanna jumped from her seat. Chakotay's face had turned very white, and his face was now starting to glow again.

"Damn!" She shouted toward her comm. "Transport the Commander to the Sickbay, now!"

"B'Elanna!" Chakotay shouted back. "Don't let the Doctor take *them* away!"

Then he dematerialized.

***********************

"Gregor! I think something is wrong with Tom!" Gerron said frantically.

Ayala, still weak and limping, tried hard to move toward the helm. 

The sight that greeted him turned his insides cold. 

"What the hell is happening?"

Tom was sitting rigidly, his face blank. And his body was glowing like a bright star.

*********************

"Captain, he is awake!" Tuvok moved quickly toward the groaning man in the bed.

Janeway ran and stood over the young Ardinian.

Suddenly, those eyelids opened, revealing golden pupils, so bright that they had to step back.

"Dorin?"

Dorin sat up swiftly. Eyes widening and wildly searching.

"Where is he?" he croaked and caught Janeway's stare.

"We’re inside a shuttle, Dorin. You're heading to Voyager." Janeway gritted her teeth, feeling the anguish building in her chest.

//Dorin seems *fine*//, she thought. //I shouldn't bring him back to Voyager//.

The smile on that golden face was so bright. "Oh, yes," he whispered with barely contained joy. "Oh, yes."

//Could it be the Prime Councilor had fooled us all?//

"Captain," Chell called.

"Yes, Chell?"

"We’re being followed."

By the one Ardinian ship they had not able to dismantle. //Damn! We are walking right into a trap//.

***************************

B'Elanna ran quickly toward the Sickbay, the desperation in Chakotay's voice ringing loudly in her ears.

So *determined*.

She burst into Sickbay and caught the Holodoc, hovering over the unconscious First Officer.

"What are you going to do to him, Doc?"

"We have to remove the fetuses right away, Lieutenant. Did I warn you before about the possible harm from beaming the Commander in this condition?"

//The glow---//

"NO." B'Elanna was suddenly sure. Very *sure*.

"Lieutenant, these things are harming the Commander!"

"I said NO! Let it be!"

"Lieutenant, you can't possibly---"

"THIS IS AN ORDER, DOCTOR!"

"I obey, but under protest! And remember, Lieutenant, I am not under your command."

"Counteract the sedation, Doc. Bring him back to consciousness. Please. This is very important." B'Elanna felt the tears in her eyes. She suddenly knew that if the Doc wanted it she would get down on her knees and beg.

"Why are you so sure about this, Lieutenant?" The holographic doctor asked, wavering.

"I just--- he *wants* it. Please, Doc. Chakotay knows what he wants."

The Doctor hesitated, and then finally succumbed. "Very well. I assume you already know the consequences. Since this whole thing is already beyond my comprehension, I believe I also have no right to conduct things based solely on my opinion."

B'Elanna closed her eyes gratefully. She whispered, "Thank you,Doc."

**********************

Suddenly, the cheerful face turned dark.

Janeway warily watched the young Ardinian as he started to move restlessly. For a moment there, she felt sorry for not binding the young man in his bed.

"Sit down, Dorin," She said in a low voice. "You’re going to make the pilot nervous."

"Who is *that*?!" Dorin suddenly jumped.

The glow on his face suddenly dimmed for a moment, and then brightened again, but with an eerie platinum complexion that emerged as a wave of-- *coldness*.

"Who's who, Dorin?" Janeway slowly stood, readying her phaser. She exchanged glances with Tuvok.

//If I blast him, is he going to explode us all?//

"It’s an Ardinian ship, Ma'am," Chell suddenly said, oblivious to the little drama going on in the back bunk. "They are moving at Warp 2 speed."

"WHO IS BLOCKING HIM?" Dorin yelled. 

Then suddenly the whole room crackled with blasting electricity.

************************

"He said that the automatic pilot is on.... so we don’t have a problem without having a pilot," Gerron said breathlessly. "Oh, shit, Gregor.... What should we do?"

Then, the glowing Tom moved.

"Oh, jeez.. Gerron, he is going to---"

The brightening mouth suddenly opened.

"CAN'T LET HIM TAKE THEM AWAY!"

**********************

Continued in part 34


	34. Chapter 34

"Seven to Torres." 

B'Elanna punched her badge furiously, "Yes!" 

"We’ve located the Captain's shuttle as well. We are also detecting a large ship behind it. Moving at *warp* speed." 

B'Elanna ran toward the bridge. "How far is the Captain's shuttle from us?" 

"Three days distance." 

"Torres to Carey!" 

"Carey here, B'Elanna. What's wrong?" 

"How's the warp core coming?" 

"It's fine---" 

"Can we go *warp*? Maximum speed? Warp *nine*?" 

"Now?" 

"YES!" 

"B'Elanna, we haven't tried---" 

"Is it possible?" 

Silence. Then, "Yes. I think so. It's risky, though---" 

"Good. Then be prepared to pick Tom and the Captain up." 

********************* 

Chakotay slowly got off of the biobed, wincing as he felt an overwhelming dizziness come over him. 

"Thank you so much for your cooperation, Doc," he whispered exhaustedly. "Can you have a vehicle come to take me directly to the bridge? I don’t think my current condition handles the transporter too well. The previous transportation is making me feel seriously sick." 

"Commander, you are unable to conduct your duty properly." 

"*Now*, Doc." 

The holodoc threw his hands out in an exasperated manner. "Why does this ship need a doctor?" 

Chakotay chuckled softly, "Once we get the Captain back, we’ll start listening to you." 

The Doctor formally approved Chakotay's condition and released him to be transported by vehicle to the bridge. 

******************** 

B'Elanna met him in front of the bridge. 

She winced at his brightness. "You certainly are *blinding*, Chakotay." 

"Can you contact the Captain?" 

"Communication is suddenly not working. I don't like it. And judging from her previous communication with us, I don't think the Ardinian ship behind them is friendly." 

"And Dorin is with her. What are your suggestions, Be?" 

"We can go to warp, Chakotay. Who should we pick up first? Tom or the Captain?" 

"Tom," Chakotay said without hesitation. "We need the dilithium right away, and he was nearer to us." 

B'Elanna nodded. "Very well, I leave the helm to you, Commander." 

Chakotay slowly moved, the pain in his stomach and the sheer exhaustion of his body making him wince. He prayed that he could manage this last quest properly. 

When he sat at the helm, he turned toward his best friend, "Be, please get my medicine bag from my quarters." 

B'Elanna obeyed without hesitation. She was now trusting him completely. 

*********************** 

Painful. 

Tuvok felt that his arm was stiff and painful. 

//But I have to get *him*// 

The fingers stretched and trembled with pain. 

//...have no *time*.... where is *he*?// 

His fingers felt it. 

Electricity. Biting painfully. 

Yet, he knew that the pain was the source. 

He reached out. 

//...get to the *mind*....// 

His vision blurred again. Darkened. 

//No! Not now!// 

Then, his fingers were suddenly burned. Loud crackling, and it felt like being exposed to fire. Thousands of needles jarred. And there was a smoking flesh smell coming out. 

It was his fingers. 

Yet, he had to touch--- 

And he touched *him*. Touch *Dorin*. 

//Mindmeld! NOW!// 

**************************** 

"They are coming." 

Gerron jerked in fright when the glowing body spoke calmly, eyes watching the radar monitor. As if nothing was happening to him. 

"Wha-- what do you mean? Who is coming?" Ayala asked, sweat trickling from his forehead. 

"Voyager." 

************************* 

Chakotay slumped exhaustedly after he had handled the ship jumping to warp nine successfully. 

"Do me a favor, Harry," he croaked to Harry, who rushed toward the helm. "Let me sleep for a while here, then wake me up once we near Tom." 

Harry swallowed. He could not stand to see the pain and exhaustion on Chakotay's face. Yet, Carter was still unable to return to duty as pilot. 

"Yes, Commander." 

************************* 

First, there was only silence. 

Then, a birdsong. A lonely birdsong. Singing to the dawn of the universe. 

The grass seemed to straighten up from sleep. The flowers peeked and slowly opened. The wind started to blow softly. Then the sun came out. And the whole plain burst awake in joy. 

Chakotay watched the beauty of the Spirit's creation unfold in front of him. 

Yet, he knew that he had to wait. 

*********************** 

"He's talking to himself...." 

"No, I think he's chanting. Don't let him drop his medicine bag...." 

*********************** 

This way was recognizable. 

In fact, he had seen it over and over again. Through flashes of images and in dreams. That was why Tom did not hesitate to walk up what appeared to be steps. 

He stepped steadily. All the time aware of the changing surrounding. 

It was still the peaceful plain. Soft, soothing atmosphere. Cool, inviting. He stopped for a while, and stared. Lush, green plain. Beautiful. 

Yet, he could feel it. The underlying tenseness. The comforting beauty was---*subdued*. 

*Waiting*. 

The bright sun, the soothing wind, the perfume of grass and flowers, and the beauty of universe singing and praising with joy did *not* fool him one bit. 

He walked faster. 

*************************** 

"....is he always like this?" 

Gerron frowned, "The sudden repeating trances were becoming more and more frequent. However, they were always short and easy to dismiss by waking him up. I'm not sure about *now*..." 

"Did he already ensure that the automatic piloting assistance is working properly?" 

"Yes. I think so. We're now just half a day away from Voyager." 

************************** 

Cold. 

There was freezing wind and ice on his back. 

Yet, his front was burning like an inferno. Hot, scorching, the fire was blazing destructively. 

And suddenly, a corridor appeared. Wind gushed angrily, and Tuvok's steps faltered when he felt an incredible pull driving him toward it. 

He was trapped. 

He knew he must release the mindmeld, otherwise he would be sucked into the whirlwind of Dorin. 

But he could not do it. 

**************************** 

"We've got Flyer One! It's under automatic pilot!" 

"Raised communication enhancer!" 

"Got it! Their badges are working now!" 

"Torres to Paris!" 

"Lieutenant Torres! This is Gerron speaking! Lieutenant Paris is unable to communicate with you right now!" 

B'Elanna glanced toward Chakotay. Sitting so still, his eyes and face blank, deep in trance. One that they could not wake him from. She had to take care of things *fast*. 

Heart pounding loudly, //Tom? Is he all right?// she punched her badge, "We'll lock onto you and assist your landing. Is everybody fine?" 

"Ayala was hurt and needed medical assistance right away. Lieutenant Paris is... I--I am not sure what is going on to him." 

B'Elanna exchanged worried glances with Harry. "Are you thinking what I’m thinking, Harry?" 

Harry sighed and again stared at the glowing, trance-like First Officer. He realized now that Chakotay had turned even brighter, if such a thing was possible. Wherever he was at the moment was beyond their calling now. He was on his own. 

"Yes." 

"Gerron, is Tom turn.... *glowing* right now?" 

"Y--yes. *Yes*. How do you know that?" 

"Never mind. We won't beam you all, then. We'll see you in the landing bay." 

Harry caught B'Elanna's wrist, "Be, I think we have no choice, now. We must force Chakotay out from his trance." 

B'Elanna's eyes were very sad and worried. "I-- I don't think so, Harry. It's too dangerous for him. Maybe for Tom also. I believe whatever is happening right now is necessary." 

Harry opened his mouth, but stopped when he saw the determination on B'Elanna's face. "God. You believe in him, don't you, Be?" 

B'Elanna smiled tightly. "I have no choice, Harry. Everything Chakotay did for the past week was always *right*." 

Harry returned her smile with understanding. "Then I guess I have to drag Carter out from his biobed to pilot this ship back to the Captain, right?" 

Moments later, the holodoc filed a formal complaint to the log stating that his advice was greatly ignored, as sick and hurt officers were constantly being dragged back to duty. 

************************* 

He found him standing under the tree. 

Beautiful. 

"Chakotay." 

The name sounded so beautiful and caressing in his mouth. A sound that now identified the sound of love. *True* love. 

And the beautiful figure smiled so wide and sincere. Happiness shone out from both his eyes, and his whole countenance was suddenly bursting stars of joy. 

"Tom." 

************************* 

"Are you going to bug me again, Lieutenant? I honestly don't know what to do with these two neon-like bodies, except maybe hooking them up to a generator and seeing if it helps us to finally reach warp ten." 

"Spare the sarcasm, Doc. Please put them side by side." 

The Doctor obeyed, and then suddenly frowned. "Lieutenant Torres, do you notice how the glow seems to be *connecting*?" 

B'Elanna stopped and watched with stunned eyes as the brightness suddenly---*shifted*. Like a magnetized field. The shines moved--- and slowly formed a *connection* between Chakotay and Tom's bodies. 

"Doc?" 

The Doctor quickly opened his tricorder and ran it over them. "Lieutenant, they *are* connected." 

"You mean---" 

"Their heartbeats. They’re synchronized." 

"*Both* of them?" 

"*Three* of them." 

"THREE?" 

****************************** 

They walked side by side. 

Faster. 

The darkness at the tip of the horizon was slowly appearing. 

They knew that in no time the storm would come. 

"Where are they?" Tom asked breathlessly, legs pumping as he started to run. 

Chakotay took them toward the lake. 

Then---- "Daddy!!" 

Tom jumped and took the little boy. "I've got *him*, Chakotay!" 

But Chakotay ran frantically in the other direction. 

"Chakotay!" Tom stood and started to follow his husband. The small boy in his arms started to cry. "Where are you going?" 

Then his husband called loudly, "DAKOTA!" 

************************** 

Carter wiped his sweaty forehead. His stomach was still in a whirlwind, but it felt good to be at the helm again. 

"We're at maximum speed, Harry. It's incredible to finally feel it." He said with wonder. 

"Then we can reach Flyer Two in eighteen hours," Harry calculated. "Damn, that Ardinian ship was *fast*." 

"How could they manage warp speed?" 

"I don't want to know. Judging from our data, it was a big ship too." 

"How big?" 

"Two, three times the size of Voyager. I wonder---" 

"Yes?" 

"Carter, do you remember how the probe was suddenly thrown back out from the hole?" 

"How can I forget that incident?" 

"Was it coming back because it was thrown, or because we controlled it back?"

"Harry, I don't get your meaning." 

"Was it the hole that threw the probe back, or was it because the probe was destined to come back?" 

"Harry, we programmed the probe to travel back." 

Carter stared at Harry Kim. Not liking the twinkle in the man’s eyes one bit. 

**************************

Continued in part 35


	35. Chapter 35

//Is he going away?// 

Tom ran frantically; the little boy in his arms was now hysterical. Crying, yelling, ripping his chest like a small beast. "Chakotay, please!" 

His husband stopped, and turned with worried eyes. His gaze flickered over Tom, the crying boy, and the sudden darkening surroundings. He fidgeted, and then resolutely went back to Tom, engulfing both husband and son inside his hug. 

"Oh, love," Tom breathed helplessly. "He kept on crying...." 

"He's looking for his brother," Chakotay said as he took over the wild child and cooed helplessly at him. "And we have to look for him, now, otherwise---" 

The world zapped. 

Tom gasped when he was suddenly engulfed in a suffocating darkness. 

"CHAKOTAY!" 

Nothing. 

He was in the middle of---*nothing*. 

********************* 

Tuvok wasn’t able to hold on any longer. 

The pull was too strong. 

The sucking force was eating everything around him; even the blazing fire seemed to be moving and submitting toward it now. 

//I have to let go! This is too strong!// Though it seemed that he was fighting physically, he struggled to gain control mentally, as he knew that this was really part of a mind battle. 

And Tuvok realized that he could not win. 

He flew helplessly inside the abyss. Whirl winding across the dizzying long tunnel, full of thunder and fire, and---- 

He felt it *scream* at him. The sound of anger. Hot fury. Echoing throughout the long corridor. Beckoning hell. 

He could not take it anymore. 

He screamed in terror. 

********************* 

His boy suddenly stopped crying. 

Chakotay opened his eyes slowly, and shouted in shock when he realized that they were floating in the middle of space. 

Frantic, as if drowning, he gasped and reached for everything. 

Swim. Run. 

Yet, he reached nothing. 

"TOM!" 

His baby boy struggled. Between the panic he felt over his helplessness in this terrifying spirit plain, and his dread over the fate of his husband, having to deal with a wildly squirming baby was almost too much to handle. 

Chakotay sobbed a desperate plea. "Please, son. Don't-- don't move around, all right?" 

But he kept moving. Moving wildly. And starting to shriek again. 

"I'll find your brother! I promise! Please! STOP!" 

Then-- His boy--- *grew*. 

Chakotay’s eyes widened when those tiny limbs lengthened, rounded, ---*growing* so rapidly that he forgot to breath. 

He exclaimed in terror when the boy suddenly pushed strongly, breaking free from his grasp. 

Chakotay stumbled, flying around upside down, shouting for his husband, while desperately trying to grab anything on the ---*young man* his boy had become. 

******************** 

His body suddenly landed on something hard. And cold. 

Tuvok opened his eyes, and found himself spread out on the middle of an ice plain. 

There was something jutting out of the middle of the flat, cold, white nothingness. 

He slowly raised himself, squinting his eyes against the floor, which was extremely bright, despite the darkness surrounding it. Then he gasped, as he realized that the *something* turned out to be an old man standing rigidly. 

The man was as pale as the ice. The only thing that differed him from a statue was the slow, smoking, breathing puffs coming out of his mouth. He was covered with long, thick, white hair that blended with the rest of his wardrobe. Cascading in a striking whiteness across his back. 

"Who are you?" Tuvok quietly asked him. 

There was something. Something in this old man that he recognized, but he couldn’t figure out what it was. 

Then, the old man suddenly laughed. 

It shocked him. 

The sound rang so loud and eerily that he had to cover his ears. Despite the noise, he looked curiously at where the old man was staring and felt his heart plummet when he recognized the incoming floating body of Commander Chakotay. 

Tuvok turned back toward the old man in horror. He suddenly knew who he was. "DORIN!" 

He had to do something. 

The old Dorin was now moving toward the floating body, slowly descending toward the ice plain, and again Tuvok watched in horror as he saw another familiar body floating behind Chakotay. 

He recognized him as Dakota. The young man he had encountered in the First Officer's spirit plain. 

"No!" He shouted. Realizing that Dorin should *not* get to them. 

He ran frantically, grabbed whatever he could reach on Dorin. His hair, his cloth--*robe*? //Whatever!//. He just knew that he had to *stall*. But the body was so strong; it did not budge. Instead, Tuvok was pulled forward as Dorin kept moving forward in steady steps. 

"Oh, no," Tuvok whispered, finally seeing Chakotay's expression face-to-face. 

The First Officer's expression was filled with ---horrifying terror. 

Just another step and Dorin would reach him. Chakotay stared at him steadily, and then suddenly screamed at the top of his lungs. 

"TOOOOOMMMM!!!" 

The violence of the sudden anger emerging from every corner of the plain threw Tuvok to the ground. 

Fear, despair, and fury, all naked and unfiltered, slammed over them with the power of a hurricane. The dark ice suddenly turned blazing red, and before long their surroundings were turning into a maelstrom. 

And it came. 

A giant red tornado that hurled toward the white figure of Dorin. Twisting like crazy, it caught him up like a rag doll, flinging him into mid air, far from them. 

Tuvok crawled toward the sprawled figure of Chakotay, watching as the vortex tore at everything in front of it. 

He had to get him back from this spirit plain. //And his son as well//. He eyed Dakota, sprawled not far behind Chakotay. 

"Chakotay," Tuvok whispered. "We have to leave this plain. Get us out. Please..... I can't do it by myself." 

Chakotay moaned and croaked exhaustedly, "Can't---can't leave---Tom." 

//But where's Tom?// 

Then, an explosion was heard at the edge of the plain. Another vortex appeared. So large, it eclipsed the universe. Pure, bright whiteness. Hurtling at a great speed toward the previous tornado. 

And they both collided. 

Creating the biggest and destructive bang Tuvok had ever heard. 

Drowning inside the blazing fire, Tuvok screamed, his body bursting as if it had exploded into pieces. 

********************* 

"We've got Flyer Two!!" 

"Lock onto the Captain, Tuvok, and Chell!! Beam them up! RIGHT NOW!" 

"Oh, Jesus! The transporter is short-circuiting!" 

"GET THEM FOR KAHLESS' SAKE!" B’Elanna screamed.

******************** 

"Doctor to Seven of Nine!" 

"Yes, Doctor!" 

"I need your assistance in Sickbay immediately! Something is happening!" 

******************** 

Deep in the center of the maelstrom, two specters arose and moved out. Both were crackling against the sky, colliding with one another and gushing blood-red flames. 

Tuvok slowly crawled toward Chakotay, "Commander... please... we must... get out... of here...." 

But the First Officer's eyes were locked on the giant, crimson flaming figures, colliding as if in a life and death battle. So vicious and destructive, the heat melting everything around them. 

"I can't... I am so sorry.... I have to wait for....Tom." 

Tuvok gasped in pain. "I don't see... Tom, Chakotay...." 

Chakotay's eyes finally caught his. They were watery, in pain, and helpless. 

He slowly pointed at the hideous monsters, battling for life. "There he is.... With Dorin." 

********************* 

"We failed to beam them up! The transporter was short-circuiting!" 

"Lock onto the shuttle then! And guide them toward us!" B’Elanna yelled. 

"Lieutenant! The Ardinian ship is in attack mode!" 

"Raise shields! Get the shuttle, dammit!" 

******************** 

While the alarm klaxons blared like crazy, Megan Delaney ran toward Sickbay. Seven had requested her presence. 

Entering Sickbay, she froze when she saw the scene in the middle of it. 

Two men. 

*Bright* men. 

Husbands. 

Locked together inside some kind of an energy field that was furiously crackling with electricity. 

They jolted wildly. 

"Oh, my God," Megan gasped. She caught Seven's stare and automatically walked over to take the pair of polygloves that she was handed. 

"Try to ignore the painful electricity that you will feel in your hands, Ensign," Seven said coldly. "Please push on the Commander's body to ensure that he does not break the binding locks, while I do the same with Lieutenant Paris'." 

She nodded, and proceeded as if she was dreaming the whole thing. 

As Megan pushed on Chakotay's chest, she felt the jolting body crackle electricity, and it bit into her hands, despite the protection of the gloves. 

"Hang on," the Holodoc warned the two officers, quickly putting two electrical devices on both men's chests. "Their heartbeats stop and we must jolt them back. I've tried this before, and the effect was not pleasant. But we have to do it. Whatever happens, make sure these men do not harm themselves. Got it?" 

*********************** 

The white specter moved one of his limbs, hacking and slashing with fury at the red figure. The heat and power of his movement burned everything nearby, creating a new hell with such a godly speed. 

Chakotay watched with tears flooding his cheeks. 

//Tom... I love you//. 

//Go, husband. Take our sons with you//. 

//I can't. I won't leave you//. 

//GO!// 

The red specter returned the attack with an explosive series of blasting blows. 

"Commander," Tuvok croaked exhaustedly, and then he turned his stare toward the other sprawling figure. 

He slowly crawled toward Dakota. He touched the real, cold, flesh, and frowned when he felt nothing. 

Dakota was dead. 

"Oh no," he whispered in despair, and then desperately tried to catch Chakotay's attention. 

But the First Officer's eyes were locked on the godly battle in the middle of the field. 

********************* 

The first jolt sent them flying across the room. 

Both men's bodies jumped out from their beds, and the monitor frantically informed of irregular heartbeats. Furiously saying that they were still alive. 

Megan crawled toward Chakotay's bed in relief. The First Officer's face was contorted in pain and jolting like a dying fish. 

"I lost one of the baby’s hearts," The Doctor frowned. "I can't believe I am going to do this, but Seven, Megan, please hold the Commander, while I do my best to revive it." 

He quickly prepared a hypospray. 

********************** 

"Chakotay...your son," Tuvok reached for the First Officer. 

Finally, he got his attention. The Commander slowly stared at the dead young man. His face crumpled in pain. "Let-- let him be... There's nothing---" He wept. "Seska, if you can hear me, take him to where he belongs, please. I return him to you...." 

But a sudden gushing wind--- a *cool* wind startled both of them. 

Chakotay stared with wide eyes when another floating body, out from nowhere, descended gently near them. 

He stared blankly at a beautiful young man that looked familiar to him. Fair and bright like an angel. 

The beautiful man crawled toward the dead Dakota and enfolded him inside his arms. The bright angel smiled toward Chakotay. 

The Commander suddenly knew who he was. 

"I've got him, Daddy... Don't worry." 

*********************** 

"Got it!" The Doctor shouted. 

Seven and Megan stared at the heart monitor, and watched with amazement as it showed four lines of heartbeats. 

********************** 

//You've got them, husband. Now, go!// 

//Tom........// 

//I love you. I love you so much, Chakotay....// 

//Thomas Paris. You're the best thing that ever happened to me//. Chakotay wept furiously.

******************** 

"Flyer Two is in!" 

"Good! Lock the landing bay! Full shields!! Arms ready!" 

******************* 

The white specter suddenly shrieked furiously, hurling itself toward the pair of young men that had slowly stood and were leaning on each other. 

Chakotay screamed and ran toward them. "NOOOOO!!" 

Tuvok grabbed the young men first, and then enfolded the First Officer's body that slammed into them. He yelled, "Chakotay, get us out! NOW!" 

Then Chakotay shouted. 

******************** 

Tuvok jolted awake and shouted in pain at the heat in his surroundings. 

//Fire// 

His eyes caught Captain Janeway's body, spread out on the middle of the blackened floor, looking lifeless. //NO//. 

Then, he turned toward the crackling energy on the bunk bed. 

Dorin. 

Jolting and flopping like a fish. Eyes wide open, turning into a white marble of orbs. 

********************* 

The red specter burst out. Fury fire rippled from all over, snapping into a huge halo of bursting energy that was as big as a supernova. 

It flung both limbs and slashed into the white specter in a huge explosion that shattered the plain universe. 

********************* 

Without thinking, Tuvok grabbed Dorin and slammed him into the wall. 

********************* 

The white specter screamed in agony and suddenly fluttered and extinguished. 

********************** 

Tuvok stared at the bloody figure and watched in horror as suddenly the skin started to crack and dry up. 

Dorin opened his now, normal eyes, agony in them as he screamed in pain. 

"EZAD!!" 

The body rapidly shrunk into a dry twig. Skin wrinkled dreadfully. Hair falling out completely, eyes shrinking into their pockets and turning dull with a rapid whitish film covering the pupils. 

*********************

Continued in part 36


	36. Chapter 36

The three people inside Sickbay were stunned as the brightening energy and light surrounding the two men disappeared. 

"Oh, Jesus, Tom's awake," Megan shouted with joy. 

"So is the Commander," Seven said, watching as the doctor ran his tricorder frantically over the First Officer. 

"He's exhausted," the Doctor said. "For the sake of his children, I'd better sedate him right away." 

He quickly pressed a hypospray against the Commander, and then went over to Tom. 

Tom blinked rapidly and slowly groaned. 

"Welcome back, Lieutenant Paris," The Doctor said in a tone that curiously resembled--- *amusement*. 

"Where--- *Voyager*?" He looked at the nodding figures around him, jolting as he realized that he was bound to the bed. 

"Chakotay!" Tom shouted frantically, his eyes were dilated, wild with fear. 

"Relax," the Doctor said, removing the binds. "He's fine, but tired. He's sleeping next to you." 

Impatient to see Chakotay for himself, Tom was half way off the bed before he was even fully released. Ignoring the dizziness that came over him when he stood, he ran over to his husband. 

He gave the Doctor a desperate glance. "Is he---?" 

"I told you, Lieutenant. He's fine." 

And Tom remembered what happened. Remember what *really* had happened. 

He sobbed, grabbing his husband's hand and planting a hard frantic kiss on his palm. Tears were pouring down his face, and he ignored the startled eyes around him. 

"Chakotay... Chakotay... Love... We defeated *him*. We did." 

****************** 

"They're attacking!" 

"Evasive maneuvers! Attack back!" 

Harry bit his lip, trying to remain steady as the ship zigzagged. He yelled at B'Elanna, "Be! Run the ship toward the hole!" 

"WHAT?" 

"Trust me! Toward the hole! Now!" 

B'Elanna's mouth was wide open with disbelief, but her doubt was only visible for a fraction of a second. She nodded with determination, and yelled to Carter to set a course for the hole. 

Carter nodded, already knowing the coordinates by heart, and sped Voyager toward the wormhole. 

***************** 

Under constant fire from the attacking Ardinian ship, Voyager was shaking violently. The movement of the ship caused Tuvok to stumble as he stepped out of the shuttle. 

"Commander!" several members of the crew shouted in relief. 

"The Captain and Chell are inside, injured. What is happening out there?" 

"Somebody is attacking us. Please, Commander, you must sit in this vehicle. We have to take you to sickbay right away." 

Tuvok nodded, then remembered something. 

He stopped the crew who were ready to go inside. "We have an extra passenger down there. Take care of him, but follow strict security precautions." 

A crewman peeked inside the shuttle, "Is he the enemy, Commander?" 

Tuvok slumped against the medical vehicle, "Yes. You can say that." 

He smiled when he heard a mumbled reply from the inside of the shuttle, "Doesn't seem too dangerous. He is so *old* for God's sake." 

********************** 

"Paris to Torres." 

"Tom! Kahless! You're all right!" 

"Whole and ready, big girl. What the hell is with this flying?" 

B'Elanna's voice was full of amusement. "In case you haven't noticed, we are under attack. Carter is doing his best to avoid the enemy fire." 

"I'm on my way. Relieve Carter right away, will you? I heard that he's been sick." 

"So are you." 

"Not that bad. The Doc is releasing me right away." 

"That doesn't mean you're okay by normal standards, Tom. The Doc's been changing his habits lately." 

Tom smiled despite the rocking movement of Voyager. It was so good to hear B'Elanna bantering with him again. 

*********************** 

His appearance was welcomed warmly, and Tom felt himself choke on a sudden lump in his throat. 

//What the hell happened while I was away? Did they actually *miss* me?// 

He turned serious as he took over the helm. "Okay, while I do my daredevil stunts, explain to me where these coordinates are taking us." 

"We're going right through the hole," Harry said eagerly. 

"The *hole*?" 

"It's a great way out of this galaxy. Just okay it, Tom." 

"Okay." 

The other crew on the bridge chuckled. 

Tom squinted at the monitor, and then sighed, "Damn, that ship is big." 

"They have great shields too," B'Elanna nodded. 

"We can't let them shoot at us. We have to shoot back," Tom started to maneuver the ship when his heat sensor blinked. 

The ship missed the shot by a fraction of a second. The crew blinked with amazement at the accuracy of the blond pilot's intuition. 

"Do your best, then, Tom." 

"Watch." 

************************** 

The Ardinian ship was completely surprised when the smaller ship in front of them suddenly slowed down and dropped rapidly out of their view. Just before they started to reverse, a huge blast from underneath them ripped the base hull, short-circuiting a fragment of their magnetic shield. 

The big ship quickly tried to maneuver so that Voyager was back in visual, but another blast struck again, at exactly the same spot. 

By the time the ship regained its balance and its shield returned to normal, Voyager had already disappeared, blasting into warp nine. The last coordinates the big ship was able to retrieve on Voyager indicated an area of nothingness. 

"There's a blackhole nearby, Sir," a crewmember reported. 

The Captain of the ship eyed the hole from the distance and shrugged. "Seems like they were sucked into that abyss. Return to Ardinia immediately." 

************************ 

One week later: 

 

Captain Janeway stared at the frail figure of Dorin. The old man was breathing with great difficulty, and it seemed that he would never again regain consciousness. 

"How much longer---?" the Captain asked the Doctor. 

"If I take him off respiration, he'll die right away. He is no longer able to breath without aid. He's so frail. If I didn't know better, I would say he seems as senile and frail as an eight hundred year old man." 

The Captain looked at the Doctor in amusement. "Your humor is certainly improving, Doc. I am *very* impressed." 

The Doctor only raised his eyebrows. "The man should have died right away. He's torturing himself, Captain. He seems to be *waiting* for something." 

Janeway sighed, then slowly sat on the bed. She took one of Dorin's hands and whispered softly, "Dorin. Let go. You have finished your quest. Rest now. There's nothing left here. Go in peace." 

She patted the wrinkled hand, and for a moment, she felt it twitch back. 

"Chakotay is happy with his husband, Tom. Your son is also fine. You can't take them away from such happiness. So, release them." 

Another twitch. 

"Please, let go." 

Three hours later, Dorin released his final breath. In peace. 

*********************** 

It was as if they were exploding in lust. 

They made love constantly, as if they no longer needed to do anything else. They craved each other like men gasping for air. They made love with that same need one has to breathe air. 

It was like both could not bare to be separated from each other by more than a centimeter, yet their constant togetherness burnt them with a passion they both could not believe was even there. 

Right from the moment they opened their eyes from the deep slumber they had shared in each other's arms, until the final fade of consciousness before sleep claimed them again, they kissed, sucked, licked, fucked, danced, stroked. 

And, they were loud. Very, very loud. 

So, after a week of being holed up inside the First Officer's quarters and not even once stepping outside, they finally resurfaced with sore throats, twinkling eyes, pink faces, and sated expressions. Nothing was left to the imagination. 

The women of Voyager admitted that the sight of those two men standing by each other was the sexiest and most arousing thing they had ever seen since their journey began. 

Two strong warriors. Both as manly as anyone could get and both two of the most gorgeous men on Voyager. 

Husbands. 

Having wild sex together. 

It wet their pants continuously. 

It was not because they were demonstrative, schmoopy or mushy to each other, in fact both were still as 'normal' as they could get. No public kissing, over touching, sentimental staring or talking sweet to each other. They interacted like two best friends would interact. Yet, behind their professional, manly manners, their eyes brightened when they saw one another, unable to hide the strength of their love and obsession for each other. 

Even, when they only smiled at each other from one far corner of the room to the other, everyone sighed with envy and was completely turned on. 

They definitely were able to define the true meaning of a sexy relationship. 

And the fact that they were going to have children together--- 

*********************** 

Once again, Janeway gathered the crew in the launching bay and thanked every single one of them for their courage. 

"Our last experience was one of the most memorable lessons we have ever had. We have overcome fear, suspicion, hatred, and self-doubt, and turned it into the most outstanding example of teamwork that we have ever done. Our last experience has shown us how each and every one of us, especially the senior officers, are indeed the best we could have. We've overcome every difficult obstacle, even the most impossible things, by sticking and trusting to each other. We have developed a bond, a very strong bond, that is based on trust and commitment. And those bonds have proven to be the most lethal tool any enemy could ever come across." 

She felt tears behind her eyes. 

"I must especially thank Commander Chakotay, my First Officer, who saved Voyager from doom, even from obstacles I, myself, doubted we would ever overcome." 

The whole room broke out in thundering applause. Suddenly, it was as if everyone stood highly and clapped with so much sincere admiration that the wall could have crumble down from its intensity. 

Chakotay stared in amazement, and felt a lump in his heart. He caught Tom's proud face, and he no longer was able to hide the sudden wetness in his eyes. 

"We've been unfair to you. Treated you badly," Janeway said again after the long applause had died down. "It is then fair that we, the whole crew, want to pay you back by giving you and Lieutenant Paris a long overdue wedding reception." 

The room broke again into thundering applause. This time accompanied by cheerful laughter and whistles. Chakotay bit his lip, suddenly feeling shy, and he gave the crew the most amazing, heart stopping smile. 

Tom quickly covered his groin. 

This time, the First Officer caught B'Elanna's gaze, and though there was still some lingering sadness on her face, the joyful expression on the Klingon was genuine and sincere. He watched her beaming and could not help noticing Megan, who stood closely to her. He realized that there might be a possibility of romance, even though B'Elanna wasn't aware of it. 

Janeway nodded and grinned, "And as for four of my incredible senior officers, Lieutenant Commander Tuvok, Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres, Lieutenant Thomas Eugene Paris, and Ensign Harry Kim, I have to hand the highest victory recognition for your bravery in this crisis. I recorded it in my log, that if it was possible I would raise Tuvok's rank higher. I also recorded it in my log, that from now on both Lieutenant Torres and Lieutenant Paris deserve Lieutenant Commander ranks as well. Too bad, this ship is too small to accommodate such high ranks, so I guess you all have to settle with the job you already have." 

The room was loud with laughter, but then followed by joyful claps of congratulation. 

"The same goes to Lieutenant Carey, Ensign Chell, Ensign Carter, Ensign Gregor Ayala, and Ensign Gerron for their bravery in their missions. I wish I can raise all of your ranks, but too bad, we would be running out of ensigns, then..." 

Laughter and thunderous applause again. 

"That's it for now, crew. Last but not least, I ask all of you to pay a moment of respect to the last service of Dorin, ambassador of Ardinia, who died last night in peace. May God bless his soul." 

Among the murmuring amens from the crew, Chakotay stared at his husband and smiled with the most heartbreaking love he had ever felt. 

//Thank you, Tom//. 

************************* 

Later on, between the party go-ers, Janeway and Tuvok watched the people milling around with food and drinks. 

"I noticed how gorgeous our newlyweds are, Tuvok." Janeway sighed. 

Tuvok stared at the Captain with an unreadable expression, "Their fate was met. That is why they look so good together." 

Janeway nodded and sighed, deep in thought. 

Tuvok slowly raised his arm toward the Captain, "Shall we?" 

The Captain looked at the arm, startled, "Shall we, what, Tuvok?" 

Suddenly, the Vulcan's eyes had---twinkles*. 

"Dance, Captain. Dance." 

*********************** 

"Commander Freak is undoubtedly a semi-god. He practically works wonders and miracles!" 

Ayala frowned and stared menacingly at the men huddling in one corner, "Stop calling him *Freak*!" 

"What the hell--- Hey, we're only joking! And we didn't mean it!" 

Ayala moved his face until he was only a millimeter from his opponent, "If you start calling him *freak* again---" 

"Hey, okay, okay!" 

*********************** 

B'Elanna bumped into Gerron as she was heading over to the couple who was the center of attraction. 

Chakotay and Tom stared at them with amusement. 

B'Elanna raised her eyebrows but then smiled shyly at her ex-lover. She stood very close to Chakotay and gave him the drink she had brought. 

Gerron, blushing furiously, nodded to Chakotay, but self-consciously offered the drink in his hand to Tom. 

Sue Nicoletti whispered to Harry Kim, "Did you notice something strange going on with the four of them?" 

"The fact that B'Elanna is suddenly devoted to Chakotay and Gerron to Tom, yet they are flirting with the opposite people?" 

"Damn! I wonder what I have missed!" 

*********************** 

Danar found Chell standing in front of the launching chute, staring at the dark space outside. 

"Curious about the cremation process, Ensign?" 

Chell, jolted from wherever his mind was at the moment, smiled toward the other man. 

"Well," he shrugged. "I guess I just need to be sure, you know?" 

"Sure of what? That he is really dead? Man, pieces of him are wildly scattered along the galaxy. If he decided to revive, he'll have a hard time trying to *move*, don't you think?" Danar slowly walked over to stand beside the pilot. 

"Poor guy," Chell whispered. "I can't help feeling sorry for him." 

He blushed when he met Danar's incredulous stare. 

"I just knew something about him and his lover... That's all." 

"I thought he wanted the Commander." 

Chell nodded, "Yeah. Bad karma for him." 

Again he stared dreamily at the bright stars, mumbling softly, "I wonder if both him and the man he left behind finally found peace, now?" 

****************

Continued in part 37


	37. Chapter 37

"The vote has come out!" Duvaar said breathlessly to the beautiful young man, who was sitting carelessly under the morning sun. "Seven to five favoring the 'cleansing'." 

The young man raised his eyebrows, "It's was a close call." 

"Close enough. But we won." Duvaar grinned widely. "They've given the rebels capital punishment and dismantled all the councilors involved, thus perfectly destroyed the reign of the Arnit clan." 

Duvaar breathed deeply, "I must say this is one of the most amazing political coup scenarios that I have ever done. Getting rid of the most important family in Ardinia! And we thought that this was impossible before." 

The young man dipped his head and sighed, "It doesn't make me feel better, Duvaar. I am one of that clan too, though I hated it. I feel like I’m lying to everybody." 

Duvaar's eyes softened. He kneeled and then took the young man's hands. "It won't be. But at least it has bought you some peace of mind. It's the work of long years. You should be proud of yourself." 

The young man's eyes watered, "I suppose." 

"I love you," Duvaar whispered and kissed the lips that curved into a warm smile. "You won't miss it, will you?" 

"Miss what? Dorin?" The young man frowned. "I thought I had made myself clear about this." 

Duvaar laughed and shook his head with affection. 

"What then?" The young man pouted playfully. "I do not regret my cousin's death, though I must admit it broke my heart to some extent. But I already knew that he would die when he boarded that shuttle with Captain Janeway." 

Duvaar could not refuse that pout, and he leaned forward again to capture those lips. 

"That's not what I mean," he spoke to those lips. "I just wonder if you’ll miss being Prime Councilor after reigning for so many years. After all, this great plan turned out to be a success. I feel sorry that you won't be there to enjoy it." 

The young, beautiful man chuckled. "It bored me to death, Duvaar. And what good is it if I have to be *old* to be a Prime Councilor? Being your young husband beats the joy of being a senile leader. Too bad it didn’t happen sooner. Though I'm glad that the prediction of me mutating only when Dorin *released* me completely was true. Look.... I've done this out of my selfish interest. Keeping the Arnit mob from destroying Ardinia was a plus, but my main motive was to ensure that my mutation happened." 

Duvaar closed his eyes and kissed the Prime Councilor again. "I'll still love you even if you're old." 

"Liar," the young man laughed. "You will only love me because of me being a ruler." 

"Hmmm... Let’s go then, shall we? I can't wait to take you to my retreat and spend the rest of our lives together, while they mull over who's going to be the next Prime Councilor after your 'death'..." 

The Prime Councilor smiled and slowly patted his mounting pregnant stomach, "Yes... Let's." 

******************** 

Voyager: 

 

B'Elanna found Tom staring blankly at his drink. 

"I thought I would find you here," B'Elanna snorted and requested a glass of beer. She eyed their surroundings and realized that most of the people still left in the bar were holocharacters. 

She glanced back to Tom's subdued eyes and sighed. "Nervous?" 

"Like hell," Tom muttered and turned toward B'Elanna. "I hated hearing that the Doc couldn’t give us a one hundred percent probability that all would go well. It leaves some possibilities for disaster." 

"Relax," B'Elanna chuckled. "When will the operation be?" 

"At nine tomorrow morning." 

"Chakotay is as strong as an ox. Giving birth to twins is nothing to him." 

Tom smiled warmly. They stared to each other and got caught up in the intense emotion fleeting across their eyes. B'Elanna saw everything in those blue eyes. 

Affection. Gratefulness. Apology. 

"We haven't talked, Tom," she offered first. 

Tom watched her and his eyes turned even softer when he saw the small smile plastered on B'Elanna's face. A warm and sincere smile. He swallowed at the sudden sadness and nervousness choking at his throat. 

"Yeah. We never got a proper closure," Tom whispered and watched the brown eyes turned sad. 

He touched her cheek hesitantly, and when she let him, he slowly stroked it with his thumb. B'Elanna closed her eyes. 

"I am so sorry, Be." Tom's voice quivered. "I really am." 

"I doubt I would ever forgive you if you did not marry Chakotay," B'Elanna smiled, despite the soft wetness covering her eyes. She caught Tom's hand and gently pulled it away from her face. 

Tom nodded, not knowing what to say. After a lengthy period of silence, he whispered again, "It's not like I didn't love you, B'Elanna." 

B'Elanna smiled, "I know." 

"He--- uh..." 

"Sneaked up on you, eh?" 

Tom grinned goofily, "Yeah. Scared the hell out of me, before." 

"I know. I always wondered why you got so testy whenever he wooed the Captain. You were watching him too much, even before you noticed me." 

Tom dipped his head and shyly glanced at B'Elanna. "I guess I never realized it before, Be." 

"I told you, I forgive you," B'Elanna said patting his arm. "It hurt, Tom, but I understand. Really." 

"Be," Tom choked. Suddenly he just wanted to kneel and kiss her toes. Asking for her forgiveness just didn’t seem enough. 

B'Elanna traced the pattern of the wetness under her glass. "You took me by surprise too, Tom." 

Tom shut his eyes tightly. 

"Though I must admit it came from the notion that you seemed more approachable than him." 

He opened his eyes, "Him?" 

B'Elanna chuckled, "You think you're the only one who secretly had a crush on our First Officer? Don't be naive. I was close to him first, you know." 

Tom opened his mouth, and finally resolved to a small chuckle. "Yeah... I thought I knew a little about that." 

B'Elanna nodded, "So, now you understand why I forgive you." 

Tom shook his head, a questioning look in his eyes. 

"You loved him. He loved you. I never thought the both of you deserved anything less than those precious loves from two such precious people." 

Tom swallowed. He stilled his hand, which suddenly wanted to grab her and kiss her, because of that touching statement. 

"Thank you," he whispered hoarsely. 

"Funny," B'Elanna grinned. "People always thought that the *game* was over you." 

"What game?" 

B'Elanna gave him a secret smile, "Just a silly game among the women on Voyager." 

"Oh." He suddenly remembered Harry's speech on this. He could not help smirking. "It's *not*?" 

"Between the two of us, no. It's been about your husband all along, hasn’t it?" 

They stared at each other and laughed. 

"You should go back, Starfleet," B'Elanna finally warned him. "Coo him to sleep. I’m sure he is secretly as scared as you are about facing the dreaded labor day tomorrow." 

Tom slowly stood and turned to B'Elanna. 

He took her into his hug and said solemnly, "Thank you so much, B'Elanna." 

"You're welcome," B'Elanna said. 

******************** 

There was a strange glow surrounding the biocrib in sickbay. However, nothing seemed to be abnormal about the two tiny babies that had just been delivered. 

The first one was as dark as the First Officer, and as beautiful as a flower. When Tom first saw him, there was a strange sadness in the pilot's eyes. Yet, it disappeared completely when he bent to kiss the little boy, and the baby tilted his face toward him. 

Tom just smiled a little to the Doc and said softly, "He just looks too much like his other father, that's all." 

However, the other boy completely took everyone's breath away. Tom's son, since there was no doubt over who his other father was, was as angelic and *heavenly* as a true angel. He was very fair, bright, and---*golden*. 

He slept peacefully, yet strangely, seemed very protective of his brother. It showed in the way his body curled and twitched around his brother, or when he reacted when someone took the dark baby away from him for a while. 

Looking at his son, Tom breathed deeply in awe. 

"Angel," he whispered. "You're a miracle." 

******************** 

Captain's Log: 

 

Today was one of the most important days on Voyager. Commander Chakotay gave birth to Dakota and Gabriel Chakotay-Paris, the first twins on the ship. 

Neelix performed a ritual prayer for their safety throughout every station's monitors. After that, I announced to the whole ship that though visiting the happy family was allowed, the newly born and the exhausted father should be allowed to rest properly. If I had not made that announcement, the whole ship would probably have clogged their quarter all day long. However, due to popular demand, I succumbed to Neelix's suggestion that we hold a huge celebration party later on. 

It was an incredibly happy day. Somehow, the birth of the twins became a symbol of optimism for the whole ship. New life right in front of us. Our journey through the wormhole had left us only about twenty years away from Earth. In fact, Seven of Nine has told me that in a month or two, she might be able to gain direct communication contact with Earth. 

Chakotay had chosen a difficult journey, the Prime Councilor said. It turned out that his difficult journey was greatly shared by all of us. And what a journey it was. 

Harry Kim said to me that when fate forced us to take a road that most people would rarely take, a great reward awaited at the end of the journey. 

By pushing all limits, fear, hate, and treachery, we came up whole, intact, and stronger than before. 

After the birth of the twins, we realized now, they were not the greatest gift just for Chakotay and Tom. They were the greatest gift for all of us. 

******************* 

He felt a warm and furry thing on his face. 

Squinting, trying to guess what strange thing was nuzzling his face, Chakotay sighed and opened his eyes slowly. 

He was exhausted, yet he almost jumped out from his bed when he saw a huge, round face with fur all over it and a pair of staring, deep black button-like eyes. 

"Tadaaa!" 

He blinked. 

The furry thing moved aside and suddenly the familiar, lovely face of Thomas Paris appeared from behind it. 

"Tom, what the hell is that thing?" Chakotay chuckled weakly. He turned to his side and sighed to see the furry thing sitting beside his pillow. "Panda?" 

"That's Ming Ming wanting to say 'Congratulations, Mommy'." 

Chakotay gave him a sideways glance, seeing his husband's cheeriness and the cheeky grin he had missed so much, and he could not hold back his laughter. "Smart ass." 

Tom looked--- 

His face was flushed, and his blue eyes glittered like perfect sapphires with twinkles that showed playfulness. And the grin was as innocent and happy as a five year old watching his first circus. 

//---happy//. 

And Chakotay felt his heart growing enormously big and warm with overwhelming happiness. 

//It's all right then. Everything is all right.// 

Then, the bright blue eyes softened. Those fingers, long and elegant fingers, slowly raised and touched his face. It felt warm and comforting. They traced paths on his cheeks, then eyes, then nose, and finally traced his lips where Chakotay kissed them softly. 

"You're mine forever, now," Tom whispered. 

"Yes. Forever." Chakotay's smile was so bright it was blinding. 

Later on, Tom propped his head on one of his hands to watch his husband deep in his much needed slumber. He smiled, then grinned widely, watching the First Officer's fingers clutching his hand tightly, afraid to let go. 

The Panda was now resting at the top of the biocrib placed beside them, looking as if it was watching out for the babies that slept peacefully inside. 

He slowly put his head on the bed. 

//Everything is all right now//. 

Then he closed his eyes. 

//We love//. 

Gabriel twitched inside his crib and Dakota nuzzled him. 

******************* 

Thus, at the end of the day, the whole crew of Voyager met together to celebrate the coming of new life. 

******************** 

THE END


End file.
